17 replies to this topic

[carolline]

Hey Guys,I need your help.
Can you advice me how to deal and handle for the New Paraplegic Person.
It's very difficult for me to deal with.I'm always be patience to them and I know
It will take time to accept for them what's their condition now.Life is so IRONIC for them. I can't help but to cry after my work.Because of my difficulties dealling with them

HELP!HELP!
So that I can Stay To My work!

[AHolland]

Hi Carolline,

I'm not sure if this message is in the correct forum. Are you asking how to deal with the equipment for a para? I suspect you are just asking how to deal with a para or quad as you are unsure of how to approach/speak/deal with a new one in your life.

Maybe if you can give us a better idea of the circumstances, we can better address your question.

I'll make a few assumptions here and we can see if that fits your bill. I willm ake the assumption that either there is a friend/family member who has become handicapped, or you are in a new job that deals with handicapped people time to time.

I guess it is hard to answer the question, because it often depends on the handicapped person. Some are very shy, some are quite open. I am one of the open types. What you really need to do is just start a conversation with the person. Can they speak well? One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is assumming that a person that is physically handicapped is either mentally handicapped or has some kind of disease that a normal person could catch. Sometimes when I am out with my wife, people will ignore me and talk only to her, assumming that I am mentally retarded. Needless to say, that can anger me a bit.

You need to approach the handicapped person as a normal person. Nothing else. Converse with them and see what level of conversation they are comfortable with. You may be amazed once they open up. If the choose not to carry on a conversation, then just be nice each time you see them, and you might find that they open up over time. As a handicapped person, I do not want to be treated as anything but normal. I have the same likes and dislikes, fears and phobias that normal people do. Treating a handicapped person as "special" can sometimes be insulting. Once you get some commuication started, you can figure out what interaction they may feel comfortable with or not. Don't try to do everything yourself. There is some responsibility for them to let you know what they are comfortable with or not.

It just takes time. You sound new to all this, and the person may be new to it as well. Over time, you will start ignoring the handicapped and see the people, more for who they are, and not what they are.

[hillarymcarter]

I am all for not treating anybody like you feel sorry for them. My husband had a therapist that would hand him a sliding board and tell him she would be back in 5 minutes and he better be from his chair onto the mat. I hated her at the time and I thought she was so cruel but she turned out to be the person who helped him the most in rehab. She knew his story and it wasn't that she didn't feel bad for him but she knew that the only way he was going to get through this was to just keep going. She taught me that by helping him I was actually not doing him a bit of good. He didn't learn a lot until one day I went in his room dropped his clothes on the bed, put his wheelchair beside it and left. It broke my heart and I sat outside and cried but from that day on he could dress himself and get out of bed on his own. He is no different from when he could walk and if I sit around and feel sorry for him I am not doing him any favors.

[carolline]

Thank you,Guys for your reply.

AHolland,
I'm seeking help or advice how"to approach" to those patients having SCI.
I'm treating them as a normal person as what you've said.But they're too emotional depressed.I know it will take time to regain physically,emotionally and mentally.Really,sometimes i just catch those nasty words they had thrown to me.



Hillary,
I observed patients having SCI,sometimes we need to be tough with them.It's for their own good.Specially when they will do their excercises and activity for their physical theraphy.Being tough by a care giver sometimes it works.

I'm working here as a Nurse Asst.
I'll share my story(a Paraplegic patient)
Everyday we render a morning care for the patient,one of our patient he does'nt want to bath(were doing it on bed)we talk to him and convince him(as if,everyday)
to do.He always got mad when we're doing these routines for him.He's telling to me"YOU BITCH!"But i Ignored Him,coz i know his situation.And then one time I'm hanging his Intravenous Antibiotics and his saying something to me.I heard but It seems that I'm ignoring Him.

He says:Sweetheart,I'm in pain give me medicine.

No reply from me,He mentioned it 3X and It seems I'm busy hanging his IV meds.
And he tried to pull my hand and says:
Sweetheart Give Me medicine for pain!

I said:Aha!I'm your Sweetheart now,before you said I'm a BITCH!

He says:No! Im not telling you like that. So please give my medicine.

And then I returned back and give his Medicine,He said sorry for what his always saying to us.He ask for an appology(accepted) And Me as playing martyr

I said you dont need to say sorry,all you need to do from now on,you will follow what we want.It's for your own good.

He says:Okay from now on i will do my best.I will not be stuborn again.

And from that day,he showed different attitude his not much depressed.All the nurses became his friend.We saw his smile,laughs and joking to all of us.He became independent,untill the day he discharge.

Were Very Happy to see the patient to regain and back for their normal life.
I want to take care those SCI patient.When I found these site I joined here!

THAK YOU VERY MUCH,To share your experience,tips,and advice on this site. It's really a BIG HELP.HAVE A GOOD DAY!

[hillarymcarter]

Ahhh...those days we were in the hospital! My husband called many good nurses bitch! I would like to let you know that he has fond memories of almost every nurse who has ever taken care of him (even the ones he cursed at!). You must know your patients might mean what they say at the moment they say it but they will look back and be forever grateful for your care.
Another tip I would suggest when dealing with pain meds.....we always got so frustrated when our nurses wouldn't bring our meds on time. We realized that it takes awhile to get meds ready but it seemed like people igored our requests. It would have really helped if our nurse would just stick her head in and say I'm busy but I didn't forget about you.
I know your frustration from both sides...now that I have lived through this situation I am going to school to become a nurse! In my opinion, it is one of the most noble professions in the world. On those tough days just remember that what you are doing is making a difference in people's lives!

[Joed]

I agree with everything you've said about nurses, Hillary. It is a noble profession, and too often under-paid, and under appreciated.

I practically grew up in the Shriner's Hospitals for Crippled Children, here in the U.S., and I still carry the memories and faces of those wonderful nurses, even Nurse Barbara! who was like the Wicked Witch of the West, but even she showed understanding when no one else was looking.

They didn't baby us either...we were all expected to strip/make our own beds, and if someone in your room couldn't physically do that, then it was up to the others in the room who could to finish the task. We attended school while there and we had homework. We were expected to say "Please", "Thank you" and "Ma'am". (My mother often couldn't recognize me when I came home from hospital ) Many times, we would empty each other's bedpans...not because it was required of us, but because the children learned to truly care for each other.

I'm grateful that my parents didn't baby me either. The only time I remember that they made a difference between me and my sister was when I was about to jump out of a second story door into a pile of sand below, like my sister had just done. I was in a full-body cast...from my neck to my knees. She grabbed the back of my cast just as I was about to catch some air.

But I guess the trick would be, for a caretaker, to know just how much tough love should be dispensed at a time, and when, because every personality is different. I remember a time when my therapist and I were working on tasks around the home right after I was discharged from hospital...I became overwhelmed at one point. I think she intuitively knew that now wasn't the time to be tough...although she was pretty tough the rest of the time, believe me! But this time she showed empathy and gave me perspective and encouragement...and insight into what I was feeling. We completed the task (the slave-driver she was ), but I left it feeling empowered too.

The really good ones, the ones who truly have the heart for it...nurses, therapists, those coming into frequent contact with patients, are better than jewels or gold. I know I'll never forget them.

[hillarymcarter]

I totally agree. You made me cry becuase my husband told me that if it wasn't for one particular nurse in SICU he really believed he would be dead right now. He was in surgical intensive care for two months and after he woke up (about a month into it) he said he would get so lonely at night. This one nurse named Chester would go in and just talk to him. If Bruce got really down he would call me on my cell phone (way against the rules!) and he would let me come into the room to sit for awhile (b/c I stayed in the waiting room). He would also always let me come in the room around 5am to feed Bruce his breakfast. This meant so much to both of us because it was our special time to be alone before another hectic day with 200 different visitors would begin!
Then we had a nurse at the rehab that was so patient with me. I asked him during his shifts everyday to teach me everything he knew about nursing. Becuase of him I don't have to have any kind of help with my husband's care. It is very important to me not to have anybody here at our home if it isn't necessary. He taught me to do everything from cathing to setting up a wound vac. We had a really positive experience with nurses.

[carolline]

Thank's for all compliments.
You Guys made my day bright.So I'm going to my work tomorrow,taking care to those SCI patients.I'm inspired from this site,I'm excited to go to work after my my two days off.

I'm dedicated to my work and working not only for the money also to help those sick people.Eventhough were underpaid,were still sincere and serving them whole heartedly.

So you guys having SCI condition,
When your in the Hospital dont feel your away to your family(i know its difficult)
Coz you have a Second Home who will look after you with LOVE.

[ASHLEYTHOMPSON]

I dont think any one has not been treated like a person.

[joisliniad]

I had been call many things, and I had bee hated many times, but when Isee that apt in the supermarket, o in the mall, or doing things in the hosue by themselves, in the own little way, I feel very proud of my job, and also of my thoughness with my patients trying to get from them 100 percent all the time, so I am a physicalt terrorist, a painful torture, an slave driver, but ultimately I am the pain in the rear end that help you to get stronger and find a way to do what you wanted to do, be as much independent as possible. Yes sometimes you get those patients that not matter how much you try they won't coooperate and they won't even try...

[carolline]

I treated them like a normal person.
For example:
If the patient with SCI came for admission.I'll let them to go inside the room by theirself.I just observed them If they need help,or if they ask for help like transferring on bed.I do'nt even pushed their chair.If they do'nt asked, let it be.But it does'nt mean that I do'nt want to assist them.
And some of them are depressed,I tried to give some jokes.
"What do you want to eat? So that I can order food for you.Do you like soda,tea,coffee,sandwich,burger.........or......ME????
They're buying my jokes...then they feel comfortable on me.
I want to feel them that I am here not only to take care,but to be their friend.

[wheelie182]

huugghh!!!

Caroline,...why would they want you,....over a burger and a soda? can you offer the liplicking tastyness of a flamegrilled steak with melted a cheese slice and juciy fried onions and............no wait......this is hospital food isn't it.........so its not a burger, its mashed up cows bollocks and grissle,

only joking

[Apparelyzed]

Quote

so its not a burger, its mashed up cows bollocks and grissle,

Ahh,

So Wheelie, I can tell you went to one of those new posh hospitals!

We never had such luxury!

Simon

[carolline]

Mashed cows bollocks and grissel?
That's what we called....SOUP # 5....APHRODISIAC!!!
Are you trying to have.....uhm...ah... (never mind.)
But if you need help I'll try to do my very best.

For me there's no so much different to treat the normal person and person with SCI. Actually I'm so amazed when i saw SCI person that can do as what complete person can do.It's terrific.................Ummmmwwahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[ASHLEYTHOMPSON]

Hi, Check out our posts under sexuality and relationships, topic is caregivers.
Hillary and I both take have similar experiences with our husbands. reading some of our experiences may help. I know this must be a trying time for you. My husband has been in a chair since 1997 and its still exhausting.

[lilbit]

RJustice, on Oct 26 2005, 02:32 AM, said:

I'm going thru the same thing. My daughter just became paralyzed from the hips down from a car accident. I work all day and take care of her. I get so frustrated and mad at myself because i'm running on empty. I work,take care of her and try to be a wife. She's 21 and doesnt understand that i also need some time for me and time for my husband (her stepdad) I try to do for her but i cant get her to understand that she needs to try and be independent. Her wreck just happened in April of this year. I get tired of arguing with her about different situations. Her meds, transferring her in and out of the car. i know its hard for her but she doesnt understand that its hard for us to. if any other parents have any insights i would appreciate it.

Man she should be so lucky,You sound like a wonderful mother.. I had to do everything on my own from the start,My family, well were not a close one, love, but not close. You seem to be doing to much for her as is.. get her a transfer board so she can find her balance, and before she knows it the board is no longer needed. hips down huh?? I'm at-7-11 complete, buttom of rib cage. female ,was 19 years old 1982.. I was angry too, but the more I did for myself the more I could deal with my new life in the chair. And about meds. well I am a person whom from the start focused on my health, because the first person I saw in the chair was really large,and turned to meds to cope, NOt Good, that freaked me out. sometimes meds. can hurt us all,I feel the 33 years that Iv been in my chair without meds is do to the good eating habits and exercize.
Tell her that if she wont do for herself, she could make it harder. I recommend that you as the mom should ignor some of the arguing with her,this will only hurt you, and dos'nt help her see that she can do it. Maybe she should get on this forum and read this stuff from others like us in chairs. But dont do it for her!! this is the best thing that could happen is this web site. I wish it was around in 1982. Just say no tough love sometimes is the best way. She can do more then she even knows. it must be hard for you beings shes your daughter, I have a 20 year old son I raised alone, and he,s going to collage soon.
Be stronge mom lilbit