[Kev-O]

I was shaving an thought to myself what keeps me from being depressed. I thought long an hard an i came up with what i call The 10 Keys To Avoiding Depression. So take them or leave them i just hope this helps someone.

1. Accept the fact that you may never walk again.
Thats right i said it. YOU MAY NEVER WALK AGAIN. Not very many people will tell you that but i will. Im not trying to sound like an asshole, but some time you need to know when to put that dream to the side an go on with life. Not many people with SCI get up an walk out of rehab. It happens dont get me wrong but the odds are stacked against you. Accepting that fact will make your life much easier trust me. When i first got my SCI i could not wait till the day i could get up an walk again. I would lay in bed every night wishing i could walk again. What it really came down to was every day that passed that i was not walking was like my dreams were being crushed each day. That can take alot out of you, more then you might realize. If your going to walk again then its going to happen, if your not then oh well no point in feeling sorry for yourself the rest of your life. Get out an have fun. Your not going to walk again because you sat around all day feeling sorry for yourself wishing. When your family and friends come up to you an say "oh i just know your going to walk again some day" just say if it happens it happens if it does not then oh well.

2.Dont play the "what if" game.
You can "what if" a million times, an no matter what you say its not going to change back time. What if i had my seat belt on, what if i was just 5min's late, what if i didn't decide to go out drinking that night? Non of that matters right now. What matters is the fact that you need to stop looking back in your life an start looking forward to the good things that are in store for you. Yesterday is gone an tomorrow might not come. so let your hair down an have fun

3.Dont think about what your life would have been like if you didn't have your SCI This is just like number two. You cant look at whats behind you our COULD have been in store for you. If you think about what your life could have been like, your going to always picture yourself living the perfect life just how you thought it was going to be. But we all know life does not work that way. For all you know you could be in a worse situation had you not had your SCI.

4.Get out of the house as much as you can.
Sitting around the house all day gives you to much time to think, whether its thinking about what your life could have been like, telling yourself what if, or just thinking about the shitty hand you were given in life. If you stay busy then you dont have time to think about that junk
. Everyone knows thinking to much leads to depression, so dont sit around an vegetate go out an do something.

5. Get a vehicle an drive drive drive!
Keep in mind, when i made this key i did understand that you do need to take out a small lone to fill up your car with gas. Now with that said before your accident you lived life how you wanted to (for the most part) but when you receive your SCI to the time you go out driving by yourself for the first time someone is in control of what you do. Getting back behind the wheel of a car can change the world for you. You dont have to depend on someone to drive you around an you can come an go as you please you get that decision back in your life. Driving should be the number one on your list of things to do once you get out of rehab. You sit in a wheelchair all day but being in the driver seat of a car gets you away from the whole wheelchair thing. Out of sight out of mind. If the wheelchair is out of your sight then it's out of your mind.


6.Let it out.
Dont hold back feelings, dont be afraid to talk with someone or cry. Its ok if you cry because that means your not keeping all those bad feelings bottled up inside you. Find someone to talk to, a friend, parent, teacher, consular, preacher, etc......... If you cant find someone then you can always get on here an find a friend to talk to. there are alot of good ears on this form an they are all willing to listen to you an help you with hard times. Most of the time it is easier for you to open up to someone you dont know, just make sure your talking to a credible person. If you dont know who you can talk to on here just ask Simon he will point you in the right direction.

7.Dont be afraid to laugh at yourself.
Just because your in a wheelchair does not mean you have to be so darn up tight. Pull the stick out of your ass an make jokes about yourself an other people. Laugh! Your not going to look like an asshole if you make a joke about yourself an your SCI. If anything thats going to make the people around you relax because they may not know how to act around you. Just try an bring a little sun shine into your life an others. If you surround yourself with people that remind you your in a shitty situation then thats going to bring you down.

8.Remember if you get knocked down get right back up.
Life in a wheelchair is hard as hell trust me i know, but as time goes on it gets easier. The trick to it is to find your groove. An easy life in a chair is full of a bunch of little tricks. Just because they showed you how to pull up your pants one way in rehab does not mean you have to do that. Play around an try different ways. find out whats the best for you. Once you learn how to do the simple everyday things life will get easy which in turn will make you happy.

9.Dont let people do stuff for you.
If you can brush your own teeth then DO IT! If you can get dressed on your own then DO IT! Yes i said find out whats easy for you an yes having someone do stuff for you is about as easy as it gets but your not doing yourself any good. This comes back to having control in your life. Being able to do things for your self is a good feeling. It sure would suck for you to miss out on that feeling because you took the easy way out.

10.There is always someone worse off then you.
Not much i can say about this. Just keep this in mind next time your feeling down.



If anyone can add to this or hell if you want to add your own key please do. I hope this helps, if it does not then sorry i could not help.

This post has been edited by Kev-O: 06 May 2008 - 08:57 AM

[Tom S]

Spot on Kev-O. Good advice.

When I got the "good news" in hospital after a m/c accident nearly 20 years ago, my first thought was "just give me a gun and I'll finish it". Then I remembered how my Dad always told me as a kid to "be a good soldier" when I fretted over something and your 10 keys pretty much covers it.

A great pity that so many people in our situation just cannot get their heads round it though.

[Quad65]

Very well said.

I might add a thought. If you want people to be relaxed and at ease with you and you want friends, then put others at ease. Make them feel comfortable. Ask them about themselves and their interests. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their own interests. If you take an interest in and are outgoing to people, you'll be rewarded in kind.

[Trinity]

Nicely put Kev!

Think I've done everything on your list at one time or another except the driving thing and that's definitely on my 'to do' list!

T x

[Andrew Meddings]

geez kev you must have had some spare time writing all that, or was it a sleepless night . but well said . the driving thing the as said by boys above realy needs to be done. once you get behind the wheel everybody is sitting . all of a sudden your not disabled or different.

[Kev-O]

Andrew Meddings, on May 7 2008, 02:25 AM, said:

geez kev you must have had some spare time writing all that, or was it a sleepless night . but well said . the driving thing the as said by boys above realy needs to be done. once you get behind the wheel everybody is sitting . all of a sudden your not disabled or different.

lol It was not suppose to be that long when i started. It took me the better part of an hr to do all it. I just hope it helps.

[Stacia]

Kev-O, on May 7 2008, 02:43 AM, said:

Andrew Meddings, on May 7 2008, 02:25 AM, said:

geez kev you must have had some spare time writing all that, or was it a sleepless night . but well said . the driving thing the as said by boys above realy needs to be done. once you get behind the wheel everybody is sitting . all of a sudden your not disabled or different.

lol It was not suppose to be that long when i started. It took me the better part of an hr to do all it. I just hope it helps.

Great post, Kev. You remind me a lot of another guy I know.

Talk to you later, Buddy.

Staci

[longhaul]

Great advice Kev-O and one more that I have found helpful is "don't carry a grudge no matter what ever it is get it settled and go on" Thanks

[Kev-O]

longhaul, on May 7 2008, 03:30 AM, said:

Great advice Kev-O and one more that I have found helpful is "don't carry a grudge no matter what ever it is get it settled and go on" Thanks

yes very good point. I think everyone can work on that SCI or AB's.

[carole338]

Great post Kev.

I should tack it on my frig. The only thing I need to add to it is "Take the help available to you. If you need meds to get you through, take them. Don't be a martyr.” I have a tendency to cut back on my pain meds. I don’t like feeling not in control. This causes me a lot of depression.

[Kev-O]

I am reading a book right now called 25 ways to win with people by John C. Maxwell an the book had a great motivation story that i think might help a person dealing with depression. The story is about a guy named Gary Smalley.


Before an audience of nearly ten thousand people, Gary held out a crisp fifty-dollar bill an asked them, "Who would like this fifty-dollar bill?" Hands started going up everywhere.
"I am going to give this fifty dollars to one of you," he said, " but first let me do this." He proceeded to crumple up the bill. Then he asked, "Who still wants it?" The same hands when up in the air
"well." he continued, "what if i do this?" He dropped it on the ground an started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, All crumpled an dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Again, hands went into the air.
"you have all learned a valuable lesson," Gary said. "No matter what i do to the money, you still want it because it doesn't decrease in value. It is still worth fifty dollars."
Gary's simple illustration underscores a profound point. Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make or the circumstances that come our way. We may feel as though we are worthless, insignificant in our own eyes and in the eyes of others. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, we never lose or value as human beings. Nothing can take that away. Never forget that.

This post has been edited by Kev-O: 08 May 2008 - 05:41 AM

[Tired of hurting]

Thanks Kev-o for the post! There is so much truth in what you had to say...Now if we can all wake up each morning,and remember it...Our new paths will look pretty good!

[Ches]

Good Job Kfed, didn't know you had it in you!

Damn your number 9. I love people catering to me. I will admit its ruinning me, it has me spoiled, lazy, and always expecting.. beyond that when Im in a mood to do it all myself I find that things can get difficult because I'm out of practice and not mentally prepared to deal with the hassle.
So, again .. Damn your number 9.

[brooksbdb]

Great Post Kev-O, I am still working on the driving thing myself.
They delivered my new van last thursday, now i get to look at it until they start my training. Bummer. but it should only be a couple more weeks. I know it will do alot of good to feel independant again.

Again great post!!

Bill

[Illinois Boy]

GOD, Am I depressed........

Jim

[Spike8968]

Excellent story, I wish my 'fifty dollar bill' would feel the same about herself.

[rue2you]

Kev-O - this is tremendous! I try to remember these things often but you have put it into words for us. Thank you. Sometimes, I get in the "mood" and work my way out of it by thinking these kind of thoughts. It really does help!

I love Gary Smalley. I have read several of his books.

Spike - tell her. Over and over and over and over and over....I think you got it!

[StillFingers]

Kev-O, you got it, the wisdom that a few years of this SCI dance reveals...well said, felt, Sir!

I'll be thinkin bout other possible additions to your list...after I get some rest

Be well!

[xxm]

"GOD, Am I depressed........"
Jim

Impossible, a man with such an incredible sense of humor can not be depressed !
After reading this I was cured immediately of my long lasting depression.

Thank you Jim

[LeahC]

I loved them apart from number 10, I don't like to go about thinking of people worse off in order to make myself better. Someone out there is making themselves feel better as they consider us worse off - how does that make you feel?

[xxm]

"The 10 Key's To Avoiding Depression"

Outstanding wisdom for a man of 22. The only thing I would add is "work". Congratulations Kev.

[rue2you]

Leah, if I can make someone feel better by being worse off than them, than that makes me inspiring! That is a great feeling for me! So...at least for me, I don't mind #10.

[25femalepara]

Good advice kevin but I'm not going to accept the fact that I may never walk again I just can't.

Illinois Boy, on 08 May 2008 - 09:56 PM, said:

GOD, Am I depressed........

Jim

U n me both jim

[tyvin]

LeahC, on 30 May 2010 - 04:40 PM, said:

I loved them apart from number 10, I don't like to go about thinking of people worse off in order to make myself better. Someone out there is making themselves feel better as they consider us worse off - how does that make you feel?

It's a fact a good one to remember. I don't believe he's running around frothing at the thought of someone else worse off; it's just the way it is and we all should remember it. There is always someone else worse off somewhere in the world. I use it all the time. As for the others they're great as well.

Thanks,

[adam_downunder]

As everyone has already said, that's a great post Kev.

I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to pinch it for part of a presentation I'm doing at the Spinal Injuries Unit here in Brisbane on Thursday. I think there's a lot of good stuff there that the current crop of patients need to hear.