16 replies to this topic

[china]

Hi,

i'v never used a computer before so i'll ask for you'r forgivness before i start. I'm the partner of a T4/8 para with five children, who needs someone to talk to sometimes.

[Photo_Angel]

HI there China! Welcome to the forum. This site will help you with all different kind of things. It is very informational. If you ever need to talk or just need to vent hit me up!

[ParaforGod]

Hi China,
I also am not very good with a computer, but have found this forum to be so very helpful, the people here are great. Welcome and if you need to talk Im here. I will be praying for you and your family.

[kdenon01]

Hi China! Welcome to the boards. Everyone is so great and helpful!

[KarenFerguson]

Welcome! Glad you've found the site. Isn't it great to talk to others who truly understand? Cheers

Edited by KarenFerguson, 22 July 2008 - 11:12 PM.

[azx43]

Hi China and welcome to the site!

[jass1]

Hi China! Welcome

[Horseman]

HI China

Welcome to the site !

Read through the posts here and you will find lots of great info about any questions you might have. Don't be afraid to ask any thing , everyone here is very helpful.


Robin aka Horseman

[china]

Hi, evryone thanks for making me welcome.Been having a tough time of late,didnt know wether it was worth all the agro. My childern are from a previous reilationship that lasted 19 years, then i went out one night and in came this guy who totally swept me off my feet. Fast forward to a divorce and we moved in together,i love him to bits and could not imagine my life with out him, but he hates me doing anything for my children. He thinks that they dont appreciate what they can do for themselves.Any thoughts? Thanks

[Kevin]

China,

I'm kind of in the same boat with my girlfriend and her children. There are so many things that I think she could do better, or at least differently, to make them more independent, helpful, and respectful. But, the bottom line is that they are HER children, not mine. She raised them for 15&18 years without me doing what she believes is the right way to raise them. What right do I have to say anything to her? I don't, so I say nothing (and keep my apartment child free). The same goes for you and your boyfriend. If you're going to continue to live together, he needs to understand that you are allowed to do things for your kids if you want.

I'm sure there's more to it than just this. The age of your kids makes a difference. Living together makes a difference. Having a 19 year relationship where you were co-raising your children with your husband makes a difference. But, those are my thoughts.

Kevin

[china]

Kevin, on Jul 23 2008, 05:54 PM, said:

China,

I'm kind of in the same boat with my girlfriend and her children. There are so many things that I think she could do better, or at least differently, to make them more independent, helpful, and respectful. But, the bottom line is that they are HER children, not mine. She raised them for 15&18 years without me doing what she believes is the right way to raise them. What right do I have to say anything to her? I don't, so I say nothing (and keep my apartment child free). The same goes for you and your boyfriend. If you're going to continue to live together, he needs to understand that you are allowed to do things for your kids if you want.

I'm sure there's more to it than just this. The age of your kids makes a difference. Living together makes a difference. Having a 19 year relationship where you were co-raising your children with your husband makes a difference. But, those are my thoughts.

Kevin

[china]

Thanks Kevin, He's an only chid and he does not have a good relationship with his mother,he just thinks that my children should pull their weight more. I on the other hand enjoy doin things for them,but if i'm doin anything for them he always finds me something to do for him instead,i think a lot of it comes down to jealousy as he didnt have it with his mum.Would be nice if he could take a chill pill sometimes though cheers china.

[Hapahowlee]

china, on Jul 24 2008, 07:51 AM, said:

Thanks Kevin, He's an only chid and he does not have a good relationship with his mother,he just thinks that my children should pull their weight more. I on the other hand enjoy doin things for them,but if i'm doin anything for them he always finds me something to do for him instead,i think a lot of it comes down to jealousy as he didnt have it with his mum.Would be nice if he could take a chill pill sometimes though cheers china.

Hi China,

I hope you received my welcome email to chat anytime. My husband is a C5,6,7 incomplete and we've been together over 17 years. I was just the live-in GF for the first 7. The last 10 years I've been an official stepmom to his 2 now adult children (30 & 28). We seldom got to see his kids b/c they lived 250 miles away, but when they came to visit I just took over and did things like my mom would do. The kids didn't have to do a thing. If we would've had joint custody and had them half the time I think we would have agreed to give them chores for an allowance, just as I was raised. This would've taught them the value of money, something they are struggling to manage now. But at times, my husband would tell me not to do this or that for them and also tell me what else I could do. He actually still does this even though it's just the two of us now. When I was doing things for the kids, I should've respected his wishes, but hubby was just being selfish and it was in my heart to do fun/nice things for his kids. I never showed disrespect in front of the kids. Actually, it was the opposite, he would be disrepectful to me in front of the kids and this is one reason we are having problems with them now. I belong to a step parent support group as well as this wonderful forum and basically the common sense thing to do is have a long talk with your S.O. and get on the same page about how the household should run and be consistent. The kids, no matter how old should never, ever see/hear the adults of the household have disagreements in particular anything involving them. Find a way to meet halfway on things and hopefully your situation won't be so tense and you won't have to chose between your kids and your S.O. If your S.O. won't budge leave or have him leave. He should never tell you how to raise your children. There were times I would make suggestions to my BF/Husband about things, but the ultimate decision was his. My husband was dealing with what a lot of divorced men go through, which is guilt and this would cause him to want to be his children's friend instead of their father. DROVE ME NUTS! Talk things over with your S.O. and if need be, get counseling to come up with a plan of action if you want to stay together. Counseling opens up a lot of doors, sometimes there's some scary stuff behind those doors, but you face it, break things down and rebuild. You'll learn alot about yourselves and each other. I wish you all the best.
BTW, you can read a little about what I'm dealing with now from a post I left a couple of weeks ago in the General Section.

[reaven85]

china, on Jul 22 2008, 09:32 AM, said:

Hi,

i'v never used a computer before so i'll ask for you'r forgivness before i start. I'm the partner of a T4/8 para with five children, who needs someone to talk to sometimes.

Im new to the whole paralyzed thing. My boyfriend just got in a car accident april 23 2008 He is now paralyzed from t8 to t12. Im 22 and he just turned 20. We have 3 girls all together. I am raising his 2 year old and My 4 and 5 year olds. In addition to that I care for him. He has been so mean lately. I dont know what to say to him to make him happy and since Im here Im the one that he screams and yells at. Im having a very hard time here. The only time he is happy is when he is with his friend. His mother disowned him after the accident cause he chose to live with me. We have been together a year. He has never been a good boyfriend in fact just two days before the accident I caught him talking to another girl...I love him. I love him more than I love myself. When he was in the hospital I never left his side I slept in the truck outside the hospital for 14 days. Then he went to rehab for a month and everyday I was there first thing in the morning. I am really unbelievably depressed right now. What do I do when he is screaming and yelling at me? When I try to talk to him he says if you dont like it leave I dont need you. Ill go to a home. I cant even begin to tell you how many times he has told me to leave. so I just wanna talk to others. I think that might help me a lil

[rmorgan]

Oops

Edited by rmorgan, 15 August 2008 - 06:17 AM.

[rmorgan]

rmorgan, on Aug 15 2008, 12:44 AM, said:

Oops

Sorry...was having some computer problems...a lil' late and too much beer.