5 replies to this topic

[Susi]

Hi all

I am Lionel, the partner to Susi, who posted an article yesterday.

Firstly, I want to thank all who responded in the thoughtful manner that they did. I only have the utmost respect for persons with disabilities. You are all extremely brave to just attempt the next day.

Just to face the many mantras and all the 'wisdoms' about the stages of healing, one of which is acceptance, is not only a mouth full but strangely nonesense when the very basic needs carpet has litterally been ripped out and a new script has to be written on a daily basis. This does not even cater for the revision of value systems and I am not even going into these dictums or how often such revisions.

By the time toileting is done the last person, DVD or idea I want to come across is this 'outcomes based' guru wha wha who tries acceptance therapy on me. Yes, it may be true that time heals and one has 'finished' your 911 boot camp I would just like to know where the soul flees to when all 'H' is breaking loose following breakfast. I am not talking about tommorrow, the next day, etc. Sure M Scott Peck speaks to many 'Along the road less travelled', but we are all just trying to inch (delicately mind you) off first base for goodness sake.

That Susi says 'good morning love' as we awake, blows my hair back every morning. Imagine trying this on after not doing your own toileting for four years is not only astoundingly optimistic but deeply moving, a courage I am still trying to wrap my feeble abled mind around. Anyway, I survive it every day with a fat smile on my heart. It is such massive humanity.

You are all massively humane with a cutting sense of dark humor about you and you make all la, la,.... Disney Land type eutopias poof into thin air and crack up any sober logic that feeble able minded persons may have. Sometimes it is too much reality for a 'Friday' night but hey its real. Ain't it?

We all just have to get on, get over, get under, etc. Whether one gets to 'accept' it, which in my view is for 'yesterday's people' anyway, is wide open for discussion. One just has to get on, and for the lucky get it on. The day comes on whether there is an acceptance phenomenon or not.

The waves of vulnerability still weigh in their share of persistant reminders of the day's inevitability. NOTHING IS CERTAIN. One has to set your mind on the possible good of tomorrow and hopefully a whole lot of laughs as well. As corny as it may seem or seemed at the time, but I do catch myself hummining that old WWII song 'Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag and smile, smile, smile' that my father sang to me in my last life (prior to the accident that is).

As a care giver (Susi's nom de plume for me) the only realisation I have come to is that life has changed (lump it or leave it) and my God gently walks with me and helps me to swallow what at times seems a harrowlingly desperate and 'without hope' experience but wakes me up as to how deep His love is, as the day thaws into its meaningful increments of light minutes, days, etc. It is the knowing of the consistency of His Stewartship rather than this word, acceptance, that makes sense.

Disability is for the first team. For the care givers well... being the scrum half, the fly half and the inside centre (for the rugby minded) or for the AFL/NFL challenged the oh... lets just make it the defence and the offence (does that include the kicker as well?), does come to mind. For most of you, you have to bravely grit your teeth and do it 'alone'. Well for those that have forgone the opportunity (and it is a massive one) to walk with you (ok.. zip it) they will be poorer for it because it is a wonderous place of a brutally honest soul.

Thats my kind of space.

Hopefully, we can chat some more. This forum has added an extra dimension to Susi (thanks to you Simon et al), who cannot get all the understanding from me and I certainly look forward to some of your wickedly succinct comment and advice.

Best regards
Lionel

[pawperso]

um yeah, ok.
wait. WHAT?

[nomis]

Yep, we all march to the beat of a different drum.

[wheeliebear75]

Um? I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here. Aside from that we've benefited your girlfriend, and you find inspiration in us being able to have a positive outlook. Sorry.

[newnormal]

Acceptance, I suppose so. More like grin & bear it because we have no choice, this life having been forced upon us. The alternative, death, truly would be worse though.
The dignity with which my husband approaches each new day is humbling, the love he has for me inspiring even though he lives with daily agonizing "phantom nerve pain" in his butt. He being the T8 complete, I the caregiver. I pray daily that this will improve for him. I know that without our love for the Lord & His for us we would never be able to make it through this journey.

[nomis]

Lionel, in his post at the top of this thread, raises the very valid point that “acceptance” is not necessarily easy to understand let alone attain. And, of course, it’s not a fixed trophy. Once attained it’s lost to some new challenge.

To me, “acceptance” does have meaning. It is part of the process where I see, learn of something and I decide that it is real, it exists even though I may not like it.

I don’t like the winter cold. I know it comes every year, I understand that, and I take action to minimise its discomfort to me. I don’t pretend it’s not winter, I take other practical actions.

It’s the same with the myriad of implications from a spinal cord injury. It’s a process of learning of each limit life brings and acknowledging it, accepting it, maybe minimising it. It’s not about liking it.

In the early years of SCI there’s so much disruption to all aspects of life that confusion reigns. It’s probably offensive and useless to people in that situation to tell them that step-by-step time will heal. Well, time itself won’t but learning (which takes time) will.

Edited by nomis, 24 June 2007 - 01:19 AM.