109 replies to this topic

[nomis]

It's an impossible questions - is your life better or worse. I only have what I am at this moment which is one thing, not two to choose from. Many years ago I was fully engrossed in life as an able bodied young man which was great. Now I'm older, hopefully wiser, less driven but comfortably appreciative of so much and life is great. Given a magical choice, I don't think the issue now is so much as to whether I am SCI or AB, I'd rather be young again so I can do itall again.

[fatdave]

Quote

It's an impossible questions - is your life better or worse.

Well said, Nomis.


I am learning to deal with the issues. I thought I was happy before all this, but the more I think about it I realize how shitty it was.

[tmcph]

airart1, on Mar 28 2009, 01:52 PM, said:

how do u figure i dont understand the question, simple yes or no, how can a person with out function, no matter what that is could be better off.......if u can explain that to me then i can accept it, but until i can be convinced that all the things i did or could do is better i stand where i stand, there is no way that anyone is better off without there bodily functions as a normal human being and not strapped to a chair could be better off.............

i'm not trying to convince you of that, nor will i. i just stated that you misunderstood the question

again, he wasn't asking if your life is better or worse physically, of course life is harder/difficult/even shitty sometimes with a disability like ours, i'm 6'3" & 5'7" of my body doesn't work under my control, that's equal to the average height of a male, but the question and i quote '...with regard to the new person you have become inside.', i don't see anywhere in the question asking you if your life is better now that your body isn't functioning

that doesn't make my view right, but for you to tell people that they must have had 'messed up' or lives that 'sucked' isn't

qbounce, on Mar 29 2009, 01:43 PM, said:

So you can either get busy living or get busy dying . . . your choice.

well put!

[airart1]

well i think its well put whether u like it or not, i'm not here to hurt any feeling if we are to sensitive to realize the facts then so be it, i wouldnt want to hurt your feelings.....but unless u were homeless junkie or been abused or something extreem then i could see it.......but not being able to take a crap or a piss nor get a piece of ass, or climb a hill or mow my yard or plant a tree, or drive any vehicle i want or walk up a flight of stairs, should i go on, if your a quad u even have it worse, u need help for almost everything..............so take it as you will, i will not respond any further on the subject.................if your life is so great then i'm proud for u, just like i said before, end of subject as far as i'm concerned with it, yall debate how much better yalls life is........

[jaquie_farmer]

airart1, on Mar 31 2009, 11:24 AM, said:

well i think its well put whether u like it or not, i'm not here to hurt any feeling if we are to sensitive to realize the facts then so be it, i wouldnt want to hurt your feelings.....but unless u were homeless junkie or been abused or something extreem then i could see it.......but not being able to take a crap or a piss nor get a piece of ass, or climb a hill or mow my yard or plant a tree, or drive any vehicle i want or walk up a flight of stairs, should i go on, if your a quad u even have it worse, u need help for almost everything..............so take it as you will, i will not respond any further on the subject.................if your life is so great then i'm proud for u, just like i said before, end of subject as far as i'm concerned with it, yall debate how much better yalls life is........

i think we all can agree that physically this way of life sucks ass. but i think everyone of us can agree that mentally we are much stronger people than before and we all can appreciate what we DO have. there's no sense in being "oh my life sucks" because that's not going to get your piss, shit or legs back.

[Hikkakaru]

Everyone complains about what a silly question this is, but then if you look at the poll results obviously it's a varied enough response.

As for me, I hate my life and where I am at with it. I'm no longer able to race competitively at a professional level after being told most of my life that I was a prodigy who did nothing but excel at it, which is a totally immeasurable loss for me. College is fifty times harder and the rewards are no longer mentally worth it for me to pursue my long term goals with zeal. I find it near impossible to do anything with the least bit of spontaneity, after living a totally care-free and spontaneous life able-bodied. I pressure my friends too much to the point where they might as well be paid workers instead of friends for the amount of extra work I put them through, which is tough. And I am no longer independent completely, which is tough as I had been totally independent my entire life, even financially from 15 on. Everyone is always worried about me should I decide I want to do something alone to the point where they are calling me relentlessly and bothering me, forcing me to limit those situations in order to limit my exposure with everyone else. And on top of all that, my injury was due to being a victim of a violent crime, a hit and run, after just walking home from getting pizza. If I broke my neck or back in a car or racing it'd be much easier for me to come to terms with in my opinion, but since it was something so trivial and avoidable it still to this day bothers me incessantly. Especially since no justice was had and no criminal apprehended.

I'll stop whining now and step off my soap box ;).

-Sam

[Trinity]

Hikkakaru, on Apr 1 2009, 04:16 PM, said:

Everyone complains about what a silly question this is, but then if you look at the poll results obviously it's a varied enough response.

As for me, I hate my life and where I am at with it. I'm no longer able to race competitively at a professional level after being told most of my life that I was a prodigy who did nothing but excel at it, which is a totally immeasurable loss for me. College is fifty times harder and the rewards are no longer mentally worth it for me to pursue my long term goals with zeal. I find it near impossible to do anything with the least bit of spontaneity, after living a totally care-free and spontaneous life able-bodied. I pressure my friends too much to the point where they might as well be paid workers instead of friends for the amount of extra work I put them through, which is tough. And I am no longer independent completely, which is tough as I had been totally independent my entire life, even financially from 15 on. Everyone is always worried about me should I decide I want to do something alone to the point where they are calling me relentlessly and bothering me, forcing me to limit those situations in order to limit my exposure with everyone else. And on top of all that, my injury was due to being a victim of a violent crime, a hit and run, after just walking home from getting pizza. If I broke my neck or back in a car or racing it'd be much easier for me to come to terms with in my opinion, but since it was something so trivial and avoidable it still to this day bothers me incessantly. Especially since no justice was had and no criminal apprehended.

I'll stop whining now and step off my soap box ;).

-Sam

I pretty much agree with everything Sam says. What I do wonder about however is does it make much difference how you were injured, does being injured doing something you love, or in a way where the blame can be firmly attributed to a person make such a difference and does it make it easier to come to terms with your situation?

[tmcph]

trinity, on Apr 1 2009, 06:02 PM, said:

I pretty much agree with everything Sam says. What I do wonder about however is does it make much difference how you were injured, does being injured doing something you love, or in a way where the blame can be firmly attributed to a person make such a difference and does it make it easier to come to terms with your situation?

i think it has a lot to do with how you were hurt, i know it's a lot easier for me to deal with my injury since i can blame myself 100% for it.

i would hope that i could deal with an injury the same way if the blame was on someone else, but i think i would probably have some anger issues, especially if it was a drunk driver or something like that

[Unbreakable]

tmcph, on Apr 2 2009, 03:51 PM, said:

trinity, on Apr 1 2009, 06:02 PM, said:

I pretty much agree with everything Sam says. What I do wonder about however is does it make much difference how you were injured, does being injured doing something you love, or in a way where the blame can be firmly attributed to a person make such a difference and does it make it easier to come to terms with your situation?

i think it has a lot to do with how you were hurt, i know it's a lot easier for me to deal with my injury since i can blame myself 100% for it.

i would hope that i could deal with an injury the same way if the blame was on someone else, but i think i would probably have some anger issues, especially if it was a drunk driver or something like that

If one's level of happiness still revolves around one's mode/method of injury, then the real issue is emotional maturity and living in the past, I'd venture to say.

You can spend YEARS thinking about how you got hurt, and whose fault it was, and why it happened, etc. But that's not going to change anything. All it will do will drive you crazy.

I find it more productive and happier to focus and the present and future. In other words, the aspects of life I can control.

[jaquie_farmer]

Ok jax, not EVERYONE changes after there accident but I think most do undergo some kind of change. Wether it be you're stronger in your faith, you appreciate the little things more, you become shy, etc.. The original question obviously doesn't apply to everyone so if it doesn't to you then ok.

[Slowlegs]

Hi guys the original question was:

Looking past the injury (if you can, I know it is hard) and the health consequences of your injuries. Do you consider your life to be better or worse post injury with regard to the new person you have become inside.

At the time, this topic seemed a good idea. A lot of people on here claim to get joy from new things, riding quad bikes, car racing, family, relationships, etc. Sometimes they do new things and sometimes they even carry on the hobby or sport that got them injured in the first place. Sometimes reading the posts I wonder if there is something wrong with me - should I be better adjusted, am I successful enough in relation to other people - do I enjoy my life as much as I could? If I worked on myself could I indeed be happier in my relationships? Previously, getting married, having children and owning my own home was very important to me. That has all changed but it doesn't mean I don't still desire those things. I think overall I still enjoy my life despite all the "bummers" that are now in it and the alternative paths I have taken.

Despite their injuries, from their posts on the site, others seem to profess to be living great lives. What I was trying to ascertain was if people were generally happier after their injuries or before - despite their injuries. Are the majority of us happier or unhappier with where our lives have ended up? Obviously the physical parts do suck sometimes but by attempting to take that out of the mix I was trying to ascertain a general level of overall happiness. Some can't separate the physical from the spiritual bit - we are all different and there is nothing wrong with that. If you can't do that though, still feel free to post your comments. Nobody should be denigrated for how they are seen to be coping or not coping though - that is the way they cope and live their lives. Surely living a life in whatever shape, form or outlook is no contest to not living one at all?. Some would disagree I suspect.

You know, sometimes I cringe when I see someone else has replied to this topic - I'd like to take it down and replace or change it but I can't. Not because of the answers, I value all of them but perhaps because I made such a bad job of the original question.

As for the votes, yes for better, no for worse.

[Jax]

Slowlegs, on Apr 4 2009, 04:33 PM, said:

Hi guys the original question was:

Looking past the injury (if you can, I know it is hard) and the health consequences of your injuries. Do you consider your life to be better or worse post injury with regard to the new person you have become inside.

At the time, this topic seemed a good idea. A lot of people on here claim to get joy from new things, riding quad bikes, car racing, family, relationships, etc. Sometimes they do new things and sometimes they even carry on the hobby or sport that got them injured in the first place. Sometimes reading the posts I wonder if there is something wrong with me - should I be better adjusted, am I successful enough in relation to other people - do I enjoy my life as much as I could? If I worked on myself could I indeed be happier in my relationships? Previously, getting married, having children and owning my own home was very important to me. That has all changed but it doesn't mean I don't still desire those things. I think overall I still enjoy my life despite all the "bummers" that are now in it and the alternative paths I have taken.

Despite their injuries, from their posts on the site, others seem to profess to be living great lives. What I was trying to ascertain was if people were generally happier after their injuries or before - despite their injuries. Are the majority of us happier or unhappier with where our lives have ended up? Obviously the physical parts do suck sometimes but by attempting to take that out of the mix I was trying to ascertain a general level of overall happiness. Some can't separate the physical from the spiritual bit - we are all different and there is nothing wrong with that. If you can't do that though, still feel free to post your comments. Nobody should be denigrated for how they are seen to be coping or not coping though - that is the way they cope and live their lives. Surely living a life in whatever shape, form or outlook is no contest to not living one at all?. Some would disagree I suspect.

You know, sometimes I cringe when I see someone else has replied to this topic - I'd like to take it down and replace or change it but I can't. Not because of the answers, I value all of them but perhaps because I made such a bad job of the original question.

As for the votes, yes for better, no for worse.

Thanks Slowlegs. I appreciate the clarification. You seem to have a way of getting me to think about some things that I probably wouldn't even have thought of at all otherwise. I vote that life is whatever you make it.

[Apparelyzed]

This thread has been moderated to keep it on topic.

If members have personal issues with one another, please use the PM system to discuss them in private, rather than take a thread off topic.

Regards

Simon

[Tim13]

Excellent question Slowlegs! Every time I lurk through here I read it and end up spending the next hour or so trying to figure an answer out. Awfully hard to seperate the nightmare of a spinal cord injury from the equation but I guess because of my age and the fact that my life was stagnant and I was ready for a change when the accident occurred coupled with the opportunities that would never have opened up otherwise. I'm pretty sure it made me a better-or more mature anyway, person.

...next time i read it, my answer will probably change.

[Yong]

can't say it's BETTER per se..but can't say it's worse.

I find myself having time to do things I've never found time to do pre-injury (like messing around with cars).

I think my injury has weeded out all my 'bad' friends and only those who really are good friends are near me now.

I still hope a cure comes along...but for now...I'm happy.

[Rjeez]

Better,up to now.At least I am off the drugs now.

[Hikkakaru]

Unbreakable, on Apr 3 2009, 03:29 PM, said:

tmcph, on Apr 2 2009, 03:51 PM, said:

trinity, on Apr 1 2009, 06:02 PM, said:

I pretty much agree with everything Sam says. What I do wonder about however is does it make much difference how you were injured, does being injured doing something you love, or in a way where the blame can be firmly attributed to a person make such a difference and does it make it easier to come to terms with your situation?

i think it has a lot to do with how you were hurt, i know it's a lot easier for me to deal with my injury since i can blame myself 100% for it.

i would hope that i could deal with an injury the same way if the blame was on someone else, but i think i would probably have some anger issues, especially if it was a drunk driver or something like that

If one's level of happiness still revolves around one's mode/method of injury, then the real issue is emotional maturity and living in the past, I'd venture to say.

You can spend YEARS thinking about how you got hurt, and whose fault it was, and why it happened, etc. But that's not going to change anything. All it will do will drive you crazy.

I find it more productive and happier to focus and the present and future. In other words, the aspects of life I can control.

I think it has a lot to do with how the injury happend. Imagine the anger generated over say being shot resulting in an SCI and the person being caught and let go with insufficient evidence, over say a motorcycle accident that was produced from an honest mistake the person made. Also consider someone whom had a very very high standard of living, got injured, and then lived in a convalescent home with little to no earthly belongings or assets. Imagine the psychological strain compared to someone whom had a low standard of living to begin with.

Also, think about the injury and the support rehab gives each injury based on statistical recovery. Whilst a complete injury is usually told that their recovery will be minimal and plateau quickly (usually) based on time and ability an incomplete is told to never expect to stop seeing return and that a good recovery is possible. This opens a whole new problem as it does not allow the incomplete injury to psychologically deal with it and find closure as easily as the complete. This problem, coupled with all of the expected medical advancements regarding UMD's makes closure a very hard thing to find, now-a-days.

The human mind isn't wired for straight efficiency. The most efficient thing is to disregard your past and live as productively as you can in the present and future, but that's not how we work. I think something as tragic and life-altering as an SCI affecting someone psychologically has little correlation with emotional maturity. The truth is that no one knows what makes some people cope with it so well and some not.

Edited by Hikkakaru, 10 April 2009 - 07:07 PM.

[gsp23]

I agree with the above post to an extent... I believe that dealing or not dealing doesnt have anything to do with an emotional maturity. However, I think it just has to do with how a person is wired, not about past/present standard of living.

For example person1 has a very very active life and is now a T4 - person2 did not have an active life but is now a T2. This doesnt mean that person2 should be able to deal with it better, its just the way it is an how peoples internals deal.

Another example with regards to complete vs incomplete....
The complete basically is told that their return will be minimal and that is a lot to deal with yes but...
the incomplete who is told to keep trying and can expect returns long term also has a lot to deal with such as in my case they didnt want to get a wheelchair for me for a few months afterward letting me deal with a rental chair for 3 months first and me finally pushing for something. My response from PT (and others) was that I shouldnt be giving up and settling on a chair was in that direction. My response was that I am still trying but I need to get by until my function returns as they expected complete return in less than a year... here I am 3 yrs later still using the chair. I am not saying its harder for an incomplete by any means, I am saying that both sides have their pros/cons its just a matter of how a person deals and nobody knows work, who can deal vs who cant.... just the way it is.

You could have a quad who was shot over something stupid (ProfessorX for example) who is dealing well with the situation. And you can have an incomplete para, I personally know an incomplete T12 who is in a deep depression comming up on 3 yrs post who was injured in an accident.

Maturity level, level of injury, its all just a mixture of information that brain needs to process and deal with... some just wired to deal better than others. Out of persons control and no fault of a persons who has trouble dealing, unfortunate, but I wouldnt criticize them for not dealing.

Edited by gsp23, 10 April 2009 - 07:33 PM.

[Unbreakable]

Quote

I think it has a lot to do with how the injury happend. Imagine the anger generated over say being shot resulting in an SCI and the person being caught and let go with insufficient evidence, over say a motorcycle accident that was produced from an honest mistake the person made. Also consider someone whom had a very very high standard of living, got injured, and then lived in a convalescent home with little to no earthly belongings or assets. Imagine the psychological strain compared to someone whom had a low standard of living to begin with.

Also, think about the injury and the support rehab gives each injury based on statistical recovery. Whilst a complete injury is usually told that their recovery will be minimal and plateau quickly (usually) based on time and ability an incomplete is told to never expect to stop seeing return and that a good recovery is possible. This opens a whole new problem as it does not allow the incomplete injury to psychologically deal with it and find closure as easily as the complete. This problem, coupled with all of the expected medical advancements regarding UMD's makes closure a very hard thing to find, now-a-days.

The human mind isn't wired for straight efficiency. The most efficient thing is to disregard your past and live as productively as you can in the present and future, but that's not how we work. I think something as tragic and life-altering as an SCI affecting someone psychologically has little correlation with emotional maturity. The truth is that no one knows what makes some people cope with it so well and some not.

Quote

I agree with the above post to an extent... I believe that dealing or not dealing doesnt have anything to do with an emotional maturity. However, I think it just has to do with how a person is wired, not about past/present standard of living.

For example person1 has a very very active life and is now a T4 - person2 did not have an active life but is now a T2. This doesnt mean that person2 should be able to deal with it better, its just the way it is an how peoples internals deal.

Another example with regards to complete vs incomplete....
The complete basically is told that their return will be minimal and that is a lot to deal with yes but...
the incomplete who is told to keep trying and can expect returns long term also has a lot to deal with such as in my case they didnt want to get a wheelchair for me for a few months afterward letting me deal with a rental chair for 3 months first and me finally pushing for something. My response from PT (and others) was that I shouldnt be giving up and settling on a chair was in that direction. My response was that I am still trying but I need to get by until my function returns as they expected complete return in less than a year... here I am 3 yrs later still using the chair. I am not saying its harder for an incomplete by any means, I am saying that both sides have their pros/cons its just a matter of how a person deals and nobody knows work, who can deal vs who cant.... just the way it is.

You could have a quad who was shot over something stupid (ProfessorX for example) who is dealing well with the situation. And you can have an incomplete para, I personally know an incomplete T12 who is in a deep depression comming up on 3 yrs post who was injured in an accident.

Maturity level, level of injury, its all just a mixture of information that brain needs to process and deal with... some just wired to deal better than others. Out of persons control and no fault of a persons who has trouble dealing, unfortunate, but I wouldnt criticize them for not dealing.

All the above stuff sounds great, but in the end it's just Monday morning Quarterbacking. I tried all that "what-if, deep rationalization bullshit" about my injury at first while I was in rehab. I would ramble on about it while in my PT and OT sessions.

And you know what? The therapists would nod their heads, tell me to shut up and pick up the weights and get back to work or concentrate on my transfers, or whatever it was I was supposed to be doing. They'd heard all this before from a hunderd other patients.

In other words, I could dream about the past all day, but that wasn't going to do a DAMN thing to help my current situation, now was it?

It's one thing to go over the "what-ifs", right after one is injured, but if a person is obsessing about it day in and day out, years down the road (Rosebud.....) that's not healthy or productive. You've got to move on at some point or you'll be stuck in the past forever.

[qbounce]

I think its got alot to do with how you've always dealt with situations. Do you have a hard time dealing with switching gears on something, or do you easily role with it? Do you see opportunities at every bend, or are you a sceptic when directions change.

In it's most basic form, your either an optimist or a pessimist. And dealing with an SCI definately won't change that dynamic. If anything, you wear it on your sleeve for all to see.

[lossenut]

my outlook is just as happy before my sci
however my PTSD gives me some dark night of the soul times.
I do get anger with my self over not being able to do simple things.
but thats life at least i've got one.

[CrazyLucky]

I would say I am progressing to a better life. I agree with what many said...If someone told me that the physical symptoms could be removed...sign me up! But I have grown a lot from the experience and feel that with time I will continue to grow as long as I challenge myself. It is a journey. I think the most surprising thing to me is how much time I spend thinking about the injury. It (and its symptoms) are always there, and I can say I definitely took feeling "normal" for granted before my injury. I think most people are guilty of that trait. I think that over time the constant reminder of what was taken away can either crush you and push you out of control or motivate you to take control over what you can do something about. I think learning where you end up takes time and missteps. I am hoping I chose to continue to motivate over time. But I also think you have to give yourself the allowance of being crushed some days. I think that is totally reasonable. This is not easy.

For tonight, I will chose yes...better life after.

[Hikkakaru]

Unbreakable, on Apr 10 2009, 05:00 PM, said:

Quote

I think it has a lot to do with how the injury happend. Imagine the anger generated over say being shot resulting in an SCI and the person being caught and let go with insufficient evidence, over say a motorcycle accident that was produced from an honest mistake the person made. Also consider someone whom had a very very high standard of living, got injured, and then lived in a convalescent home with little to no earthly belongings or assets. Imagine the psychological strain compared to someone whom had a low standard of living to begin with.

Also, think about the injury and the support rehab gives each injury based on statistical recovery. Whilst a complete injury is usually told that their recovery will be minimal and plateau quickly (usually) based on time and ability an incomplete is told to never expect to stop seeing return and that a good recovery is possible. This opens a whole new problem as it does not allow the incomplete injury to psychologically deal with it and find closure as easily as the complete. This problem, coupled with all of the expected medical advancements regarding UMD's makes closure a very hard thing to find, now-a-days.

The human mind isn't wired for straight efficiency. The most efficient thing is to disregard your past and live as productively as you can in the present and future, but that's not how we work. I think something as tragic and life-altering as an SCI affecting someone psychologically has little correlation with emotional maturity. The truth is that no one knows what makes some people cope with it so well and some not.

Quote

I agree with the above post to an extent... I believe that dealing or not dealing doesnt have anything to do with an emotional maturity. However, I think it just has to do with how a person is wired, not about past/present standard of living.

For example person1 has a very very active life and is now a T4 - person2 did not have an active life but is now a T2. This doesnt mean that person2 should be able to deal with it better, its just the way it is an how peoples internals deal.

Another example with regards to complete vs incomplete....
The complete basically is told that their return will be minimal and that is a lot to deal with yes but...
the incomplete who is told to keep trying and can expect returns long term also has a lot to deal with such as in my case they didnt want to get a wheelchair for me for a few months afterward letting me deal with a rental chair for 3 months first and me finally pushing for something. My response from PT (and others) was that I shouldnt be giving up and settling on a chair was in that direction. My response was that I am still trying but I need to get by until my function returns as they expected complete return in less than a year... here I am 3 yrs later still using the chair. I am not saying its harder for an incomplete by any means, I am saying that both sides have their pros/cons its just a matter of how a person deals and nobody knows work, who can deal vs who cant.... just the way it is.

You could have a quad who was shot over something stupid (ProfessorX for example) who is dealing well with the situation. And you can have an incomplete para, I personally know an incomplete T12 who is in a deep depression comming up on 3 yrs post who was injured in an accident.

Maturity level, level of injury, its all just a mixture of information that brain needs to process and deal with... some just wired to deal better than others. Out of persons control and no fault of a persons who has trouble dealing, unfortunate, but I wouldnt criticize them for not dealing.

All the above stuff sounds great, but in the end it's just Monday morning Quarterbacking. I tried all that "what-if, deep rationalization bullshit" about my injury at first while I was in rehab. I would ramble on about it while in my PT and OT sessions.

And you know what? The therapists would nod their heads, tell me to shut up and pick up the weights and get back to work or concentrate on my transfers, or whatever it was I was supposed to be doing. They'd heard all this before from a hunderd other patients.

In other words, I could dream about the past all day, but that wasn't going to do a DAMN thing to help my current situation, now was it?

It's one thing to go over the "what-ifs", right after one is injured, but if a person is obsessing about it day in and day out, years down the road (Rosebud.....) that's not healthy or productive. You've got to move on at some point or you'll be stuck in the past forever.

The "What-ifs" were being used to try and get you to understand a relatively simple example. They were not being used to show you how I myself live my life.

Obviously, you can't understand the example I gave, and ignored my points completely.

I give up. You're a shining example of all the points you have been known to stand for.

Sam

Edited by Hikkakaru, 28 May 2009 - 02:18 PM.

[CR_L1]

For me I have to say YES my life is better but only because I now see what I had been missing.

Before working hard & some times around the clock only getting a couple of hours sleep before getting called out again. Missed so much of my kids growing up.

Now more time on my hand at the moment not earning as much but got a richer life watching my little one grow which I missed with the other two.

As for me, Im me always will be me, never no different.

[4estGimp]

I can't really compare my life pre and post injury. Those are 2 separate lives. I was a good person then and I'm a good person now - that's what counts.

[Wicket]

A loaded question. I'd say both.


1.) I love my life now for the maturity, insight, perception and depth that I would not have had without the injury. It has taught me wisdom to look past what I see with my own two eyes and given me a much greater capacity to be empathetic towards others. It has taught me perseverance and given me a higher pain tolerance in some ways. Having more time to think as I cannot move the way I used to has developed my imagination and analytical thinking and communication skills. My tolerance for bullshit, ignorance, superficiality and materialism now is near non-existant. Generally I don't take things for granted as easily now. I think my senses of hearing, vision, taste and touch in the areas that I can still feel have actually been hightened (Maybe to compensate a bit for what was lost?) Concerning my social life the friends I have now are fewer but better quality.
The experience has also braught me closer to God as I have had fewer activities to distract me from contemplating who and what really matters in life. These things I would would never trade back. Still lacking in patience though.

2.) I also hate it in some ways because I used to dance and run and I remember the rush I got; my feet were once so agile and quick. I miss these terribly.
Now my feet are like dead floppy weight on atrophied legs. It's murder to hear a driving beautiful beat from music somewhere and I just want to get up and move like I used to; everything in me just instinctively wants to respond the same way but it's just no longer there. This and managing my bladder issues I feel like a prisoner in my own body cause I used to be so active and spontaneous. I must interject that I am so thankful I didn't end up more paralyzed than I did because I can only imagine how much more clausterphobic I would have felt if I had ended up worse.
Now for the most part I have to plan my life around my disability, especially my bladder routine. Everything generally takes longer and requires more planning. Pain and fatigue are obviously diffcult to deal with. Honestly speaking I feel overlooked by guys now with the injury, literally and figuratively even though I know I have lots to offer. All sexual sensation has been lost. Anxiety and depression have also been more of an issue since the injury and having fewer outlets I drink a bit more and financial income is less now than it would have been without the injury due to fewer occupational options that are available to people with disabilities.

Greiving is hard, a bitch sometimes, and everyone's experience with grief is as unique and varied as the nature of their injury. So many apects affect how and if someone is able to mourn; how the injury occured, the type of injury obviously, position in life at the time of accident, whether or not a support network of friends and family is present, the list goes on.

Edited by Wicket, 03 October 2009 - 08:17 PM.

[Ratticis]

I'm the same person I was before on the inside (cept fer the cept fer the screwed up guts and back). Guess that means I'm always gunna be the cynical asshole douchebag people don't give the time of day. Ahh f*@k'em!

[The Black Sheep]

I think my injury was a mixed blessing, but I think it's been more of a benefit than a loss, considering who I was when the accident happened.

It sucks being paralyzed and all the attachments like using a catheter, not being able to run around and be wild, not being able to reach dishes on tall shelves, curbs, and everything is generally harder... it sucks.

On the other hand, I was 13 when it happened and already doing drugs. My friends at the time were not my true friends (found this out rather quickly), and when I look at where their lives are now, I'm glad I wasn't anything similar. My former best friend was a heavy drug user, along with her boyfriend, and when he was imprisoned for selling, she committed suicide because she couldn't stand withdrawal. (he was her supplier) My other former friends dropped out of high school, had babies at 14 and 16, were doing drugs and another friend contracted HIV.

I was a terrible kid, and before my accident I would go along with the whole group. I think it was a mixed blessing because it probably saved my life from other influences. I'm not happy that I can't walk, but I think it might have also saved me from hurting myself otherwise.

I also think that I'm a stronger person, although a little grumpier. I met the most wonderful hubby, I have a wonderful family that came together for me at that time (and they still are), and I'm a lot more appreciative of the good things when they happen.

... I still wish I could reach those dishes in the tall cabinet though!

[TjTheQuad]

As much as its screwed my life being in the chair, its corrected 10 other lifes of close people around my life, finally speaking to dad, bros off drugs and crime etc etc... but i guess lifes what you make it. All you need is people around you to see that

[mellowgator]

Slowlegs, on 15 August 2008 - 05:40 AM, said:

Looking past the injury (if you can, I know it is hard) and the health consequences of your injuries. Do you consider your life to be better or worse post injury with regard to the new person you have become inside.

i don't see how this can be answered by yes or no. shouldn't the choices be better or worse.

mellowgator

sorry i see where nomis asked this right off the bat. i was wondering how 90 replys didn't see this. now i know.

Edited by mellowgator, 18 September 2010 - 01:44 AM.