[aaaa]

IM 22years old and been sci for ayear an 3mounts i was in a car weack tht wasnt my falt,setin at a redlight sumbody ran into me.im a c4/c5 cant feel from nippes dwn,no finger movement.i hate livin like this,alot of people say ,do this and do that,but idt want2 do none of tht handycap stuff,,i want my life back,my independes,my happyness. its 4me hard 2be happy,,i miss sex,women,my plans on getin marryed,kids, i no tht istill may could have tht, but i dnt wantit like tht,,(im a c4,c5,,no independce,,what type of woman want a men that cant do nottin 4her,,she mightes well marry a man in jail with life) ,,f u had some1 b4 u got hurt then u cool,,but anybody hurt like me I think butter be careful,,money,takin care of there kids,shetter,or somthing,,she wasnt attacted 2u,,when she could have a ablebody ,,be careful,,but idont what 2do,,how do i live like this an get respected like idid b4 the weack,,when people no ucant benfit them they dont mess withu,,,they dont come around,,and they dnt care how ufeel cause u cant benfit them udnt matter,,what uthink am ithinkin woung or bein real

[Califanna]

aaaa, on Mar 28 2008, 10:41 PM, said:

IM 22years old and been sci for ayear an 3mounts i was in a car weack tht wasnt my falt,setin at a redlight sumbody ran into me.im a c4/c5 cant feel from nippes dwn,no finger movement.i hate livin like this,alot of people say ,do this and do that,but idt want2 do none of tht handycap stuff,,i want my life back,my independes,my happyness. its 4me hard 2be happy,,i miss sex,women,my plans on getin marryed,kids, i no tht istill may could have tht, but i dnt wantit like tht,,(im a c4,c5,,no independce,,what type of woman want a men that cant do nottin 4her,,she mightes well marry a man in jail with life) ,,f u had some1 b4 u got hurt then u cool,,but anybody hurt like me I think butter be careful,,money,takin care of there kids,shetter,or somthing,,she wasnt attacted 2u,,when she could have a ablebody ,,be careful,,but idont what 2do,,how do i live like this an get respected like idid b4 the weack,,when people no ucant benfit them they dont mess withu,,,they dont come around,,and they dnt care how ufeel cause u cant benfit them udnt matter,,what uthink am ithinkin woung or bein real

My reply is that you've been given a new life. It may look pretty bleak at first, but you never know what's around the corner. I didn't know I would be here either, but here I am. Along the way I have met and exchanged a wealth of knowledge about life and love with others in a similar circumstances. What we all acknowledge is that our new life is something that is challenging and rewarding in ways no one else will ever understand. Some of us are thrilled when we can eat a spicy dinner without feeling the acid able-bodied do after a similar meal. Whereas others feel imense joy at just having another person simply lay their head on their shoulder. The little joys of life are expanded and enhanced with this new life we have been given. Give it time and try to connect with others in similar circumstances. You will be amazed at what you might be sharing with them that will change their outlook that day.

[wheelchairbarbie]

aaaa, on Mar 29 2008, 02:41 AM, said:

IM 22years old and been sci for ayear an 3mounts i was in a car weack tht wasnt my falt,setin at a redlight sumbody ran into me.im a c4/c5 cant feel from nippes dwn,no finger movement.i hate livin like this,alot of people say ,do this and do that,but idt want2 do none of tht handycap stuff,,i want my life back,my independes,my happyness. its 4me hard 2be happy,,i miss sex,women,my plans on getin marryed,kids, i no tht istill may could have tht, but i dnt wantit like tht,,(im a c4,c5,,no independce,,what type of woman want a men that cant do nottin 4her,,she mightes well marry a man in jail with life) ,,f u had some1 b4 u got hurt then u cool,,but anybody hurt like me I think butter be careful,,money,takin care of there kids,shetter,or somthing,,she wasnt attacted 2u,,when she could have a ablebody ,,be careful,,but idont what 2do,,how do i live like this an get respected like idid b4 the weack,,when people no ucant benfit them they dont mess withu,,,they dont come around,,and they dnt care how ufeel cause u cant benfit them udnt matter,,what uthink am ithinkin woung or bein real

Hey, I read your post and I felt I needed to reply.

I'm 21 and I've been in a chair for 11 years. I broke my neck when I was playing out side in the snow, I was nearly 10 years old. I am a C4/C5/C6, but I luckily have some arm movement. I am paralysed from my chest down, but I still have patchy sensation and those types of things.

What I want to say is that deep down I really think we all hate living like this, nobody wants to be in a wheelchair and unable to do the things we once did. But I find that you can be happy if you want to be, if you really want to be happy you will be. You have to think about it this way: There is always someone worse off than you. People are dying everyday from diseases, and those people would more than likely be happy to be in your position.

I missed a big chunk of my childhood and as a teenager I never got to do all the things that kids my age were doing. I hated that I couldn't go out and jump in a car with my friends and skip class in high school. I hated that I couldn't go out to parties and dance with boys. But even though I wish I could have done all those things, I still had a good life. I was happy.

I find that now at 21 I'm in more of a weird place because I'm wanting to move out of home, I want to get a job, I want a boyfriend. But even though I know these things are going to come harder for me, I know I will do them all if I put my mind to it. If I really want it.

I know what you mean when you say "You don't want to do handicap stuff" I am and always will be like that. I refuse to let my disability get in my way. I do what I want even if people think I'm crazy. I go out drinking with friends, I go see bands all the time and get right up front where the mosh pits are, I travel to where I want, I dance even if I can only move my arms. And oddly enough guys will come up to me and want to dance with me. I refuse to get a job working in an office where it would be easiest for me, I plan on being a bookings agent for bands and I am into photography and take some pretty sweet pictures. I go camping. I go boating. I have my nose pierced, I have funky coloured hair. I wear nice clothes.

How you say "no woman would want a man who could do nothing with her", and I think you're wrong. I know a number of men in chairs with a range of functioning levels and some have g/fs and some are married. I know myself as a woman, if I weren't in a chair, I wouldn't look passed you just because you're in a wheelchair. If you're a good guy and attractive I don't see why you couldn't find a woman for yourself. As far as satisfying a woman, you have to remember there are many able-bodied men that can't do that.

I always say I'll never find a guy who will want me. I really think women are more accepting of a man in a chair than men are of women in chairs. But, I am still determined to find a guy and I'm picky so he's going to be a hot guy, I won't settle for less than what I deserve.

As far as being respected. If you want respect, demand it, take it, earn it. I graduated High School with honours, received a scholarship for college, graduated Business school last year. I was an ambassador for a charity and raised a lot of money for it. I'm smart and I don't let people treat me like I'm different, except if it's to my advantage.

Above it all, don't let people treat you like less of a person because you're in a wheelchair. If you want to do something, and someone says you can't, do it just to prove them wrong! That's what I do.

I hope this has helped you some.

Jen~

[edlee]

Well said , Jen!!!!

Wow,, beauty AND brains!!!

[Webwych]

Hello aaaa,

I have been disabled my whole life, but I just wanted to assure you that the thoughts and feelings you are having right now are not confined to people who become disabled through accident or illness because I had them too.

This is really the first time in my life that I have been involved with disabled people because I viewed disability as a 'bad thing' so I strove not to have anything to do with it - even to the point were I refused to put a sticker on my first car that said 'Don't park too close - I use a wheelchair'. Looking back I was being ridiculously stubborn, but the way I saw it and had learned to drive which was very 'equalising' to me and then I was going to advertise the fact I was disabled! I learned my lesson the first time I came back to my car to find that I had NO room to get my wheelchair through on the drivers' side and my mum had to back the car out for me

Anyway, I eventually got over myself. I still have a tendency to be a bit of a control freak because yes, disability does take away a certain level of autonomy but don't get into the trap I nearly fell into of alienating the people who give you the friendship and practical assistance to be as independent as possible. Even able-bodied people like having friends and partners to take some of the emotional load when things get tough, and is in NO way a sign of weakness on your part - and no your friends are NOT there because they pity you, they are there because they love you and want to help as much as they can.

As for guys? Well, having a boyfriend is not the 'be all and end all', let me tell ya. I'm 35 and single but trust me, there ARE great guys out there who are intelligent enough to get to know you and don't care about the wheelchair (in my experience, pretty hot ones too! ).

Adapting to new circumstances weather it's becoming disabled or the progression of an existing disability is tough, but can be made easier when you say 'yes, this is happening to me but it doesn't mean my life has to stop, just change a bit'.

Good luck, sweetie.

[snol]

Jen if we were all like you postive thinking, great read too.

[wheelchairbarbie]

snol, on Mar 29 2008, 04:24 PM, said:

Jen if we were all like you postive thinking, great read too.

Thanks, but I'm not always positive. I just like to try to keep my chin up as much as I can!

[nomis]

Yeah Jen, I love it.

[Tired of hurting]

Jen Thanks so much for your post "YOU GO GIRL"

[Ian D]

Well said Jen. Such wise words of wisdom from one so young

wheelchairbarbie, on Mar 29 2008, 08:37 PM, said:

I am still determined to find a guy and I'm picky so he's going to be a hot guy, I won't settle for less than what I deserve.

And why should you?, with such a beautifull mind I'm sure you'll get your "hot guy"
Oh if only I was thirty years younger
Cheers Ian

This post has been edited by Ian D: 09 April 2008 - 08:08 AM

[laura]

Hi

what do i think you are being, real or not so?

well, for me sometimes i feel all of those things you have said and more so it is real , real to me; my feelings, emotions.

There it stops.

In some crazy way, more often than not, I find a way round things ( sometimes someone else helps, sometimes they hinder) my point is that, yes it is very hard and I don't think I can take that part away from a SCI but I try so hard to look at what I really want to do and need to do. The result is a pretty good version of what I had in mind-doesn't that happen to an a/b too?

I'm at Uni now. Certain parts are hell but I'm going to get that degree and I'll get a job and I will be so very very happy.

I'm single at the moment and that hurts a bit but I'm not really in the right place for a relationship. When I am - it will be just right! nothing more or less from me to the man or v/v. I'm still a human being, just one that is sitting! lol

Jen- thank you for what you have said; it helps to see a really honest, positive but not sickly so, response.

I just want to add- be true to yourself and don't let anyone (inc. ourselves!) or thing take away your dignity and personality etc That's what counts and matters.

I could put so much more but hope this helps a little,

Laura

[Mike (c4-5) & Lorena]

aaaa, on Mar 29 2008, 12:41 AM, said:

IM 22years old and been sci for ayear an 3mounts i was in a car weack tht wasnt my falt,setin at a redlight sumbody ran into me.im a c4/c5 cant feel from nippes dwn,no finger movement.i hate livin like this,alot of people say ,do this and do that,but idt want2 do none of tht handycap stuff,,i want my life back,my independes,my happyness. its 4me hard 2be happy,,i miss sex,women,my plans on getin marryed,kids, i no tht istill may could have tht, but i dnt wantit like tht,,(im a c4,c5,,no independce,,what type of woman want a men that cant do nottin 4her,,she mightes well marry a man in jail with life) ,,f u had some1 b4 u got hurt then u cool,,but anybody hurt like me I think butter be careful,,money,takin care of there kids,shetter,or somthing,,she wasnt attacted 2u,,when she could have a ablebody ,,be careful,,but idont what 2do,,how do i live like this an get respected like idid b4 the weack,,when people no ucant benfit them they dont mess withu,,,they dont come around,,and they dnt care how ufeel cause u cant benfit them udnt matter,,what uthink am ithinkin woung or bein real

Hi, my name is Mike. I am a c4-5 quad paralyzed in 1986. My wife ussually writes her but she thought I could write you.

Yup, life sucks. So, what can you do about it. Hmmm! I can tell you a lot. Funny thing is I was hit by a drunk driver. No idea who he/she was. I just woke up paralyzed. Boy was I pissed. I lost everything. I was not the same "person" any more. All of dreams were put on a shit pile and I wasn't able to even hold the bag.

After 3-4 months of feeling sorry for myself, which is totally normal in such a situation, i kept thinking about what I wanted to do. No clue. I lost most of my friends as they had no idea what to do with me. My parents were in financial ruins as there health insurance company folded. My girl friend (I just turned 19yo) of course left me. My dreams of racing cars was gone. I couldn't believe how screwed I was.

A few years later I made a few goals for myself. To cut it short, it took 20 years to get what I wanted. If you told me it would take 20 years of my disability to get my goals I would have said you were nutz. Today, I would do it all over as I dont think I could be much happier then I am. Do I wish I could walk, sure. Do I wish I could feel sex, sure. There are hundreds of things I would love to do, feel, etc. But it aint going to happen will it?

I took a path of getting what I can. Today, I feel that my disability pointed me in a path of a better life. Of course I can not prove it, but my life is better then I could have expected without being paralyzed. I do think I am a lucky man. I also believe I made my luck by working hard and doing my thing. I do believe the saying that God helps those who help themselves. I am not a super religious person but I cant not believe that if you want something God will be there for me.

Today, 21 years post injury, I am one lucky man. A beautiful wife, 2 great kids of my own, a house, two cars, and a job where people look to me daily for my opinion, and tons of love in my life. I do think my disability changed my life for the better. I know I would never be as happy as I am today. I was a self centered jerk before I was hurt. Today I see life so precious and grand.

Was it easy, no. Was it worth the hardship, YES.

[Susieq]

Hey aaaa!

There have been many great posts from very positive people who share a similar disability as yourself. So how about one from a girl your age that is in a relationship with someone with a similar disability.

I met a man who was in a wheelchair when I met him. I knew going into it that he had this disability. The best advice I can give you from the other side of the coin is to be yourself and keep your chin up. There are many wemon who have the self confidence in themselves to see past wheelchair. I am not claiming that it is going to be easy, as I know it took my man sometime to come accross me. But I am saying is there are people out there that will see past it and want to be part of your life because of the person you are. The thing is what you have to do first is love yourself, then its a lot easier for someone to fall in love with you. Hang in there! Theres a girl out there that will love you for you more then anyone eles has in this world!