[hillarymcarter]

Well, it is the one year anniversary of my husband's accident.
I didn't realize it would be so hard! I woke up crying! It isn't because he is paralyzed. In fact, I woke up and just said "thankyou" to God because Bruce is here in one peice. I am crying because I can't forget the way I felt on that day. It feels like a horrible, ugly dream and it is all coming back to me today.
My question for everyone is:
Did you do anything special on the one year anniversary of your accident?
I am treating it like Bruce's birthday because he died three times that day and was "reborn"!!!
I am taking him to a Willie Nelson concert and we are going backstage to meet him!

[wheelie182]

To be honest, mine has past twice now and both times i forgot, i dont see why they need to be remembered, just brings back bad memorys, i always try not to think of what i could do before that day, its hard, but i try and think of myself as always been paralyzed, in fact somtimes i do feel like that, even though its only been two years, but some people in my family make it very hard for me to forget, specially my mum, she has made the situation very hard, always bringing up the past, and always getting upset and angry when i can't do stuff, i try so hard to move on, but she always brings up the past, and looks at me like shes ashamed and says how fragile i look,........

[hillarymcarter]

Wheelie, I know exactly how you feel about the past. Our family makes it hard to forget the bad times. I think it is because they don't live with all of this everyday like we do. I think it is easier for us to get around it because we know everything will be fine. Since others can't see that our life is fine, they feel sorry for us.
We are celebrating today....God gave us another chance to live and we feel like we should acknowledge that. I honestly don't think I will ever forget that day...it keeps me in constant check of my life. I remember thinking the day of the accident how stressed I was about school, marriage, work, housecleaning, etc....Now, when I get stressed I remember that day and realize how much worse it would be. This accident has actually made me a much more laid back person.

[Joed]

Hillary...I really like your approach to this. As long as you have something to genuinely celebrate, then I think it can only be good.

Wheelie...I guess it'd be difficult to shut off the 'mother thing' in these instances. Of course, she's going to find things to worry about when it comes to her son and his health.

I hope your Mom will find a way, when she's tempted to get upset about what you've lost, to celebrate what you can do.

Just a thought here...have you allowed yourself to grieve the losses with her? Or have you held back when she's upset...being the 'strong one'? It may be that she keeps re-visiting the negatives, seeking out your participation in it? She just might need your involvement in order to find her own closure.

It's just a thought, but I can see instances in my own life where I've needed not so much to express my emotion, but share it with someone else...in tandem, alongside them.

We women/mothers are very dynamic in the thinking/feeling arena, and it can be confusing to men, I think. Hell, it's confusing to me!

[wheelie182]

Thanks Joed for the comments, but she just seems to get upset and angry all the time, even two years after the accident, everyone else has moved on, i dont know why she can't,

[wheelie182]

Suzy, the bed your husband will be in does depend on his injury, although you don't really get beds at home that turn you, its more usually having a district nurse to come out and help, well i may be wrong, but i haven't heard of it,

when i was in hospital i had a bed that lifted up on either side, to relieve the pressure of one side of the body, and put more pressure on the other side, although this still did require assisstance from a nurse,

but if your husband can turn himself, this will of course not be necacessery, what level is he?

But he may require some sort of extra pressure relieveing matress,

[wheelie182]

No, your husband is very capable at that level, and there is no reason why he can't sleep in the same bed as you, you just might need to get a more suitable double matress, see how it goes,

i sleep on a standard matress, although i made sure that it didn't have any of those buttons, as they will cause pressure,

just make sure that the sheets are always pulled very tight, ie no creases, and that you always pull the covers right back before going to bed, just to make sure there is no small objects, as this are the main cause of pressure sores, people leaving things around like small stones,lego etc, and then when a paralyzed person sits on them or goes to bed, they can't feel them, and wake up with a nasty pressure sore, which could take months to heal,

the main areas you want to look out for are the boney parts of the body, where maybe not so much in your case as it is a new injury, but where muscle wastage has occured, such as the butt, which makes the butt bones very prominant, also be carefull of the knee, ankle and any other parts where there is a fine layer between bone and outer flesh,

you must at all costs avoid pressure sores, as not only do they stick you on bedrest for long periods of time, but they leave nasty scars, but that area will be prone to future pressure scars or tearing.

you say your husband is incomplete, can he feel any sensation of his skin below, would he know if he was sat on somthing?

Hope this helps, and dont think any questions are stupid, just ask them, its better to be safe than sorry, and they will probaly help other people,......but dont email members with questions, ask them on the forum, so again other people can see the replys,

good luck

[kennyren]

Hi i am C/5/7/ and live in U.K. TURNING IN BED when i was in hospital they used to turn me evry 3 hours when i came home they give me a bed and a whellchair. Now i have a electrit wheelchair which i got from S.S. wheelchair service for nothing do you have a s.s. worker and a occutacional therapist these people are ther to help you dont let them fob you off you can allso get respite moneyes to go on hoilday with . I was married but got divorced after 18 years to much for her i am married again but she has to work so we can live so i have to have carers in most of them dont know much about spinal cord injury i am fed up with telling them how to do enemas and manuals so if i have it on p.c. they can read it on ther

[carolline]

Suzzy-A guest,

There's other matress that you can alternate to your regular one.We called it "PRESSURE RELIEF MATRESS" it's very soft and it has a cover like water proof.You can just put it on the bed frame,but I do'nt know what other sizes they have.Or you can maybe made to order the size you desired.And not sure about the prize.I'm just thinking this..it may help for you,even he will not turn for a long period.It will not contribute so much pressure sore.Try to browse the Disability Equipment for sale/Wanted.
And you can sleep together..with your husband

[hillarymcarter]

My husband is on a hospital bed because he came home from the hospital with sores on his rear and calf. He will be able to come back to bed with me when those heal.
About last night....Willie Nelson was awesome!!!! We got to sit on the stage so we were like 5 feet from him! We had the best time. Bruce got reallllly drunk and he was so cold his feet were purple when we got home! We built a huge beer pyramid on our table!
At the end of the night, his brother had a mental breakdown. He started crying and saying that he thought everything was his fault. Then, he got in 2 fights with his best friend in our yard and me and his girlfriend had to break them up. He finally just started walking home down the highway. I called his dad to go get him. I am so frustrated because I feel like he ruined what was supposed to be a celebration for my husband. Anyway, I can't talk about it right now because I am pissed!

[Bob Clark]

Ooops. That's me up thar. My new computer went on the blink and needs to take a long ride allll the way to Texas. Grrrrr. So I finally got my "spare" computer up and running and forgot to log in.

And about the anniversary of our injury. The past two years I totally forgot about it. Maybe I'm getting senile or it just slipped my mind. It was two weeks after when I realized the date had come and gone. Never thought that would happen.

[James]

Bob Clark, on Oct 29 2005, 01:36 AM, said:

Ooops. That's me up thar. My new computer went on the blink and needs to take a long ride allll the way to Texas. Grrrrr. So I finally got my "spare" computer up and running and forgot to log in.

And about the anniversary of our injury. The past two years I totally forgot about it. Maybe I'm getting senile or it just slipped my mind. It was two weeks after when I realized the date had come and gone. Never thought that would happen.

No way do I want to recall that night and the days after. I just let it slide by if possible. After all this time, my family and I can pretty well accomplish that. Or at least, they do not remind me of it.

[Apparelyzed]

For about the first 5 years after my accident, the driver of the car used to come around to see me, and we used to go out for a drink.

But it's been 14 years now, and as time moves on, memories fade and you tend to be too busy living life in the present rather than the past.

I've forgotten my crash date for about the last 5 years now, it's just not as an important part of my life anymore.

Simon.

[Cloudy]

My anniversary is Feb 2. It will be 8 years for me this Febuary. I usually treat the day as a normal one, as much as i can. Its hard to forget the day that your life was changed so dramiticaly.

[Grant]

It will be 29 years this January since my motor bike accident, and I have have never really thought too much about the date of the accident. Most years I may remember the date in passing, many times it goes by with out me thinking about it. I think my Mum may remember the date as she tends to remember birthdays and other anniversaries but she or my Dad never really talk about the date or time to me... which is good, I just want to get on with life.

[ramona]

REGARDING the AnniversarY( WE DONT THINK OF IT AS AN ANNIVERSARY) but know what you mean. We seem to just say the 1st or 12th year of" the Accident", the difference with you guys and us is the one p-aralized was only an infant at the time.He was 8 months old ( 12 now) He doesnt remember when it happened and we dont remind him.There was some years we forgot the day until a few days or even weeks after. Its been 12 years and now we have a whole new situation to deal with....Him goin into middle school and being teased(yes sadly it happens) and other issues, seems like after so many years we forget the date of the accident because we have too many more things to deal with, But we did remember "THE DAY" for the first few years!! It just so happened the family had another kid born on the same day of the accident(years later) so it will always be remembered.I am new to this site and still cant see your response(you left one befor) I will master this site yet! R

[Joed]

Quote

Bob Clark wrote:  Maybe they have other water-repellant materials that breathe a little that he can use.

They do make pads for changing babies that are of a non-wicking material. The one I have is about 2ft square and quilted with a soft material on one side and a stiffer, but not plastic, material on the reverse. Mine was given to me as a gift when my son was born (glad I kept it!), so I don't know where you can find them, other than an infant specialty store. (?)

Hillary....Willie Nelson is my all-time favorite performer. I've seen him many times, but would love to meet him. He's the only person I've heard of who has smoked a big hooter on the roof of the White House. Gotta love it! Sorry your BIL put a wrench in things later in the evening....but if you sat that close to Willie, then I know that at least part of your evening was unforgettable.

This post has been edited by Joed: 20 November 2005 - 06:47 PM

[hillarymcarter]

Willie was amazing!! That was the best concert I have ever been to! It was really surreal because he is such a big star from way back, you know? He sounded exactly like he does on all of his CDs. He was super nice. He changed hats, hankerchiefs in between every song and he would throw them to the audience. It was awesome! I always cry when I hear "you were always on my mind"..it is beautiful! It was sad that he had to leave early. He could hardly play towards the end because of his carpal tunnel syndrome.

[gazrobsuk]

Hi Hilary,

Well perversely I send out an 'update' to all email interested folks & I like to hit the send button at precisely 1pm on the 9th June (my accident time but was in 2000) I don't know why but it's something I do, but certainly I'm aware of the exact 'anniversary' & I guess I 'celebrate' being alive & having the function that I have. Prior to this I sit & look at my diary section on my web etc & review all my achievements etc so I can let folks from all over that I know of my progress via an 'update' email & also I plonk it on my web.

5 years post injury & I'm still fighting to get the best out of it & I've done pretty good I think (pain permitting)

Gary

http://www.gazrobs.freeuk.com

[mish62]

Hello All,

I do not have an accident date like most of you here, because my journey to a wheelchair has been over several months. I have a lesion that spreads through the thoraic part of the spine and the thing is close to the spinal cord. I have added complications of spinal osteoarthitis and now the surgeons are looking a possibility of MS. I was so in awe of you all and all that you have been through. At least with my condition i knew and could prepare as best as i could for a lifestyle change (and god what a change it is,lol)
Sometimes i have a cry because i remember what it was like to be so active, but now i just have to be active in a different way(pain permitting).
Still, i think its good to mark an anniversay with something positive even if the anniversary is of something not so nice.

Take Care

Michelle