7 replies to this topic

[Kester]

hi everyone,

just wanted to say how great this forum is basically. I found it whilst looking for information as I've recently got back in touch with an old friend of mine who became Para after an accident. We had lost contact some time before that and it came as a big shock. i didn't know what to say to him at the time, and he was understandably very low. i was a useless friend at the time and we lost contact, mostly, just saying hello from time to time, i missed him very much.

We have recently started talking properly again and I'm going to see him soon, after quite a while and i was a little worried about putting my foot in my mouth or just being a general prat and upsetting him, but having read a lot on here i'm feeling much better informed about what he has been through, and so inspired by the courage and strength of the people here. Thankyou so much.

I have no experience in this area really, and i am having trouble putting this into words but, having never been through what he has i'm worried i'll piss him off by doing/saying something insensitive without registering cos i just cant come from his perspective. does that make sense? i knew him pretty well before and we are getting on like a house on fire, which is just making me so happy right now.

anyone had similar experiences, from either side, i'd love any advice you can give me.
thanks again.xxxx

[doublelibra]

Hi Kester-

I don't know if this wil help or not, but this is my experience. If your friend is like me, he will be happy to see you. He's probably been through a lot, but he is still the same basic person. I never felt offended if people asked me if I felt uncomfortable talking about any given topic. Most people were curious, and I always was ok talking about my condition, the accident, etc. The main thing is just BE THERE. If he wants to vent, just listen. You don't have to know a solution. It is good when someone just cares enough to be there. It's funny how after something like this happens, the people you thought would be there are not necessarily the ones who stick it out with you. I have a friend who was around the most, and I'll never forget it. She wasn't scared off when I was in bad shape at first, or when I was depressed. She was just there, no matter what. Just tell him you are happy to see him again, and I hope it goes well. Let us know!

Doublelibra

[firemaiden]

Hi Kester and welcome!

Just be yourself, treat him the same as you always have. Tell him you're worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, he won't mind and he will already know this anyway. It's a natural reaction and I was exactly the same as you. Don't jump to do everything for him ( I was politely told my help would be asked for if required ). But most of all enjoy yourself and don't get hung up on worrying before you go see him. Hope all goes well

C xxx

[nomis]

Yeah, you can't go wrong if you go and see him. Say and ask what you like. The hurtful thing for him would be if you got scared and didn't turn up.

I doubt that he knew anything about the type of injury he's wound up with and he's having to learn. So he won't expect you to know and is likely to appreciate your interest (even if he may sometimes be awkward explaining himself).

[Kester]

nomis, on Apr 8 2008, 09:05 AM, said:

Yeah, you can't go wrong if you go and see him. Say and ask what you like. The hurtful thing for him would be if you got scared and didn't turn up.

I doubt that he knew anything about the type of injury he's wound up with and he's having to learn. So he won't expect you to know and is likely to appreciate your interest (even if he may sometimes be awkward explaining himself).

oh i'll be there, lol,i've missed him a lot, and hes the most intelligent guy i know. not scared about the sci stuff in itself, i've seen him twice since the accident, but not on his own. i'm training to be a phyiso assistant,so i know what to expect in some ways already, but not his personal circumstances. im gonna give him a massage tomorow ( i trained in massage before moving on to learn more) to try and help his achiness, hope i can help. i'll let you know how it goes.xxx

[Kester]

went to see him today, had such a great time, yay, oh wow, i was worried about nothing, lol, he's very open about whats happened to him, and there was no awkwardness there at all, apart from when i spilled my tea all over his floor, oh and when i left the loo roll too low and the cat attacked it, ,lol but that was nothing to do with the sci stuff, just me being clumsy, lol. yay, im so happy. :)

cant wait to see him again.

[firemaiden]

Hi Kester

I'm so glad everything turned out well for you. Is there a hint of a budding romance?

Edited by firemaiden, 09 April 2008 - 05:44 PM.

[Kester]

firemaiden, on Apr 9 2008, 06:43 PM, said:

Hi Kester

I'm so glad everything turned out well for you. Is there a hint of a budding romance?

i dont think so, we sort had a thing briefly years ago, and i still hold a candle to be honest, but hes a very popular guy shall we say...and i think its just friends for us, but thats cool, i just love his company,

hehe life is good. :)