9 replies to this topic

[wheelinPEACE]

I was wondering what everone thought about the idea of paralysis being harder on one sex or the other. Does one sex have it harder with paralysis or is it the same hell for both sexes?

If ya think one has it worse......why?

[BillS]

I've only experienced the guy side but taking a rough guess I'd say the girls have it harder. Assuming all other things are equal they have some additional things to deal with.

The extra plumbing involved and the position of it must make it harder to catheterize yourself. Plus add in dealing with the tampons/pads etc are probably harder after an SCI.

[ruth]

From a girl point of view, roughly the same amount of shit, but for slightly different reasons, eg girls have more problems with plumbing, but their SCI doesnt usually affect fertility and girls can still have a fairly normal sex life. Guys have it easy as far as plumbing goes but nighmares having kids and can have problems rising to the occasion as it were!

I do think guys have it slightly harder pyschologically (never had to ask for help reaching things etc before their accident) but easier physically due to more upper body strength. The other things girls have to deal with is that there are so few of us - SCI wards are full of guys, not girls.

Why do you ask?!

[wheelinPEACE]

I asked because I have been in my chair for 12 years and I dont knw many woman that are sci like me. and the guys that I knw with sci seem to adjust easier than I have. I go and do but I seem to be scared of my chair compared to the guys. I will not jump a curb. so I think being in a chair is hard for all but men can "enjoy"
the chair more. I say enjoy as to say enjoy a four-wheeler or skateboard. I rode these befor I got hurt but was kinda scared of it too and didnt fully enjoy the ride like a guy does.

Edited by wheelinPEACE, 24 May 2008 - 07:44 PM.

[ruth]

wheelinPEACE, on May 24 2008, 08:43 PM, said:

I asked because I have been in my chair for 12 years and I dont knw many woman that are sci like me. and the guys that I knw with sci seem to adjust easier than I have. I go and do but I seem to be scared of my chair compared to the guys. I will not jump a curb. so I think being in a chair is hard for all but men can "enjoy"
the chair more. I say enjoy as to say enjoy a four-wheeler or skateboard. I rode these befor I got hurt but was kinda scared of it too and didnt fully enjoy the ride like a guy does.

Lose the fear! The worst that will happen is that you fall out of your chair and feel a bit of a prat - happens to me quite a lot. I do jump curbs but not more than 2 steps, and only then if there is not other option - cant do flights of stairs on my own in my chair, as I dont have the upper body strength, however I dont have to as I'm light enough to be lifted.

I do know what you mean about the skateboarder type attitude, some of the low level male paras used to make me feel a bit inadequate.

Edited by ruth, 24 May 2008 - 08:03 PM.

[KarenFerguson]

Plumbing wise I could see how it would be more difficult for a woman. However, socially I think men have it harder. Men are stereotypically supposed to be "strong" and "tough" ... etc. I could see how the chair might effect these notions in the eyes of the general public - however wrong and untrue they might be.

About being "scared" of the chair ... sometimes you just have to force yourself to do things - like going off curbs. Just make sure you know what you're doing ... you don't want to fall. Of course, you never have to do anything you don't want to.

[wheelyman]

I agree with Karen that men has it harder with the stereo type that men should be physically stronger. I know that feel weak as a man as I can not physically protect my wife and she has had to take over a lot of traditionally male tasks. It is hard for me to have to be dependent on her in some situations, especially with the hygiene aspects.

Then when being married I think men has it easier being cared for as a female handles the adjustment from wife to wife/helper easier as a male would do. It is just that for males even the sexual part changes so dramatically. I still sometimes wonder how my wife sticks it out with a quad, as I find it hard to.

[nomis]

Of course, there is no real answer to this. In the minor detail there are variations as others have pointed to.

As a wild generalisation, I'd say boys tend to have a more aggressive approach to independence. Adventure and mechanical things seem to appeal to males which helps when it comes to using a wheelchair and adapting things. Maybe females use their brains differently to figure out their way to achieve the same thing, like taking a taxi or sweet talking a boy into repairing the wheelchair.

Males also seem inflicted with a pride that they can do anything. They want to be seen as physically strong and capable which is a bugger when you can't stand on your own two feet.

It seems less acceptable for a man to be passive than it is for a woman. In the societies I'm familiar with, there is often an awkwardness around physically assisting males. So by more readily accepting assistance, I feel fem SCIs often get to better places with less effort than us males. (oh the envy )

I'm sure it happens but I'm yet to witness a wife pick up her SCI husband in her arms and bound up a flight of stairs. And once in the bedroom the man has the double anxiety of erections.

But I bet for every generalisation there are enough exceptions to make you wonder if there is any real difference. One truth is that I'm male so can only experience this as a male. If reincarnation is real I'm willing to try life as a female when I'll have something worthwhile to say.

[coolbreeze]

I think it's harder to see someone do something u can't do period from a sci view. Sex is lol ........... Just start sex mentally. I've tried a few things with wifey tt's and some licky test position . She wants more so i'm buying toys oils etc..... lol . Somebody will have a good time.

Hopefully my 2cents helps.

Let's keep it rolling and pass it around.

[qbounce]

It's harder on the guys because it takes more of us out of the AB world at large . . .

We're also more stupid in taking risks that land us in a first-class ride to the hospital!!

Oh, that's not what you meant?

Nevermind!!