21 replies to this topic

[Lucydog]

I have been so depressed for 3 weeks now. I have just sat and cried and cried. I went for a job which I should have got but didnt. I know all the platitudes and that it wasnt meant to be etc, but in my heart Im totally devastated. I wanted it so much. they said they didnt think I was enthusiastic enough even though I know I was by far the most qualified aopplicant. Its blown any self confidence I had, and I didnt have much to start with even though I give a good impression of being self assured.
Its so out of character for me to be like this. I keep replaying the whole interview and I just cant see where it went wrong. I feel angry as well.
My biggest fear is that we are rapidly sinking into the benefits trap. We are on the point of getting more money in benefits than I could earn and I hate it. It makes me worry about the future and what Im going to be doing in 5 years time.
I do loads of voluntary stuff and Im always doing somethng, so its not that. I just want to feel like someone. I have a degree, Im doing another, I should have some sort of career, but I dont and I feel like Im running out of hope and time which is the worst thing of all.
Im always so proactive so please dont suggest doing things, because I really do, but its going no where. Im just the local rent a crip who ends up doing everything on a voluntary basis and it does nothing for my self esteem or worth. I feel as if my personal reserve has run out.
Sorry to sound so negative but I just need to share it with someone and I dont even have that really, Im just told to pull myself together.

[DaveP]

Hey Lucy

What did Churchill say??? Come on girl, turn this around and use this "anger" to kcik yourself up the arse and keep buggering on! Surely you've been in much worse situations and got through it.

Anyway, what's past is past, and there's nothing you can do about it now. Being down isn't going to make it any better - it only makes it worse. Life is a battlefield and you can't just say stop shooting as I don't want to play any more.

You can do it!

[percepied]

Lucy:

I can relate somewhat to your situation. I've recently accepted that I will be living on benefits the remainder of my life. I tried working part-time for awhile but found as I worked more hours, more hours were demanded of me. I had to quit because I could no longer balance work and health. (I believe many AB's experience the same conundrum.) What I didn't fully appreciate was the effect not being a part of an organization and no longer being considered a viable part of the work force would have on my psyche. Here I was retired at 50 with an advanced degree and 20 years of experience. Where did I belong in society?

I have no answer. I think many of "us" feel victimized in the same way. Just like you, I am now volunteering my time just to feel a part of a community. But somehow it doesn't feel the same (to me) as advancing in a career.

So I guess what I'm saying is you have a right to cry. I am hoping that one day I will accept my disability and all the prejudices, unfair or not, that follow. That day isn't today -- but I will continue to try.

Leo

[Texaswheelz]

Been there, only thing you can do is try to keep your head up and move on to the next job. I went for over 2 years without a job, yet was applying and interviewing for them all the time. Discrimination? I think so, but there is nothing I could do about it, no way to prove it. I fell into a funk for a few months but snapped out of it and started looking for a job again. The way I look at it now is that the people that passed on me missed out on a hell of a employee, not that I've missed out on anything by not being hired by them.

[dom]

Hi Lucy,i empathise with you and was in a similar predicament,i worked hard up until 36 when the bottom fell out of my life,ppl say get up and start again but as we know its not 'cut and dried'i lost my job,house,kids in one fell swoop when my wife decided she wanted a divorce,i can't blame her any of it of course,it was her decision but it knackered my life all the same,then a few years later lo and behold i became a para! now i am struggling on benefits in a shoddy 1 bed council flat my va va voom has vroomed off and oomph has gone boomph,there is life after careers albeit a more simple one,hopefully your degree stands you in goood stead for future applications,make sure though that it is what YOU want and not solely for financial gain,for what its worth we admire you on this forum and you DO have our esteem x

[KarenFerguson]

Sorry Lucy! I've had similar situations. One situation was when I was trying to find an internship for college at interior design firms, one firm would not take me because they were afraid I would sue them because their bathroom was not up to ADA standards. At the time I just let it slide because these people were professionals and I didn't want to mar my chances of getting a job. But now I sure wish I had sued them!

I felt horrible and really disabled. I was the best in my class and I couldn't find an internship? Just crazy.

You say you have a degree? Maybe you could teach your wealth of knowledge somewhere? You've probably thought about teaching (I think everyone with a degree must), but you never know.

[kewlcatkez]

Ok,

I wasn't going to reply to your post, because I didn't want to just give my story and offer no help..but maybe my story will help in showing that you are not alone..and maybe there is some strange comfort in all of that...?

I also went to UNI and got the degrees etc etc, I was a specialized CCU RN, who took pride in everything I did( although physically I have always had some issues). I have two beautiful kids and a husband who has stuck by me ..even at he times I have told him to go.

The bottom line is that I had to medically retire from my Nursing recently. I did try going back, but the NHS is not so accommodating of disability as it would like itself to be perceived..So the downshoot is that I have ZERO career..as my degree is useless for anything else as its in Nursing, lol..unless I find someone collapsed in tesco and do advanced life support on them..ermm..no scrap that actually, I'd hate that to happen!

So what Are the upshoots?

Not sure that there are many tangiable ones..but I do have many memories of my clients, many cards from grateful relatives/patients and have life experience ...Ok so its very dull and platitudes ooze from it, but seriously, we ALL make an impression in all we do.

It may not help today, but maybe next week or next month, you will see something, a positive repercussion of the past 'life'..and you will go forwards. This tend to come in threes, so said my nana..and if thats the case, I reckon that you are done with the bad and are now going to the good set of 3!

I wish I had the answers, geez I sometimes need them for myself as I have zero prospects these days...but I do wish you much success and like a poster before said, you are appreciated and valued here and I bet that to your kids, you are the most important person on this earth and beyond..I can really testify to that..my kids are the same..

I know this has been bobbings in terms of a good 'motivational/comforting' post, so I am sorry, but I hope that sharing my situation somehow helps a little, even if its just that 'two peas in a pod' type thing..

Take care, and pm me if you ever want to chat, whatever,

K

[Illinois Boy]

Hi Lucy,
I worked part time for 26 years after my accident.... Mainly to keep insurance on my wife and family.... Enjoyed being with my old friends too... But I had to start watching what I made, cause you can only make so much and keep Disability... Eventually lost my job last year, but am working on some other means of income (my stuff, other persons company)

It pisses me off when I see people on Disability with bad backs, knees and even know some who get it cause they can't read........ What a joke..... And they want to penalize me for making a little extra money.......

I'll never turn any amounts in again........ Screw em.... In my state if you're a bum with no property you can get Medicaid..... I'm trying to get insurance on my wife, cheapest so far is $320 per month...

Anyway enuff of my ranting, you deserve that money that you are getting.... That's what are Social Security Taxes were taken out of our wages here in America......

Good Luck'

Jim

[nomis]

I feel for you Lucydog.
You keep buggering on, it's one battle in a war.

[smokymtn memories]

Hang in there Lucy. Right now, I pretty much feel the same. I'm not going to bore you with details, they don't really matter.

Keep your chin up and plug along. Never give in or give up.

[rkzenrage]

I know how you feel, I miss working like you would not believe!
However, you do have worth and bring much to our lives.
Their loss.
Much love to you and yours!

[wheeliebear75]

I am sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down. I'd give you a hug buy my arms don't even stretch to reach the floor 1/2 the time..........let alone across the Atlantic.
<----------Sorry this is will just have to do.

Didn't I see a post recently where you mentioned your "sister-in-law had been the target of ante-semitic attack"? You mentioned you've been feeling down for about 3wks & that was also when the incident with her; the depression and what happened to her may be some what related.

Many of us haven't been able to find work........or if we can it tends to be only part time. You're in good company with not being able to find work. I don't know that there is anything that any of us can do other than to tell you we feel your pain and are here for you.

Best of luck Lucy.

[RacingAxe]

Hi Lucydog, sorry you are feeling bad about not getting the job. I've listened to a few post interview reports. Several times, the reason given for choosing an individual was enthusiasm. Your qualifications matter but you need to make them feel that you will do something with the job, that you see the possibilities and the challenges involved and want to take them on! Maybe this was a dream job for you and you are upset about not getting this one. There are other jobs out there. You have some valuable feedback from this recent interview. Use it to make the next interview better.

[Deej]

Lucydog - you are always one of the first on this forum to offer advice and assistance, a comforting word or two, and I often wish I was as good at articulating my feelings as you seem to be.
Somehow we don't expect those who help others a lot to have problems themselves - I am thinking of you and hope you pull yourself out of this 'down' period, I am sure you will as you have a lovely family around you. Think positive about the setbacks that confront you.
I'm not good at boosting confidence with words of my own so I am posting an inspirational poem for you. I only hope it helps:


How Do You Think

By Author Unknown


If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't!
If you'd like to win, but you think you can't,
It's almost certain you won't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you think you'll lose, you're lost;
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you think you're outclassed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise.
You've got to be sure of yourself
Before you 'll ever win the prize.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the person who thinks he can!

-- Author Unknown


Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
Dennis P. Kimbro

Take care x

[Timmy]

I have worked in employment agencies who specialise in finding employment for disadvantaged job seekers. I have met many people who have applied for jobs, with self esteem &/or depression issues. You can front up and portray yourself as an energetic, enthusiastic person but i have found people subconsciously know. "All the right credentials but they just didn’t feel right"

Depression is a hard thing to mask and you will often find excuses as to why they didn’t employ you. Often the fact is you weren’t the person for the job. YES it feels like a kick in the face, but until you accept that people want to hire people who don’t have baggage be it physical or psychological incidents’ like this will happen.

I’ve seen it, I’ve felt it. I know how much it can crush you. Time to think well f*@k them, If in all honesty YOU know your best one for the job, well their loss.

[brookelynn628]

Lucy,

I apologize as I can't relate as much as some of the others. But I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending my encouragement I know what it's like to want to do something that makes you feel valuable, and get excited about interviewing well, and then you feel crushed and dejected when it doesn't happen. I hope the feeling of "no worth" passes soon, and that another opportunity will present itself - the perfect opportunity meant just for you.

Hang in there!! You're in my thoughts and hopes.

Brooke

[Avocado Baby]

Hi there Lucy.

Sorry you're feeling so rubbish.I've been there and heard that line 'Not enthusiastic enough.' It really sucks! Especially when you've tried so hard to get the job and you know that you want it and can do it. Timmy definitely has a point that potential employers seem to be able to see through a 'brave face' or whatever you want to call it. It's soooo hard to put on an act when you're feeling low or lacking self-esteembut how you conquer it, I'm afraid I can't help with. Timmy?

I know you will find something that is right for you. As for your worth, you give a lot of great advice on here and your posts and sense of humour are great!!

Good luck Lucy!

Edited by Pink Ali, 07 November 2007 - 11:49 PM.

[Joed]

Lucy...

I'm sorry to know you're going through this rough spot. But I'm a firm believer that a closed door is never an accident or coincidence. Look for the open window. ;) A bit trite, perhaps, but there's a reason that some sentiments become trite.

Hang in there....someone is going to get a very capable and dedicated employee in you.

[Elzeen]

Lucydog -

I'm responding to your post a little late and hope things are looking up for you. I too have had a recent job-seeking experience that left my self esteem in tatters. Keep your skills up and yourself occupied with volunteering and with a little luck you will be in the right place at the right time with the right stuff!

And acknowledge that some interviewers/hiring managers are just jerks.

[Lucydog]

Thankyou to everyone who replied and sent me nice messages. Im feeling better now, and more like my usual self again. But I just thought Id say thank you.

Cheers
L

[Elzeen]

Glad to hear it, Lucy!

[john S.]

Lucydog, on Nov 5 2007, 09:08 AM, said:

I have been so depressed for 3 weeks now. I have just sat and cried and cried. I went for a job which I should have got but didnt. I know all the platitudes and that it wasnt meant to be etc, but in my heart Im totally devastated. I wanted it so much. they said they didnt think I was enthusiastic enough even though I know I was by far the most qualified aopplicant. Its blown any self confidence I had, and I didnt have much to start with even though I give a good impression of being self assured.
Its so out of character for me to be like this. I keep replaying the whole interview and I just cant see where it went wrong. I feel angry as well.
My biggest fear is that we are rapidly sinking into the benefits trap. We are on the point of getting more money in benefits than I could earn and I hate it. It makes me worry about the future and what Im going to be doing in 5 years time.
I do loads of voluntary stuff and Im always doing somethng, so its not that. I just want to feel like someone. I have a degree, Im doing another, I should have some sort of career, but I dont and I feel like Im running out of hope and time which is the worst thing of all.
Im always so proactive so please dont suggest doing things, because I really do, but its going no where. Im just the local rent a crip who ends up doing everything on a voluntary basis and it does nothing for my self esteem or worth. I feel as if my personal reserve has run out.
Sorry to sound so negative but I just need to share it with someone and I dont even have that really, Im just told to pull myself together.

When I started job searching they would say things like, "You're so handicapped, why do you want to work". I was turned down for volunteer positions. I turned out doing their taxes and payroll. Thanks to an accounting company that realized their best ideas came while sitting on their butts.
You get a can and write anything you want on it. Dark sunglasses, too. Top clothes from the thrift store and a chunk of stale bread. (the bread is for pigeons that fly)I usually take a radio with earbuds to listen to music. Go to your towns square and beg. It feel fantastic when you get a four or five hundred dollar day. Sign up to use your local public transports and visit malls. You can't beg inside but you can cream the exits. Anyone says anything just pretend not to understand and pretend you think they are going to hit you. I've gotten guards to give me money. You may get lucky and kill a few pidgeons, Darn flying rats!