[teeg1973]

I will try to keep the background short, although that is not always easy...

My mom (age 62) is one year post-injury, incomplete quad - don't have a "level" b/c her injury was due to a brain bleed (AVM) near the base of her brain that has acted most like a spinal cord injury. My mom has some use of her left arm, but not great fine motor control (can feed herself, brush teeth). Right arm isn't so good, although I saw more movement than I thought was there while she was in therapy. She still has a tracheotomy and we don't seem to be close to getting rid of it, although that hasn't been ruled out (she doesn't really practice her breathing exercises b/c they hurt). She is currently living w/ my brother, about 5 hours away from her home (which has been vacant since this occurred). Well, the arrangement of living w/ my brother has taken a major toll on all involved. They currently have night care for 10 hours. brother has been doing trach care and such . The relationship between brother and mom has majorly deteriorated....not good....mom needs to find another living arrangement ASAP....

So here is the dilema/question....My mom is pretty adamant against going into a nursing home. She desperately wants to be back in her home, although there is of course much apprehension...Through combo of long term disability insurance and her own funds, she has the ability to pay for 24 hour care, for which we feel very fortunate (although she worries about spending through her money on this). There don't seem to be any good options at the moment and therefore I am trying to help her move forward with getting back to her home since a change needs to happen ASAP. Are we crazy to try and do this? She would be living alone (other than the hired care). If you have had 24 hour care, what seems to be a fair rate (realizing there are geographical differences)?

Any insight you can provide is most appreciated.

Thanks,
Tracy


****I have tried to get my mom to check out this site, as I think the peer support could be tremendous...she hasn't had any psychological or peer support throughout all of this. I am going to keep pushing her to stop on by.

[linda]

No, I don't think it is crazy, you do what works for you and your mum. Have you looked in to an assisted living program where medical insurances may help with some of the expenses?

[qbounce]

No one can say what a good daily/ monthly rate for a caregiver is if we don't know where you live??

Also, If your mother feels more comfortable in her home, hopefully it'll work out for the better for her. Good luck

[teeg1973]

Thanks for the replies. To clarify a little....

I think what a lot of my family is worried about is the fact that she will be living alone without family nearby. Our fears are if something were to happen that there wouldn't be immediate access for family to help out. Also, FWIW she lives in the middle of the woods, not real close to anything. Nearest hospital is probably 45 minutes away. Here is an example of our fears: we took a few night trip back to her house over the holidays and had an agency hired for the night care. Well, one of the nurses got lost and decided just not to contact anyone or show up (embarrassed I guess). We were on the phone with the agency until about 1 in the morning trying to figure out what was going on (on their behalf, the supervisor did volunteer to come out, but he was male and my mom didn't want that for some of the things that needed to be done). So....I ended up cleaning her, doing the trach care and making the transfer to her bed, although I have not been trained in this. If this were to happen while she is on her own, she would be stuck until someone could show up. I think I am willing to take the risks, but my siblings are not so sure.

Assisted living is not an option due to the trach care that is needed (cleaning and suctioning) - we have already been told this.

She lives in middle Tennessee and the rates quoted were $15 an hour or somewhere near $300 a day. I have no idea how much insurance will cover, but I believe my mom has said that she could go a few years w/ what the insurance pays(thank goodness she took it out) and her supplementing a little bit.

Also, I am not much of a help for the daily care stuff b/c I live across the country and am getting ready to move overseas. Sigh.....

Thanks again for your insights...

Tracy

[Tim13]

So the options are to put your mom in a nursing home till her condition improves or to let her go home, which is in the middle of nowhere and be cared for by unreliable attendants? Nobody wants to live in a nursing home but people don't always want what is best for them, as long as your family is able to visit her regularly at the nursing home so she doesn't think she's been abandoned, this sounds like the best choice.

[allis53ca]

don't put her in the n.s. ......unless you "want" the next family gathering, to be her funeral..........

[linda]

I know a gentleman who has a live in carer. He has worked out a reasonable deal with her for pay. She gets free room and board but gets a slight less pay, in exchange she provides the care he needs. So in short she still makes money and has a free place to live. You may want to look in to a similar arrangement for your mum.

[edlee]

Carers are employees and need to be treated as such. Some will be better than others, but the bad ones you fire. If she can't do her own hiring and firing and family isn't close enough to help with that,, then you don't have a choice about nursing homes.

She won't die any quicker because she's in a N.H. nor will she live longer at her own home if care is spotty.

She's my age so I know she will recognize the lyrics,,,, Tell her ; "You can't always get what you want ,,,But if you try, sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need".

Then put her into the nicest Care facility you can afford untill she gets off the trach,,, then try for the home care.

We can be pretty selfish when we are hurt and you let us get away with it. She's an adult, treat her as such and she will react as such. If she knows her getting to go to her own home depends on her working harder at her breathing exercises, she will be more likly to do them.

If she doesn't like hearing it from you,, read this post to her. You are her children, not her servants. Maybe she forgot.
ed