5 replies to this topic

[pochyetnost11]

When my friend heard about this site, he asked me what he could do to get his son to accept him and how he could get through to him. I told him that patience is the best thing, that his son needs time to adjust. You see, that family is very active, the son plays soccer and the daughter does gymnastics. He used to help both of them and play with them. But now, for weeks, his son, eight years old, is still being aloof. My friend understands why but he is hurting, especially when his son hasn't usually said more than three or four words to him in a single visit. Any advice would be great?

[nomis]

Other people have written here with similar reactions from similarly aged children. I imagine it's all too much for kids to deal with at this early stage. The son is hurting, too. I'm sure his dad will find a way to communicate soon, if it hasn't already happened, and they'll probably have a magical moment with each other. It's all a bit scary for everyone.

Edited by nomis, 30 August 2008 - 12:46 AM.

[StellaLAtella]

I'm so sorry and I feel for your friend. I know that it must be so difficult for a young child like that age to understand. Is there any way that there can be some counseling available to the child through the hospital or rehabilitation center? Maybe even through the community or local church? It's always best not to press the issue with the child because they will come around in time. They have to absorb the situation on their own terms.....however simplistic that may be.
I wish you all luck,
Stella

[Dave Bishopstone]

You mentioned in earlier entries that the daughter is fine and not showing any problem - can you say whether the son was present at the time the accident to his dad occurred?

[pochyetnost11]

Dave Bishopstone, on Aug 30 2008, 11:40 AM, said:

You mentioned in earlier entries that the daughter is fine and not showing any problem - can you say whether the son was present at the time the accident to his dad occurred?

The son was not present when his father was injured as far as I know. However, he was present in the room when his mother found out that her husband had been severely injured and was rushed to the hospital. He witnessed her reaction. I do not know if that would have an impact on him or not?

[disjointed]

pochyetnost11, on Aug 29 2008, 05:39 PM, said:

When my friend heard about this site, he asked me what he could do to get his son to accept him and how he could get through to him. I told him that patience is the best thing, that his son needs time to adjust. You see, that family is very active, the son plays soccer and the daughter does gymnastics. He used to help both of them and play with them. But now, for weeks, his son, eight years old, is still being aloof. My friend understands why but he is hurting, especially when his son hasn't usually said more than three or four words to him in a single visit. Any advice would be great?

In children, depression often takes the form of anger. Sounds like the kid could benefit from some counseling to open up and express his feelings in a neutral environment. We all know that even adults struggle with how to express our feelings, and this is compounded when dealing with unknown factors, and yet further complicated when the only way to figure out the unknown is to potentially hurt the feelings of the person you're worried about in the first place. Simply put, the kid needs more info on what's happening with his dad, and he is not comfortable asking dad. His depression is causing him to be even more withdrawn, so he is unlikely to ask mom or anyone else. He needs some professional help to get out of this rut he's in. What's nice about kids is that the tend to be less judgmental on the whole, and he will get used to thinking of dads as having a dis... he may start to wonder what's wrong with those dads without wheels