[funklab]

I had my accident about 2 months ago, and I am still in rehab (i get out right before Christmas).

When I crashed my bike, I knew I was paralyzed (T8) and my thoughts went just like this "okay. I am paralyzed now. That sucks. I'm going to have to live in a wheelchair now. That sucks. Oh well, it cant be that hard". Well after 4 weeks in the hospital and 4 weeks in rehab, I realize just how hard it is going to be.

But still I feel "okay" with being in a wheelchair. Yeah, it blows and I wish I could walk and have sex and ride a bike and walk up stairs, but I really dont ever feel "bad" about that stuff. This can't be normal. Shouldnt I freak out? Shouldnt I be really pissed off, or depressed, or full of regret or something? Maybe its because I am still living in a rehab hospital and not in the real world, but I have been out in the real world many times during my rehab, with and without hospital staff.

I just want to be prepared, because I feel like maybe I am going to freak out, and if I delay it too long its going to be really bad or something

So basically I am posting here, because I want to know how long it took you guys to "freak out" after your injury? Did any of you never really freak out and just sort of accepted it and move on?

thanks,

josh

[Kev-O]

I was ok with being paralyzed until i got home. Home sucks, nothing is in your reach you cant fit anywere, and everything is in your way. It pissed me off sitting at home an thats when it hit me. Rehab will feel like your real home but you dont relyze it till your get to your house, an maybe not at first but it will not take long to set in that your home just does not feel right.

[Illinois Boy]

I've always had a bad Temper, but when I first came home I found myself throwing shit when I got pissed...... After several new cordless phones, I found it was just cheaper to Cuss like a sailor..... I still get pissed, but not about my condition.....

Go ahead and throw some hospital shit around...... Maybe your insurance will pay for it.....

Tell em' it was a muscle spasam.........

Best Wishes.......

Jim

[Ches]

Funklab I can totally relate to what you're asking. Im still waiting around for it to all HIT, or whatever is supposed to happen. Kinda like you, I just seem to go with the flow.

I have days when it sucks and I hate being restricted, and days when I im easily frustrated and short tempered. But all in all its never got the best of me. Its kick ass I think. Maybe its the denial, maybe its the hope.. maybe its just delayed.. Who knows. Whatever it is has surely made this all alot easier. Be thankful, your heads in the right place.

[sfultong]

Yeah, I feel the same way. It all seems like a big "oops, oh well..."

I dunno, there have been a few days where I've been kinda depressed, but not many.

It feels more like a series of small frustrations than a big trauma.

[KimAndSophie]

Hi Josh,

It's been 3 years for me now and I still haven't "freaked out". I guess everything "hit me" on my 2 year anniversary, but I've accepted what's happened and I just get on with life. The only time it's really "bothered" me is on the 2 year anniversary, but that was mostly because for the first time I realized that there were going to be more birthdays, Xmases, etc. with me not walking, and I started thinking about growing older and still using a wheelchair and having kids while still not walking etc. Once things sunk in a bit that day though I was fine and have never thought that way since. I've just accepted it and moved on. And you know what? I've never been happier than I am right now!

This post has been edited by KimAndSophie: 12 December 2007 - 06:17 AM

[nomis]

Hi funklab
I read your post with a smile that got bigger and bigger. What you say could have been written by me word for word way back when. So, taking into consideration the comments above and my own reactions, lots of us must be "not normal".

I love it when you say: "Shouldnt I freak out? Shouldnt I be really pissed off, or depressed, or full of regret or something?" My words, too. And I was off a bike. Maybe that's it (joking).

I guess some of us react this way and others that. Plenty of time left to slowly get pissed off with things then find ways of dealing with them. As for the grand freak out, I dunno. It might depend as much on how you personally react as to what the world throws up to you in the future.

I went into a big realisation and depression after 13 years. I was gutted when a relationship broke up and it seemed to pull all my frustrating limits and losses together at once. It was the worst and the best time of my life. I could easily have killed myself I felt so bad but it gave me the chance to face my injured self and realise I was ok. Actually, I realised I deeply loved and cared for myself.

You sound fine to me. You could try to conjure up a fantasy of what the damage will be but I don't think that'll do it (apart from making you neurotic). You might as well plug on with life, see what it throws up and one day look back and say, ah ha, so that's how it was.

This post has been edited by nomis: 12 December 2007 - 09:04 AM

[Tim13]

16 years and still haven't freaked out about it. Prefer to freak out about things i can have some control over i guess.

[Joed]

I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall too. It's true what Kev-O said, that coming home to a familiar environment in an unfamiliar body can be a rude awakening, but I had an active 3 y/o to take care of at the time, so that left me little time to mull over all the changes in my life.

I had moments of slight depression, I suppose, but I never felt devastated. I often wondered if something was wrong with me, because 'devastated' seemed like it would be the reasonable and appropriate response.

I think so much has to do with individual personalities and life experiences, personal fears, etc. prior to injury. Some people just seem to be more resilient and have different ways of coping. Maybe those people deal with everything in smaller, more bite-sized doses, instead of all at once.

At any rate, I think it's normal to feel however it is that you feel. Anything else would be abnormal, right?

[sfultong]

I wonder if some people get psychologically "pressured" into feeling bad about their injury, because of so many people trying to empathize with what they see as an almost insurmountable misfortune.

[alyssa]

sfultong, on Dec 12 2007, 11:30 AM, said:

I wonder if some people get psychologically "pressured" into feeling bad about their injury, because of so many people trying to empathize with what they see as an almost insurmountable misfortune.

sometimes i really think thats the case.

its been oover 2 years for me. i had a pity party, but no freakouts. i think it just sunk in with me that this is how its gonna be, it sucks but no point pouting. i have my 'i hate life' days, prolly once a month...if that. when/if the freakout comes depends on your personality.

and really...who is spreading the rumour that you cant have sex? you just need to be more creative

This post has been edited by alyssa: 12 December 2007 - 05:44 PM

[funklab]

alyssa, on Dec 12 2007, 12:43 PM, said:

and really...who is spreading the rumour that you cant have sex? you just need to be more creative

i knew i shoulda put a disclaimer on that one. hate to sound like the glass half full guy, but no way is it going to be the same...

[sfultong]

I think it's just that pity is the default attitude towards people with disabilities, and it's hard to view someone as a sexual being when you're pitying them.

[nomis]

No one gets away with showing pity around me (unless it's a cop issuing a ticket and I probably don't want to have sex with them, anyway).

This post has been edited by nomis: 13 December 2007 - 04:51 AM

[Big Valley]

I never did and 15 years now. I have always had the opinion that shit happens to people everyday for no good reason. I just drew some bad luck. But what you gonna do? Cry all your life or just move on and live your life. Could my life be better? Maybe. But it could also be a lot worse.

Back when I got hurt and was in the hospital the psychologist kept telling people she thought I didn't seem to be accepting my injury and was in denial. She thought I might have a head injury also. She would come in the room all on tip toes and speaking in that sad voice asking how I was doing and if I was ready to talk yet. I asked her once is she needed to talk because she seemed so sad every day. :-)

I got a little scared every once and while over the early years thinking about what I would do with my life. But I was 17 when I got hurt. Thinking about the rest of your life at 17 scares anybody.

So no it is not unusual to not "freak out." If anything maybe it shows you are ready to get on with your life and accept the challenge ahead of you.

The people that break down and stay angry for the rest of their lives are also the people who would have freaked out at any minor trouble in their "normal" lives.

[kiwiquad]

Tim13, on Dec 12 2007, 10:55 PM, said:

16 years and still haven't freaked out about it. Prefer to freak out about things i can have some control over i guess.

I'm 24yrs SCI...& it just hit me this year!
Thank God for Apparelyzed.

[funklab]

kiwiquad, on Dec 14 2007, 10:10 PM, said:

I'm 24yrs SCI...& it just hit me this year!
Thank God for Apparelyzed.

hmmmmmm

I think that's a bit late. You're gonna have to blame your freak out on something else.

mebbe the beer

This post has been edited by funklab: 15 December 2007 - 03:14 AM

[darrel]

I am 2 years post in Jan. I started to go in to depression about 6 months ago and back in Sept. I got on line..this sight has helped me a lot. if you go to the very front of this sight it will help you understand your injury, I spent a lot of time there..I was always under the impression that a spinal injury was a messed up back. never knew the difference of a quad or para or heard of a tetra..I was having a hard time accepting the idea that I was losing all my friends like I had some type of desease. it really hurt to think that I was never going to be able to do the things that I had always taken for granted, but over the last few months I have learned a lot plus I have learned that I can still do things that I love to do but now they will be done differently. I have done a lot of remodifying of tools and fishing procedures/ methods..every time I try to do something I think of new or better ways to do them..you to will find this and accept it for what it is. it is a new way of life ..if you are any thing like the rest of us you will face this challenge and try like hell to over come it..it will be hard at times and you will feel like giving up but the deep down you will fight back and take control the best that you can.


good luck with your challenges and keep us posted with your progress

This post has been edited by darrel: 15 December 2007 - 03:20 AM

[aussiechick]

I have my bad days too,but I've never freaked out!!
I have 3 kids the youngest one is 9 years he is always making me laugh and he loves get get on the back of my electric whellchair and have a ride.
I am just glad I am still here for my kids walking or not and I am just glad to be able to see them all grow up
I have battled liver and bowel cancer for 9 years before my accident and I nearly lost my life both times surviving that has made me stronger.
I try to make the most of my life the way it is now and make the most of it.

Hope you all are doing well

[kiwiquad]

I'm 24yrs SCI...& it just hit me this year!
Thank God for Apparelyzed.
[/quote]

hmmmmmm

I think that's a bit late. You're gonna have to blame your freak out on something else.

mebbe the beer

I didn't appreciate my post being mocked by you!
You did post the question...& I replied honestly...& fyi, I'm as sober as a judge.

[alyssa]

funklab, on Dec 12 2007, 06:53 PM, said:

alyssa, on Dec 12 2007, 12:43 PM, said:

and really...who is spreading the rumour that you cant have sex? you just need to be more creative

i knew i shoulda put a disclaimer on that one. hate to sound like the glass half full guy, but no way is it going to be the same...

it might not be the same...but that doesnt mean it wont be enjoyable...

[Andrew Meddings]

7 YEARS AGO WHILST IN REHAB I WAS REFERED TO A SHRINK CAUSE I HAD THE ATTITUDE SHIT HAPPENS GET OVER MY . ATITUDE STILL HASNT CHANGED .SHE TOLD ME I WASNT CRAZY ( PLENTY WOULD DISSAGREE ) EVERYONE HAS PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH OURS ARE MORE OBVIOUS THAN MOST PEOPLE'S. FOR EVERY NEGATIVE THAT HAPPENS IN LIFE THERE IS A POSSITIVE

[KimAndSophie]

nomis, on Dec 12 2007, 11:49 PM, said:

No one gets away with showing pity around me (unless it's a cop issuing a ticket and I probably don't want to have sex with them, anyway).

Big Valley, on Dec 14 2007, 09:28 PM, said:

But what you gonna do? Cry all your life or just move on and live your life. Could my life be better? Maybe. But it could also be a lot worse.

Big Valley, that's EXACTLY how I feel about things!

Quote

Back when I got hurt and was in the hospital the psychologist kept telling people she thought I didn't seem to be accepting my injury and was in denial. She thought I might have a head injury also. She would come in the room all on tip toes and speaking in that sad voice asking how I was doing and if I was ready to talk yet. I asked her once is she needed to talk because she seemed so sad every day. :-)

I know what you are talking about here! I had this hospital social worker who kept talking to me like I was a baby. She would talk to me in this high voice and you could cut the pity with a knife it was so thick! I also got the whole "denial talk" quite a few times. I was even told I was just "too happy" for someone who has just had this "tragidy" happen! THEN, when the Dr's were calling my guide dog school trying to have my dog taken away from me so they could force me into a nursing home and I was very mad and upset abut that, she was all "relieved" because I was finally showing feelings about what was happening, and told me to "let all of me feelings out"! Of COURSE all of these feelings HAD to be about me being a quad and NOT that they were trying their best to get my guide dog taken away after we had been working together for four years, destroying my independence and stuffing me into a nursing home with seniors when I was only 22! It's like they don't have a CLUE most of the time!

[alyssa]

KimAndSophie, on Dec 15 2007, 08:47 AM, said:

I also got the whole "denial talk" quite a few times. I was even told I was just "too happy" for someone who has just had this "tragidy" happen!

if i had a dollar for everytime i've heard that..i'd be rich

[ericck]

u r blessed 2 have your level injury im a c6 i would love 2 have the use of my upper torso.and yet i havent freaked out.just find what makes u happy and do- what u do

[funklab]

kiwiquad, on Dec 14 2007, 11:04 PM, said:

I didn't appreciate my post being mocked by you!
You did post the question...& I replied honestly...& fyi, I'm as sober as a judge.

Sorry if I upset you with my comment. I know that you were answering honestly and really do appreciate your post.

I have this problem, where I can't take anything seriously (including my injury), but I won't joke about yours any more.

kiwiquad, on Dec 14 2007, 11:04 PM, said:

I didn't appreciate my post being mocked by you!
You did post the question...& I replied honestly...& fyi, I'm as sober as a judge.

Sorry if I upset you with my comment. I know that you were answering honestly and really do appreciate your post.

I have this problem, where I can't take anything seriously (including my injury), but I won't joke about yours any more.

[sfultong]

Quote

I have this problem, where I can't take anything seriously (including my injury)

Yeah, I have that problem, too

It drives my mother crazy

[Texaswheelz]

Add me to the list of those that hasn't freaked out 'yet' after 17 years. I also had that damn lady in rehab that i was supposed to spend 30 minutes with every 2 or 3 days to discuss how i was feeling and she was telling me that i would go through these 5 or 6 stages or what ever and she would be there for me. After the first visit with her i told her to kiss my ass, i was already beyond all of her stages and ready to get on with my life not waste my time setting in a dark and gloomy room and letting her talk me into being depressed and in denial and angry....etc. Never talked to her again after that and have done just fine.

[dan_nc]

KimAndSophie, on Dec 15 2007, 08:47 AM, said:

I also got the whole "denial talk" quite a few times. I was even told I was just "too happy" for someone who has just had this "tragidy" happen!

I've heard that a number of times too. I just prefer to be optimistic and see life as an adventure. I don't think it's being in denial to say that my life has gotten a lot more interesting since my spinal cord injury. It's also become a bigger PITA, but life is supposed to be challenging. I don't think I've ever really freaked out about becoming paralyzed.