Advice Needed On Paraplegia

Advice Needed On Paraplegia Rate Topic:

#1 Kimi

Group: Guests

Posted 18 November 2005 - 08:15 PM

Hi guys, I was hoping you could help me with a problem. My sister recently got married to a guy who was T6 paraplegic or something, the thing is, he tends to be really touchy about it and whatever I say he always turns it around like I've insulted him or said something horrible about the fact that he's in a wheelchair. I know it's hard on him but I don't understand why he only acts like this when I'm around as I've spoken to my sister and she said he doesn't act like it when I'm not there. She told me to talk to him but I'm scared it might start a big row and I don't want to ruin my sister's happiness or split my family up. Please could someone tell me what to say or why he might be behaving like this,

Thanx a million,
Kimi
-xx-

#2 wheelie182

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Group: Members
Posts: 452
Joined: 11-July 05
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Country:UK
Spinal Injury Level / Relationship:T6/T7 Complete

Posted 18 November 2005 - 08:28 PM

Hmmm, well it sounds like it is just you that hes like it to, so i think the only thing that you can do it talk to him, but you've written

Quote

I know it's hard on him

in your post, do you say this around him, because that would probaly piss him off, like when people tell me that they feel sorry for me, that pisses me off,

but he might just be really touchy with words, that you've said but not realising, maybe you have said somthing, and that has just stuck in his mind, and he can't let it go,

but you really should speak to him, because you've obviously said somthing that has pissed him off,

good luck

That's what she said!

#3 Joed

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Group: Members
Posts: 1,283
Joined: 30-August 04
Country:US of eh/Indiana
Spinal Injury Level / Relationship:Incomplete para

Post icon Posted 18 November 2005 - 08:43 PM

Quote

Wheelie182 said: maybe you have said somthing, and that has just stuck in his mind, and he can't let it go,

That's what I was thinking too, wheelie.

Kimi, it may be that you inadvertently said something when he first met you that has stuck with him and somehow caused him to 'label' you in a way. If that's the case, then anything you say could be misconstrued to mean something else based on that initial false assumption of who you are. He may be looking for insults now.

First impressions are quite powerful in how we see others. I would suggest approaching him with your concerns. When he sees your genuineness in wanting to put things on a better foot, I'm confident that he'll respond positively to you.

How recent is his SCI? He may still be dealing with some anger and has chosen you to be his scapegoat, as opposed to alienating all of his friends and other relationships. I'm just wondering out loud here. Perhaps he sees you as someone 'safe' to vent on?

But I'm more inclined to think it's the former scenario. Let us know how it goes.

* * * * * * * * *

Female. Incomplete para following a cord stroke in '03. Spina-bifida, severe scoliosis. 18 surgeries total...five spine-related: Three fusions w/hardware, two tethered cord releases.

#4 Kimi

Group: Guests

Posted 18 November 2005 - 08:53 PM

I'm pretty sure I haven't said anything but I'll talk to him about it, and Wheelie, no I didn't say it's hard on him to his face, I kinda guessed not to,
Thanx again, I'm hoping it works, but if you have any more advice, please please let me know,
Kimi

#5 Guest

Group: Guests

Posted 18 November 2005 - 09:53 PM

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
I got up all my courage and called my sister to talk to her husband and it turns out that he was jealous of the fact that me and my sister got along so well, because him and his sister don't. Now I'm pretty sure we're cool and I really want to thank Wheelie182 and Joed because without you 2 I would still be worrying constantly. Thanx a million, u 2 are stars and u rock! Thanx!
Luv Kimi

#6 hillarymcarter

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Country:Louisiana, USA
Spinal Injury Level / Relationship:Spouse-L1 para

Posted 18 November 2005 - 10:04 PM

Glad everything worked out!
Most of the time when you think you know what is bothering someone it is actually quite the opposite! I get so worried when I think I've pissed someone off, but when I talk to them it is usually something totally unrelated to me.

#7 Joed

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Group: Members
Posts: 1,283
Joined: 30-August 04
Country:US of eh/Indiana
Spinal Injury Level / Relationship:Incomplete para

Post icon Posted 19 November 2005 - 04:17 AM

Whew! I can almost feel your relief!

I'm glad you cleared the air...things like that often take a lot of courage.

It's funny, because my sister and husband were both jealous of each other when I first married. I didn't find out about it until later, but it was a huge relief for everyone when things finally were talked about.