18 replies to this topic

[Rudy]

Hello, I'm a level 3-4 Quadrapeligic, 45 years old and had my accident 30 years ago.
Somthing strange is happening to me latley, I feel depressed. My health is not the best, and maybe that has something to do with it. I just cant stop thinking what my life could have been if I did not have my accident. I watch my friends have wonderful lives for the past 30 years, while I have many health problems. They got married, have children, travel and all have good health, while I have been in and out of hospital and of course being almost fully immoble. Sometimes I wish that I would die, but you cant just press a button and so life go's on.
Sorry to be such a downer, but life gets harder and I dont have the strength I used to.
Any one here also gets sad or depressed?

[LilCube]

Rudy, on Aug 15 2007, 09:09 PM, said:

Hello, I'm a level 3-4 Quadrapeligic, 45 years old and had my accident 30 years ago.
Somthing strange is happening to me latley, I feel depressed. My health is not the best, and maybe that has something to do with it. I just cant stop thinking what my life could have been if I did not have my accident. I watch my friends have wonderful lives for the past 30 years, while I have many health problems. They got married, have children, travel and all have good health, while I have been in and out of hospital and of course being almost fully immoble. Sometimes I wish that I would die, but you cant just press a button and so life go's on.
Sorry to be such a downer, but life gets harder and I dont have the strength I used to.
Any one here also gets sad or depressed?

All the time. I had my accident back in '93 and I'm just now coming to terms with it. I'm now 30 and wasted half my life just being in a funk. I've never wanted to die, but I did quit living. I can't give any advice as I'm going through it currently myself. Some days are better than others. Does it suck? Hell yeah, but I try to think of the things I might've missed had I died. The birth of my nephew is number 1. He's the reason I refuse to get down on myself too much. Luckily for me, I have a strong family behind me. Mom, sis, cousins, grandparents. They all keep my spirits up. It's the days I have to myself where I just kinda tune out and enter my own private hell.

[wheeliebear75]

I think the more appropriate question is "who doesn't?". I think we all have some times where we feel that way. When you don't feel well that just compounds the problem. I unfortunately don't know what exactly too tell you either. I can however let you know we've all felt that way from time to time. I know I've felt pretty crappy from time to time. Hope knowing you're not alone helps at least a little bit. Just don't give up or in.

[nomis]

Things don’t sound good for you at the moment. That’s tough.

It’s impossible for me to understand how it is for you, I can only relate to things that have happened to me. I don’t have problems with depression nowadays but I have been there. I think sometimes my mind just needs to suck in the hard reality of the downside of life. I seem to wallow in that, getting a long hard look before seeing that is how it is, so I might as well get on life and I begin to climb out of the hole.

I don’t know what happens for other people but I reckon I emerge stronger. It sounds too glib and easy, eh. That’s the limit of my understanding.

One thing I am sure of is that you have the solution and only you. Maybe you’ve done away with all the bullshit and are looking life square in the face as it is today. And sometime, after you’ve fully felt that reality, you’ll move on.

I just hope you can let yourself be ok with the way you feel (just for now, till it changes).

[Scoot]

Hi Rudy

This is a tricky one. Not knowing what your situation is makes it impossible for anyone to advise you effectively.

I had my accident 16 years ago and admit that there were times that I hit rock bottom and thought my life had ended. What I didn't realise at that time was it was the start of a new chapter. It took me about 2 years to come to terms with my accident at which point I though I need to do something or go round the bend. I enrolled in a computer course and now have a good job along with a nice house and a beautiful and extremely understanding wife. I consider myself very lucky as she is able to look at a situation, disect it, and then we have a good chat. That is what stops me from going to that dark place again. Don't get me wrong I do have off days in the same way I'm sure anyone does but the main thing is to not bottle things up and try, if you feel able, to talk about it.

The good thing about this forum is there are always people that can relate to what you are going through. You aren't alone and I do hope that you manage to get yourself through this difficult period.

[T-Crip]

I am so sorry to hear about what you are feeling. I know I have had my boughts with depression as well. This life is tough for anyone at any stage. I think it's normal. Iknow people here have always been so very helpful and understanding. I know for me it takes me doing something like going outside or reading something inspirational or finding something to accomlish but for sure you would have to find what is best for yourself. I am sorry. I wish there were something more I could do for you. But for sure you are not alone.

[Jason S]

I had my accident just a year ago--almost to the day--and have dealt with depression ever since. Rehab was helpful and all with getting me mobile, but it didn't help me too much with the internal issues like depression and feeling weak. It helps to look on the bright side and to let it out. I just found this site and am already amazed at the community out there.

I wish I would have found this site sooner.

[Avocado Baby]

Hi there,

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I wish I could take the feeling away from you but, you're right, this forum is fantastic and sharing it with others who understand is such a support.

I've suffered from the worst boughts of depression (and am fortunate enough not to be a quad) with one resulting in a suicide attempt. All I can advise is to try and find one thing each day you're going to do...plan something in advance so you have something to look forward to. It gives the day some meaning.

Like others have said, try not to bottle it up (although I know that's easier said than done) At least you know we're here now. Have you thought about getting some proffesional help, like counselling? It may be a good thing to do.

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon xx

[smokymtn memories]

Hi Rudy. Like everyone else has already said, we've all become familar with depression at one time or another. It tends to rear it's ugly head every once in awhile.

I've always found half the battle to be realizing I am depressed. Then try to figure out something that will help you to get rid of it. Not knowing your circumstances, it's hard to suggest something to you.

I wish you well and hope you can figure something out to help.

Edited by smokymtn memories, 01 December 2007 - 04:23 PM.

[Illinois Boy]

Rudy, on Aug 15 2007, 08:09 PM, said:

Hello, I'm a level 3-4 Quadrapeligic, 45 years old and had my accident 30 years ago.
Somthing strange is happening to me latley, I feel depressed. My health is not the best, and maybe that has something to do with it. I just cant stop thinking what my life could have been if I did not have my accident. I watch my friends have wonderful lives for the past 30 years, while I have many health problems. They got married, have children, travel and all have good health, while I have been in and out of hospital and of course being almost fully immoble. Sometimes I wish that I would die, but you cant just press a button and so life go's on.
Sorry to be such a downer, but life gets harder and I dont have the strength I used to.
Any one here also gets sad or depressed?

I've been stuck in bed mostly for almost fiive years, recently had my right leg amputated and had to have a colostomy...... I get depressed every now and then, but over normal stuff like bills, getting transfered to India every time I call a company...... Actually that pisses me off... I try to keep busy..... I know it's hard to do but maybe find a hobby or just watch movies.... My wife and I enjoy movies, and we used to own a video store...

I wish I had something better to tell you!
Good Luck!

Jim

Edited by Illinois Boy, 01 December 2007 - 01:06 AM.

[john S.]

Rudy, on Aug 15 2007, 09:09 PM, said:

Hello, I'm a level 3-4 Quadrapeligic, 45 years old and had my accident 30 years ago.
Somthing strange is happening to me latley, I feel depressed. My health is not the best, and maybe that has something to do with it. I just cant stop thinking what my life could have been if I did not have my accident. I watch my friends have wonderful lives for the past 30 years, while I have many health problems. They got married, have children, travel and all have good health, while I have been in and out of hospital and of course being almost fully immoble. Sometimes I wish that I would die, but you cant just press a button and so life go's on.
Sorry to be such a downer, but life gets harder and I dont have the strength I used to.
Any one here also gets sad or depressed?

I'd love to know what they gave you 30 years ago that your just now getting depressed? It normal to get depressed when you loose as much of what you think and feel to be yourself as you did. As a C-5 I would wallow in self-pity, 32 years ago. Sometimes, about every few months when stuff is getting to me, I go and dip myself in pity. Doesn't have that affect it did long ago. I think you put it off to long to really enjoy the meaty part of it. There is nothing wrong with a good depressed funk as long as you know when to pull the plug and let it drain and go back to real life. A lot of drugs will cause depression, if your taking something new. If it is not letting you catch your breath, or your crying because of an episode of the flintstones, you might want to talk to a shrink. These folks can be great. You can tell them anything and they listen. Do not do anything silly! keep telling yourself it is just the depression. It will end. but do tell your doctor you need some time on the couch, so to speak. They understand.

Happy New Year

john

[Jackiefff]

I'm sorry to hear you are so depressed but I think everyone gets there sometime or another. I have felt the same way you have but too scared to actually die. When im around my friends and family im fine, but when im alone, i just think back and look at old pictures and just wonder why me? and why cant i just walk and blah blahh! the thing that mostly upsets me is that the person who was driving the 4-wheeler and crashed it, walked away from it with a couple scratches and I was stuck in the hospital for 3 months!

[Quad65]

Depression can strike anyone, SCI or AB. I've had my periods of it, too. It varies in severity and length. What probably aggravates it more for you now is your age, 45. You're entering middle-age and starting the evaluation stage. You see what your friends have done in their lives to this point with careers, family, travel, whatever. You're maybe feeling left behind and left out by life in general and that you've not accomplished much. That's natural. I think we all go through this to varying degrees.

I know I certainly did. I turned 60 in January. Between 45-55 was kind of a rough period for a lot of reasons. Health, relationships, money, declining strength and stamina, sex. Oddly enough, the same thing befalls AB. But we have the Double Whammy of dealing with an SCI on top of that.

I'd be more surprised if we didn't get depressed. I would strongly recommend a good counselor. It may take a little digging, but it would be beneficial. I've done it and it was well worth it. It doesn't mean you're crazy or losing it. It means you recognize you may have a problem and that a professional may be needed. No shame in that.

If your wheelchair wasn't functioning properly, you wouldn't ignore it and pretend the problem would go away, would you?

[Boggs52]

When it comes to SCI, the question should be does anyone NOT get depressed

[dom]

hi rudy, yes i agree with a lot of answers here, its only human to get depressed its like a bereavement losing something that you enjoyed before,us humans have great capacity for feelings and we should try to use them to our advantage,its a bit like the old saying -if someone or something upsets us turn it on its head and ask why do i ALLOW it to? these are my feelings and i have a brain that can change how i feel about myself and others
its all to easy to go down the road of self-pity,i dont blame you for doing so i have,but as you and i know it leads nowhere [and probably gets worse] so i am not nagging you but please try to change your attitude to things bit by bit and hopefully the new outlook on life will lead to better things? chin up mate your'e a star

[Hotwheelz]

hello friend

Looks like you got a few years on me, I'm about 10 years post, I am a C5-6 incomplete. It took me 2 1/2 to three years to kick that funk in the arse! Unfortunately that funk is a revolution it seems to make his way around every so often, I just had some medical issues that brought the funk back around fortunately I've got experience with dealing with it. Having a very caring wife and family helps quite a bit "actually makes a world of distance" and of course knowing the toughest guy in the world "me" who helps me get back out every time I fall. being around people makes all the difference!

hang in their friend

Michael

[Hotwheelz]

hello friend

Looks like you got a few years on me, I'm about 10 years post, I am a C5-6 incomplete. It took me 2 1/2 to three years to kick that funk in the arse! Unfortunately that funk is a revolution it seems to make his way around every so often, I just had some medical issues that brought the funk back around fortunately I've got experience with dealing with it. Having a very caring wife and family helps quite a bit "actually makes a world of distance" and of course knowing the toughest guy in the world "me" who helps me get back out every time I fall. being around people makes all the difference!

jim carrey singing jumper

hang in their friend

Michael

[allister]

Agree with Quad65, it hits us all from time to time.
I've been struck in hospital 4 days now after having a stroke scare.
Today has been one of those days when you hate the world and all in it, but for no apparent reason.
As a result of this stroke scare, (they say it wasn't a stroke) I currently have lost all use of my left arm/hand, and the first reality check was on wednesday when I couldn't butter a slice of toast. It angered me.
Today, I had to be hoisted onn to a toilet for bowels ( which i could previously manage unaided) and then have a stanger squat under me to clean my ass afterwards. Once I was back on the bed, and alone, I'll admit I shead a tear or two, depressed and frustrated by the situation.
I logged on here, and flicked through the posts. I began to read a thread about a brave woman caring for and watching her husband slowly die. It depressed me, but not is a sad way, and a few more tears followed. ( Saying Goodbye Slowly - I'm losing him. Spouse & Carer's Forum. from Saneaj ) As I started to read comments added, I realised just how fortunate I was, Hell, can't walk - pee or crap, now only one arm and hand to haul my sorry ass around a bed with, but hey, I'm alive w.t.f. do I have to be depressed about?
I then felt so guilty for feeling sorry about myself, and who was I to complain ?
The past 9 years have been quite shite, but I'm still here fighting.
Yep, I know for sure, I'll be on anti-depressants again, many times more, but somehow we manage to find a way throught dark fog. Be it family support, my dogs, there's always a way to climb out.

We all sympethise and offer support for each other here, our extened family, and a family group hug would be awsome, but think all that metalwork and wheels would get in the way LOL.

Al

Edited by allister, 08 May 2010 - 12:17 AM.

[isobar]

Rudy, on 16 August 2007 - 02:09 AM, said:

Hello, I'm a level 3-4 Quadrapeligic, 45 years old and had my accident 30 years ago.
Somthing strange is happening to me latley, I feel depressed. My health is not the best, and maybe that has something to do with it. I just cant stop thinking what my life could have been if I did not have my accident. I watch my friends have wonderful lives for the past 30 years, while I have many health problems. They got married, have children, travel and all have good health, while I have been in and out of hospital and of course being almost fully immoble. Sometimes I wish that I would die, but you cant just press a button and so life go's on.
Sorry to be such a downer, but life gets harder and I dont have the strength I used to.
Any one here also gets sad or depressed?

Hi Rudy, to answer your ? I've been depressed i call it the tree of woe and while i wallowed in self despair and pity things got worse. I learned then it does me no good i only created more hardship for myself. If i feel myself  sinking  i just member that time maybe i'll shed some tears and sigh then move on. I have no way of knowing what it's like for you. You've circumstance is far beyond me and what i'm dealing with my words may even strike an empty cord with you. In closing i hope you find a way out of your depression, some peace and i wish you well.