8 replies to this topic

[Marie6120]

Has someone written a book about how to deal with a disrespectful teenager of a parent who is totally disabled? Teenager (only child of Dad) is 15 and he's mean and abusive to his Dad. This is new behavior. Not all the time but enough where it is very painful. Teenager also says no to EVERYTHING and has starting skipping one class at school that he doesn't want to take - is this just being a teenager? You can't force a kid to be nice, or go to therapy, or take up a sport, or even walk the dogs - or can you? (child has lived in two homes - joint custody - for 14 years; other household has lots of problems too). Very healthy athletic Dad had accident in ocean 19 months ago and became instant quad. At least teenager not into drugs or alcohol! Thanks for input.

[Kev-O]

sound like someone needs to kick off in this kids ass

[Horseman]

Marie6120, on Mar 21 2008, 11:55 PM, said:

Has someone written a book about how to deal with a disrespectful teenager of a parent who is totally disabled? Teenager (only child of Dad) is 15 and he's mean and abusive to his Dad. This is new behavior. Not all the time but enough where it is very painful. Teenager also says no to EVERYTHING and has starting skipping one class at school that he doesn't want to take - is this just being a teenager? You can't force a kid to be nice, or go to therapy, or take up a sport, or even walk the dogs - or can you? (child has lived in two homes - joint custody - for 14 years; other household has lots of problems too). Very healthy athletic Dad had accident in ocean 19 months ago and became instant quad. At least teenager not into drugs or alcohol! Thanks for input.

Marie

I would suggest you find the book " Battlefield of the Mind for Teenagers " It is written by Joyce Meyer of Joyce Meyer Ministries. IMO he is having trouble with your husbands accident. Maybe a counselor at school or a paster at church would be a help.


Horseman

[edlee]

Don't ever count out drugs with any teenager.

ANY sudden change in behavior, attention span, habits can be an indicater. Keep your eyes and ears open.

Teenagers have been hard to understand for as long as there have been teenagers.

I wish you luck, but keep in mind, in five years he'll be twenty.
ed

[kewlcatkez]

Marie6120, on Mar 21 2008, 11:55 PM, said:

Has someone written a book about how to deal with a disrespectful teenager of a parent who is totally disabled? Teenager (only child of Dad) is 15 and he's mean and abusive to his Dad. This is new behavior. Not all the time but enough where it is very painful. Teenager also says no to EVERYTHING and has starting skipping one class at school that he doesn't want to take - is this just being a teenager? You can't force a kid to be nice, or go to therapy, or take up a sport, or even walk the dogs - or can you? (child has lived in two homes - joint custody - for 14 years; other household has lots of problems too). Very healthy athletic Dad had accident in ocean 19 months ago and became instant quad. At least teenager not into drugs or alcohol! Thanks for input.

Hello Maried6120,

Just to add to the information already given. Personally, along with the Injury causing the behaviour, I would say that there are other possible causes. Given that the teen has already had a problematic upbringing, it could be as a result of all of this and that the injury is a catalyst.

However, I would also look at the School. As he is skipping class, I would consider "bullying", especially due to the fact that it is ONE CLASS that he is unwilling to go to and take. Yes he could be saying that he dislikes the subject, but is it possible that he is with kids in that class who he is not usually with? Kids who are bullying ( mentally, psycologically, emotionally, or physically?)

An acquaintance of mine has a teen. The acquaintance is disabled (uses crutches full time) and her daughter exhibited the behaviour you describe after kids in her class started picking on here b/c of her mother's disability.

Anyway, sorry to go on. With regards to books,

BOOKS:

Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens
by Maryann Rosenthal
-not specifically about disability, but about teen behaviour and parent behaviour too!


Parenting and Disability: Disabled Parents' Experiences of Raising Children
by Richard Olsen & Harriet Clarke

Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths (National Childbirth Trust Guide)
by Michele, Wates
(older but apparently v good)


WEBSITES:

Please look at the following website: http://www.studyofadolescence.org.uk and specifically HERE - publications It is a site which covers pretty much every scenario teens/parents encounter and has literature for both parties.

http://www.lookingglass.org - parenting with a disability. ( website)

http://www.disabledp...n/site/site.cgi -UK website, resources for disabled parents..

http://www.disabledparents.net/ - parents with disabilities online, international has resources and info from those who have 'been there' and still are.


For the Son- specifically-:
Disability-living with someone who has a disability Helpful 'tips' website.

http://www.bridges4kids.org/SC.html An anti bullying site.

I hope this helps and that the man in question and hi son resolve their difficulties as best they can and as rapidly as possible.

Take care,

k

[roxy]

kewlcatkez, on Mar 26 2008, 09:33 AM, said:

Marie6120, on Mar 21 2008, 11:55 PM, said:

Has someone written a book about how to deal with a disrespectful teenager of a parent who is totally disabled? Teenager (only child of Dad) is 15 and he's mean and abusive to his Dad. This is new behavior. Not all the time but enough where it is very painful. Teenager also says no to EVERYTHING and has starting skipping one class at school that he doesn't want to take - is this just being a teenager? You can't force a kid to be nice, or go to therapy, or take up a sport, or even walk the dogs - or can you? (child has lived in two homes - joint custody - for 14 years; other household has lots of problems too). Very healthy athletic Dad had accident in ocean 19 months ago and became instant quad. At least teenager not into drugs or alcohol! Thanks for input.

Hello Maried6120,

Just to add to the information already given. Personally, along with the Injury causing the behaviour, I would say that there are other possible causes. Given that the teen has already had a problematic upbringing, it could be as a result of all of this and that the injury is a catalyst.

However, I would also look at the School. As he is skipping class, I would consider "bullying", especially due to the fact that it is ONE CLASS that he is unwilling to go to and take. Yes he could be saying that he dislikes the subject, but is it possible that he is with kids in that class who he is not usually with? Kids who are bullying ( mentally, psycologically, emotionally, or physically?)

An acquaintance of mine has a teen. The acquaintance is disabled (uses crutches full time) and her daughter exhibited the behaviour you describe after kids in her class started picking on here b/c of her mother's disability.

Anyway, sorry to go on. With regards to books,

BOOKS:

Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens
by Maryann Rosenthal
-not specifically about disability, but about teen behaviour and parent behaviour too!


Parenting and Disability: Disabled Parents' Experiences of Raising Children
by Richard Olsen & Harriet Clarke

Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths (National Childbirth Trust Guide)
by Michele, Wates
(older but apparently v good)


WEBSITES:

Please look at the following website: http://www.studyofadolescence.org.uk and specifically HERE - publications It is a site which covers pretty much every scenario teens/parents encounter and has literature for both parties.

http://www.lookingglass.org - parenting with a disability. ( website)

http://www.disabledp...n/site/site.cgi -UK website, resources for disabled parents..

http://www.disabledparents.net/ - parents with disabilities online, international has resources and info from those who have 'been there' and still are.


For the Son- specifically-:
Disability-living with someone who has a disability Helpful 'tips' website.

http://www.bridges4kids.org/SC.html An anti bullying site.

I hope this helps and that the man in question and hi son resolve their difficulties as best they can and as rapidly as possible.

Take care,

k

I know what you mean. I am a woman with a 16 year old daughter. She has become very mouthy and having to help take care of me has interupted her friend time. I have ruined her life so she says. She is taking advantage of the fact that I'm in the wheelchair and can't do anything about it. I wish you luck with your son and I will read your reply's to find a good book myself. Maybe just the reading can take your mind off.
roxy

[roxy]

kewlcatkez, on Mar 26 2008, 09:33 AM, said:

Marie6120, on Mar 21 2008, 11:55 PM, said:

Has someone written a book about how to deal with a disrespectful teenager of a parent who is totally disabled? Teenager (only child of Dad) is 15 and he's mean and abusive to his Dad. This is new behavior. Not all the time but enough where it is very painful. Teenager also says no to EVERYTHING and has starting skipping one class at school that he doesn't want to take - is this just being a teenager? You can't force a kid to be nice, or go to therapy, or take up a sport, or even walk the dogs - or can you? (child has lived in two homes - joint custody - for 14 years; other household has lots of problems too). Very healthy athletic Dad had accident in ocean 19 months ago and became instant quad. At least teenager not into drugs or alcohol! Thanks for input.

Hello Maried6120,

Just to add to the information already given. Personally, along with the Injury causing the behaviour, I would say that there are other possible causes. Given that the teen has already had a problematic upbringing, it could be as a result of all of this and that the injury is a catalyst.

However, I would also look at the School. As he is skipping class, I would consider "bullying", especially due to the fact that it is ONE CLASS that he is unwilling to go to and take. Yes he could be saying that he dislikes the subject, but is it possible that he is with kids in that class who he is not usually with? Kids who are bullying ( mentally, psycologically, emotionally, or physically?)

An acquaintance of mine has a teen. The acquaintance is disabled (uses crutches full time) and her daughter exhibited the behaviour you describe after kids in her class started picking on here b/c of her mother's disability.

Anyway, sorry to go on. With regards to books,

BOOKS:

Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens
by Maryann Rosenthal
-not specifically about disability, but about teen behaviour and parent behaviour too!


Parenting and Disability: Disabled Parents' Experiences of Raising Children
by Richard Olsen & Harriet Clarke

Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths (National Childbirth Trust Guide)
by Michele, Wates
(older but apparently v good)


WEBSITES:

Please look at the following website: http://www.studyofadolescence.org.uk and specifically HERE - publications It is a site which covers pretty much every scenario teens/parents encounter and has literature for both parties.

http://www.lookingglass.org - parenting with a disability. ( website)

http://www.disabledp...n/site/site.cgi -UK website, resources for disabled parents..

http://www.disabledparents.net/ - parents with disabilities online, international has resources and info from those who have 'been there' and still are.


For the Son- specifically-:
Disability-living with someone who has a disability Helpful 'tips' website.

http://www.bridges4kids.org/SC.html An anti bullying site.

I hope this helps and that the man in question and hi son resolve their difficulties as best they can and as rapidly as possible.

Take care,

k

I know what you mean. I am a woman with a 16 year old daughter. She has become very mouthy and having to help take care of me has interupted her friend time. I have ruined her life so she says. She is taking advantage of the fact that I'm in the wheelchair and can't do anything about it. I wish you luck with your son and I will read your reply's to find a good book myself. Maybe just the reading can take your mind off.
roxy

roxy, on Jul 10 2008, 04:01 PM, said:

kewlcatkez, on Mar 26 2008, 09:33 AM, said:

Marie6120, on Mar 21 2008, 11:55 PM, said:

Has someone written a book about how to deal with a disrespectful teenager of a parent who is totally disabled? Teenager (only child of Dad) is 15 and he's mean and abusive to his Dad. This is new behavior. Not all the time but enough where it is very painful. Teenager also says no to EVERYTHING and has starting skipping one class at school that he doesn't want to take - is this just being a teenager? You can't force a kid to be nice, or go to therapy, or take up a sport, or even walk the dogs - or can you? (child has lived in two homes - joint custody - for 14 years; other household has lots of problems too). Very healthy athletic Dad had accident in ocean 19 months ago and became instant quad. At least teenager not into drugs or alcohol! Thanks for input.

Hello Maried6120,

Just to add to the information already given. Personally, along with the Injury causing the behaviour, I would say that there are other possible causes. Given that the teen has already had a problematic upbringing, it could be as a result of all of this and that the injury is a catalyst.

However, I would also look at the School. As he is skipping class, I would consider "bullying", especially due to the fact that it is ONE CLASS that he is unwilling to go to and take. Yes he could be saying that he dislikes the subject, but is it possible that he is with kids in that class who he is not usually with? Kids who are bullying ( mentally, psycologically, emotionally, or physically?)

An acquaintance of mine has a teen. The acquaintance is disabled (uses crutches full time) and her daughter exhibited the behaviour you describe after kids in her class started picking on here b/c of her mother's disability.

Anyway, sorry to go on. With regards to books,

BOOKS:

Be a Parent, Not a Pushover: A Guide to Raising Happy, Emotionally Healthy Teens
by Maryann Rosenthal
-not specifically about disability, but about teen behaviour and parent behaviour too!


Parenting and Disability: Disabled Parents' Experiences of Raising Children
by Richard Olsen & Harriet Clarke

Disabled Parents: Dispelling the Myths (National Childbirth Trust Guide)
by Michele, Wates
(older but apparently v good)


WEBSITES:

Please look at the following website: http://www.studyofadolescence.org.uk and specifically HERE - publications It is a site which covers pretty much every scenario teens/parents encounter and has literature for both parties.

http://www.lookingglass.org - parenting with a disability. ( website)

http://www.disabledp...n/site/site.cgi -UK website, resources for disabled parents..

http://www.disabledparents.net/ - parents with disabilities online, international has resources and info from those who have 'been there' and still are.


For the Son- specifically-:
Disability-living with someone who has a disability Helpful 'tips' website.

http://www.bridges4kids.org/SC.html An anti bullying site.

I hope this helps and that the man in question and hi son resolve their difficulties as best they can and as rapidly as possible.

Take care,

k

I know what you mean. I am a woman with a 16 year old daughter. She has become very mouthy and having to help take care of me has interupted her friend time. I have ruined her life so she says. She is taking advantage of the fact that I'm in the wheelchair and can't do anything about it. I wish you luck with your son and I will read your reply's to find a good book myself. Maybe just the reading can take your mind off.
roxy

[Yong]

An addendum from a 'young' person.

Some of you are thinking that the kid is on drugs or is messed up in the head..but I think it's just a teenager being a teenager.

It's only been a couple of years since I've outgrown my teenage years and since it's still so fresh in my mind, I can somewhat feel for what the teenager is going through.

Age 15 is a time when you think you can conquer ANYTHING and it is a time when the teenager wouldn't be scared to rebel against a healthy parent let alone a physically limited one.

My father is a serious alcoholic and I have spent my entire life seeing him drunk off his behind. When I was going through puberty, I promised myself that I'd be better person than my dad and started to go against everything he said.

Although I am regretful that I haven't been a more understanding son to his drinking problem, I still understand being the contumacious teenager that I was.

In your case, the son is just angry at the world at the fact that his healthy, strong and role model of a father has become a so called 'cripple' and he doesn't know how else to relieve the stress than right at his father.

Don't be quick to judge that the kid is on drugs; he is just going to very hard times. As the father shows that he is still the same man, my belief is that the son will naturally come around.

[StellaLAtella]

sound like someone needs to kick off in this kids ass



Kev-O, you never cease to impress me with your parenting skills!

I want to add that perhaps since this teen has bounced between the 2 homes, there has not been consistent discipline or certain behaviors expected of him. Not like you can enact rules out of the blue now, if there haven't been some all along. The dad AND the mom need to sit down with this kid privately and explain that life is not fair. We don't always get our way. We don't always like what we are dealt, but we have to accept it and go forward. Often times, our lives are marked with a series of challenges and disappointments. The boy needs to get used to it because it is a cruel world and without the skills to sort through these situations (and worse), he'll have a really tough time as an adult. Just my never to be humble opinion.

..........................and YES, I know the easiest children to parent are someone elses!
~Stella