4 replies to this topic

[queenekua23]

I only joined about one week ago and I am so happy that I did. Although I am not paralyzed, mu boyfriend is and this is an outlet for me to give and get feedback. I met my boyfriend on Easter and we fell for each other rather quick. He is paraplegic, I haven's asked him but I do believe that is his level T1-T12. After about 3wkd I began to notice his bouts of depression. As a man he has much pride and at first did not want to let me in on that aspect of his life. He became a bit mean to me attempting to puch me away. I did decide to give him some space but found myself missing him and wanting to be with him more.

We have taken a step back, seeing that we moved rather quickly but I love him and refuse to give up on him. He has been paralyzed for five years but he still has not come to grips with the reality that this is his "normal" life. He refers to people walking as normal and the things they do as normal. I can not change his way of viewing his life but I pray that he realizes that he is normal and there is not anything that he can not do. Can't does not exist and I try my best to convey that to him: that he can do anything he sets his mind to.

I know that he loves me, but he is afraid that I will hurt him. All I can give it is time though. I am 27 and of course want to get married and have children, which we do discuss. But to be honest with you, he is the love of my life and I am willing to sacrifice some things to have a life with him, btu at the same time he is stubborn/stuck in his ways and I am not sure if he is willing to sacrifice putting aside his unrealistic views on his life to be happy with himself. Or am I being unrealistic to ask him to attempt to see that his life is normal and can still be productive?

Many speculators say that I am too young and have too much going for myself to deal with such an issue, but I knoe better... God placed me in this man's life for a reason and even if it may only be for a season I am going to stand the test of time.

I say thank you to all of you courageous individuals who are continuing to live and help others like myself understand and therefore become better able to care for/love an individual who may be para/quadraplegic.

-Bianca

[Mike (c4-5) & Lorena]

queenekua23, on Apr 21 2008, 01:13 AM, said:

I only joined about one week ago and I am so happy that I did. Although I am not paralyzed, mu boyfriend is and this is an outlet for me to give and get feedback. I met my boyfriend on Easter and we fell for each other rather quick. He is paraplegic, I haven's asked him but I do believe that is his level T1-T12. After about 3wkd I began to notice his bouts of depression. As a man he has much pride and at first did not want to let me in on that aspect of his life. He became a bit mean to me attempting to puch me away. I did decide to give him some space but found myself missing him and wanting to be with him more.

We have taken a step back, seeing that we moved rather quickly but I love him and refuse to give up on him. He has been paralyzed for five years but he still has not come to grips with the reality that this is his "normal" life. He refers to people walking as normal and the things they do as normal. I can not change his way of viewing his life but I pray that he realizes that he is normal and there is not anything that he can not do. Can't does not exist and I try my best to convey that to him: that he can do anything he sets his mind to.

I know that he loves me, but he is afraid that I will hurt him. All I can give it is time though. I am 27 and of course want to get married and have children, which we do discuss. But to be honest with you, he is the love of my life and I am willing to sacrifice some things to have a life with him, btu at the same time he is stubborn/stuck in his ways and I am not sure if he is willing to sacrifice putting aside his unrealistic views on his life to be happy with himself. Or am I being unrealistic to ask him to attempt to see that his life is normal and can still be productive?

Many speculators say that I am too young and have too much going for myself to deal with such an issue, but I knoe better... God placed me in this man's life for a reason and even if it may only be for a season I am going to stand the test of time.

I say thank you to all of you courageous individuals who are continuing to live and help others like myself understand and therefore become better able to care for/love an individual who may be para/quadraplegic.

-Bianca

Welcome! Its is nice to meet you. There are a lot of lsdies who have had similar issues as you on this forum. So plz, dont be shy. Enjoy.....

[Tired of hurting]

Welcome Bianca, This is a great place to get input. So you met this guy at Easter...You think your in love. I think you both need to build a friendship before talking about marriage and children. He must have a depression problem if the moods are swinging. If he tried to punch you or push you away. This is not a good sign! This is him...I understand God put him in your life for a reason. I'd say to get him help, and into a support group,and be a friend. Not to drag you into his baggage. I'm sure he is overwelmed by the thought of marriage and children. He's probably thinking I can't even take care of myself. Step back give him some space,try to be his friend not his lover...

[emerson]

Are you guys still together? I hope so.
My future hubby is a T5/complete and refers to normal people as 'you walking people'
Take your time, depression is very tough to deal with, it can be 'paralyzing'.

[china]

Hi Bianca, I know where your coming from, when my partner and i first met we started off a lil to quick, wanting to be with one another all the time, but then he found it to much. We had a break and he went away to sort his head out,not even answering any txt's or phonecalls that i sent him. I found out that he was seeing someone else. As you can imagine i was realy hurt.My friend rang
me up around seven months later saying that shaun (my now partner) was out the night before telling her that he would marry me tomorrow if he could.I knew where he was most nights of the week as he went to the same places,i left it for another month or so and then went down to the club in the hope that he would be there,got all dressed up went to the club his car was outside so, i took a deep breath and went in,got a drink and placed myself in the middle of the gang he was with. I only stayed for half an hour but could feel his eyes on me all the time,i didnt make a big deal out of anything just got up to leave said goodbye and went.If he wanted me then it was up to him i wasn't going to force him into anything, another month went by and he turned up on my doorstep to take my daughter to the cinema for her birthday,he said
that he needed to be sure, as taking on me with five children was a lot as he had trouble looking after himself and wasnt sure that he could cope with being in a family.He is very stuborn and he is still stuck in his ways i dont think that's goin to change now, we have been together for almost eight years and he has been in a chair for 23 years ,after being hit off his bike when he was 13 and even after all this time he still hasnt accepted it. Dont think he ever will totaly. every night when we go to bed, he dosn't want to wake up the following day, he says the only reson he keeps going is because he worries about me. you just need to give your man the space he needs, its early days and you have got the rest of your lives.


best wishes china