[MAMA J]

HI. I am new to this site and wanted to introduce myself. I am the mother of a 27yr old male who is a C4 complete quad. He was paralyzed in July of 2004. He came home from rehab in Oct 2004 and hasn't made much progress. He is very depressed and tellsme he just wants to die. He is on an antidepressant but he just hates his life. Any tips? Thanks.

[hockeydahc]

not sure if theres tips. imagine someone else making the choice for you that instantly you are limited in your abilities.

peer groups. sports. has he seen MURDERBALL yet? that actually sparked me in the first place. finding a peer group led to playing sled hockey, and that has turned me 180 from teh first 4 years post injury where I spend my entire days playing online video games as a recluse.

I'm not familiar with the C level functions, but there should be things he can do to interact with people and community.

[Somebody]

Welcome to the board MAMA J

I'm c7 so I know some of his limitations.

If you could find things to do he's interested in.
Can he post and make friends here?

My God gets me through each day.
If he'll lean on God, God will give him strength.

[Mary Reopelle]

My name is Mary R. i am a T-8 and i felt like i want to die i even asked the lord to take that night as i went to sleep but, he needs to get with his friends, get a job, go to a movie, go to dinner the key get out let him see what he can do. He likes to play viedo get him a computer let him talk to others in his shoes. If you have questtions i have been a para for 20 ys mail me at: samba_boot@hotmail.com Thank you. Mary

[MAMA J]

Somebody, on Nov 4 2007, 07:29 PM, said:

Welcome to the board MAMA J

I'm c7 so I know some of his limitations.

If you could find things to do he's interested in.
Can he post and make friends here?

My God gets me through each day.
If he'll lean on God, God will give him strength.

thanks for the post. today he is feeling better mood wise. Before the injury he liked to ride quads, go hunting and spend time outdoors. He also played computer games. He loved to work on his truck. He was working as an apprentice plumber. Everything he did used his hands.The only movement he has right now is lifting his arms and that is not very coordinated. He can't use the computer unless someone does it for him. We tried a mouse but that didn't work. Its really hard to think of things that he could do. He spends a lot of his day sitting outside when the weather is okay or watching tv. His old friends don't come by anymore and he doesn't go any where to make new ones. Sorry this is so long. I don't expect you to solve our problems but thanks for listening.

[mstranquiltears]

I don't know any brands by name but do know quads who use voice activated programs on their computers to chat. Just thought it might be an idea.

[linda]

Hello there, I am a mum to a 22 year old daughter with a C5 center core injury. I have heard that for some people a support group help enormous. Have you told him about this group? Here he can chat with others that have been through the same things he is now going through. There are so many supportive people, they will make him very comfortable. I do hope things turn around for him! Also you are a great mum, keep up the strength hon.

[DaveP]

I imagine it's not easy and kinda complicated being a mother of an SCI person and having your child living at home under your care. Mum's are full of love nurishment... all cuddles and stuff like that... when sometimes what's needed is a good hard shake.

It's too easy to fall into the trap and getting complacent, where the mother does too much for their child and the child just ends up entirely dependent on the mum for everything - even basic decision making!

Try getting out of the house without your child and more importantly, get your SCI child out of the house without you. OK... it maybe hard at first and there may be fights and tears, but everything hurts at first - hey, loosing our virginity was scarey but we did it!

Getting out and about creates new habits and routines... provokes new thoughts and ideas... then meeting people happens without trying...

Break the old habits that aren't working and create new habits!

[DaveP]

I just came across this web site and thought it may be useful to parents of SCI's

http://www.face2facenetwork.org.uk/

[Pressingontx]

Hello and welcome. In addition to the antidepressants, have you looked into any therapy or perhaps support groups? All the best to you.

Jason

[kashley]

Is your son interested in getting trained to do something else? I know here in Texas after my husband was injured. The state paid for him to go back to school. He was like your son and had just finished a tech degree in A/C repair when he was injured, very hands on guy. Once he got out of rehab they paid for him to go to college and even paid for his masters degree. Most college campus have a department to help him take notes and give extra time for testing. Heck I met my husband while I a bus driver on what we called the Handi Van. I think my husband was 25 when he started back to school. Now he works and I stay home with the kids.

[Sheila]

The voice activated software my boyfriend uses is called Dragon Naturally Speaking. He can use his entire computer without touching it, if he chose. He normally only uses the program when writing emails or IM'ing people, though. He uses the touch pad on his laptop to control the mouse and a pointer to click it.

[getting tired's other half]

Mama J.,
I am a C2 quad, and have been since March 18, 2003. I have no function below my neck, and limited mobility as far as head movement. I can move my head possibly 5° left to right and 15° up-and-down. It truly feels like I am encased in concrete.

I was in a way “fortunate” that I was hurt on the job and qualified for Workers Compensation insurance. So, many of my needs were met as far as the physical aspects. My wife did her best to keep my mind occupied by buying most of the new release videos, and numerous audio books for when I was in bed.

I can understand your son's situation all too well, having gone through years feeling inadequate; that the future, in that condition, was going to be unbearable. I too, had feelings that life was not worth living!

Regardless, I had way too much time to think. To think of all the things I would never be able to do again. It took 4 1/2 years for my lawyer to finally convince a judge that a computer would be a medical necessity... to help ward off depression.

Well, the moment I did have a computer that was handicapped equipped, I was in heaven. I was able to reach out to friends and family once again. And to use my mind, which had felt dormant, in many new and exciting ways. However it may be possible; your son's accessibility to a computer would greatly improve his quality of life.

Although the system that I have, because of court litigation, is quite elaborate and more than fits my needs. There are alternatives to such an elaborate system that would fulfill your son's needs. Before I got the whole system with table integrated with printer, scanner, and the positional arm that holds the monitor. I had a very simple setup that got me started.

The CPU (Tower) was set on a tray table much like you'd find in a hospital. A friend of my wife found two of them, quite cheaply, at a liquidation sale of hospital equipment. The main component, that made the computer handicapped compliant, was something that is called a QuadJoy mouse. You can do anything with a QuadJoy that you can with a regular mouse. You move the cursor with the joystick capabilities; and you left and right click using sip and puff technology. You can find more information about that at http://www.quadjoy.com/.

You can also buy the software for Dragon Naturally Speaking, which allows the user to dictate words straight to the page. That is how most of this message was written. There is also software that will add an on-screen keyboard on your monitor that you control with your cursor. Windows XP even has an on-screen keyboard through the accessories menu. The combination of the three really makes anything possible! I can do everything that I could do prior to the accident; although some things take a little bit more time.

I'm not sure what resources you have available in Missouri; whether you can get aid from the state or the county you live in... or if you have the financial resources to purchase these modifications on your own, they sure would be a life-changing investment in your son's future.

And now, a message for your son:
I too, enjoyed many of the things that you did. I loved to work with my hands. I was a carpenter and a wood worker... also doing woodcarvings. My garage was my second residence, filled with raw materials and tools for what was always my next project. The building was filled from top to bottom. After the accident it all went into storage. It isn't until now, five years later, that it took me to realize that that was my past and it will all be auctioned off this summer. What a stubborn fool I was!

I also was very much into the out doors... hunting and fishing. Before the accident, I had finally felt that my tackle boxes, numerous ones at that, were finally filled with everything that I wanted or needed. My boat was a special possession. I'm finally ready to part with all that after five years. What a stubborn fool I still am. By the way, I still own all the firearms I had before the accident. Ironically, I still can't bring myself to watch hunting or fishing television shows.

I don't know how long you will dwell on such things as your past... and what you have had to leave behind. I told you how long it's taken me. I am still stubborn, but in a better way as I look towards the future and how determined I am to begin a new life the way I am. I just need to find my place in this world where I can contribute.

If either of you have any questions; check my profile for my e-mail address. I would be happy to respond to any concerns or questions you may have.
Jack