4 replies to this topic

[skinnylatte]

Hello everyone!

I just registered to post, but I have read some of the message boards before and have always found them to be quite helpful.

My boyfriend is a c5/6 quad. We're in a long distance relationship. It's still fairly 'new' but we're moving into a deeper level.

I was telling my mother about this and I wanted her to be really happy for me but she seems more concerned than anything, and was asking questions about him - like can he have kids and how does he go to the bathroom.

I'm trying to be understanding, but I am a little frustrated with her.
I know someone on here has been through this before.

Help.

[monikamadrid75]

Well, my fiancé is a C5/C6 quad, too. We've been together for about a year and a half - also long distance (me there in every holiday I can possibly get - lucky me for being a teacher!) - and my parents reacted the same. They are just nervous and worried for you - my mom's biggest concern was that he was an internet predator... .

If my parents are anything to go by, I just played hard-arse for about 8 months and before they knew it, they were over themselves. We're getting married in August, and after slowly easing my mom into it, she want to now convert HER house so that it will be easier for us to come and stay there!

....You will get frustrated, with EVERYONE - but it's best to just patiently explain ...over and OVER.... the basic ins and outs of the situation. It'll sink in eventually! People don't know, and they are curious and some of their concerns are valid, so listen. It's not all a cake-walk!

All I can say is good luck, welome to the forum, read LOTS, be open to lots of new experiences and enjoy every day! My man is too wonderful for words and I cannot wait to be his wife! What a great future to look forward to for me and him - I wish you the same!

xxx

Monika

[Brindabella]

skinnylatte, on Feb 25 2008, 04:11 AM, said:

Hello everyone!

I just registered to post, but I have read some of the message boards before and have always found them to be quite helpful.

My boyfriend is a c5/6 quad. We're in a long distance relationship. It's still fairly 'new' but we're moving into a deeper level.

I was telling my mother about this and I wanted her to be really happy for me but she seems more concerned than anything, and was asking questions about him - like can he have kids and how does he go to the bathroom.

I'm trying to be understanding, but I am a little frustrated with her.
I know someone on here has been through this before.

Help.

Haha. People are always asking questions and that should be okay.. you (like me) were ignorant once too. Try and have a little patience with her (and all the other questions that will come your way through your lives together). Think of it as educating people - and that's doing a service to people who are paralysed and living invisibly to those who never thought about them before. My mother (if she were alive) would be crazy about the man in my life, and my dad likes him a lot. It's your boyfriend's personality that should shine through and the way he's good for you that your mother should care about most.

Edited by Brindabella, 25 February 2008 - 08:11 AM.

[firemaiden]

Hi. I've just registered and am also in a fairly new relationship. I think the best thing to do is to remember that you and I have had to find things out along the way as well. If you answer your Mum's questions as best you can but without going into too much detail, that should help put her mind at rest. There are some things that are private and people wouldn't dream of asking if we were dating anyone else but for some reason feel it's ok to ask in our situation. You will tend to get asked the same questions by other people and your Mum will also think of new concerns but just try to deal with each one as it crops up.

Brindabella hits the nail on the head: "It's your boyfriend's personality that should shine through and the way he's good for you that your mother should care about most."

Parents always worry, just remember their main concern is your happiness and if they see you in a happy loving relationship, they will be happy for you. It might just take a little time.

[Discord]

I meet my husband in chatroom my freshman year of college. When started "dating"and my parents found out, they freaked out. The internet thing and wheelchair thing and my age combined was just too much to deal with. (this was back in 95 and they couldn't wrap their heads around the long distance thing.) My mom also married rather late (in her 30's) and just thought I was way too young (I was 18)

I have to say it was a rough few of years, my mom was convinced he was just looking for a nurse and not a girlfriend. And I was too young anyway. Well, Knight and I talked on the phone and on-line daily for about 2 years, add in a few across the country trips ( I was in New Mexico he was in Indy) Two years later (97) he moved to New Mexico to be near me, and get away from the snow.

We moved in together 98 and got engaged in 99. My parents were still a little weird about it but grudgingly accepting it. My mom was worse, she just tried to ignore his existence, until she finally came to the conclusion I had made my decision and this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It was rough, but it was also the first rebelling stage I went through with my parents, so looking back that seemed to make it worse. Since it was the first time I was actively disagreeing with them, they wanted to blame it on his "bad" influence, rather than my determination that being with him was something I wanted to do. I think also my Dad had some pre-conceived notions about what his Son-in-Law would be, but frankly I don't think I would have ever married that guy. know what I mean? It did take a lot of soul searching on my part, though, to make sure that I was with my Knight for the right reasons, (I loved him) rather than out rebellion.

Miraculously, by the time the wedding came around in early 2002, and well even for the year before, my parents had finally came around and started seeing my Knight for the guy he was and not just the chair, or the guy trying to "steal" their daughter. Now we've been married 6 years and everyone gets along great.

I guess in a way its a parent's job to take care of their children, and try and make sure they have the best. So any questioning should come from a good place in the heart, try and be patient with you Mom and answer the best you can. I know I certainly escalated the fight with my parents more than I needed to, and a certainly made my share of low blows in a fight. But I'm blaming that youth and thinking that I knew it all. -if only. I'd do a lot of that over if I could.
My Mom and I have worked things out.

So, my advice is answer your Mom's questions, and try not to be too defensive. Let the two of them meet on neutral grounds, (For the record, at your parents inaccessible house for about a week was/is probably not the best idea. it made him seem even more helpless than usual and caused a lot of unnecessary stress to everyone!) I'm sure once that she sees that you are truly happy, she will eventually start seeing your BF as who he is personality-wise and not just the chair.

let me know if you ever have any other questions, I would have loved to "talk" to someone who was going through the same thing years ago.