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Was Told To Go To Nursing Home This Morning, By Relatives




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23 replies to this topic

#1 fatdave

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 06:36 PM

So this morning i was told by my aunt i needed to go to a nursing home and send my fiancee back to the cockroach infected abusive home she grew up in.

These are "christian" people, their excuse is "the place is always messy with kids toys and my briefs draw flies" my briefs are always wrapped in a plastic grocery bag when thrown away and with a 3 year old its really hard to keep the floor picked up. and i live in the basement.

It hurts, after all the work i have done and all the things i've done for this family they treat me like this. I am so beside myself. to think that people you are supposed to be loved by would treat someone like this

they said i told them i'd only be here for a few months, well its been 2 months july 21. I have my social workers working hard on this problem, but none of them have any answers.

another thing that bugs me is i pay rent, i buy my own food, i never ask them for anything except a ride to the store for my fiancee. they dont have to come down stairs, they dont have to change a brief, they dont have to cook for me. they dont have to do anything! just keep their dumb asses upstairs and collect rent money!

they claim to be such good christians, and told me "i dont have to lay my pearls before swine" my reply was "if anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of god be in him?"

i dont claim to be a christian, but i do believe.

i was called a user (even though i pay for my own things) and a loser. i have no clue where im going but i will live on the streets before i enter a nursing home.
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 - 1915)

#2 City Girl

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 07:24 PM

Darlin', you're far too young for a nursing home. You'd never be accepted. Some people are just mean-spirited...regardless of religiosity. I know some people who are the kindest-hearted individuals you could ever meet...Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Agnostic, Atheist... There are others who are just monsters...Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Agnostic, Atheist. People are people. Stick with the winners! Don't listen to the losers!
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#3 Trinity

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 07:55 PM

Hey Dave

City Girl is right, just because people claim to be Christian it doesn't automatically make them good people. I was looking at your walking video, you have made so much progress in such a short space of time, keep it up! You have already proved people wrong and you will continue to do so.

Good luck!

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#4 C Herod

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 09:12 PM

My husband was thirty at the time of his accident. 7days in a hospital and they shipped him off to a nursing home. The hospital paid for 30days there since we didn't have insurance. They wouldnt let him come home with me because i was 8 months pregnant and didnt know how to take care of him. Well let me tell you neither did that nursing home. All the things you hear about nursing homes on tv are completely true. I say some terrible things there. I basically took care of him there instead of at home. It just cost us more money for gas and food. They did help us some but I would never ever have him in a place like that ever again. I would have rather him been home and taught myself then been going back and for from home to work to a nursing home. Then the day he did come home the very following day i went to the hospital and had our daughter. Those idiots then i had to come home to a new baby and my husband just getting home and trying to adjust to everything at once.

On a different note sometimes if you are in a nursing home there are programs that you can qualify for right away that you have to wait for if not in a nursing home. I just found this out last week. They said that we could have gotten on a program thru texas dept. of aging and disabilities and would have gotten medicaid that would have paid for dr visits medical and perscriptions. Every bit of it. Either i had an idiot social worker there, or the lady more than likey didn't tell us because they want you there to make money. This of course is very up setting. We didn't qualify for medicaid thru SSDI. I was unaware of this other medicaid for the disabled. To think we have been struggleing with paying for everything out of our own pocket when we could have had help. OMG it makes me sick to my stomach. That is why now i always say you have to find that one person who really knows what their talking about. There are things out there you just have to find them.

I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to go. Christian people can be some of the worst people just like anyone else. I'm sorry for your situation. I hope you can find a way to get thru it and work things out.

#5 Hapahowlee

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 10:03 PM

Hi Dave,

You have a lot going on. It was just yesterday I was reading your post about your SSI payments, which aren't really substantial enough to feed you and your family.

I see you have social workers helping you, but where did you find them?

Have they or you called Human Services for St. Louis County 314-615-4516? There is a # for the homeless, which seems you might want to call 314-802-5444. There are so many programs provided for the elderly and disabled such as housing, meals on wheels, etc. I know you aren’t elderly, but the gov’t tends to lump the disabled in with the elderly.

You can also call the Department of Health or the Secretary of State's office, your local representative or senator's office.

I don't get why your social workers haven't found anything yet to help you. You are obviously in a crisis situation and you are disabled. Those social workers need to get on the ball and it's going to take constant phone calls from you to get something to happen or else they won't realize how seriously you need help. If you are involved in any gov't programs in MO and not getting the help you need call an Ombudsman. In MO you can call 800-309-3282. Get everyone you can involved. You can’t just rely on a couple of people. The more people you call, the faster you will get a result(s) from someone. Good luck and keep us posted. HAPA

#6 E-DOG

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 10:12 PM

Dave,
And no, I will not call you fatdave. If you want to make fun of yourself go ahead. But I'm not gonna help you trash whatever self esteem you may have left. That's on you bro.
And I can say this shit cuz I'm probably fatter than you!
Anywhoo.
I'll assume you're not a veteran cuz if you were you'd have a lot less shit to worry about.
The hospital where you got your rehab-do they deal with a lot of SCI's? If so there may be some board and care places around there.
An unlicensed board and care is fairly reasonable as far as rent and food goes and will get money from the county for your care and medical needs. If you have a fiance, she can do some footwork as far as research into a better situation for the two of you.

Being an atheist, I'm not going to talk to you about "christian hipocritical behavior" as it's a waste of time and people on this site get pissed at me when I do.

Much as I hate the idea of work, yuck, it sounds like your upper body is still in good shape. If you ain't makin' the money you want, get some training and find a career.

As Quad65 is fond of saying, "either get busy living or get busy dieing"
E-dog
when it absolutely, positively, has to be destroyed overnight, call the Marines.

I will nevah, EVAH take a pinch from a greasy muddahf*@kah like you!

How 'bout if I spell it out for ya. D-I-L-L-I-G-A-F

#7 Illinois Boy

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 10:20 PM

I hope your christian Aunt and relatives ROT IN HELL..........

Good luck to you Dave........
Jim


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#8 fatdave

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 10:27 PM

ok, well i contacted my voc rehab indepentent living social worker and she went to bat for me right away. monday i am meeting with a person from H.U.D. to fill out for emergency section 8 placement.

Paraquad (a disability resource here in st.louis) has stepped up and offered 1st and last month rent, deposit and people to help move my things. and boy did my case manager have a thing or two to say to my aunt and grandmother.

wars are fought on the basis of religion, and the only reason i brought it up is because these people are spouting religous verses and thanking god for everthing.
i was raised as a southern baptist but i have drifted away from it because of the teachings of a certain preacher, the same one that told me in the hospital this was gods punishment for my glutony.

a nursing home isnt an option. there is no damn way i would go to one. they want me to go to the same one that my grandfather died in. they same one they protested because of unsanitary practices. why would i? im not feeble, im not near death.

a doctor said that they would "re-dianose" me with something if it came to it and re-admit me to a rehab hospital. but then my fiancee and son are out on the street yet again.

The hardest part is dealing with all this is i have a son, and a fiancee to worry about, if it was me i could find a place to crash.

thank you all for listening, and thank you hap for those numbers, they gave me the heads up about a program for homeless disabled people that places them in short-term shelters.
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 - 1915)

#9 fatdave

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 10:44 PM

E-dog, its cool man. i've been called alot worse than fat my in life time! its a nickname i really dont mind. i am what i am.

i dont know what i am anymore, agnostic,atheist, satan worshiper. but i do understand where you are coming from. people seem to get alot hot under the collar about religion.

and to answer another question someone had, my social workers are from a bunch of places. i have 1 through my hospital, 1 from medicaid (useless as tits on a boar) and one from paraquad.

Paraquad and the hospital social worker are 2 great people, they have done so much for me today, and gotten me so much info and help. also my home nurse (does my protimes, and general health) has helped, she gave me 2 numbers to call im thankful that i have alot of people that care, it really helps at times like these
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 - 1915)

#10 knowthill

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 11:45 PM

This site just freaks me out. I know exactly what you are going through. Not quit to the point where I will have to go to the nursing home yet, but my home nurse told me she will not come to my place any more citing reasons you have stated. We have a messy home a soiled transfer board bla bla bla.

I have not been able to get out of bed for the last few days and it has more to do with lost of hope then actual physical problems. I got here and you put into words what I feel. Your words have helped me and I believed this is not a fluke.

Now I am not going to tell you god guided me to this site today to help. And I know it is up to me to get out of this mental situation, I just what you to know you are not alone and because I do believe in a higher power will be thinking of you too. Please take this in the spirit intended and pull yourself up if not physically but mentally and emotionally. I have a better chance of doing the same because of you.
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#11 Hapahowlee

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Posted 01 August 2008 - 11:52 PM

E-dog, its cool man. i've been called alot worse than fat my in life time! its a nickname i really dont mind. i am what i am.

i dont know what i am anymore, agnostic,atheist, satan worshiper. but i do understand where you are coming from. people seem to get alot hot under the collar about religion.

and to answer another question someone had, my social workers are from a bunch of places. i have 1 through my hospital, 1 from medicaid (useless as tits on a boar) and one from paraquad.

Paraquad and the hospital social worker are 2 great people, they have done so much for me today, and gotten me so much info and help. also my home nurse (does my protimes, and general health) has helped, she gave me 2 numbers to call im thankful that i have alot of people that care, it really helps at times like these


Dave, so glad to hear someone got on the ball. Yeah, I wondered where you found your Soc. Workers. Didn't seem as though anything was being done. I can't believe I forgot about Paraquad. I knew someone on their board who was actually also on the board of the place I used to work and he and I used to talk about what was going on in the field. It's a good organization.

It really is too bad your own family treats you this way, but you are better off without them. They will drag you down and hinder your recovery. Now you will be free to work on you and not have to worry about offending these all so mighty righteous people. Sorry, I shouldn't talk bad about your family, but that's just rotten. I don't believe in organized religion or labeling. I just believe in being good to people and maybe not so good to bad people, but overall help the people who really need it like people who are really trying to help themselves. YOU DAVE!!!! Thanks for keeping us posted and I do pray even though I'm not anything. I'm basically sending strong, positive energy your way and hope good things happen for you and your family (son & fiance). Screw the ones who claim to be your family. Maybe you should leave them little gift bags here and there before you leave :P

#12 Alta

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Posted 02 August 2008 - 03:09 AM

I watched your introduction video. You come across to me as being in no way a "loser." That was a good video, Dave.

#13 cate

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Posted 02 August 2008 - 05:44 PM

Dave I am really sorry to hear about your Aunt and Grandmother, I find that so hard to believe. Thank goodness for your girlfriend and son, They are your family, and yes your girl friends has a lot to do, and young child will help to keep house untidy, Whats a matter with your Aunt trying to be helpful, What a christian, has she never heard of the good samaratain., I would remind her. You are going great guns, so carry on, we will encourage you all we can here. O I feel really annoyed for you, ,would like to come round and give them a good slap, and a piece of my mind. Not that would do any good.
All the best
cate

#14 Hapahowlee

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Posted 02 August 2008 - 11:31 PM

Dave I am really sorry to hear about your Aunt and Grandmother, I find that so hard to believe. Thank goodness for your girlfriend and son, They are your family, and yes your girl friends has a lot to do, and young child will help to keep house untidy, Whats a matter with your Aunt trying to be helpful, What a christian, has she never heard of the good samaratain., I would remind her. You are going great guns, so carry on, we will encourage you all we can here. O I feel really annoyed for you, ,would like to come round and give them a good slap, and a piece of my mind. Not that would do any good.
All the best
cate



Good idea Cate! Maybe this would fall under the thread I started about fighting for the rights of persons with disabilities. I was referring to writing, calling, emailing on behalf of others who feel they have been wronged by a company/establishment, et. al. But, I think we could all rally together and give a good smack to people who deserve it :seehearspeak:

#15 Kwag_Myers

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Posted 02 August 2008 - 11:46 PM

they claim to be such good christians, and told me "i dont have to lay my pearls before swine" my reply was "if anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of god be in him?"

Let me preface this by saying that I’ve spent pretty much my entire life studying the bible. So, from a theological perspective, the “pearls before swine” thing has nothing to do with material possessions. In fact, the early church (recorded in the book of Acts) sold all of their possessions and gave the money to the church. Just to set the record straight - when Jesus talked about not throwing your pearls to the pigs, He was referring to preaching the gospel to people that didn’t want to hear it.

As for loving God, “He that loveth not, knoweth not God…” 1 John 4:8 So now we know where your aunt stands.

Sorry for the sermon Dave. It’s a big pet-peeve of mine when people misuse the bible to hurt others. I was raised American Baptist and I don’t think much of them either. One of the main reasons I attended bible college is to know when people are misquoting or misrepresenting the bible (wolves in sheep’s clothing).

Looks to me like God is showing you some favor. I hope it works out for you.
'Cause that's how I roll! Posted Image

#16 jass1

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Posted 03 August 2008 - 06:41 AM

I Was Told To Go To Nursing Home by my wife i was in rehab at the time

#17 jeffv

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Posted 03 August 2008 - 06:54 AM

Hey Dave,

If there is one thing I have learned is that when someone claims to be a "Christian", they use it to hide behind who they really are! Watch Out!! (I used to say turn around and RUN, RUN as fast as you can - but since my accident I can only ROLL! LOL)

A true "Christian" does not have to proclaim it. They live it!!!

A persons actions tells you who they are....Your Aunt's actions show she is anything but a Christian.

A Nursing Home is a last resort - Don't be forced into this if you are not ready.

I am a paraplegic, and I understand what you are feeling. Those around us forget we are Normal Adults!

#18 purple_faeries

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Posted 03 August 2008 - 08:20 AM

every time my husband gets in one of his 'tempers' he says that he's going to divorce me and put me in a nursing home but the next day it's gone again. Although mostly at the moment he's been saying that he wants me to die.

Men and their tempers eh?

Purple


#19 hurbshankin

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Posted 03 August 2008 - 05:33 PM

Yeah, screw the nursing home. I spent three months in one, I'm only 35. When I had my accident I was about 95% done building my home. I had to stay in a NH till it could be finished. I was fortunate that the facility was decent but no place to live. I'll never go back to one, shoot me first.

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#20 reaven85

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Posted 03 August 2008 - 07:43 PM

So this morning i was told by my aunt i needed to go to a nursing home and send my fiancee back to the cockroach infected abusive home she grew up in.

These are "christian" people, their excuse is "the place is always messy with kids toys and my briefs draw flies" my briefs are always wrapped in a plastic grocery bag when thrown away and with a 3 year old its really hard to keep the floor picked up. and i live in the basement.

It hurts, after all the work i have done and all the things i've done for this family they treat me like this. I am so beside myself. to think that people you are supposed to be loved by would treat someone like this

they said i told them i'd only be here for a few months, well its been 2 months july 21. I have my social workers working hard on this problem, but none of them have any answers.

another thing that bugs me is i pay rent, i buy my own food, i never ask them for anything except a ride to the store for my fiancee. they dont have to come down stairs, they dont have to change a brief, they dont have to cook for me. they dont have to do anything! just keep their dumb asses upstairs and collect rent money!

they claim to be such good christians, and told me "i dont have to lay my pearls before swine" my reply was "if anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of god be in him?"

i dont claim to be a christian, but i do believe.

i was called a user (even though i pay for my own things) and a loser. i have no clue where im going but i will live on the streets before i enter a nursing home.


I know how you feel. After my bf accident his mom wanted him to move in with her. Well he is 20? We already had our own place. We have 3 girls all together. he has 1 daughter and I have 2. Well his mom hates me. I STILL DONT KNOW WHY! So to make a long story short she disowned him and told him that as long as he is with the whore (me) She doesnt want to see him. Oh and she told him this while he was still in ICU!
Heaven - H + R = Reaven

#21 fatdave

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Posted 03 August 2008 - 08:22 PM

What has angered me about the whole thing is i didnt want to come here, i knew what was going to happen. i just had this feeling that i wasnt really welcome and they were just trying to save face in front of their chruch and other family members that were worried about me after the injury.

This was the closet place to my beloved rehab hospital, and nearest the hospitals. i was living in a very rural area, 30 miles from the nearest hospital in a mobile home, that was fine when i waas able to climb steps but i just couldnt do it after becoming paralyzed. so they offered to let me stay here and get the rehab i need, and the training and so on.

i told them i needed to stay until i got into a accessible housing program. at the time i was told it takes 3 - 6 months to get into one, after i called around and told them my plot i was told most places dont accept people under 60, or with children under 10, or smokers, or or or or. so i finally found a great place that would accept myself, my family, my pet, and was accessible. only thing is they have a very long waiting list 10 - 18 months, so i decided to sign up for public housing, section 8. that takes another 6 - 12 months depending on many factors.

A month after i came home i sold my truck, because i cant climb in a lifted 4x4 truck and i cant drive a manual transmission, i had to wait for the buyer to get the other half of the money together. that took a few weeks, and during this time i was looking for a vehicle to buy, and talking to my O.T. and P.T. about what to buy. in all this time they never said i shouldnt do this.

Now their main point is, i should have been looking for a house, and when i explained what i was doing (calling, waiting list, calling some more, waiting more) they claimed i was lazy and not doing it fast enough and that im stupid for wanting to buy a vehicle that i can get into, and be able to go to the rehab hospital for my P.T. they say im a loser, and that im not going to get any better because im not working hard enough, yet i go to bed exhausted every night from my exercises, standing, and working.
These people that claim to love and respect and care so damn much never once came down when i was meeting with my in-home P.T. to see the strides i have taken, never once asked how i was doing.

They expect me to take the small amount of money i have and find a house,pay first and last month rent, deposit,and moving cost. I lack any furnishings, all i have is a hospital bed, wheel chair, and laptop. i have sold EVERYTHING just to pay bills, eat, and take care of myself. so when i do get a home, what the hell are my family supposed to sit on, eat on, and sleep on?

These christians have no answers, just "go to a nursing home, you wont have to worry about anything there" what the hell kind of answer is that?

I know many christians that would literaly give you the shirt off their backs, these are the same people that are bad mouthed by these "good christians". and thank you kwag, i might have to bring that up if they start in on me again.

They hate my fiance, say she's a slob, and a bitch, and a bad mother. they hate her because she is 19 and im 24, they dont like anything she does, because she doesnt meet their standards.

my fiance just graduated from highschool, while she was a mother and a caretaker to me before my SCI. She is learning disabled, and has trouble consentrating. I have worked with her for years on this, they dont understand why i would help her "she is a lost cause"

Devin is not my biological son, but i claim him as mine and plan on adopting him. he is my world and he calls me dad, his real father is a man that abused and violated my fiance. They have even went as far as saying that "Julie must have done something to that man (in his 40's and began sexually molesting her at 11) for him to think it was ok"

I have never claimed to be a christian, but i feel i am a good person. I try to understand everyone's point of view, i try to help anyone i can, and i love people, even ones others have cast aside.

All this hurts me, and for strangers from around the world to care more about me and whats going on in life more than my own family cuts really deep, i know im pouring out my life story and my heart to here, but this is a type of therapy for me. Some of you have been in my place, and i love the input. if it wasnt for apparalyzed, i dont know where i would be. when i found this site in rehab i was really lucky, i spent most of my time here reading, and learning.

THANK YOU ALL!!!
Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
Elbert Hubbard
US author (1856 - 1915)

#22 Emily C

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Posted 04 August 2008 - 02:16 AM

HI, Dave

I am SO sorry to hear of your plight. As a para myself, I just want to get into my scooter and fun over their toes for you!! LOL

I am also grieved by your fiancees horrific past torments. I hope she is getting some counseling.

As a Christian, I am amazed by your family and their ability to tell you that you should go into a nursing home and the othe r "helpful" advice that they gave you.
It's amazing to me that they would quote the Bible to "redeem" themselves in their belief in telling you to go into a nursing home. They sound like lazy, uncaring people (sorry to say that) who are selfish also. Hmmmm, not very Christ like is it?!

I'm SO glad that you have some numbers and a way out of this mess. I hope they are able to get you out of where you are living ASAP.

My best to the three of you..I will be praying, in a good way!!!
Take care and God bless... Em

#23 reaven85

reaven85

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  • Spinal Injury Level:Girlfriend/T8 Complete

Posted 04 August 2008 - 05:34 AM

I will tell you what I told Bricen (my Bf) If they were to truely care about you and love you like they say they do then they would accept you AND your fiancee. I raise his daughter as my own. I am the only mommy she knows. Her Bio mom is in prison again. I put her there the first time. She got out and 5 months later she did it again. Bricens mom hates me because When his mom got out of prison (I know right?) I was excited to meet her finally! HUGE MISTAKE! We were friends at first if she needed something I came runnin. But when I noticed he never had money and on his paydays he had to ask his mom if he can have money? I told him something is wrong? How do you make $23 a hour working 12 hour days 5 days a week and only have 1 bill to pay and be broke? ALSO why does your mom have your atm and credit cards and checks? So he took it all and we got our own place. We had money again! And more bills and yet still had money. Then we noticed money was missing? We went to the bank and had a statement printed. She was spending online!! We closed the account and opened up a new one...That Im not on. lol Thats when things got bad. they got really bad for me. So bad that I actually had to take her to court for a restraining order! She was banging on my door calling me telling me she wanted me dead. Then after all that drama which lasted for almost a year now. Bricen got into his accident. Now Here I am waiting at home he should have been home at 6 or 7 at the latest. Im praying that he got arrested or something for driving fast or being stupid. But at 12:32 I saw a car pull up and his DRUNK mom get out. I knew something was up. I ran outside and she told me get dressed bricen is in the hospital. I said what happened! She would not tell me. So I freaked and took off (leaving the kids behind! lol oops) My brother was there asleep so? I get to the emergency center screamin BRICEN SHOAF!!! the nurse pointed and said Girlfriend? He has been asking for you since 7! OMG He was asking for me and it took his mom that long to get me!!! Then I saw him and then his mom came back and attacked me telling me to leave. it went like that the entire time he was hospitalized. So if we can make it through that then so can you.
Heaven - H + R = Reaven

#24 wheeliebear75

wheeliebear75

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  • Country:San Diego California
  • Spinal Injury Level:L2 incomplete ASIA-D
  • Injury Date:04-28-1990

Posted 04 August 2008 - 06:10 AM

It really is a shame that your family doesn't support you guys better. I've heard of a number of people who came from affluent families and had college degrees who went to church every week without fail "good people".........turn to be worse than a rat jumping off a sinking ship as soon as their spouse has a horrific accident.. I think it's far more important what kind of person she is than what her parent's finances were like. That being said. 2 months is NOT long at all. I mean heck I was thinking you were doing pretty well for so soon after. In California there are apartments set up for the disabled and elderly and In Home Support Services can pay for her or who ever you like to help care for you........generating some additional money. Does your state have IHSS and section 8 housing?

Good luck, and hope things work out for ya.
*Enjoy every sunset, but be grateful for every dawn.*
*Wheelchairs are made of a special ocular magnetic alloy......they're "eyeball magnets".*
*I USE a wheelchair, that does NOT make ME a wheelchair!*


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