Help
Posted 16 August 2005 - 12:29 AM
I hope you guys don't mind me popping in to ask a question.
This is something that really bothers me and I don't know who to ask. I found this site googling for information. So far I haven't found the answer.
My opinions of my sister could be totally wrong, so I thought I would ask those who would know.
I've been wondering about this for ages.
My sister has always been a hypochondriac.
She has been in a wheelchair fulltiume for years, but began by being in her wheelchair one day, then walking the next.
She ended up being in her wheelchair fulltime when people started commenting on why she only used her wheelchair sometimes.
I'm really hate the way everyone runs around after her and panders to her every need, in fact I'm starting to really hate her.
She can drive a modified car, use a computer, remote control and many other things, but can't get herself a drink or sandwich and gets my Mum to cut up her food.
I truly, totally sympathise and feel for anyone who really is a paraplegic, and would be more than happy to help them, however I feel that my sister is mocking everyone.
I also think it's unfair that my sister utilises resources that should be used by true paraplegics. (she pays $35 a week rent for a modified townhouse etc).
She can crawl on her hands and knees. She lays my 17 month old daughter on top of her legs and lifts her up with her legs until her legs are horiizontal. She also sits my daughter on her foot and lifts her up quite high.
I'm 99% sure she's a fake and just want some reassurance from people who would know if there's any possibility at all that she could be genuine.
TIA and best wishes to all.
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Paraplegic Sister
Is she realy a paraplegic?
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#2
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Posted 16 August 2005 - 01:42 AM
An interesting question: What defines a paraplegic (or quad or tetra).
If you go to the opening page of this web site you get a fairly accurate description where a paraplegic is described as a person who has had a Spinal Cord Injury (SCI)below a certain level. That description may be a bit tight for my ideals, although it is accurate that a person with that type of injury would be a para.
It would only be my opinion that a para would be anyone who has lost mobility or control in either a pair of legs or arms as a result of an unusual medical circumstance: Accident/operation/birth defect/etc. In my case, I am a para because I have had 4 cm crushed out of my spine (complete sever) at the T4/T5 level. As a result of this injury, I can no longer use any part of my body below the chest level. More specifically, I have lost all control of a pair (para) legs.
The argument here is what strictly defines a para. For me it means a real world event has occurred that resulted in the loss of use of limbs. Insurance companies over here in Canada use pretty much the same guidelines.
From what you have said so far, it is hard to define if the person is simply faking it, or has real loss of use of limbs. At best she sounds like she could be mobility challenged, or just simply faking it. Is there any real evidence of loss of limbs due to an accident, bad operation, disease, birth defect, etc. that may have severely restricted or lost her the use of limbs?
It is unfortunate when people invent illnesses when so many of us here have real handicaps to deal with. Unfortunately, while some of us have handicaps that are easy to diagnose, there are others that may also have a real handicap but their conditions are not as cut and dried.
Is she a para? Not enough information for me to go on, but I lean towards no.
If you go to the opening page of this web site you get a fairly accurate description where a paraplegic is described as a person who has had a Spinal Cord Injury (SCI)below a certain level. That description may be a bit tight for my ideals, although it is accurate that a person with that type of injury would be a para.
It would only be my opinion that a para would be anyone who has lost mobility or control in either a pair of legs or arms as a result of an unusual medical circumstance: Accident/operation/birth defect/etc. In my case, I am a para because I have had 4 cm crushed out of my spine (complete sever) at the T4/T5 level. As a result of this injury, I can no longer use any part of my body below the chest level. More specifically, I have lost all control of a pair (para) legs.
The argument here is what strictly defines a para. For me it means a real world event has occurred that resulted in the loss of use of limbs. Insurance companies over here in Canada use pretty much the same guidelines.
From what you have said so far, it is hard to define if the person is simply faking it, or has real loss of use of limbs. At best she sounds like she could be mobility challenged, or just simply faking it. Is there any real evidence of loss of limbs due to an accident, bad operation, disease, birth defect, etc. that may have severely restricted or lost her the use of limbs?
It is unfortunate when people invent illnesses when so many of us here have real handicaps to deal with. Unfortunately, while some of us have handicaps that are easy to diagnose, there are others that may also have a real handicap but their conditions are not as cut and dried.
Is she a para? Not enough information for me to go on, but I lean towards no.
T4/T5
#3 *Lilli*
Posted 16 August 2005 - 02:46 AM
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply A Holland.
According to my sister, she was hit on the head by a falling door whilst at school many years ago. She was actually compensated about $30,000 for this.
Since I was about 12, when she was busted for faking a stroke, I have refused to visit her in hospital or discuss her 'illnesses' with her, so I 've been told this by my Mum. My sister is about 5 years older than me.
Since she was 9 she's had just about everything you can imagine from fake pregnancies to strokes, blindness, heart attacks etc. Friends of my mother have watched a taxi driver help my sister out of the taxi and into her wheelchair. Once the taxi driver was out of sight, she folded up the wheelchair and walked inside. It would take ages to give the many more examples of hypochondria she has displayed.
Given her history I just don't get why people believe her. I gave up ages ago trying to convince people she's a fake.
My family think I'm mean and heartless because I don't go running around after her, and sometimes I begin to question myself if I am just mean. Which, I guess is why
I 'm trying to get an answer to my concerns today.
I live next door to my Mum. Yesterday I looked out the window to see two wheelchairs, and a lady dragging hersef up mums steps and into the door on her bottom.
My sister effortlessly crawled in on her hands and knees.
I felt sad that yet another person has been conned by my sister. I was also angry that she has befriended this lady under false pretences, pretending they have in common a disability, when my sister's really deceiving her into believing she has a disabilty.
I'm sure if this lady knew the truth about my sister she wouldn't be her friend.
Unfortunately I don't have much choice as she's my sister and I have to put up with crap.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and answer my question.
Have a fantastic day.
xxx Lilli.
According to my sister, she was hit on the head by a falling door whilst at school many years ago. She was actually compensated about $30,000 for this.
Since I was about 12, when she was busted for faking a stroke, I have refused to visit her in hospital or discuss her 'illnesses' with her, so I 've been told this by my Mum. My sister is about 5 years older than me.
Since she was 9 she's had just about everything you can imagine from fake pregnancies to strokes, blindness, heart attacks etc. Friends of my mother have watched a taxi driver help my sister out of the taxi and into her wheelchair. Once the taxi driver was out of sight, she folded up the wheelchair and walked inside. It would take ages to give the many more examples of hypochondria she has displayed.
Given her history I just don't get why people believe her. I gave up ages ago trying to convince people she's a fake.
My family think I'm mean and heartless because I don't go running around after her, and sometimes I begin to question myself if I am just mean. Which, I guess is why
I 'm trying to get an answer to my concerns today.
I live next door to my Mum. Yesterday I looked out the window to see two wheelchairs, and a lady dragging hersef up mums steps and into the door on her bottom.
My sister effortlessly crawled in on her hands and knees.
I felt sad that yet another person has been conned by my sister. I was also angry that she has befriended this lady under false pretences, pretending they have in common a disability, when my sister's really deceiving her into believing she has a disabilty.
I'm sure if this lady knew the truth about my sister she wouldn't be her friend.
Unfortunately I don't have much choice as she's my sister and I have to put up with crap.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and answer my question.
Have a fantastic day.
xxx Lilli.
#4
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Posted 16 August 2005 - 04:18 AM
Hi Lilli...
I'm an incomplete para, and as far as physical abilities go, I'm probably the most able-bodied person on this board. But there is no way I'd be able to lift a child up with my leg. I can't even keep it from floating up while in the water...I have to wear an ankle weight to keep my foot/leg down.
But, as you'll read often here...everyone's injury is different and it may manifest itself in slightly different ways.
Playing the devil's advocate here for a moment: As mobile as I am, one of the issues I battle with daily is fatigue. I'm like a balloon that has had it's air released...I'll fly around with vigor for a short while, but fizzle out quite quickly. That's the main reason I use a wheelchair while at home...to conserve energy. That might be deceiving to someone who watches me 'walk' (with crutches and brace) into a store, then later sees me in a chair. And then I have some days that are better than others too, and I may be able to accomplish more, physically, in one day than I can in an entire week.
But your sister apparently has a history of 'collecting' infirmities, so that definitely should be taken into consideration. Is there any solid medical evidence that she has a neuro deficit?
I'm an incomplete para, and as far as physical abilities go, I'm probably the most able-bodied person on this board. But there is no way I'd be able to lift a child up with my leg. I can't even keep it from floating up while in the water...I have to wear an ankle weight to keep my foot/leg down.
But, as you'll read often here...everyone's injury is different and it may manifest itself in slightly different ways.
Playing the devil's advocate here for a moment: As mobile as I am, one of the issues I battle with daily is fatigue. I'm like a balloon that has had it's air released...I'll fly around with vigor for a short while, but fizzle out quite quickly. That's the main reason I use a wheelchair while at home...to conserve energy. That might be deceiving to someone who watches me 'walk' (with crutches and brace) into a store, then later sees me in a chair. And then I have some days that are better than others too, and I may be able to accomplish more, physically, in one day than I can in an entire week.
But your sister apparently has a history of 'collecting' infirmities, so that definitely should be taken into consideration. Is there any solid medical evidence that she has a neuro deficit?
* * * * * * * * *
Female. Incomplete para following a cord stroke in '03. Spina-bifida, severe scoliosis. 18 surgeries total...five spine-related: Three fusions w/hardware, two tethered cord releases.
Female. Incomplete para following a cord stroke in '03. Spina-bifida, severe scoliosis. 18 surgeries total...five spine-related: Three fusions w/hardware, two tethered cord releases.
#5
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Posted 16 August 2005 - 12:51 PM
Hi Lilli,
It's possible that your sister has a "factitious disorder" and should probably see a psychiatrist.
Definition : Factitious disorder represents the intentional production of physical or psychological signs and symptoms in the absence of (significant) external incentives.
There's no way for me to know if your sister actually has the disabilities that you describe and for which she displays symptoms of. If she has a factitious disorder try not to let it get the better of you. Learn all you can about it and go from there.
Assuming that she has some type of factitious disorder I'll say this.
Since much of her life has been so devoted to fooling people for the gain she receives in sympathy and attention she may be difficult to diagnose. By now she may be an Oscar Award winning actress! The incident in which she was supposedly injured by the falling door when she was 13 may very well have been the catalyst for this behavior. During that impressionistic age (puberty) she was greatly rewarded with $30,000 and lots of positive attention and feedback from everyone around her so perhaps kept it up becoming the consummate victim. Most disabled people make an effort to stay out of the limelight and just want to fit into the background like "normal" able-bodied people. Seems like your sister goes out of her way to attract attention and this may be a give away to her perhaps having a factitious disorder.
To me this is a dead give away. If she can drive a car albeit modified she can certainly get up and make herself a sandwich and snag a drink from the fridge! I don't know your mother or Mum (that's so funny... over here across the pond it's "Mom") but she may be getting something from your sister's behaviour in a slightly twisted symbiotic relationship. Due to your sister's continued desire to be doted over and waited on perhaps the nurturing mother/dependent daughter relationship has never evolved into a normal healthy mother/daughter relationship. But now I'm really doing my bad impression of Freud!
Like everyone has said, spinal cord injury can manifest itself with all sorts of differing symptoms. I've never heard of anyone with it who can still crawl on their hands and knees though. If she can stand up to get in and out of a wheelchair and a taxi cab it doesn't seem reasonable that she would then need to get down on her hands and knees to "effortlessly" crawl up a set of steps. But anything is possible. If she was dragging her legs and feet behind herself that would be more descriptive of a true paraplegic. Obviously she has control of her lower torso or she wouldn't be able to crawl like she does. Hey, I have an idea. Give her a brand new pair of expensive pantyhose and see if she crawls on her hands and KNEES while wearing them!
But seriously, probably the only way you'll know for sure is if you can catch her while she thinks no one is watching. Perhaps when she's away from home and at that moment or circumstance doesn't feel the need for special attention or fears having her deception uncovered. In certain circumstances it may be more beneficial for your sister to appear healthy so will leave her wheelchair behind and walk and behave normally. That's how insurance companies over here in the US catch malingering frauds on video tape. Or perhaps surreptitiously in the privacy of her home on a type of "Nanny Cam". Although that's probably illegal and not a very nice thing to do.
There's a Dr. Feldman who specializes in these behaviors. Check out his website and if you want or need more info buy his book.
http://www.munchausen.com/
"Dr. Feldman's newest book, PLAYING SICK, is NOW AVAILABLE for order at a big discount. It covers all the topics dealt with on this page. Find it at Amazon.com by searching for "Playing Sick".
Although your sister may be living a fraudulent life I guess it could be worse. She could actually suffer the disabilities for which she shows symptoms of. Hmmm.
It's possible that your sister has a "factitious disorder" and should probably see a psychiatrist.
Definition : Factitious disorder represents the intentional production of physical or psychological signs and symptoms in the absence of (significant) external incentives.
There's no way for me to know if your sister actually has the disabilities that you describe and for which she displays symptoms of. If she has a factitious disorder try not to let it get the better of you. Learn all you can about it and go from there.
Assuming that she has some type of factitious disorder I'll say this.
Since much of her life has been so devoted to fooling people for the gain she receives in sympathy and attention she may be difficult to diagnose. By now she may be an Oscar Award winning actress! The incident in which she was supposedly injured by the falling door when she was 13 may very well have been the catalyst for this behavior. During that impressionistic age (puberty) she was greatly rewarded with $30,000 and lots of positive attention and feedback from everyone around her so perhaps kept it up becoming the consummate victim. Most disabled people make an effort to stay out of the limelight and just want to fit into the background like "normal" able-bodied people. Seems like your sister goes out of her way to attract attention and this may be a give away to her perhaps having a factitious disorder.
Quote
She can drive a modified car, use a computer, remote control and many other things, but can't get herself a drink or sandwich and gets my Mum to cut up her food.
To me this is a dead give away. If she can drive a car albeit modified she can certainly get up and make herself a sandwich and snag a drink from the fridge! I don't know your mother or Mum (that's so funny... over here across the pond it's "Mom") but she may be getting something from your sister's behaviour in a slightly twisted symbiotic relationship. Due to your sister's continued desire to be doted over and waited on perhaps the nurturing mother/dependent daughter relationship has never evolved into a normal healthy mother/daughter relationship. But now I'm really doing my bad impression of Freud!
Like everyone has said, spinal cord injury can manifest itself with all sorts of differing symptoms. I've never heard of anyone with it who can still crawl on their hands and knees though. If she can stand up to get in and out of a wheelchair and a taxi cab it doesn't seem reasonable that she would then need to get down on her hands and knees to "effortlessly" crawl up a set of steps. But anything is possible. If she was dragging her legs and feet behind herself that would be more descriptive of a true paraplegic. Obviously she has control of her lower torso or she wouldn't be able to crawl like she does. Hey, I have an idea. Give her a brand new pair of expensive pantyhose and see if she crawls on her hands and KNEES while wearing them!
But seriously, probably the only way you'll know for sure is if you can catch her while she thinks no one is watching. Perhaps when she's away from home and at that moment or circumstance doesn't feel the need for special attention or fears having her deception uncovered. In certain circumstances it may be more beneficial for your sister to appear healthy so will leave her wheelchair behind and walk and behave normally. That's how insurance companies over here in the US catch malingering frauds on video tape. Or perhaps surreptitiously in the privacy of her home on a type of "Nanny Cam". Although that's probably illegal and not a very nice thing to do.
There's a Dr. Feldman who specializes in these behaviors. Check out his website and if you want or need more info buy his book.
http://www.munchausen.com/
"Dr. Feldman's newest book, PLAYING SICK, is NOW AVAILABLE for order at a big discount. It covers all the topics dealt with on this page. Find it at Amazon.com by searching for "Playing Sick".
Although your sister may be living a fraudulent life I guess it could be worse. She could actually suffer the disabilities for which she shows symptoms of. Hmmm.
#6
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Posted 16 August 2005 - 04:56 PM
Hi Lilli,
I think you need to know your sister situation right now.And my oppinion is she need to treat her illness immidietlly before it gets worst.(It seems she's worst already)And she need to be free from that illness,or else she will stay like that through her life.
HYPOCHONDRIA:
preocupation with the physical functioning of the body with fancied ill health.It may amount to a handicapping neurosis and may DOMINATE A PERSON'S LIFE.In the most severe form there are dislusions of ill health,due to underlying*Depression.When symptoms reach the level sufficient to be classified as a disorder,it is called HYPOCHONDRIASIS or Hypochondriacal dDisorder.Treatment with assurance*antidepresant drugs and or PSYCHOTHERAPY is usual,but the condition is often chronic.
There's something wrong with her mental health,she's suffering a depression right now.As i read about your sister she had a history of hitted by a falling door?(am i right?)Did you know how big incident was that?Is she had an operation?Coz that incident it cause her to become a HYPOCHONDRIA due to trauma.Or maybe she had a long time anxieties
.
HYPOCHONDRIASIS one classification of SOMATOFoRM DISORDERS
are characterized by complaints of physical symptoms that cannot be explained by known physical mechanisms.These disorders have in common the belief that physical symptoms are real despite any evidence to the contrary.The affected individual experiences CHANGES OR LOSS IN PHYSICAL FUNCTION.THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS ARE NOT UNDER THE INDIVIDUALS VOLUNTARY CONTROL.Significant impairment occurs in social or occupational functioning.
Is she underwent to psychiatric treatment?As i read some articles about Hypochondria,she need to see the psych doctor to asses and cure her mental disorder.And also the family need to help her situatuation and cooperation about her illness.And theres some way to treat her illnes,like how to encourage her to become independent,strengthing her Identity and many more.And the family should aware her situation so that you'll know how to approach and manage her.
HOw is she suffering from these illness?
I answer back your question so that,you can give your sister like a benefit of the doubt.You can help her also to solve her problem so that both of you will gonna live together without feeling of anger.Hope this reply will enlighten you up.
Good luck!
I think you need to know your sister situation right now.And my oppinion is she need to treat her illness immidietlly before it gets worst.(It seems she's worst already)And she need to be free from that illness,or else she will stay like that through her life.
HYPOCHONDRIA:
preocupation with the physical functioning of the body with fancied ill health.It may amount to a handicapping neurosis and may DOMINATE A PERSON'S LIFE.In the most severe form there are dislusions of ill health,due to underlying*Depression.When symptoms reach the level sufficient to be classified as a disorder,it is called HYPOCHONDRIASIS or Hypochondriacal dDisorder.Treatment with assurance*antidepresant drugs and or PSYCHOTHERAPY is usual,but the condition is often chronic.
There's something wrong with her mental health,she's suffering a depression right now.As i read about your sister she had a history of hitted by a falling door?(am i right?)Did you know how big incident was that?Is she had an operation?Coz that incident it cause her to become a HYPOCHONDRIA due to trauma.Or maybe she had a long time anxieties
.
HYPOCHONDRIASIS one classification of SOMATOFoRM DISORDERS
are characterized by complaints of physical symptoms that cannot be explained by known physical mechanisms.These disorders have in common the belief that physical symptoms are real despite any evidence to the contrary.The affected individual experiences CHANGES OR LOSS IN PHYSICAL FUNCTION.THE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS ARE NOT UNDER THE INDIVIDUALS VOLUNTARY CONTROL.Significant impairment occurs in social or occupational functioning.
Is she underwent to psychiatric treatment?As i read some articles about Hypochondria,she need to see the psych doctor to asses and cure her mental disorder.And also the family need to help her situatuation and cooperation about her illness.And theres some way to treat her illnes,like how to encourage her to become independent,strengthing her Identity and many more.And the family should aware her situation so that you'll know how to approach and manage her.
HOw is she suffering from these illness?
I answer back your question so that,you can give your sister like a benefit of the doubt.You can help her also to solve her problem so that both of you will gonna live together without feeling of anger.Hope this reply will enlighten you up.
Good luck!
Naughty Carer (SKMC)
#7 *Lilli*
Posted 17 August 2005 - 12:46 AM
Joed, thanks for sharing your story and experiences.
What you've told me really reinforces my suspicions.
It's only that I'm suspicious of my sister that I question her previous ability to walk on and off.
There would be a huge difference in her ability from day to day. My sister used to live a walking distance of about 20 minutes away. One day she'd walk to Mum's house with her huge german shephards, the next she'd arrive in her wheelchair.
Sorry, I haven't made myself very clear on past events.
My sister is now about 38. (She's been in school all her life). It was about 10 years ago, when she was about 28 that the door fell on her head.
Her hypochondria started when she was about 9.
She saw lots of mental health experts when she was a teenager, but they all said there was nothing wrong with her. I also think that she deserves an Oscar for for acting Bob.
I totally agree that she loves attention and sympathy. She's appeared on a Canteen T.V. ad. (This was around the time she had a hysterectomy, as she had cancer. For all I know she might have had a hysterectomy for other reasons, and just told us it was for cancer).
She always has her hair practically shaved, I think to give the impression to strangers she's recently undergone chemo.
She's also gotten herself in the paper quite a few times.
Bob, I totally agree that she craves attention from Mum. When we were kids Mum was always working two or more jobs and we barely saw her. Her and my Dad separated when I was about four. (My sister is actually my half sister) When we did see her there wasn't a lot of affection or attention. We we started doing household chores from a very young age, and didn't really have a normal childhood. Mum was extremely strict and domineering.
My sister acts like a big kid. She loves the company of children and playing with children. She collects Walt Disney movies and has a HUGE collection of DVD's. I often walk into Mum's and find my siter watching silly cartoons and kids shows on Pay T.V. by herself.
In ways she reminds me of Micheal Jackson without the peadophlia.
She now has some real health issues, but I think intentionally hanging around hospital with imaginary illnesses has caused to pick up infections etc.
She has had a tracheometry for about 3 years. I don't know why. I've lost track of her endless hospital stays. She's now very susceptible to chest infections, pnuemonia etc.
This is why I've started to doubt my suspicions about her not being a paraplegic.
I've always believed that she's a hypochandriac. But none of my family agree.
I've been yelled at by my stepfather "She's your sister, you should help her. She'll probably die soon you know!"
When I point out to Mum that considering the things my sister is capable of she should be able to cut her own food, she just says "I don't know" and changes the subject.
I don't have the influence over my sister or family to insist she needs help. They'd just get angry and tell me I'm mean. My approach is to not reward my sister with the attention she desires, but everyone else does give her attention, so I'm just the mean sister .
I've only started having more to do with her since my baby was born. She loves her nieces to bits and loves spoiling them. When we're together we mainly discuss my daughter. I go to Mum's often and let her play with my daughter. I could never trust her alone with my daughter though, as she isn't very safety conscious.
In a way I do have sympathy for her, but she's highly intelligent and knows exactly what she's doing. Her pretences are at times very cruel to those who love her.
When she was a teenager she even became a mormon and went to a church on our street. She told the other churchgoers her family had been killed in a car accident when she was a baby. One couple were so sorry for her they adopted her. It's obvious she enjoys causing other people pain.
Another episode comes to mind. My then boyfriend had just been admitted to hospital with a broken leg after falling off a pushbike.
I noticed my sister in the ward next to him, as I was looking for him. She was being attended to by hospital staff and didn't notice me.
My then boyfriend was in extreme pain and was getting quite neglected by the nursing staff. When they eventually got around to him they apologised profusely and said that they'd been wasting their time on a hypochondriac in the next ward. They' been giving her bath which apparrently took 6 medical staff to accomplish as she's a big girl. They had to roll her onto a sling type thing and lift her by some machine to get her to the the bath. You should have seen their horrified faces when I told them the time waster was my sister. They were horrified that they'd complained about her to me, but I quickly assured them that I completely empathised with their situation.
Later that day I saw a nurse shaking a bottle outside my sister's room. She had a very angry fed up look on her face. On my way back to my then boyfriend's room I saw the nurse feeding my sister the bottle.
My brother and I had the same childhood as her and we're relatively normal, so I don't understand why she can't just get over it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply.
It's so refreshing to talk to you all, and have people agree with me that my sister's a hypochondriac. My husband is the only one in my family who sees through her like I do.
Have an awesome day!
xxx Lilli.
What you've told me really reinforces my suspicions.
It's only that I'm suspicious of my sister that I question her previous ability to walk on and off.
There would be a huge difference in her ability from day to day. My sister used to live a walking distance of about 20 minutes away. One day she'd walk to Mum's house with her huge german shephards, the next she'd arrive in her wheelchair.
Sorry, I haven't made myself very clear on past events.
My sister is now about 38. (She's been in school all her life). It was about 10 years ago, when she was about 28 that the door fell on her head.
Her hypochondria started when she was about 9.
She saw lots of mental health experts when she was a teenager, but they all said there was nothing wrong with her. I also think that she deserves an Oscar for for acting Bob.
I totally agree that she loves attention and sympathy. She's appeared on a Canteen T.V. ad. (This was around the time she had a hysterectomy, as she had cancer. For all I know she might have had a hysterectomy for other reasons, and just told us it was for cancer).
She always has her hair practically shaved, I think to give the impression to strangers she's recently undergone chemo.
She's also gotten herself in the paper quite a few times.
Bob, I totally agree that she craves attention from Mum. When we were kids Mum was always working two or more jobs and we barely saw her. Her and my Dad separated when I was about four. (My sister is actually my half sister) When we did see her there wasn't a lot of affection or attention. We we started doing household chores from a very young age, and didn't really have a normal childhood. Mum was extremely strict and domineering.
My sister acts like a big kid. She loves the company of children and playing with children. She collects Walt Disney movies and has a HUGE collection of DVD's. I often walk into Mum's and find my siter watching silly cartoons and kids shows on Pay T.V. by herself.
In ways she reminds me of Micheal Jackson without the peadophlia.
She now has some real health issues, but I think intentionally hanging around hospital with imaginary illnesses has caused to pick up infections etc.
She has had a tracheometry for about 3 years. I don't know why. I've lost track of her endless hospital stays. She's now very susceptible to chest infections, pnuemonia etc.
This is why I've started to doubt my suspicions about her not being a paraplegic.
I've always believed that she's a hypochandriac. But none of my family agree.
I've been yelled at by my stepfather "She's your sister, you should help her. She'll probably die soon you know!"
When I point out to Mum that considering the things my sister is capable of she should be able to cut her own food, she just says "I don't know" and changes the subject.
I don't have the influence over my sister or family to insist she needs help. They'd just get angry and tell me I'm mean. My approach is to not reward my sister with the attention she desires, but everyone else does give her attention, so I'm just the mean sister .
I've only started having more to do with her since my baby was born. She loves her nieces to bits and loves spoiling them. When we're together we mainly discuss my daughter. I go to Mum's often and let her play with my daughter. I could never trust her alone with my daughter though, as she isn't very safety conscious.
In a way I do have sympathy for her, but she's highly intelligent and knows exactly what she's doing. Her pretences are at times very cruel to those who love her.
When she was a teenager she even became a mormon and went to a church on our street. She told the other churchgoers her family had been killed in a car accident when she was a baby. One couple were so sorry for her they adopted her. It's obvious she enjoys causing other people pain.
Another episode comes to mind. My then boyfriend had just been admitted to hospital with a broken leg after falling off a pushbike.
I noticed my sister in the ward next to him, as I was looking for him. She was being attended to by hospital staff and didn't notice me.
My then boyfriend was in extreme pain and was getting quite neglected by the nursing staff. When they eventually got around to him they apologised profusely and said that they'd been wasting their time on a hypochondriac in the next ward. They' been giving her bath which apparrently took 6 medical staff to accomplish as she's a big girl. They had to roll her onto a sling type thing and lift her by some machine to get her to the the bath. You should have seen their horrified faces when I told them the time waster was my sister. They were horrified that they'd complained about her to me, but I quickly assured them that I completely empathised with their situation.
Later that day I saw a nurse shaking a bottle outside my sister's room. She had a very angry fed up look on her face. On my way back to my then boyfriend's room I saw the nurse feeding my sister the bottle.
My brother and I had the same childhood as her and we're relatively normal, so I don't understand why she can't just get over it.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply.
It's so refreshing to talk to you all, and have people agree with me that my sister's a hypochondriac. My husband is the only one in my family who sees through her like I do.
Have an awesome day!
xxx Lilli.
#8
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- Spinal Injury Level / Relationship:T3/T4/T5 complete severe
Posted 17 August 2005 - 06:19 PM
It is obvious that this situation is affecting your own life. At times like these you have to look at what you can do, not what you can't do. We all to often here about situations where a family member make life difficult for us. In my case it is my FIL, but that's for another time.
You have to work towards ignoring her and whatever condition she is displaying at the moment. I know that is next to impossible. However, getting frustrated at her, only hurts yourself. If what you have told us is accurate, then it's obvious to us here that she is not a para in any sense of the condition. Now the question is what can you do to make life reasonable for yourself....
You have to work towards ignoring her and whatever condition she is displaying at the moment. I know that is next to impossible. However, getting frustrated at her, only hurts yourself. If what you have told us is accurate, then it's obvious to us here that she is not a para in any sense of the condition. Now the question is what can you do to make life reasonable for yourself....
T4/T5
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