22 replies to this topic

[Armsway]

Hello members, I am new here so be patient because this message may not make any sense to you. However, I am coming to you to see if I am alone. This message is targeted towards individuals with sci injuries only. Have you ever felt like just giving up. Right now, I am really feeling that way because everything I try to do, they're always seems to be an obstacle to overcome. Even when it should be so simple. Sometime in seems as if we should be exempt from life's bullshit just because we have to live our lifes with this unfortunate disability. There are so many things I want to say but my emotions will not allow me to go any further so I'm going to end this message by saying that I just wish that one day there will be a better tomorrow.

[armsway_gurl]

Hi Armsway! I'am an AB and after reading what you have posted, I feel like I should pass this information on to you. I can't say I know how you are feeling because I don't know. I can only go by what I've just read. Anywho.....A wise person once told me that something worth having is worth fighting for. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel like there are obstacles in your way to overcome, then perhaps what you are trying to reach will all be worth it in the end. Remember, nothing good comes to anybody in an easy way. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. 8-)

[motospine]

There are many things to say but no words make sense. Please remember to always take one step at a time. I am a t-12 so I understand the obstacles you refer too. Share some of your thoughts and you can leave them with me.

[velvethanger]

Armsway, on Apr 2 2008, 08:32 PM, said:

Hello members, I am new here so be patient because this message may not make any sense to you. However, I am coming to you to see if I am alone. This message is targeted towards individuals with sci injuries only. Have you ever felt like just giving up. Right now, I am really feeling that way because everything I try to do, they're always seems to be an obstacle to overcome. Even when it should be so simple. Sometime in seems as if we should be exempt from life's bullshit just because we have to live our lifes with this unfortunate disability. There are so many things I want to say but my emotions will not allow me to go any further so I'm going to end this message by saying that I just wish that one day there will be a better tomorrow.

Hi Armsway,When I was feeling so far down I had to look up to even look down somebody said to me "You can still do anything you ever did before, you just do it differently, instead of going over the mountain, you go around it but the result is still the same". I was only 20 when my spinal cord was severed at L2 8 L3. I was told all the things I wasn't going to be able to do, or it seemed then they'd told me all of them, but I'm still finding more. You can give up, you can quit, those are two of the things you can do. Most important, get with somebody you can talk to that will listen to what you have to say. Not somebody who loves you or cares how you feel. People who love you want to help and give you advice but they fail the listening part.
MLR

[Kwag_Myers]

Everyone has obstacles to overcome. Having a SCI just makes it a bit more obvious because the obstacles we face are tangible. I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but that’s life.

Now, you can choose to make the most of it, as many of these members have done. Or, sit in your chair and boo hoo about things you can’t change.

The business world is full of people who have found a way of doing something better than anyone else. I just read this article about a guy who found a way to grow algae in such a way that it can be done on a commercial level. Algae is 50% lipid oil and makes great biodiesel. You don’t have to be an AB to do that. Do what you can and work on what you can’t.

[LuckyinKentucky]

I think that those feeling are a part of gaining a disability... It's all part of the grieving process, but don't worry, today may suck.. and hell tomorrow may too. But eventually things will be better, all life is is ups and downs right. It's like a rollercoaster the best one's have the biggest drops.

[qbounce]

Obviously nothings the same for you anymore, but your still here and that beautiful daughter of yours is just as happy sitting on your lap today as she was yesterday.

[ScottFoster]

qbounce, on Apr 3 2008, 05:43 PM, said:

Obviously nothings the same for you anymore, but your still here and that beautiful daughter of yours is just as happy sitting on your lap today as she was yesterday.

Hi Armsway,

I do know how you feel. I was 16 when I got hurt and I thought my life was over, in a way it was, but it's just the start of a new one. I know things are hard, and they're going to be, but that's what sets people with disabilities apart from your everyday joe. We are people who succeed even when it seems impossible, we adapt and overcome things ab's have nightmares about. That's something that initially I had a hard time with. However, I learned that's what makes my life enjoyable so to speak. I'm not a C4 so I can only imagine how much different your situation might be then mine but I can say to take joy in learning to do things differently. I also have some questions for you. How long post injury are you? Are you in a manual chair? I can think of an amazing support group for you depending on these answers. If you want, contact me at scott.p.foster@gmail.com and I'd be happy to talk to you but more importantly listen to you. I look forward to hearing from you if you want to talk.

Scott

[Armsway]

Thanks everyone, for listening to me in my problems. However, I see that I really didn't make myself clear in my first message. I have had an sci for eight years being that today is April 4. Yes, I got shot at school on April 4, 2000. The biggest problems I have coping with this situation is that I wasn't the person he was looking for. Just so happened, I walked in the path of the other running away from gunman without even knowing what was going on. But anyway, that's another conversation. So you see, my feeling are not coming from the fact that I am dealing with a new disability or something. I was trying to say that there are times that I just feel like giving up because life keeps throwing me to the left. It's nice to know that I have friends whom I can talk to whenever I am having a problem, including my girlfriend who also responded to this message as Armsway_gurl. I love you very much my angle. I really appreciate everyone for everything.

[itsjustme]

Hi Armsway,

I saw Teddy Pendergrass on TV the other night. He was a very successful singer / performer who was paralyzed in an accident pretty much at the height of his career.

He said, "Disability doesn't mean inability. It just means you have a circumstance."

When I was walking 4 years ago, I experienced struggles as we all do all of our lives. Sometimes I would look at other people's lives and wonder why it looked like they were on such a smooth straight path while mine seemed to be a roller coaster ride. As soon as it seemed like I was doing okay something would happen that would set me back financially or physically or even emotionally. Now I do have to say that some of that comes from cause and effect. S**t doesn't just always happen like in your situation with the gunman. Sometimes the S**t is a direct result of the choices that you make. But, that's another conversation.

I don't see us as disabled. I see us as differently-abled. Some of our challenges are different and we have to approach them differently whether it's an access issue somewhere that we want to go or a struggle with our bodies in one way or another. Mine happens to be a weight issue.

I was out last fall walking my little dog and someone's Pit Bull got out of the door and attacked him. I sat there helpless screaming at the dog. Now had I been walking I'd have gotten hold of that dog by the hind end and slung him as hard as I could and if he came back I'd have had time to at least give him a good swift kick before his owner could get to him. I don't ever want to be scared of anything just because I'm in a chair but I thought then I do need some kind of protection. I wouldn't be very practical to carry a ball bat so I went over to the gun shop and bought a little canister of pepper spray that hangs on one of those stretchy key chains and I keep it hanging on the right handle of my chair.

We have to step up to the plate and face the challenges of life differently-abled with determination, all of the strength that we can muster, integrity in the face dishonestly and courage where there is cowardism.

You have choices to make everyday (back to that cause and effect) which will help you to mature into a strong, determined and capable young man who just maybe that lucky Armsway_gurl will be happy to spend the rest of her life with.

[armsway_gurl]

I guess this is the part where I "formally" introduce myself. Hi people! As you all may have read I have been in a relationship with Armsway since July of 07. For the first couple of weeks all we did was talk on the phone and the conversation was great. We would talk for long hours and all that good stuff. It was basically stage 1 of falling in love. After getting off the phone with him I often found myself amazed at all of the things he said that he was invloved in. I mean he does so much. It was hard having to hear the fact that my family wasn't in full support of my relationship with this man. The thought of it would often bring me to tears and I had no idea of how to even begin telling Armsway in fear that it would hurt his feelings. Somehow, I found the courage and he asked me what did I want. I told him that I loved him and can't see myself with anybody other than him. At the end of the day, he is what makes me happy and that's all that matters. Seeing as how today is the anniversary of the day that his life changed forever, it is hard to literally be there for him since I'am away at school. When he told me about this day, I made a promise to take the worst day of his life and turn it into the best day of his life. He's my heart and "My Other Half."

Edited by armsway_gurl, 04 April 2008 - 05:37 PM.

[qbounce]

Armsway, you're obviously a very lucky guy to have a partner like that! Don't shut her out. . . seems like you have an extra shoulder if you need it.

Keep lookin' up!!

[nomis]

There's a tenderness and sensitivity running through this thread which is a privilege to read. I appreciate your honesty, armsway, and if there is such a thing as a gentle frustration, that is how I see armsway_gurl. And I like armsway_gurl's slightly cheeky first reply.

Armsway, I'm not C4 so I have no idea what your life is like but I accept what you say. In different degrees, I'd imagine we all go through down times. I do.

I've learned to treat them as the gap between good times, when I'm shaking off the old which now bores me and am scratching around for a new direction in my life. Usually, for me, a down time will teach me something new. I've learned to value my down times. It doesn't make them any less down but just my way of getting from one part of my life to another.

I hope when next you get to 'look back' at your last down period that you, too, recognise the new learnings and get to wonder at the marvel of being human.

[Tired of hurting]

Hi Friend, Glad to hear it's 8 yrs and your frustrated. I hear that I'm over my 3rd. On the annivarys I sit and cry all day and wish I never went to work that day. My life would be just fine...That wasn't the path that God had for me. I try to focus on my abilities,not my disabilities....It's hard each morning when I wake up. I'm thankful I can talk,see,hear,my arms work, and little bit of right leg. I go and visit a man who can't speak or move. I tell you I'm real thankful, he hasn't been able to talk or move from the chin down for 17 yrs. I asked him what does he do for anxiety. He types on his board that speaks. I pray to God...What else can I do. Theres always someone out there who has it worse! Can you get out ? Do you have other friends in chairs? I love my support group. Lots of info and encouragment. Do you exercise? I push myself outside and do a mile or two. That kicks my butt, but it is good for brain chemical in the morning, and vitamin D. I'd bet you could share somethings you know with us. Thanks for writing PM if you want to vent. I hope tomorrow doesn't suck...

[E-DOG]

Ya know, this is some heavy shit.
Any of you guys ever go back and read some of the stuff you write?
f*@king amazing, the insight and depth that comes out of some of the keyboards around here.
Be proud people, you're doing a beautiful thing here.
E

[St.LoCoMo]

Hello Armsway. Your post has brought me out of the woodwork to reply. Do I have a spinal cord injury; yes. Have I ever felt like giving up; yes, at least 3 out of ever 7 days during any normal week. Everything you do, every action, every movement you make is an obstacle to overcome and either succeed at or fail. No one can judge you whether you attempt to overcome or pass on the opportunity. It is your life and only you have the right to choose, decide, decline or accept every moment from this one to the last one.

I am a functional quad of 28 years, if you need an ear I'm here. Same goes for any others...

[Mike (c4-5) & Lorena]

Armsway, on Apr 2 2008, 08:32 PM, said:

Hello members, I am new here so be patient because this message may not make any sense to you. However, I am coming to you to see if I am alone. This message is targeted towards individuals with sci injuries only. Have you ever felt like just giving up. Right now, I am really feeling that way because everything I try to do, they're always seems to be an obstacle to overcome. Even when it should be so simple. Sometime in seems as if we should be exempt from life's bullshit just because we have to live our lifes with this unfortunate disability. There are so many things I want to say but my emotions will not allow me to go any further so I'm going to end this message by saying that I just wish that one day there will be a better tomorrow.

Wow! I am sorry you feel this way. Ok, now feel better. Sure life is very tuff. But a lot of people have it ruff, not just those with SCI. My husband is a one armed c4-s quad. His life was not easy at all but by his continued battles with his life challenges has made him a better man the most non-disabled. Sure it is easy for me to say. But Mike took 15 years to get where he wanted to go. If he was told 20 years ago it would take him 15 years to get where he wanted, he might have said heck no to.

The fact is that he took baby bites and had a plan. Mike stopped expecting and did. He never gave up as he figured out that life would be better if he put his head down and kept going towards hi dreams. If interested, read his story at our website. Mike didnt have it easy or was he blessed with luck. If anything he was blessed with a hard head. ;-)

Life is so precious. I know everyone's story is different and not everyone can handle there situation as Mike has. But disabled people are so terrific. We of course know many people who face all types of personal and life challenges. But life is not fair to everyone. But there is nothing we can do but grab life by the horns and fight back.

You might say why am I giving advise. Well, my life had challenges too. In the Philippines, where I am from, we were poorer then 99% of the poor people here in the US. Most people in the US have no idea what poor really is. My family could not afford collage or most things that people take for granted like running water or electricity. We had a few sets of cloths, food and a blanket to sleep with. Our home was 3meters by 3 meters and made of bamboo. We lived day by day. I worked and went to collage. My parents knew the way to a better life was education and I knew I could support my parents and 3 other siblings. Today I can see my working 6 days per week and long nights studying paid off. No, I don't have a physical disability, but life has challenges for many of us.

Plz don't give up trying. Nobody can guarantee your life will be perfect. I am sure you will have many more obstacles in life. But hopefully, your obstacles will be rewarded in time. Doing nothing will surely get you know where right?

Plz let us now if we can help, or at least listen.

[Tired of hurting]

Somedays I feel like I'm in a fast pitch machine the balls keep coming faster and faster! but I have some friends without disabilities and they have times like this too. So I guess life is real special for all of us...

[Mike (c4-5) & Lorena]

Tired of hurting, on Apr 12 2008, 10:01 PM, said:

Somedays I feel like I'm in a fast pitch machine the balls keep coming faster and faster! but I have some friends without disabilities and they have times like this too. So I guess life is real special for all of us...

That's a great analogy. Just keep swining and sooner or later you will get your grand slam.

Enjoy!

[wheeliebear75]

Well I'm not sure why "SCI ONLY".

Many of us can't turn to our AB partners or friends because they're to stuck thinking they know; it's awesome to hear that your partner just wants to be there for you.

If part of why you're feeling so down is because "it wasn't supposed to be you"........no maybe not......but no innocent unarmed person deserves to be gunned down. In my case I was 14 and at 1st I thought of it as "well if I just hadn't backed up" ( I backed up a few steps to let someone past me.....that's when a sign fell on me). As I started the recovery process (brain injury on top of the SCI) I heard the doctors and they said if I was older I wouldn't have recovered as much brain function as I did......it's only because I was an "adolescent" my brain could re-route easier than an adult's; if I was any smaller in size the impact/injury would most likely have killed me or left me near brain dead (my Mother and Aunt were next to me on 1 side......and my 6yr old sister was on my other side......of the 4 of us in the end I'm glad it was me and NOT them).

[knowthill]

Into my thirteenth year after my accident now and my experience has been one big roller coaster. While in rehab with twenty-six broken ribs my youngest son was born getting me to roll my wheel chair myself for the first time. At the age of forty I went back to college in Computer engineering. All fired up in fell on my ass and came within a day of completely flunking out. To my surprise I was asked to enroll in the Economics Department and graduated in another year and a half with a Degree in Economics and one in Agricultural Business.

I received a letter for an interview with a large Co-op as a Department head and safety advisor. The day after the excellent interview, I mean I nailed this one Olympic quality. Their one million gallon fertilizer tank cracked open and spilled into a near by river. Needles to say this was not a small time incident and caused a hiring freeze.

Unreal situations continued, from pressure sores to sever spasms, a Baclofen Pump procedure, new to our area and ended up working its way through my skin. Reading your story tells everyone, I am now at least out of bed and able to take nourishment. If nothing else this web site lets me know I am not alone and there are people who understand what I am gong through. Not because the have read these situations in a book, but through the school of real life. Thanks for helping me and hope you feel better too.

[Zammo]

I'm going through a pretty tough time aat the moment. I'm still in a state of denial as well. I just wish sometimes I could reboot my life!

[wheeliebear75]

"He's my heart and "My Other Half."

That is extremely sweet and it's a shame more people don't feel that way about their partner.......SCI or otherwise.

Edited by wheeliebear75, 14 April 2008 - 08:14 PM.