47 replies to this topic

[wheeels]

I blame my lack of superpowers

[jetski]

To the list.

I am surprised at the number of members here that have SCI as a result of accidents.

Now, remember, I was asked by Kata to post a comment, and since she didn’t exclude my name, here goes.

For the most part, there seems to be 2 major categories of blame, if one is wishing to assign blame. The most acceptable and most popular is one’s self. There is at least one other venue for blame, and that actually is someone else.

I use my case as an example. I was sent to Southeast Asia to fight in that crazy Vietnam war. A chemical company developed a spray to kill all plant life so it would be easier for us to find and kill the enemy. They called it “agent orange.” They didn’t bother to ask me or any of my brothers what we thought about it. I waded among dead bodies of my brothers and tried to help in some way by reaching out to them as they lay bandaged from head to foot. They kept asking me to help them, and they kept asking me why they were dying, but I couldn’t help them. We never thought of blame.

Many years later my brothers and I began to have problems with our health. When we complained, the government told us we were nuts. A lot of us developed a tumor they called Schannoma. It grew on our spines and crushed our spinal cords. None of us new what was happening to us then. I spent time at the VA hospital in Iowa, and all they would tell me is that they had no idea what was wrong with me. They told hundreds of my brothers the same thing.

Now its too late. Agent orange was a great success. My brothers are still dying, including me and I end up on this list telling my story.

Do I blame anyone, NO, but I guess I could if I wanted to. Its funny, but I was raised in a generation that most of you here have never heard about. We were raised to take whatever life handed us and to keep on going without saying anything. This did not make us any better, it just happened, that’s all. This was the World War 11 generation. They have called it the silent generation.

Pointing the finger of blame accomplishes nothing except momentarily filling a couple of tiny holes in one’s mental attitude, and this is only for a very short while.

As for God, No. Isn’t it also funny that nobody anymore believes in God except when they want to blame Him for something.

Well Kata, you asked, but I guess I shouldn't be digging that deep into old memories. It isn't healthy.

jetski

[qbounce]

Healthy, at least for some of us to hear, jetski.

I could always use a good dose of humble pie . . . thought it was next to the apple at Marrie Calenders, but, alas . . . 'twas Rhubarb!!

Good story, though. Really . . .

[Emily C]

Mine wasn't an accident, it's congenital.

I'm not angrey, although I'm going through some rough emotions sometimes. I am recently officialy dx as of dec '07.

I'm just trying to live my life as upbeat as posiable! I believe that my faith in God gets me through some rough "spurts". Still learning, and growing, and sometimes I come crashing down..then I get up and start again!!

[jetski]

Way to go Emily. I, for one, enjoy good post.

jetski

[Oldsparkie]

In my thirty years as an electrician I must have been up and down ladders tens of thousands of times. But on one fateful day fives years ago I went up it ok but came down awful fast. never to go up one again!!!!!

Who can I blame? An interesting thought, what is blame anyway?

I could blame the ladder...but it can't talk back. I have no option but to blame myself but where does that get you, certainly not back on your feet so why bother?

[jane]

I didn't have much of a choice, either have the operation and maybe have a sci or don't and it will happen eventually. So in a way i blame myself. My friend blames himself 'cos he thinks he persuaded me to have the op. i have tried to reasure that this wasn't case.

strange how people think isn't it.

[C Herod]

MY HUSBAND LOVES THE BLAME GAME. HE DIDN'T WEAR HIS SEATBELT. HE WAS DRIVING WAY TO FAST. HE BLAMES HIMSELF FOR DRINKING TO MUCH AND TRUSTING A FRIEND TO DRIVE HIM HOME. THE FRIEND LEFT HIM TO DRIVE HIS SELF. HE BLAMES HIS FRIEND FOR NOT DRIVING HIM HOME LIKE HE SAID. HE BLAMES ME FOR ARGUING WITH HIM. THEN HE GOT MAD AND LEFT. HE BLAMES ME FOR GETTING THE BEAUTIFUL RED 2006 MUSTANG CONVERTABLE WITH BLACK RACING STRIPES. I MYSELF HAVE A HARD TIME WITH BLAME. NO ONE TO BLAME BUT HIM. I TOLD HIM SO MANY TIMES NOT TO DRINK AND DRIVE.

[sits2much]

I heard a lot of people while I was getting better tell me they would be pissed off at the world and all sorts of crazy shit, truth is I blame no one or thing it is what it is!!
Now I blame the medical community for not helping us in trying to find a way to get us some normalness back to our lives, they are to busy putting money into other stuff!!
If they can make a little blue pill stiffen your man parts up why can't they find something to help stiffen us up huh!! Why I ask you why!! HAHAHA

[Cheshire]

I don't know who hit me, or what the situation was. Hit and run. I was doing everything I should have. I was that random innocent bystander statistic.
I no longer have any trust whatsoever for law enforcement, though. My family and I were told pretty much point blank that there was nothing they were going to do. The whole thing was botched so bad that it seems like a coverup, and scripted from a bad movie. I'm not going into detail...it's been a pretty rough week, and it's early in the day.
Not quite 2 years for me. I'm nowhere near out of the woods. Just found that out last night.

[Ben]

Cheshire, on Jul 17 2008, 07:11 AM, said:

I don't know who hit me, or what the situation was. Hit and run. I was doing everything I should have. I was that random innocent bystander statistic.
I no longer have any trust whatsoever for law enforcement, though. My family and I were told pretty much point blank that there was nothing they were going to do. The whole thing was botched so bad that it seems like a coverup, and scripted from a bad movie. I'm not going into detail...it's been a pretty rough week, and it's early in the day.
Not quite 2 years for me. I'm nowhere near out of the woods. Just found that out last night.

I just blame myself. I was driving. My friend was in the passenger seat. My girlfriend,one of her friends, and another one of my friends were also in the back. I jumped into the back and my buddy in the front drove. Well, we had had 3 beer each before and well it was two in the morning and apparently he was tired. Also my 18th birthday! One mile from home he falls asleep on a curve and in we go. did I mention he had it too the mat? I think the car would only do 80mph but that was fast enough. I never had a belt on and the car flipped end over end and I flew out the back window and landed behind the car face down and was lucky the car landed on it's wheels and not me. I knew where I was and what was wrong right away and I was the one telling them too calm down and where a house was with a phone. Really weird but time slows down somewhat when your screwed in a ditch. Anyway I blame myself. Letting him drive, no belt, not staying at home or something else like trying too get naked with my girlfriend etc... That would have been better. But I still did that later out of the hospital anyway. Once I figured out what too do there...................

[eleanorigby]

When I was first hurt, of course lawyers came out of the woodworks with talks of lawsuits and money, but my family and I turned them away. Even at 13, I knew that there was no one to blame. I was hurt in a diving accident at a public pool, but ultimately, it probably wasn't anyone's fault, it was just a bad dive. I wasn't really doing anything stupid (except maybe trying to impress some boys on the other end of the pool, lol) and the pool had no responsibility. I was a trained diver as well and the lifeguards knew that. Overall, just bad luck. Funnily enough, like Ben, when they pulled me out of the pool (properly I might add), I was the one telling everyone to calm down and trying to be comforting.

I remember at the time of the accident thinking about God, but not in a blame capacity. I was more in disbelief as I kept saying to myself that God wouldn't let something so horrible happen to a little girl who had never done anything wrong, that I didn't deserve what was happening. I think this was more shock than anything. Nowadays, the God thing is a little more complicated, but if I was sure in my belief of Him, I probably wouldn't blame Him either. Like I said, sometimes it's just bad luck, so you pick yourself up and just get on with what you've got. I think this reflects the attitude jetski mentioned, but I don't think it's a generational attitude, to me it's always been the attitude of the working class. I grew up in a family that never had much and my parents had to work crap jobs doing stuff they hated, but they did it without complaint (well, maybe a little complaint when rich people would call my dad out to pump their septic tanks on Christmas Eve because their parties got out of hand) because it was what they had to do to keep us afloat. You do the best with what you've got because what else are you going to do?

[mjrcpd]

I place 100% of the blame on the guy who was responsible for pulling the trigger on the gun that discharged the bullet resposible for severing my spinal cord! EOM

[curbyi]

Me i guess, tripped and fell freak accident.
It helps that it was not reckless thought.
What amazes me is that i never did it playing rugby in the front row!

[Slowlegs]

kate, on Jul 7 2008, 08:45 PM, said:

Do you 'blame' anyone for your SCI? God? The woman who hit you doing 70? The friend that let you drive drunk? The pool attendent letting you dive in the shallow end? That pesky rugby ref not setting up the scrum right?

I personally, don't believe that 'blame' is a healthy nor accurate state of mind. That said, I do believe that responsibility is a good thing to assume and I know several people who don't (can't?) take responsibility for their own injuries when there is no question their own actions led to their situation. Maybe they're nothing but spoilt brats or maybe it's too heavy a burden to carry, what's your take on it?

For the record: - I'm responsible for the RTA that led to my SCI (Don't worry, I beat myself regularly )

I know what caused my injury and it wasn't me. I feel I had a bad day in having the accident but a good one making it to the hospital on time. I was approached confidentially by one of the company directors where it happened and he offered to give evidence against the company I worked for if I wanted to sue them. In New Zealand we don't have the right to sue as we have a no fault system and government provided help in the form of weekly wages compensation, medical costs, rehab, house and vehicle modifications, etc. I didn't attempt to and I am glad I didn't (except when I look at my bank balance sometimes) try to sue. I know that in some countries there has to be blame apportioned in order to get any sort of compensation. I just feel that blaming is looking backward and what people need is to look forward to their recovery and what they can achieve in the future if possible even though blaming is part of human nature.

[glamisgirl]

I blame myself, the beer bongs and the screw drivers + +

[pinkangel]

i was put into my situation by someone else - i had my drink spiked, an 99.9% sure of the person who done it though i cant prove it.
i do blame the cow who done it,
but also partly blame myself for trusting my own insincts and not go out the night it happened, i f didnt want to go out that night, but it was my mates birthday and she was doing the whole" oh come on its my birthday" and " youll enjoy it once you get there"

i think we can spent a life time going over the what ifs..i dont think i will ever stop fully balming myself, but i blame that certian person aswell

[cosmosmallpiece]

The taxi driver who went through a traffic light on red and hit me back in 1965.

Edited by cosmosmallpiece, 29 August 2008 - 02:58 PM.