15 replies to this topic

[china]

Does anybody else feel the same way i do? When my partner and i first met (eight years ago)we couldn' t keep our hands off each other, i know that as relationships go on that things slow down,but do they STOP!
I'm feeling very insecure at the moment, trying hard to loose weight and generally not feeling that good about myself. my partner has a close relationship with his nurse and i cant help but feel jealous whenever he goes to see her,as he tells her things that he doesnt tell me.
When i say to him that he should go to the hospital to get things sorted he just says ok, but doesn't go, he goes to the doctors and his nurse says that he should go, he goes straight away.
I know that she has known him longer than me,and she's a nurse but it just hurts, and he cant undresand that.
I just want him to tell me that he loves me now and again,hold me real tight, even kiss me properly, instead of just a peck before we go to sleep.
when we get in bed, we chat for a little while then he turns over and goes to sleep and i read my books, as hes not interested in anything else. If i kiss his neck he just says i dont want any of that.

Maybe its just me? i dont know, that's why im asking, feeling very lonely at the moment.

maria x

[Jennii]

Eight years? Oh, my! That's wonderful to hear about the longevity of your relationship, I'm just sorry it's turning out the way it is. Have you guys tried couples' counseling yet? This is just a guess, but maybe deep down he feels inadequate, and that's why he's so distant? Pfft… that's just a guess though — don't listen to me. Counseling could do wonders for you two though. I really hope for many more years — HAPPY years — for you two to come! Hang in there.

[kdenon01]

I'm sorry China. That sucks. My husband and I have been together for six years. Things are DEF. not as sexy, romantic, and spontaneous as they used to be. I think to a certain extent the fact that you have been with him for 8 years does play a role in that. I mean lets face it, we aren't in the honeymoon stages anymore.

BUT, you should never have to feel how you are feeling. What's the point of being with somebody if you still feel lonely? Have you talked to him about how you feel? Does he take that into consideration? I think these things can happen in any relationship, SCI or not. He needs to appreciate you. Take you out for a nice dinner, or a little vacation, something to re-spark the romance and make you feel special. My husband every now and then will still surprise me with flowers, and say really sweet things to me...to let me know he still loves me as much/if not more than he did when we first met.

Sorry you are feeling this way.

[china]

Thank's guys, We don't go out anywhere together, he just cant be bothered. We did go out at the start of our relationship but it tailed off, we havent gone out for the past four years though.
I never get flowers or anything, even my last birthday card he got the children to get for him.
I realy want to be with him (was married but got a divorce so that i could be with him)just finding things a little hard at the moment, especially when he carries on as if things are just fine. I have spoken to him but he brushes it off.


maria x

[qbounce]

Speaking to someone and laying it on the line are two different things, China. It really doesn't sound like he knows EXACTLY how you're feeling!! For example, telling him how you feel in the way you've explained it in this forum.

Us guys, for the most part, are TERRIBLE at hints and subtleties, and basically need to be hit over the head with a direct approach on how you're feeling. Don't hold back or hide anything, and don't sugarcoat it or make it seem like it's your fault. The only thing that may be your fault at this point is the way you've been approaching him with your problems. And believe me when I say right now these are only YOUR problems, until you let it be KNOWN to him that HE has the problem too!!

If this doesn't work, then counseling was a good suggestion too.

[emerson]

What if you printed out what you've written here and handed it to him. 8 years is a long time-- worth fighting for!

[Photo_Angel]

Hi china! Sorry to hear about you and your hubby. When i was with my ex-fiancee i felt the same way and he just couldn't understand i still felt lonely even tho we had our bedroom fun! He would talk to his ex-girlfriend about things but he wouldn't talk to me about things. That really hurt! I just wanted to know what was going threw his mind so i could try to help with whatever it was. He too would act like everything was okay when people were around but as soon as it was just him and me again he always got depressed and grumpy. Like that isn't a hit in the face! When you are with someone they are suppose to make you happy and smile but i couldn't do that. I started doing my own thing with my friends. Now today we are not together and he says he is happier! All i can say is i tried and he didn't want to appreciate me. Don't know what kind of advise to give you because i know it is very hard and stressful. I think the counseling would be good!

Hope things get better!

Remember you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else!

Lacey

[cate]

no , you are not being selfish. remember there are two of you in this relationship, He needs to work at it as well. Answeres on here have been good take there advice. I would say with regard to the nurse, so not let that get in your way with jealousy, that is a green devil. Also now make life for yourself., go out and do not become a door mat. As said your need to look after yourself, then you can make room for him.
Cate

[china]

thank you all, i'v joined a gym and am trying to loose some weight so maybe i will start to feel beter.I don't think he would even consider going to talk about our problems as he doesn't see it as a( PROBLEM) i cant give up on this as he is the one i want.

As for writing it down i'v showed him my post and all the replies, he has started to cuddle me a little more and has also told me that he loved me (only once) but im working on it.

If anyone has any more sugestions i,m all ears.

thank you

maria x

[qbounce]

Well, a large part of your complaint was that you both didn't get out much together.
Is that situation still the same??
I mean, if you truly love him then I guess you're the one who's going to be adjusting to his needs, and unfortunately not the other way around. Sorry, I guess I'm stuck . . . and maybe so are you.

[china]

The situation there still the same,( but i'm working on that too). At the moment he's got a bad infection, that may lead to him being admited to hospital with osteomylitus?.
To be fair though considering what he's going through at the moment, he's doing pretty well, and yes i do love him thats why i'm sticking by him.( maybe i am the one that needs to adjust).


thanks for your comments though.

maria

[Nickleblue]

china, on Aug 27 2008, 05:39 PM, said:

The situation there still the same,( but i'm working on that too). At the moment he's got a bad infection, that may lead to him being admited to hospital with osteomylitus?.
To be fair though considering what he's going through at the moment, he's doing pretty well, and yes i do love him thats why i'm sticking by him.( maybe i am the one that needs to adjust).


thanks for your comments though.

maria

call me a cynic - ive just come out of a seven year relationship this past fortnight - but if you ask me your relationships history. - I am hoping i am wrong and obviously from the comments you have put on the site it would be "Impossible" to tell for certain.
However nothing you have said so far indicates he is remotely interested in you.-sorry.
Gary

[china]

[/quote]
call me a cynic - ive just come out of a seven year relationship this past fortnight - but if you ask me your relationships history. - I am hoping i am wrong and obviously from the comments you have put on the site it would be "Impossible" to tell for certain.
However nothing you have said so far indicates he is remotely interested in you.-sorry.
Gary
[/quote]


I'm pleased to say that you are wrong, he has recently asked me to marry him and i'v said YES i love him so much.

We had a big argument where everything came out, and put our feelings straight he does love me but doesn't know how to show it,

He never had the type of childhood where you were encoraged to show your feelings.

We asked each other what we both wanted out of our relationship,and also if we should call it a day.

We gave each other space and time to be alone and both decided what we wanted.


Both of us came to the same conclusion even though we do argue we don't want to be without one another.

Last week he proposed and i am over the moon .


Maria

[nomis]

Aren't arguments wonderful. Congrats Maria.

[DrLove]

CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH OF YOU!
pLEASE KEEP ME POSTED HOW THE THINGS ARE.

[Nickleblue]

Gratz :-)