3 replies to this topic

[Mike (c4-5) & Lorena]

I have read many posts of hoe a spouce will leave there relationship/marriage/ets right after the accident occurs or down the road 5, 10, 20 years. I can understand someone being scared after their significant other is injured and decides to leave them. If married I can not. Surely it sucks as I lost quite a few friends and girl friends after my accident. What gets me is after 5, 10, 20 years then they leave?

I just can not see the picture. Here most people who discus there divorce always bring it back to their disability. My spouse left me because of my disability. Ok, now1 why? Hey, a lot of people who get divorced are not disabled. People/couples still argue and fight disabled or not. We have had many fights in our eight year marriage. But for the most part here, the disabled divorced spouse writes but shares no clue on the other reasons he/she left me? There are two sides to each story and it takes two to tangle.

I highly doubt that people are telling stories here, but why do you think your spouse left you? I have read so many boo-woo stories of how a spouse left them and and I guess they themselves did nothing wrong at all? Or at least they don’t say anything.

In my opinion, and I have bee wrong many times (plz see wife) that disabled individuals can be very hard to deal with. I was to at once, but I realized it hurt me more then those around me. I wanted those around me to know/feel and understand my pain. It why I guess it took me 12 years to get married. I was a “me man”.

Today I try to listen to my wives needs first. She cleans cooks, takes care of the kids, does some yard work, washes the clothes, organizes, etc, etc, etc, and helps me out. Her day is full as she also works 3-4 days a week. (Ps. I do work full time and am the bread winner, my wife works because she wants to get out of the house too) Kids are screaming, the house is a mess, dinner is on fire, my/her parents are coming over. I grab the kids and have them be my arms. Sitting there watching baseball barking for a beer won’t help anything. Clean their ro0oms, brush their hair, get dressed. It takes me a lot longer then my wife to do, but I need to help too. I do all the tasks that I can do to help her out. I blow the driveway, pay the bills, get t6he kids out of the house for a few hours, etc. I wont say the job is perfect, but my helping is appreciated even if not said so.

So, why did your spouse leave you? Money issues? No lovin, laziness, whining, bosy, demanding, complaining, no help, no attendants, not being thoughtful of all that they do?

Mike

[YYZ]

Like you said Mike, relationships are not perfect regardless of the physical situation. Just browse through any of the hundreds of relationships forums available on the Internet to prove your point.

YYZ

[qbounce]

Mike, I think that's a very valid question, but you're BOUND to get alot of one-sided answers.

I started divorce proceedings BEFORE my injury, so afterwards, she came back to help out for almost two years. . . definately the most difficult ones after a SCI.

Slowly, the same old problems arose to the surface, mainly my Ex'es addiction issues. . . . . alcohol & pain pills (including MY Vicodin).

I'm MUCH better off without her problems in my life, and I feel more strongly than EVER that I'm better off now than I was then. Sometimes you have to take two steps back in order to eventually move ahead. Now I'm waaaaay ahead.

Cheers to those who stick in there!

[nomis]

I could give you a different reason for each day of the next year as to why my wife and I split and she'd give you an equal number that are totally different. We're still close friends and out of choice live near each other. She's since remarried, I haven't. Overall, we seem to be better as friends rather than living together - she's too stubborn and says I'm too stubborn. Actually, what she doesn't accept is that my way is always the right way, so there. Now we're both happy.