12 replies to this topic

[Susi]

Hi my name is Susi and this is my story.
I was injured on December 6th 2002, in a car accident out on a desert road (gravel), when the left back tyre burst, I hit the brakes (stupid, I know), and the car swerved violently across the road before overturning three times. We landed on all four tyres, the opposite side of the road, inches from a drop of 15m.

I was General Manager, working for a struggling car hire company at the time (another story entirely), and after a really hectic season, decided that particular night to just head outside of town and take a drive on a gravel road leading to the desert.

A little bit of background on Namibia (South West Africa). It is a desertuous country, and one of the last unspoilt countries in Africa. We have wide unspoilt areas in Namibia. To reach the desert (the oldest in the world)one drives +- 300km to reach it. We are only 1.8m people here and one can fit the entire Europe into our country. In fact Holland fits into our natural wildlife park, Etosha national game park.

Anyway, I was not intending to drive 300+ km's that night, but to travel along this gravel road to reach the top of the escarpment, which is +- 150km outside of the capital, Windhoek. The scenery is unbelievable, the desert air crisp and clear, and on this particular night, a clear starry sky. Namibia is well known amongst astronomers as having the best unpolluted skies in the world.

It was late at night +-23h30 when we left town in a Toyota 4x4 wheel drive vehicle. I had my teenage son and his friend in the car and our mechanic. My daughter had opted to stay at home, but she wanted to talk to me about something which she said couldn't wait but she would wait until i came back.

It was a beautiful night on that road, I was missing my partner of 9 years, (I was a divorcee, single parent to 2 children in their early teens). He was away in West Africa doing what he does best, finding and exploring diamond and gold mines. He was a freelance geological/geo-chemist consultant at the time.

We did get to the top of the escarpment to look down upon a valley best described as a "moon valley". It was awesome. On our way back, I took the wheel at about 05h30 and just 30km outside of town the accident happened. When the car finally came to a standstill, i was bunched up behind the steering wheel, both legs beside the steering wheel, chin resting on my chest, and in incredible pain. My only thought was for the occupants of the car. After establishing that everyone was fine and uninjured. Thank God! A farmer, travelling on that road, stopped to offer assistance. All i wanted was to get out of the car. Being a trained nurse, I well knew that I shouldn't be moved, but i was in so much pain, all i wanted was out of the car. I instructed my mechanic and the farmer to lift me out of the car, in the same position I was in. They managed and put me on the ground in the same position. So the farmer was at the back of me holding me up and the mechanic, luckily had got a cellphone signal to summon help.

After that I have vague recollections of what happened next. I was in and out of consciousness for +- 3 days. I remember a doctor telling me that i would be paralyzed from the neck down. I remember telling my family to not resuscitate if I should die. It was extremely traumatic for the family, but especially for my partner, who they had to trace via sat phone somewhere in West Africa. He arrived 3 days after the accident. By that time I was a goner, literally.

I did come out of it though, touch and go for the first week, and stayed in ICU for a month. It was a very confusing month for me. I would lose my children to their father who resided in South Africa, lost our house, and possibly lose my partner of 9 years. I eventually was able to secure a place at a Rehab hospital in Cape Town, South Africa. One of the best at the time. And so started 3 months of rehab.

It was to say the least a very depressing time of my life. Mid-forties, unsure about my future and the loss of my children. My partner could not have coped with them, whilst trying to figure out our future. We got the most depressing statistics (98% of all relationships after a paralysis do not last, and about +- 55% of all para's commit suicide). In hindsight i am glad they gave us those statistics, because it somehow spurred me on to NOT become one of those statistics.

Well its been 4 years now, and as I was an Incomplete after my op, I am slowly getting better. I can walk on crutches. I have mobility in all my limbs, but have a crossover paralysis. My left leg is strong and my right arm is strong. My right leg is weak and my left arm is weak. My hands are 'monkey clawed', but i can extend my fingers. I can eat on my own, but cannot do toiletting. I have a permanent catheter for now, and battle with regular bowel movements.

I am extremely happy to report that my partner and I tied the knot last year in April. He has been my champion supporter all along, has instilled in the children, the faith of a loved one and a moral example to them of what real love is all about. As he said to them at the time, "If i was good enough to share your mother's bed at the time, then I cannot leave her now".

Well he hasn't. His name is Lionel and we have had a turbulent 4 years trying to figure out life after paralysis. My family sadly left for overseas and they are spread all over Europe, and Australia. I was very sad to see my mom go overseas, after spending almost 40 years in Africa. We had always talked of her coming to live with me, and now this.

I am glad in hindsight, not to have had family support. it forced Lionel and I to cope with a lot of things on our own without outside interference. We did not move into a flat adapted for paraplegics, but made do with what little movement i had then, stand and turn to go the bathroom, basin washes, as i can't get into the shower yet. I need help in getting in and out of the wheelchair, but once standing can move around on crutches. it is difficult to do a lot of things because of my hands, but have managed to do the little that i can do with limitations. The othr day i found out i could apply make-up on my own. Very liberating.

It's all one big adventure, and since i had asked Lionel at the start of our relationship 11 years ago, "will he come on this adventure with me?", his answer still stands strong today. We have both become Christians, and this has helped me enormously in coming to terms with my disability. I believe i have become a better person, and whilst still a bit of an introvert, my healing is only just starting. I am on medication still for spasms, bladder infections (due to the catheter) blood thinning tablets and anti-depressants as well as sleeping tablets.

I would be lying if i say i have come to terms with the accident and resultant disability. For the first time since the accident though, I am working through the acceptance stage and the total dependancy on another person for my well being.

Very difficult for me, as I was a fiercely independant person before, fun loving, lived life to the full and a total extrovert.

Does anyone come to terms with their disability? I don't know, am still searching for answers, but life is a whole lot easier now, and am slowly coming out of my shell, and even contemplating getting into a car for long journeys again. Have not done any long distance trips since the accident. Whilst our roads are very good, animals roam freely across roads, and our drivers here are like maniacs on the road. So with a lot of patience and guts on my part I am almost ready to start exploring this wonderful country of ours. We are lucky here in that you can go camping almost anywhere and before the accident we as a family did a lot of travelling in this country. From North to South you can cover Namibia in 3000km. Beautiful seaside, vast undiscovered tracts of land, animals roam freely, and just a sense of total freedom in an unspoilt country.

I am truly blessed and thank God i stumbled upon this site to share all sorts of information with other likewise disabled people. As I am a freelance writer, i find a lot of comfort in writing and love corresponding with all sorts of people. In fact I am still writing to my pen friend of 42 years. She lives in Australia!

Thank you for your interest in this story. Feel free to correspond.

Keep well and never give up!
Susi

[Survivor35]

Hi Susi and welcome! I read your story and had to respond... its sad to hear another like yours, there are so many of us on here, but I'm glad you found this site, its a wealth of information and support, and wonderful people who have become friends.

You asked a question in regards to coming to "terms" with your disability... and whether or not that ever really happens for anyone. I think it depends on what your idea of "coming to terms" really is. I deal with it, most of the time really well. I am completely immobile from the waist down, wheelchair bound entirely, and there are days that it gets so disgustingly tiring... but all in all, I deal with it rather well, and none of my able bodied friends will ever hear me complain about it. I will come on here to rant, as my friends here know what it is actually like to have to live with a disability. I am perfectly aware that my life could be so much harder, or that I could have lost much more than my ability to walk from the Car accident I was in, as the friend who was driving the car didn't make it...

So, come to terms with it? Hmm... thats a tricky one. I deal with it, I laugh at myself (a lot), and I dont let it slow me down. I'm driving again, I start University in the fall, and am currently in the Market to buy my first home. I am also a single mom of two beautiful little girls, ages 7 and 4. I have bad days and nights that see me in tears and struggling with life in this chair. So have I come to terms with it? Again, hmmm.... I'm not so sure I have. But I deal with it pretty well..... as it sounds like you do, and all of the fabulous people here do!

[itsjustme]

Hi Susi and welcome!

The night that I became paralyzed God gave me a "peace that passeth all understanding" as the bible says and that's all I've ever asked Him for. Just please never let me lose that peace and I can deal with it.

One of my favorite movies is Out of Africa and your words make the beauty of your country come alive. It just must be exquisite in so many ways unimaginable to someone who lives in Smalltown, Midwest, U.S.A. I am so looking forward to reading more of your posts.

I too am sorry for every new friend that we make here but we're all in this together and nobody understands us like us.

[nomis]

Hi Susi
Your story makes an interesting, dramatic read.
Four years down the track you've done your appreticeship and probably the most dramatic and hard times are behind you. Congratulations. Time to celebrate.

I like your attitude. After this read I feel the excitement of this unexpected journey you and Lionel have begun. May it reveal many beauties and appreciations you may otherwise have missed.

As for your remark "Does anyone come to terms with their disability? " See how far you've already come, emotionally and in knowledge. It gets better but never stops.

I'm your standard paraplegic, just short of 60 and just short of 40yrs a para. I've come to terms with my disability so often it no longer makes sense. I live independently, am currently rudely healthy, love each new day and all it brings. Most of the time I'm unaware that my mobility apparently is by wheelchair. I'm comfortable around curious people. I got a reasonably good idea of who I am.

But I don't expect any finality in my acceptance. Inevitably, something new will come along to once again test me and remind me of my vulnerability and limits. Mostly, I enjoy those tests because they help me grow.

I salute your journey. May it reward you.

[gazrobsuk]

Hi Susi,

Just to say what a well written article & well done with the attitude. I've just 'celebrated' 7 years on June 9th & apart from the disability (full story all on my web) I get chronic pain & cramps in my arms & shoulders as well as a bunch of other 'stuff' so today is really bad & am just sitting around.

As for acceptance hmmm like the other poster I deal with it some days better than others but it's hard to accept my life now compared to before but I've got used to it & deal with it & am still finding new ways to do stuff & set myself targets &/or mountains to climb.

Good luck & keep 'pushing'

[wheels5894]

A very interesting story, Susi. I am glad it has a happy ending at least.

I wa startled by the statistics,

Quote

(98% of all relationships after a paralysis do not last, and about +- 55% of all para's commit suicide)

I was paralysed in 1983, 24 years on 21st June. we have also recently celebrated 31 years of marriage. Having a partner help through think and thin really makes a difference in trying to come to terms with paralysis.I just hope those stats are wrong.

[Susi]

Hi Gaz, thanks for the comment, went onto your website to read yr story, and i admire your courage, as we all have to pick up the pieces and try and get through day by day.

I was sorry to read that you still in so much pain. Have you tried acupuncture. In the beginning of my rehab, whilst doing Physio they used to treat our shoulder/neck pains with needles. Mine hurt until treatment started and with just 3 sessions, the pain diminished.

When you walk, can you feel your legs moving or do you walk by swinging hips? Your picture of you standing w. one crutch says you are well advanced.

Before trying medicated cannabis, try acupuncture first.

Keep your chin up, there are a lot of people who do depend on you, although this may not seem like it. You do keep the world turning for them.

Good luck

Susi

gazrobsuk, on Jun 18 2007, 03:08 PM, said:

Hi Susi,

Just to say what a well written article & well done with the attitude. I've just 'celebrated' 7 years on June 9th & apart from the disability (full story all on my web) I get chronic pain & cramps in my arms & shoulders as well as a bunch of other 'stuff' so today is really bad & am just sitting around.

As for acceptance hmmm like the other poster I deal with it some days better than others but it's hard to accept my life now compared to before but I've got used to it & deal with it & am still finding new ways to do stuff & set myself targets &/or mountains to climb.

Good luck & keep 'pushing'

[Susi]

Thanks for your comments. Statistics are complex at the best of times. These were taken over a period of time encompassing all population groups. Sadly, most of the disabled are from poor working backgrounds, and the perception to disabled people needs to be overhauled to say the least. Often para's and quads have to rely on the charity of family or friends. Most of us cannot afford caregivers or professional help, and medical aid has a limit to compensation. They were basing these stats on women paras/quads, of which there is a minority. So stats could be distorted. I guess they just wanted us to get as independant as possible before rehab was completed. 3 months only here, unless health side affects prevent one from leaving after 3 months. We were the only ones we could rely on, therefore....

wheels5894, on Jun 18 2007, 05:33 PM, said:

A very interesting story, Susi. I am glad it has a happy ending at least.

I wa startled by the statistics,

Quote

(98% of all relationships after a paralysis do not last, and about +- 55% of all para's commit suicide)

I was paralysed in 1983, 24 years on 21st June. we have also recently celebrated 31 years of marriage. Having a partner help through think and thin really makes a difference in trying to come to terms with paralysis.I just hope those stats are wrong.

[Susi]

I am glad you enjoyed the intro. Funnily enough, when we married our theme was Out of Africa, complete with music et al. My sister ran around London like crazy to get me the poster of Out of Africa as a wedding present, as she also felt our story emulated the film. It has pride of place in the living room.

itsjustme, on Jun 17 2007, 07:59 PM, said:

Hi Susi and welcome!

The night that I became paralyzed God gave me a "peace that passeth all understanding" as the bible says and that's all I've ever asked Him for. Just please never let me lose that peace and I can deal with it.

One of my favorite movies is Out of Africa and your words make the beauty of your country come alive. It just must be exquisite in so many ways unimaginable to someone who lives in Smalltown, Midwest, U.S.A. I am so looking forward to reading more of your posts.

I too am sorry for every new friend that we make here but we're all in this together and nobody understands us like us.

[ParaforGod]

Hi Susi,
I read your story and could tell you are a fighter and no doubt you will make it. I loved it when I read you are a Christian. So am I. I love the verse in the bible Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I held on to this verse with all I had when my accident happened. I would say it over and over. This verse says it all. I have come to terms with my accident but that doesn't mean that its not hard at times. God doesn't promise us that life on this earth will always be easy but he does promise to all ways be there with us. When I got to Shephard Center for rehab it was two hrs. away from home. I had just lost my husband in the accident told I would never walk again and my leg was amputated. I had, had fourteen surgeries and then the first night there I had to go back to surgery. My family was going to wait untill I came out of surgery and then head home because of school and work. Here I was in a strange place not knowing what to expect and I wouldn't see my family untill the next week. I never felt so alone in my whole life. The next night after surgery I was in my bed crying and crying. Then I said Lord I need to feel your sweet Holy Spirit in a way I've never felt it before and I can't explain the peace that came over me. It was as if someone covered me up in a warm blanket and hugged me up. I went right off to sleep. I knew then I was going to be alright. Just know that when times are hard that God is with you and what you can't do he can. God doesn't cause the bad to happen but he can take it turn it around and use it for his glory when we let him. Someone is watching our lives and whose to say that they might be going through something that they don't think they can handle but when they look at our lives and see that we can keep going on they then feel they can make it and even want God in there life. That is why I love this forum. Everyone is so helpful and they care. I thank you for your story and your courage. Im thankful you and your husband are together. Thank you for telling us about your beautiful country. God bless you and you and your family. You will be in my prayers. Remember you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

[wheeliebear75]

Hi Suzi,

Do you know the serenity prayer? "God grant me the strength to change the things I can change, the serenity to except the things I can not change, and the wisdom to know the difference". It holds true; I think what you learn to do is stop worrying about what would you be doing if you were "normal" again. It's one of those things you can not change....and once you are able to accept that.....the rest falls in to place. It is absolutely wonderful and refreshing to hear of somebody that was blessed enough to have their partner stick around. Lots do but lots don't as you already know. If only everyone felt that same sense of commitment to significant other.

[MDK]

For all SCI people... I take my hat off!!
I am such a coward , I am terrified when I get 1 injection

[xeena]

Hi Susi,
A beautiful Story you got there...a lot of people here have been through quite a lot me included of course.But the most joyous point in your story is when i read that yoy had both become Christians,you know why? cos i dont think any body can ever handle the fears,uncertenties,the difficult and depressing times except in the Lord.I live in Nigeria and Being a complete T9 is very very Hectic cos both Believing and unbeliveig do not have the patience for people mn wheelchair in my country,that is bcos they do not Know any better.So knowing the Lord has really helped... I take His word and i make it mine.I am special ,The Daughter of Zion and ive got Joy that No one can take ,even if they try.SO hold on dear one.... I t is well.
xeena