[Siegejay]

G'day folks.

I am a member of an Australian veterans motorcycle club and one of our members was injured in an accident while touring America. At this stage he is classed as a quadriplegic, being on a ventilator to breath and stomach tube for feeding. He has no feeling or movement from the neck down, but can understand and react to people and questions.

With luck he will be transferred from the US to Australia early next week and will be in a local hospital's spinal unit. We don't know full details and, of course, what the future holds.

We, of course, will be keen to visit him - something most of us dread. I had a brother in law who died last year from cancer and apparently I said all the wrong things to him when he was diagnosed. A little research on the internet guided me on the right path.

So now I am seeking advice on behalf of myself and my clubmates. What do we say when we get to visit him?

I know it's a big ask, but I feel I am in the right place - frequented by those with varying stages of paraplegia and their carers.

Anything you can pass on will be appreciated.

Thank you.

[Kev-O]

your doing the right thing by coming on here an asking questions. The first thing you have to remember is he is the exact same person its just he cant move his arms or legs. Talk to him just like you would if he was standing next to you. from what you said it seems he does not have brain damage so dont talk to him like he's a kid or def. If he can talk, talk to him about his situation an things that happened to him in the hospital. Dont be afraid to ask him questions about his injury but just dont ask him how he pisses an shits, kinda a touchy subject with us. Everyone in a wheelchair likes to talk about what happened an stuff........ ok well at least i do. Dont be afraid to bring up old riding story's. you can ask him how his American ride went up until his accident. dont be nerves to be there he is the same person, he will be able to tell if you dont want to be there. Oh an tell him about this site. we would love to have him here.

[longhaul]

Hi man there isn't much you can say really I guess saying you're sorry about his loss is something he has probably heard a hundred times. Maybe the best thing would be to see what he wants to do ask if there is anything you can do for him. What I noticed was at first quit a few people came around to see me but as time dragged on they became fewer and fewer so just going to see him and spend some time watching a game or race or movie or just bs'ing just don't forget him. Take care.................

This post has been edited by longhaul: 21 May 2008 - 05:46 AM

[qbounce]

Sorry to hear about your friend,

Just being there is as good as 1,000 unspoken words. How about asking him, "is it true that American hospital food really tastes so bland." See if he'd like a request for something he's been craving to eat, like BBQ spare ribs . . . when I was in the hospital, I couldn't wait for someone visiting to bring me real food!!

Hopefully he'll be eating by then.

This post has been edited by qbounce: 21 May 2008 - 05:48 AM

[edlee]

What you say isn't nearly as important as saying something.

The only thing you can do wrong is,,, nothing.

Feeling forgotten is what feels the worst to me. Say anything,,,, but say it in person.

ed

[nomis]

All the good things have been stated above so I can only repeat. Being there in person is the big thing and visiting a second time or more later when the initial buzz has died down.

Don't expect too much. There isn't likely any special or right thing to say or do. He's probably feeling as awkward as you cos it's all new to him, too. Be genuine, laugh or cry but no bullshit. There's no reason you can't come away from the visit feeling good.

[Siegejay]

Thanks folks - all comments and suggestions appreciated.

Unfortunately, this is the sixth accident among our group with two others suffering back injuries, but not permanent, so I suppose we've had a little practice at hospital visits, although none as serious as this.

Please keep the suggestions coming and I'll pass it onto the boys.

Just as an afterthought, I gather a lot of you are Americans, well, after this, - all I can say is 'God Bless America'.

Our bloke got the best care possible in a Bakersfield ICU and the support from American Vietnam Veterans has been outstanding - special mention to Dave Barr (lost both legs in a landmine explosion). His expertise and kindness went beyond the norm - and his kindness in looking after our mate's partner was just the best.

Thank you all.

[E-DOG]

Siegejay, on May 21 2008, 07:30 PM, said:

Thanks folks - all comments and suggestions appreciated.

Unfortunately, this is the sixth accident among our group with two others suffering back injuries, but not permanent, so I suppose we've had a little practice at hospital visits, although none as serious as this.

Please keep the suggestions coming and I'll pass it onto the boys.

Just as an afterthought, I gather a lot of you are Americans, well, after this, - all I can say is 'God Bless America'.

Our bloke got the best care possible in a Bakersfield ICU and the support from American Vietnam Veterans has been outstanding - special mention to Dave Barr (lost both legs in a landmine explosion). His expertise and kindness went beyond the norm - and his kindness in looking after our mate's partner was just the best.

Thank you all.

You've heard what to say.
Here's what not to say. " hey, I'm takin' great care of yer ol' lady!"
Seriously though. Your company will mean more than ANYTHING.
Sit next to him and watch some tv. If he's not able to, or not in the mood to communicate, just sit by him for a while and read. Or maybe read an article to him from his favorite magazine.
Try to visit more than once so he doesn't feel he's slowly being abandoned. He's gonna have a rough 6 months or so of rehab.
6 accidents among your group?
Yall might wanna try fishing or maybe billiards.
Sounds like it's gettin' kinda rough out there.

[Siegejay]

G'day Folks

Didn't want to appear to post and run, so here's an update on our bloke.

He was transferred by air ambulance from Bakersfield CA to Brisbane, Australia at the end of May (insurance wanted him out of an expensive American hospital back to free services in OZ). He is currently in the Spinal Ward of a southside Brisbane Hospital. You can read his story on our website www.qldvvmc.com

His spinal cord was not severed but crushed and signals are getting through apparently, but are a little haywire, so he has no real control over his limbs - if any at all. But he is able to sit in a wheelchair (albeit it for short periods before he becomes uncomfortable). He is breathing, talking and eating normally, but no feeling 'below the tits' as he describes it. His partner and son are constant visitors to the ward and help with his feeding and rehab.

We, his club brothers, visit as often as we can and if you visit the website, you will see we have gotten into fundraising overdrive so his future needs are taken care of. I don't think most of us overly sympathise, but try to treat him as our mate who just lies down a lot. Pity and maudlin behaviour from either side tend to make for a depressive visit. We concentrate on the more positive aspects and still involve him in club business, politics and intrigues (I've told him to get better quicker cos I'm sick of doing his job).

The bloke in the bed opposite came into the ward in an apparently worse shape 6 months ago and will be walking out of there shortly, although with the aid of crutches. Whilst giving noone false hope, he is our benchmark.

Time wil tell, but our bloke will not want for any help.