Help
I've been so miserable, I was sure it would never end. I've been so happy I was sure life couldn't get any better. And everything in between for all different reasons all while I was in a wheelchair. And as I have said to many (annoying) people who can't keep themselves from saying "I just don't know how you do it?" (I wasn't aware I had a lot of options>) or "how have I always had such a positive attitude?" I remind them that 1) Given the unfortunately large number of walking people that are depressed these days, walking clearly isn't the key to happiness. It's just a lot more practical! 2) They aren't around me all the time and I have my tantrums (serious ones!) just like everyone else, I just try not to freak out in public.
But, alas, I get ahead of myself. Most of you start with why or how you came to be in a wheelchair. I don't. My story generally makes people really uncomfortable (at first). Later, they start sharing with me and it always ends up better. I'm not sharing for attention or pity but for whatever reason I find that when we are start sharing our stories it helps. Also, this is a different situation so, here I go... It's not short.
My mother's VERY angry boyfriend chased us down with his car after. We knew he was coming since (in his rage) he said he was coming back with his gun. We left in another car. I was in the front seat on my mothers lap, no seat belt, etc. He caught up with us and slammed into our car until it went off a cliff. (Believe it or not, his name was Cliff. Seriously.) I wouldn't be alive to write this but as our car came off the cliff, one of my kindergarten classmates and his mother were gardening below. They saw us and called for help.
He never went to prison because my mother and her boyfriend said it was an accident. It was there word against the driver and I have always had amnesia of the whole event. There were witnesses to the argument but apparently that wasn't enough.
The BIG irony is that as a result of this unbelievable event, I was finally taken away from my mother and given to my father. A wonderful, loving, funny man who always treated me like I was a regular kid. He was my best friend and he endowed with a sense of humor that can handle a whole lot of crap.
I don't believe there is a reason for everything but living with my Dad gave me the chance I needed to graduate highschool, go to college, and have a life. Again, I don't believe there is a reason for everything. There are too many horrific things that happen in the world to believe it happens on purpose but I do believe that sometimes amazing things can happen as a result of a nightmare. Then, again, sometimes a nightmare is just a nightmare and hopefully, at some point you can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in my own nightmare right now but that is another story.
I have been a first grade teacher for over ten years. I may not be able to walk but I have changed children's lives. I proved that I could teach in a wheelchair, unassisted just as well as anyone else. In fact, the one thing I don't mind bragging about is that I am a really good teacher and no matter what I know I've made the world a better place.
For all of you new to the chair, one of the many reasons I went into teaching was so that there would be 20+ kids that would become grownups that wouldn't stare and well, just be stupid. I wish I could do more but it's a start I guess. I promise I taught them to read and write too
In highschool, I was sure I would never have a boyfriend. In college, I learned there were great guys that just didn't care. I met my first love and he raised my expectations considerably (maybe a little too high, if that's possible!). You are NOT a burden on your significant other. If you have a loving, significant other don't lose them because you can't handle your disability. Please find a way to be patient and some day you will be so grateful to have a shoulder to lean on. I'm in between relationships right now and I would give anything to have someone to come home to, to wake up to.
I apologize for the maximum verbosity. I just wish when I was new to my injury that I had someone to talk to. I'm having some of my own problems right now. I'm not feeling very helpful to myself these days so maybe I can help someone else.
Posted 25 February 2008 - 02:08 PM
dear desertgirl
