37 replies to this topic

[Emily C]

I read someone post an interesting thought that I've wondered about, so I thought I'd eleobrate.

A few months ago, my aid was pushing me in my transfer chair and a next door neighbor 'decided' to come over and 'help'. Without warning, he took my chair and wheeled me to the elevator. I have quite a few conditions besides being a para, so u have to be careful with me. I couldn't speak, just was dumfounded that he had the audicity to want to 'help' when he wound up hurting me (minor pain).

I'm a friendly,outgoing person by nature, and this incident didn't thrwat that part of my personality. However, now when someone even comes NEAR me and looks like they are going to ATTEMPT to 'help', I NOW open my mouth. My mom mentioned saying that noone but my aid should touch my chair. I've done this now and it's helped me a lot.

I'm still waiting for my new Tilite (waiting for the demo..DON'T ASK!!! It's been CRAZZY!!!) and after spending that kind of money ($6,000!) You can bet I'll be VOCAL!!! Just wondering if anyone has had similiar experiences. Also, I feel like it IS an INTIMATE thing for someone to do (wheel me) and I only like my b/f, of family or a trusted Aid to do this...anyone agree?

As usual, my best to all of you!!

[Brokeback Brenda]

I totally agree!! I only like certain people pushing me, IF i ask. This is why I opted for the fold down push handles. LOVE EM!!

[KarenFerguson]

Hubby gets this kind of "help" a lot, especially going up ramps or hills (I think the push handles on the back of the chair are like flashing beacons for those pesky helpers). Usually he just kind of takes his time and makes it up the hill on his own, no help needed at all. When I'm with him and he does need help, I usually give him a little shove (I always ask him before I do it, as should anyone wanting to push us). However, my gentle shoving, is apparently a "signal" to those helpers to come to our aid and push hubby. I usually shoo them away, explaining to them that we don't need any help, and that this is my workout for the day as well as hubby's. That usually gives them a little chuckle but also makes them realize that we really don't need help.

Edited by KarenFerguson, 12 July 2008 - 03:53 AM.

[Ian D]

Emily C, on Jul 12 2008, 04:27 AM, said:

Also, I feel like it IS an INTIMATE thing for someone to do (wheel me) and I only like my b/f, of family or a trusted Aid to do this...anyone agree?

As usual, my best to all of you!!

Agree 100% Emily and I thought I was the only one who thought being pushed was a very intimate thing I really hate it when anyone other than my wife or daughter pushes me I think we probably need the help of a good shrink

Ian

[qbounce]

Hi Em,
I take an access bus to get around when I need to go somewhere on my own. These drivers always want to get behind me and push me onto the lift. When they quickly get behind me and realize there are no handles, it really baffles them . . . stops 'em in their tracks--hehe.

I've thought of getting the push handles to hang a backpack from. But then, I consider the downside of people grabbing hold without asking . . . and , well I haven't gotten them yet because of it.

Edited by qbounce, 12 July 2008 - 10:29 PM.

[BillS]

I usually work it like this...

Person comes up from behind and grabs the push handles. I'll say "No thanks, I've got it."

If they keep pushing. "It's really OK, I'd rather do this myself."

At that point if they're still pushing it's time to get serious. I grab both wheels and stop us both dead in our tracks. No one is going to move those wheels if I've got a good grip on them. Then I say, "Please get your hands off of me. I do not want your help."

I've gotten some weird looks when it got to stage 3 but they do get the message.

[Hapahowlee]

I completely understand about personal space even though I'm AB. I actually have a problem with close talkers.

Where my husband works, there was a co-worker who used my husband and his wheelchair as a personal walker. This guy, a diabetic is obesed and had just come back to work from being in the hospital with a leg infection from not watching what he was eating. Everytime my husband would begin to take off to the restroom his coworker would stand up and say, "I'll push you," but he was really using my huband and his chair as a walker because he claimed he couldn't afford one. My husband finally got tired of this crap and told this guy to knock it off. So a shopping cart has taken my husband's place.

Whenever I see anyone disabled or not who might be struggling, I always ask if I could help in anyway. Just the other day at the grocery store there was an AB woman who was having problems carrying her groceries and I offered to help and she gladly accepted. I always ask my husband first if he wants me to push him. Does anyone on this forum get offended when people ask if you would like help if it looks as if you are struggling?

[eleanorigby]

Hapahowlee, on Jul 12 2008, 05:38 PM, said:

I completely understand about personal space even though I'm AB. I actually have a problem with close talkers.

Where my husband works, there was a co-worker who used my husband and his wheelchair as a personal walker. This guy, a diabetic is obesed and had just come back to work from being in the hospital with a leg infection from not watching what he was eating. Everytime my husband would begin to take off to the restroom his coworker would stand up and say, "I'll push you," but he was really using my huband and his chair as a walker because he claimed he couldn't afford one. My husband finally got tired of this crap and told this guy to knock it off. So a shopping cart has taken my husband's place.

Whenever I see anyone disabled or not who might be struggling, I always ask if I could help in anyway. Just the other day at the grocery store there was an AB woman who was having problems carrying her groceries and I offered to help and she gladly accepted. I always ask my husband first if he wants me to push him. Does anyone on this forum get offended when people ask if you would like help if it looks as if you are struggling?

The whole help thing is a double edged sword I think. I will get people asking if I need help for no real reason. I hate waiting for people in pblic places because inevitably someone will come up to me and ask if I need help. I am just sitting and waiting, does it look like I need help? I do get offended on those occasions. However, there are times when I'm obviously struggling (high shelves at grocery stores, difficult doors, super steep ramps) and people just stare at me and offer no help and I get very annoyed. So I guess I just want my cake and to eat it too! I always have to remind myself that people aren't mind readers. Maybe those people that just stare when I am truly struggling tried to help a disabled person once and got their heads bit off for the effort. So I try to be really patient and to be very verbal when I do need help. I ask strangers to do all sorts of weird stuff for me, like back my car out of a blocked space with no seat on the driver's side and hand controls! That's always entertaining. As for being pushed, I hate it. People used to do that when I was younger, so I had the handlebars taken off my chair and that subtle signal has worked wonders. Oh, and the walker dude, hilarious! That would be so annoying, but the guy sounds annoying to begin with is he thinks a person in a wheelchair would make a good walker and the actual person wouldn't 1) notice and 2) be irritated or offended..

Edited by eleanorigby, 13 July 2008 - 01:44 AM.

[Hapahowlee]

eleanorigby, on Jul 12 2008, 06:38 PM, said:

Hapahowlee, on Jul 12 2008, 05:38 PM, said:

I completely understand about personal space even though I'm AB. I actually have a problem with close talkers.

Where my husband works, there was a co-worker who used my husband and his wheelchair as a personal walker. This guy, a diabetic is obesed and had just come back to work from being in the hospital with a leg infection from not watching what he was eating. Everytime my husband would begin to take off to the restroom his coworker would stand up and say, "I'll push you," but he was really using my huband and his chair as a walker because he claimed he couldn't afford one. My husband finally got tired of this crap and told this guy to knock it off. So a shopping cart has taken my husband's place.

Whenever I see anyone disabled or not who might be struggling, I always ask if I could help in anyway. Just the other day at the grocery store there was an AB woman who was having problems carrying her groceries and I offered to help and she gladly accepted. I always ask my husband first if he wants me to push him. Does anyone on this forum get offended when people ask if you would like help if it looks as if you are struggling?

The whole help thing is a double edged sword I think. I will get people asking if I need help for no real reason. I hate waiting for people in pblic places because inevitably someone will come up to me and ask if I need help. I am just sitting and waiting, does it look like I need help? I do get offended on those occasions. However, there are times when I'm obviously struggling (high shelves at grocery stores, difficult doors, super steep ramps) and people just stare at me and offer no help and I get very annoyed. So I guess I just want my cake and to eat it too! I always have to remind myself that people aren't mind readers. Maybe those people that just stare when I am truly struggling tried to help a disabled person once and got their heads bit off for the effort. So I try to be really patient and to be very verbal when I do need help. I ask strangers to do all sorts of weird stuff for me, like back my car out of a blocked space with no seat on the driver's side and hand controls! That's always entertaining. As for being pushed, I hate it. People used to do that when I was younger, so I had the handlebars taken off my chair and that subtle signal has worked wonders. Oh, and the walker dude, hilarious! That would be so annoying, but the guy sounds annoying to begin with is he thinks a person in a wheelchair would make a good walker and the actual person wouldn't 1) notice and 2) be irritated or offended..

Yeah, I completely understand why you would be annoyed if you were just waiting. They are probably the type of people who talk really loud to you thinking you can't hear either, right? I try to keep aware of the people around me and as I wrote earlier disabled or not, if I see someone struggling, I at least ask if I can help.

How did you know the "walker dude" was annoying to begin with? My husband takes anti-bacterial wipes with him to work b/c this guy is always hockin' something every other minute, even while talking to customers in person or over the phone, smells bad, only owns 2 shirts that always have food stains on them and frequently falls on the floor from falling asleep b/c he never debutts himself from his office chair and thinks he knows everything. Other than that, he's not a bad guy He has to have some photos of the boss fooling around on his wife b/c no one can figure out how he has lasted this long.

[Texaswheelz]

Hate it hate it hate it. I have had one chair with push handles and it drove me nuts the number of random people that would walk up and start pushing me, I finally got tired of it and cut them off. Even without chairs I've had people try to push me, makes me want to turn around and push em back. The worse is when I go out and push up this hill near where I live for exercise. I'll fly down it and then turn and roll back up it, sometimes over and over again. I always get people that come over and start pushing me up the hill, they don't say anything, don't ask if i need help, nothing, they just run up behind me and start pushing me up the hill. I roll up it faster then people walk, so for some reason these people that can't catch me without running think I need help getting up the hill, it baffles me.

I also hate doors in public places. I grew up being taught to open doors for women and I still do it to this day, but sadly it usually turns out with the women just standing there looking at me, like there is something wrong with me because I'm setting there holding a door open for them. Just yesterday I was coming back from lunch and was about 10 feet in front of some lady coming towards the door. So I grab it and pull it open and hold it, waiting for to come through. She gets there and just kinds gets a dumbfounded look on her face and then says "oh, you need help with that", not a question of whether I do, but she was just deciding that I had opened the door and was some how stuck setting there holding it. I said no, I'm holding the door for you, go on in, so does she go in? No, she comes and stands in front of me and holds the door and tells me to go on in, she has it now, again she does this while standing a foot in front of the front of my chair and is now blocking the door. This happens way more then it should, but I didn't know what to do, I have no problems opening doors for myself or others and it drives me nuts when people always grab it from me. That normally causes problems since I don't have the best of balance and I'm setting there holding the door out and then some one grabs and it opens it wider, causing me to fall over towards where I was holding the door and leaning a little. Which of course makes them think that I was actually having problems with the door and the first place and so now that they've helped I should be ok, even though their the ones that just caused the problem....GRRRRR

[KimAndSophie]

Emily C, on Jul 11 2008, 10:27 PM, said:

I read someone post an interesting thought that I've wondered about, so I thought I'd eleobrate.

A few months ago, my aid was pushing me in my transfer chair and a next door neighbor 'decided' to come over and 'help'. Without warning, he took my chair and wheeled me to the elevator. I have quite a few conditions besides being a para, so u have to be careful with me. I couldn't speak, just was dumfounded that he had the audicity to want to 'help' when he wound up hurting me (minor pain).

I'm a friendly,outgoing person by nature, and this incident didn't thrwat that part of my personality. However, now when someone even comes NEAR me and looks like they are going to ATTEMPT to 'help', I NOW open my mouth. My mom mentioned saying that noone but my aid should touch my chair. I've done this now and it's helped me a lot.

I'm still waiting for my new Tilite (waiting for the demo..DON'T ASK!!! It's been CRAZZY!!!) and after spending that kind of money ($6,000!) You can bet I'll be VOCAL!!! Just wondering if anyone has had similiar experiences. Also, I feel like it IS an INTIMATE thing for someone to do (wheel me) and I only like my b/f, of family or a trusted Aid to do this...anyone agree?

As usual, my best to all of you!!

I have this happen a lot, but usually people stop and make a comment that I don't have any push handles before they start pushing me. Gee I wonder why I decided not to have any?! This usually gives me time to let them know I don't need "help". If they do start pushing I lean back andtry to hold my wheels so they can't. This works better if you let them take a few steps first as the sudden stop causes them to almost fall over me! This usually gets their attention even if the comment about me not needing "help" was ignored.

Have you ever had people lean on you while in an elevator? I lived in a building last year where there were a bunch of older people and whenever I was in the elevator with anyone they would lean on my chair or even my shoulder instead of holding the railing to keep their balance!

[seeker]

The first time that I met my husband, we went for a walk through the village, and turned into the craft center, and paused. We were deciding whether or not to go in and some woman (in her 60's) ran (and I do mean ran) over and tried to push me out of the way to push him in. I just gripped the handles hard, and said no thanks, I got it. I asked him who that was, and he had no idea. I have had plenty of people here ask if I need help with him, usually it is pushing up hills (I am small in stature so I guess I look like I can't handle it.) The worst one other than that was I was pushing him on a level surface, and some guy pulled up in his truck and asked if I needed help.

[jane]

Yeah, i only like certain people pushing me - i think it is a trust thing. Some people are better than others, my husband is useless and doesn't consider how it feels to be hoiked up and down pavements etc. My 8 year old is better.

I tend to push myself until i get tired, then either ask for help or take it when offerred, my friend who helps me most of the time knows when i am getting tired now and then asks.

Mind you, i had had an argument with him the other week and was feeling very stroppy - so decided i could manage on my own and wheeled off- tried to go up a steep slope and tipped my chair up - that served me right i suppose.

I then had loads of people wanting to help me up and my friend was having to say - leave her she will do it on her own - they couldn't understand that, but i like to sort my self out when i fall and ask if i need help.

I suppose people are just being nice and think they are helping.

[carole338]

I hate any one pushing me in my chair except my husband and occasionally my daughter and grandchildren. It is a matter of trust and know-how. My chair is not set up with high handles for pushing so this makes it difficult for people. I prefer to ‘roll my own’.
Carole

[roxy]

Emily C, on Jul 11 2008, 08:27 PM, said:

I read someone post an interesting thought that I've wondered about, so I thought I'd eleobrate.

A few months ago, my aid was pushing me in my transfer chair and a next door neighbor 'decided' to come over and 'help'. Without warning, he took my chair and wheeled me to the elevator. I have quite a few conditions besides being a para, so u have to be careful with me. I couldn't speak, just was dumfounded that he had the audicity to want to 'help' when he wound up hurting me (minor pain).

I'm a friendly,outgoing person by nature, and this incident didn't thrwat that part of my personality. However, now when someone even comes NEAR me and looks like they are going to ATTEMPT to 'help', I NOW open my mouth. My mom mentioned saying that noone but my aid should touch my chair. I've done this now and it's helped me a lot.

I'm still waiting for my new Tilite (waiting for the demo..DON'T ASK!!! It's been CRAZZY!!!) and after spending that kind of money ($6,000!) You can bet I'll be VOCAL!!! Just wondering if anyone has had similiar experiences. Also, I feel like it IS an INTIMATE thing for someone to do (wheel me) and I only like my b/f, of family or a trusted Aid to do this...anyone agree?

As usual, my best to all of you!!

Everyone seems to be dogging on people that are just trying to help. I'm sure they mean well. I do understand It's a trust issue. Not everyone knows how to properly handle our wheels. They just need to be told this and thanked for their efforts. It's better than being ignored in case you do need help one day. Is there something I don't get?

[allis53ca]

if ure willing to grab "my" chair w/o being asked, you better be willing to lose the hands you grabbed it with...and leaning on my powerchair has gotten more than one foot "accidentally" ran over (oops, not) and a man in an elevator found himself "accidentally" pinned against the wall when he tried to push my pc out of his way once at a dr.s office building....when i was ab, people didn't "move" me out of their way and they don't get away with it now....

[KimAndSophie]

roxy, on Jul 13 2008, 11:47 AM, said:

Everyone seems to be dogging on people that are just trying to help. I'm sure they mean well. I do understand It's a trust issue. Not everyone knows how to properly handle our wheels. They just need to be told this and thanked for their efforts. It's better than being ignored in case you do need help one day. Is there something I don't get?

The problem I have isn't that they want to "help", but when they grab me and push without letting me say they can or asking me first. I bet if they say someone walking down the sidewalk slowly and went behind them and started pushing them it wouldn't be acceptable at all!

I've been dumped out of my chair so many times by people who were trying to "help". When there is a sudden push at the back of my chair I loose my balance which causes the person pushing to stop suddenly then 9 chances out of 10 I fall headfirst into the ground.

I've been "helped" down over many curbs without being asked. I stop at curbs even if the light is already green because my guide dog (I'm also blind) has been trained to stop at them. If someone comes behind me and sees that I'm stopped even for a second they push me. I've been dumped in front of a bus before this way because there was only a few seconds left before the light changed and someone pushed me, my wheels got caught in the crack I knew was there and I landed headfirst in front of a city bus. The tires were only about 5 feet from my body.

Sure I wasn't hit because someone screamed at the driver, the driver was shaking and told me later he was almost physicaly sick because of it, my guide dog was stressed out (sometimes if they get too stressed out in situations like this they don't want to work anymore), and the person who did it walked away really fast instead of trying to help me get up or even saying "sorry"!

I also slowed down last year to go over a crack in the sidewalk on July 4th and people walking behind me (who had enough time to stop or slow down) tried to push me either because I slowed down or wasn't going fast enough for them (I actually had to go slower because the people ahead of me were), and I fell head first onto my neck and the rest of my body just fell onto and over my head. Again the people who pushed me walked over me (literally) and a big crowd of people basically trampled me instead of stopping. A nice woman and her husband stopped and they got me back into my chair but I even got kicked in the face by someone as they passed.

That is why I don't like people pushing me! If someone asks me first and I say yes then that's different, but 99.99% of the time they either don't ask at all, or they ask, but don't wait even 2 seconds for me to answer before they start pushing!

Edited by KimAndSophie, 14 July 2008 - 12:00 AM.

[azx43]

BillS, on Jul 12 2008, 03:41 PM, said:

I usually work it like this...

Person comes up from behind and grabs the push handles. I'll say "No thanks, I've got it."

If they keep pushing. "It's really OK, I'd rather do this myself."

At that point if they're still pushing it's time to get serious. I grab both wheels and stop us both dead in our tracks. No one is going to move those wheels if I've got a good grip on them. Then I say, "Please get your hands off of me. I do not want your help."

I've gotten some weird looks when it got to stage 3 but they do get the message.

When I got my new Tilite, I ordered it without push handles, and that has worked wonders for me. I'm real big on the whole ASKING PERMISSION FIRST thing. I think that when people assume that someone else 'needs' help and goes ahead and does it, that's a short step from kidnapping or even sexual assault. Yep, those are strong words, but I have strong feelings about that particular issue. One time I crossing a street (completely legally; in the crosswalk and everything) and some guy jumped out of his car, grabbed my chair, and 'pushed" me across the street, up the curb, and in the wrong direction. When he finally let go, I whirled around and gave him a peice of my mind! I think that he thought he was helping. I didn't and told him so.

Also, I work with visitors to parks and forests, just about all of whom mean well, and some of whom speak very little English. I have found that what works is to be very polite, but also very firm. Like BillS, I actually will grab and hold the wheels if they insist that they have to 'help'. 99.9% of folks leave off here, but if they continue (which I've actually have had happen), then it's time to lose the politeness. I'm so not advocating being mean to people here, but I feel that I should be treated with the same respect as any other human being, and that includes listening to me and respecting my space. In the far majority of cases, a smile and a firm "No thank you" deos the trick, and re-establishes the equality in the situation. What I dislike, though, is when someone is considerate enough to ask, I politly refuse, and then they stand around and stare at me like I just landed there from space. Just yesterday. someone insisted they had to help me with my jacket, and wouldn't take no for an answer until I held onto it, chattering away about how they are used to helping their 85-year-old mother. I turned to her and said with a smile, "I'm not 85, ma'am" Point made!

Now absolutely nothing is wrong with being 85, and I appreciate that this person found it inside themselves to reach out to someone else, but I very much dislike being equated with a 'needy' individual and it assumed that I CAN'T do something on my own. Just because I use a wheelchair to get around does not make me automatically unable.

On the plus side, on my many ventures out in public, I've noticed more people (especially children) reacting with positive, friendly attitudes to me; some even waving or at least smiling. Since they aren't staring or even giving me unprovoked nasty looks, I'll take it!!

[Emily C]

Brokeback Brenda, on Jul 11 2008, 10:15 PM, said:

I totally agree!! I only like certain people pushing me, IF i ask. This is why I opted for the fold down push handles. LOVE EM!!

Hi, Brenda

Thanks for the reply..I'm ordering the push down handles on my chair also..what an added bonus (certain people pudhing me) I just thought that they would look better! (out of the way) Silly para!!!! Have you noticed that they break easier then the standard ones?? Thanks again!

[Emily C]

KimAndSophie, on Jul 13 2008, 05:03 AM, said:

Emily C, on Jul 11 2008, 10:27 PM, said:

I read someone post an interesting thought that I've wondered about, so I thought I'd eleobrate.

A few months ago, my aid was pushing me in my transfer chair and a next door neighbor 'decided' to come over and 'help'. Without warning, he took my chair and wheeled me to the elevator. I have quite a few conditions besides being a para, so u have to be careful with me. I couldn't speak, just was dumfounded that he had the audicity to want to 'help' when he wound up hurting me (minor pain).

I'm a friendly,outgoing person by nature, and this incident didn't thrwat that part of my personality. However, now when someone even comes NEAR me and looks like they are going to ATTEMPT to 'help', I NOW open my mouth. My mom mentioned saying that noone but my aid should touch my chair. I've done this now and it's helped me a lot.

I'm still waiting for my new Tilite (waiting for the demo..DON'T ASK!!! It's been CRAZZY!!!) and after spending that kind of money ($6,000!) You can bet I'll be VOCAL!!! Just wondering if anyone has had similiar experiences. Also, I feel like it IS an INTIMATE thing for someone to do (wheel me) and I only like my b/f, of family or a trusted Aid to do this...anyone agree?

As usual, my best to all of you!!

I have this happen a lot, but usually people stop and make a comment that I don't have any push handles before they start pushing me. Gee I wonder why I decided not to have any?! This usually gives me time to let them know I don't need "help". If they do start pushing I lean back andtry to hold my wheels so they can't. This works better if you let them take a few steps first as the sudden stop causes them to almost fall over me! This usually gets their attention even if the comment about me not needing "help" was ignored.

Have you ever had people lean on you while in an elevator? I lived in a building last year where there were a bunch of older people and whenever I was in the elevator with anyone they would lean on my chair or even my shoulder instead of holding the railing to keep their balance!

My mouth dropped open when I read that! Elder or not, that's just NUTS!!!! What is the matter with folks??? SHESH!!!! How did u get "out" of that one (in the elevator) btw?? What did u say, if anything?

[Emily C]

roxy, on Jul 13 2008, 10:47 AM, said:

Emily C, on Jul 11 2008, 08:27 PM, said:

I read someone post an interesting thought that I've wondered about, so I thought I'd eleobrate.

A few months ago, my aid was pushing me in my transfer chair and a next door neighbor 'decided' to come over and 'help'. Without warning, he took my chair and wheeled me to the elevator. I have quite a few conditions besides being a para, so u have to be careful with me. I couldn't speak, just was dumfounded that he had the audicity to want to 'help' when he wound up hurting me (minor pain).

I'm a friendly,outgoing person by nature, and this incident didn't thrwat that part of my personality. However, now when someone even comes NEAR me and looks like they are going to ATTEMPT to 'help', I NOW open my mouth. My mom mentioned saying that noone but my aid should touch my chair. I've done this now and it's helped me a lot.

I'm still waiting for my new Tilite (waiting for the demo..DON'T ASK!!! It's been CRAZZY!!!) and after spending that kind of money ($6,000!) You can bet I'll be VOCAL!!! Just wondering if anyone has had similiar experiences. Also, I feel like it IS an INTIMATE thing for someone to do (wheel me) and I only like my b/f, of family or a trusted Aid to do this...anyone agree?

As usual, my best to all of you!!

Everyone seems to be dogging on people that are just trying to help. I'm sure they mean well. I do understand It's a trust issue. Not everyone knows how to properly handle our wheels. They just need to be told this and thanked for their efforts. It's better than being ignored in case you do need help one day. Is there something I don't get?

Hi, Roxy

No, there is nothing you don't get, you are entitled to your opinion. The reason why I posed this was b/c I wanted different opinions. I just feel like my w/c is personal space, and I don't want someone comming up to me w/o warning and just 'helping' when if in fact hurt me. I have NO problem with people asking for help or wanting to, but asking would be appreciated. Since this guy didn't ask, I was surprised. I agree, it is a trust issue!!

[Emily C]

allis53ca, on Jul 13 2008, 01:23 PM, said:

if ure willing to grab "my" chair w/o being asked, you better be willing to lose the hands you grabbed it with...and leaning on my powerchair has gotten more than one foot "accidentally" ran over (oops, not) and a man in an elevator found himself "accidentally" pinned against the wall when he tried to push my pc out of his way once at a dr.s office building....when i was ab, people didn't "move" me out of their way and they don't get away with it now....

WOW!!! Good for you, I admire your guts for the last line, and I understand it!! I'll live through you..ok?? LOL Why should people feel like they can disrespect u b/c u are in a chair? I don't get that, and I never will!! WHY would someone try to PUSH your pc OUT of their way?? YOU'RE IN the thing!! WHY touch you or your personal belongings at all?? Imangine if you touched an AB computer bag?? They'd be furious and this is your means of getting around!! SHESH!!!!!! I'm not as 'vocal' as u are, but then, I'm a newbie!!

Thanks for the reply..just sorry that u had to go through all of that. I hope it's gotten better!

Edited by Emily C, 14 July 2008 - 03:18 AM.

[Brokeback Brenda]

no problem Emily!! I just got this chair 3 wks ago and it's the first time I have gotten the fold down handles so I'm not really sure if they break easy or not. I have been pulled up stairs and lifted by them with no problems at all. I think you are going to be really happy with them, I am. If they do break, I'll order more for sure!!

[Emily C]

KimAndSophie, on Jul 13 2008, 06:57 PM, said:

roxy, on Jul 13 2008, 11:47 AM, said:

Everyone seems to be dogging on people that are just trying to help. I'm sure they mean well. I do understand It's a trust issue. Not everyone knows how to properly handle our wheels. They just need to be told this and thanked for their efforts. It's better than being ignored in case you do need help one day. Is there something I don't get?

The problem I have isn't that they want to "help", but when they grab me and push without letting me say they can or asking me first. I bet if they say someone walking down the sidewalk slowly and went behind them and started pushing them it wouldn't be acceptable at all!

I've been dumped out of my chair so many times by people who were trying to "help". When there is a sudden push at the back of my chair I loose my balance which causes the person pushing to stop suddenly then 9 chances out of 10 I fall headfirst into the ground.

I've been "helped" down over many curbs without being asked. I stop at curbs even if the light is already green because my guide dog (I'm also blind) has been trained to stop at them. If someone comes behind me and sees that I'm stopped even for a second they push me. I've been dumped in front of a bus before this way because there was only a few seconds left before the light changed and someone pushed me, my wheels got caught in the crack I knew was there and I landed headfirst in front of a city bus. The tires were only about 5 feet from my body.

Sure I wasn't hit because someone screamed at the driver, the driver was shaking and told me later he was almost physicaly sick because of it, my guide dog was stressed out (sometimes if they get too stressed out in situations like this they don't want to work anymore), and the person who did it walked away really fast instead of trying to help me get up or even saying "sorry"!

I also slowed down last year to go over a crack in the sidewalk on July 4th and people walking behind me (who had enough time to stop or slow down) tried to push me either because I slowed down or wasn't going fast enough for them (I actually had to go slower because the people ahead of me were), and I fell head first onto my neck and the rest of my body just fell onto and over my head. Again the people who pushed me walked over me (literally) and a big crowd of people basically trampled me instead of stopping. A nice woman and her husband stopped and they got me back into my chair but I even got kicked in the face by someone as they passed.

That is why I don't like people pushing me! If someone asks me first and I say yes then that's different, but 99.99% of the time they either don't ask at all, or they ask, but don't wait even 2 seconds for me to answer before they start pushing!

OMG, I'm SO sorry that people are tHAT disgusting and RUDE!!!! I'm also sorry that you had to go through any of that. SHESH!! BTW, was your guide dog ok? You mentioned that they get stressed....
Maybe we should get signs put on the back of our chairs: "Please ASK b4 offering to 'help' or 'push'!! I think they would prob. ignore THAT too!!! My best to you and thanks for the reply!

[wheeliebear75]

I wouldn't like just someone coming up and pushing me.

But unfortunately I'm also VERY near sighted (a.k.a. legally blind), so I get pushed in crowds or around anything super fragile (my depth perception isn't the greatest) or in new places. I get pushed by others a lot......but they don't just "start doing it"......they say something and tell me where we need to go and why and all that stuff 1st.

[Avocado Baby]

Hi there,

I couldn't agree more! This is something that drives me nuts! I work in a school and get kids fighting to 'help me' and while I appreciate the help, I only accept from the ones I know and really trust. Some of them get really upset with me and say 'Oh...but you never let me push you!' IT'S NOT A GAME FOR GOODNESS SAKE! IT'S MY METHOD OF TRANSPORT!!

Trying to explain that to young teenagers though it easier said than done! I have tried explaining to some of them that someone else pushing me means that I am out of control, which can be really scary if it's not with someone I know I can trust. Some of them understand.

Even if it is with someone I trust, I don't necessarily like them pushing me unless I'm close to them, unless it's a quick shove up a hill or something. It's definitely letting someone into your personal space.

[Emily C]

Pink Ali, on Jul 14 2008, 03:21 PM, said:

Hi there,

I couldn't agree more! This is something that drives me nuts! I work in a school and get kids fighting to 'help me' and while I appreciate the help, I only accept from the ones I know and really trust. Some of them get really upset with me and say 'Oh...but you never let me push you!' IT'S NOT A GAME FOR GOODNESS SAKE! IT'S MY METHOD OF TRANSPORT!!

Trying to explain that to young teenagers though it easier said than done! I have tried explaining to some of them that someone else pushing me means that I am out of control, which can be really scary if it's not with someone I know I can trust. Some of them understand.

Even if it is with someone I trust, I don't necessarily like them pushing me unless I'm close to them, unless it's a quick shove up a hill or something. It's definitely letting someone into your personal space.

Hi, Ali

Thanks for the response and the PM. I emailed u back rght away!! Be well!1

[eleanorigby]

Pink Ali, on Jul 14 2008, 01:21 PM, said:

Hi there,

I couldn't agree more! This is something that drives me nuts! I work in a school and get kids fighting to 'help me' and while I appreciate the help, I only accept from the ones I know and really trust. Some of them get really upset with me and say 'Oh...but you never let me push you!' IT'S NOT A GAME FOR GOODNESS SAKE! IT'S MY METHOD OF TRANSPORT!!

Trying to explain that to young teenagers though it easier said than done! I have tried explaining to some of them that someone else pushing me means that I am out of control, which can be really scary if it's not with someone I know I can trust. Some of them understand.

Even if it is with someone I trust, I don't necessarily like them pushing me unless I'm close to them, unless it's a quick shove up a hill or something. It's definitely letting someone into your personal space.

I used to work in a high school and had the same issue, especially with the male students. I think it was gallantry thing with them, like to let a girl in a wheelchair push herself would be rude. But for the most part, my students were awesome. I think it helped that it was kind of an inner city school that was 95% hispanic, so 1) many of them knew young people in chairs that had been hurt gang-banging or other stupid stunts and 2) their moms and other relatives brought them up to be extremely respectful, especially of women. That sounds weird for inner-city gang kids, but they really are amazingly respectful: calling everyone sir or miss, opening doors for ladies, helping with classroom chores. I miss working at that school! It was such a great experience and those kids were amazing even though they had been kicked out of other schools for mis-behaving. They were always good for me.

Edited by eleanorigby, 15 July 2008 - 11:41 PM.

[Zammo]

I hate it but it's my own fault for getting push handles on my chair. My wife rarely pushes me, but will do it when she knows that we are going up or down a particularly steep incline. But then it's just to make sure I don't flip over which I've done once or twice.

We had some friends stay over and their two boys wanted to push me all the time. Even when I was static I would suddenly start moving because one of their 'angels' decided they wanted to push me around. I'm not a bloody toy!

Don't think I'll bother with handles again.

[pikey]

I was at the front of a crowd of kids watching a wood work demo at a museum and my chair kept getting nudged. Putting my angry face on, I turned to look at the kids several times to no avail. I did not want to interupt the demo so I stayed quite, I would not have normally.

It was only when the demo finished and the kids left I noticed when they moved I moved. I was sat on a wooden floor with several loose planks.

Those kids must have thought I was a real loon, no wonder they did not come near me again!