7 replies to this topic

[HannahBunny]

Hi there,..

Well,.. my mother started going on about this really spunky guy she worked with and set us up,... I found out he was a T12 paraplegic. He is funny, and caring and absolutely gorgeous, and I am hoping that it will evenutate into something alot more. I'm a bit nervous about dating someone in a wheelchair, not because of the fact he is in a wheelchair, but more the fact that it is all new to me, and little things like sex,.. as I have always been a very active person in that field. He tells me he is the "Man who lives out of a chair, but in a chair", which is really cute. He goes Skiing, Rock Climbing, Racing, Swimming,.. you would think he wasn't in a chair,.. and apparently everything downstairs "works" ,..

But still,.. I'm nervous,.. can anyone share stories about how how you met your partners/patients, and what life is like for you?

Thanks

[vyvennee]

HannahBunny, on Jul 10 2008, 12:46 PM, said:

Hi there,..

Well,.. my mother started going on about this really spunky guy she worked with and set us up,... I found out he was a T12 paraplegic. He is funny, and caring and absolutely gorgeous, and I am hoping that it will evenutate into something alot more. I'm a bit nervous about dating someone in a wheelchair, not because of the fact he is in a wheelchair, but more the fact that it is all new to me, and little things like sex,.. as I have always been a very active person in that field. He tells me he is the "Man who lives out of a chair, but in a chair", which is really cute. He goes Skiing, Rock Climbing, Racing, Swimming,.. you would think he wasn't in a chair,.. and apparently everything downstairs "works" ,..

But still,.. I'm nervous,.. can anyone share stories about how how you met your partners/patients, and what life is like for you?

Thanks

Hi there,

I too am new to this. about 3 months ago my best friend set me up with one of her friends. He is a T4 paraplegic and like you I didnt know anything about his situation.
I have been reading the discussions on this forum recently and have found this really helpful so make sure you have a read.
Being that I didnt know much about his situation and what he could or couldnt do i found the best thing to do was simply ask him and be completely honest! If you dont understand something or something is really bothering you, then make sure you tell him. I have learnt so many things from him. Like you i wasnt scared of the fact that he was in a wheelchair, i was nervous that i didnt know anything about the situation and that I would stuff something up or say something silly.
But he was very understanding on my part. I was full of questions and he took the time to answer them honestly. He also explained that each situation is different and thats why you need to ask him specifically.
As we havent been seeing each other for long, its still new to me and im still learning but i hope i can help a little.

He does pretty much everything for himself and I have found that he has this certain zest for life that no one else has! Its inspirational to be honest and it has made me realise how lucky I am.

The only other real advice i can give you, is to do what makes you happy!! People will try and tell you that you deserve better or question your judgement as to whether you really want to go out with someone in a wheelchair, but they are real people.
As I have told him, something like a wheelchair does not define who you are, its the person in the chair that counts. So when/if people try to question you please dont listen to them, do what you want and what makes you happy!!

I hope it all works out for you!!

[qbounce]

Hannah,
As requested previously, read, read, read the posts! Very informative stuff on here, and even fun. Alot of othr posts mention, just let him do everything on his own, unless asked for help. Otherwise, we're all the same.

[Yong]

Shoot...if everything down 'there' works, you have NOTHING to worry about...haha

Most of us need a little help from modern medicine to awake our boys up.

If your mom has already approved of the man, he must be a real good guy. I have dealt in two instances in my one year of injury with family of my girlfriend disapproving me because of my injury. Needless to say I am no longer with either.

Best of luck to ya!

[stevensgirl14]

Hi Hannah,

It sounds like you have met a great guy! I can relate to what your are concerned about. I am an occupational therapist and have worked with those with SCI for a while now. I met my boyfriend online and as it turned out he's a complete T-12. He too, is full of life. He treats me better than I have been treated in a long time. Even though I work with SCI I was on unfamiliar teritory when I started a relationship with him. I hadn't been around SCI's that no longer needed therapy and were back to their normals life.

I treat him very differently than my patients. I freak out over ANYTHING that touches his legs or other people that try to assist him, but I want him to take the trash out and open the door for me. It's the opposite for my patents. Honestly, dating a guy with SCI isn't any different than an AB. We do everything together. We love rollercoasters, the movies, shopping, walking around holding hands, and the bedroom (lol). You can see him here as Steve2778. He can give you a good guy perspective. Good luck to both of you.

Holly

[stevensgirl14]

Hi Hannah,

It sounds like you have met a great guy! I can relate to what your are concerned about. I am an occupational therapist and have worked with those with SCI for a while now. I met my boyfriend online and as it turned out he's a complete T-12. He too, is full of life. He treats me better than I have been treated in a long time. Even though I work with SCI I was on unfamiliar teritory when I started a relationship with him. I hadn't been around SCI's that no longer needed therapy and were back to their normals life.

I treat him very differently than my patients. I freak out over ANYTHING that touches his legs or other people that try to assist him, but I want him to take the trash out and open the door for me. It's the opposite for my patents. Honestly, dating a guy with SCI isn't any different than an AB. We do everything together. We love rollercoasters, the movies, shopping, walking around holding hands, and the bedroom (lol). You can see him here as Steve2778. He can give you a good guy perspective. Good luck to both of you.

Holly

[rmorgan]

I can understand your nervousness completely!! I met my boyfriend, Brad, two years ago. Our friends kept trying to get us to meet each other, thinking we would get along great. We actually finally met, but without the help of our friends, a very funny story, and have been together ever since.

I was more nervous about the sex part. And it took me awhile to be comfortable with talking about it, seeing how we dated for awhile before it actually happened! I never asked questions, and after months of "hooking up" doing other things, he finally was like "what's the deal?!?" Ever since then, no problems. It does kinda suck that we can't have a lot of "spontaneous" sex, but we try as much as possible.

The only advice I can give is to have VERY good communication. It's the key to EVERY good relationship, but especially when faced with something as new as he is.

I didn't find this site until about a year and a half into our relationship, and even though I knew a lot about things from him. I still learn something new here everyday!! So READ, READ, READ, as others have told you. And once you know MORE talking about things will be easier for you.

People ask me every single day of my life how I can do it. Being with Brad I mean. They all sorts of things, like I must be an incredible person, or they "admire" me for being with him, blah blah blah, etc. etc. I LOVE HIM...the person HE IS. Regardless of chair or not. He's not a "task" for me or complicated!

It's no picnic sometimes. I get frustrated with some things. But who doesn't in any other normal relationship??

GOOD LUCK, he seems like an incredible guy!! And don't be scared, nervous, etc. It'll all fall into place if it's supposed to!

[emerson]

Hi Hanna,

I agree if your mother approves that's 1/2 the battle!
I'm sorta in the same boat as you, but it's been 2 yrs. Things are very different in the bedroom, but a good different. Communicate and experiment! It took us awhile before we even made an attempt, but we were emotionally ready and ready for if there was any awkwardness.
I do go thru occasional moments of frustration, but over the long haul, we are still having fun trying new things. Take your time...

Emerson