Help
i am scared, i want to be strong for him i love him so much! does anyone have any thing at all they can share with me to help me prepare to see him in the hospital?
This post has been edited by jonahs friend: 18 July 2007 - 04:10 PM
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Coming To Grips
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#1
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Posted 18 July 2007 - 03:29 PM
Hi, my name is Kelly and i am new to this. On saturday july 14th someone very close to me had a diving accident. He is in the hospital recovering from bone fusion surgery. he just woke up yesterday to learn that he is paralyzed from the neck down. i am going to be with him tomorrow...
i am scared, i want to be strong for him i love him so much! does anyone have any thing at all they can share with me to help me prepare to see him in the hospital?
i am scared, i want to be strong for him i love him so much! does anyone have any thing at all they can share with me to help me prepare to see him in the hospital?
#2
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Posted 19 July 2007 - 02:57 PM
Hi Kelly,
I hope it's not too late to respond to your post, as "tomorrow" is now today. The best advice I can give you is to just be true to yourself and your friendship with Jonah - in other words, don't try to act in such a way that's inconsistent for either of you. When I went to visit my sweetie in the hospital after his accident, people warned me, "Whatever you do, don't cry! Be positive!" Well, he would have seen through a false Pollyanna act in a heartbeat, and it would have made him angry, understandably so. So instead, I just went with the attitude that I would be with him the way I always have been - open and honest. When we first saw each other, we were all smiles. I smothered his face in kisses, and we both laughed. Later, when we were alone together we talked about the accident, what he'd lost, the challenges he was facing, and we both cried. We just continued being honest with each other, as we always had been, and that seems to be working for us still.
Of course, when I left him that first night I went and got in my car and instantly fell completely apart, sitting there in the dark sobbing for a good hour or so. It was an emotional day, to say the least.
Most importantly, remember that even if he's surrounded by various machines and tubes and being poked and prodded by nurses and such, beneath it all, he's still just Jonah, your friend. Look through all of those external distractions and "white noise", as I call it, and see your friend. Let him talk, listen to him, and just be his friend as you always have been.
Best of luck to you and to Jonah, honey.
~MJ
P.S. A sense of humor goes a long way in these situations, too, I've found, but only if he gives you indications that he's ready for that.
I hope it's not too late to respond to your post, as "tomorrow" is now today. The best advice I can give you is to just be true to yourself and your friendship with Jonah - in other words, don't try to act in such a way that's inconsistent for either of you. When I went to visit my sweetie in the hospital after his accident, people warned me, "Whatever you do, don't cry! Be positive!" Well, he would have seen through a false Pollyanna act in a heartbeat, and it would have made him angry, understandably so. So instead, I just went with the attitude that I would be with him the way I always have been - open and honest. When we first saw each other, we were all smiles. I smothered his face in kisses, and we both laughed. Later, when we were alone together we talked about the accident, what he'd lost, the challenges he was facing, and we both cried. We just continued being honest with each other, as we always had been, and that seems to be working for us still.
Of course, when I left him that first night I went and got in my car and instantly fell completely apart, sitting there in the dark sobbing for a good hour or so. It was an emotional day, to say the least.
Most importantly, remember that even if he's surrounded by various machines and tubes and being poked and prodded by nurses and such, beneath it all, he's still just Jonah, your friend. Look through all of those external distractions and "white noise", as I call it, and see your friend. Let him talk, listen to him, and just be his friend as you always have been.
Best of luck to you and to Jonah, honey.
~MJ
P.S. A sense of humor goes a long way in these situations, too, I've found, but only if he gives you indications that he's ready for that.
This post has been edited by Mary Jane: 19 July 2007 - 02:58 PM
#3
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Posted 20 July 2007 - 05:12 AM
As with MJ I hope that it isn't too late for this to help.
I was the patient. I had some friends that didn't want to see me at all, some who painted on a smile and said things will be back to normal , I liked my Mom's attitude the best (normal and honest). MJ is right just be who you are and how you are with him.... like you always have. He is your friend who just happens to be in the hospital right now. If he walks out or rolls out he is still going to be Jonah. It will be most likely a VERY EMOTIONAL time.....just is. The fact that you've taken the time to seek out advice shows that you care about him.
Good Luck
I was the patient. I had some friends that didn't want to see me at all, some who painted on a smile and said things will be back to normal , I liked my Mom's attitude the best (normal and honest). MJ is right just be who you are and how you are with him.... like you always have. He is your friend who just happens to be in the hospital right now. If he walks out or rolls out he is still going to be Jonah. It will be most likely a VERY EMOTIONAL time.....just is. The fact that you've taken the time to seek out advice shows that you care about him.
Good Luck
*Enjoy every sunset, but be grateful for every dawn.*
*Wheelchairs are made of a special ocular magnetic alloy......they're "eyeball magnets".*
*I USE a wheelchair, that does NOT make ME a wheelchair!*
*Wheelchairs are made of a special ocular magnetic alloy......they're "eyeball magnets".*
*I USE a wheelchair, that does NOT make ME a wheelchair!*
#4
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Posted 21 July 2007 - 12:42 PM
i just wanted to say thanks for the responses. we are all beside ourselves right now and reality is truly setting in. i'm sure i'll be back, but its too hard right now. thanks again so very much. peace to everyone.
#5
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Posted 06 August 2007 - 01:35 PM
Good Morning,
I am new at posting and I hope I do this right.....I just wanted to say hello....My brother was in a three wheeler accident on June 22nd and he is a T12 complete......It has been a huge adjustment on everyones life....Let's just say it has been a summer from heck....I want to thank everyone for their posts....I have found them very informative....When this first happened I was overwhelmed BUT I have learned to take this day by day and it has become much easier.....My brother was released from rehab last week and is staying at my dads house and I'm helping with the caregiving.....I hope that my brother may just need a little time to adapt BUT he just doesnt want to do anything right now :O( I'm trying so hard to motivate him and stretch him like we were taught in therapy.... He does very well with his transitions but has gotten lazy on changing his diaper.....I know it takes him some time to do it himself but I really want him to try......I have been reading a lot of ya'lls post on bowel control and he is trying to get it on schedule.......any suggestions for regulating this???? He wants to go back home.....BUT I want him to be able to be self sufficent before he does.....Happy Monday to Everyone !!!!!!! It's a great day to be alive
Jeannie
I am new at posting and I hope I do this right.....I just wanted to say hello....My brother was in a three wheeler accident on June 22nd and he is a T12 complete......It has been a huge adjustment on everyones life....Let's just say it has been a summer from heck....I want to thank everyone for their posts....I have found them very informative....When this first happened I was overwhelmed BUT I have learned to take this day by day and it has become much easier.....My brother was released from rehab last week and is staying at my dads house and I'm helping with the caregiving.....I hope that my brother may just need a little time to adapt BUT he just doesnt want to do anything right now :O( I'm trying so hard to motivate him and stretch him like we were taught in therapy.... He does very well with his transitions but has gotten lazy on changing his diaper.....I know it takes him some time to do it himself but I really want him to try......I have been reading a lot of ya'lls post on bowel control and he is trying to get it on schedule.......any suggestions for regulating this???? He wants to go back home.....BUT I want him to be able to be self sufficent before he does.....Happy Monday to Everyone !!!!!!! It's a great day to be alive
Jeannie
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