10 replies to this topic

[City Girl]

I have now officially fallen 13 times...twice today, and just to mix it up, I fell once walking and once in my wheelchair! That makes 8 wheelchair falls and 5 walking falls. Why am I keeping track? Don't ask me. I'm a math-nerd...pfffffffff (an exasperated, "Good grief Charlie Brown!" sigh)

Notwithstanding, given my stats, I think I've got the whole 'falling' thing down to a science now. I actually only physically hurt myself the first two times I fell from my wheelchair and the first time I fell from walking.

Likewise, I have also got the whole 'getting-back-up-by-myself' thing down to a science. Both back into my wheelchair and back up to standing steady with crutches/canes. What I don't have down to a science are 'grace' and 'humility', however.

Each time I have fallen, if there were other people around (10 of the 13 times I've fallen), they have always come to my aid with concern and offering assistance. People are very kind. Of the 10 'public' falls, I've only managed to recover and respond to people with some degree of grace and/or humility (usually humerously) 5 times. The other five times, I was just so embarrassed and although I didn't hurt myself, I bruised my pride pretty badly...twice today. Thank goodness for sunglasses and long hair to hide my tears behind.

Inasmuch as people have been kind (and I'm very thankful for that), I find that the more people that gather around me and fuss over me and relentlessly offer assistance to the point of volunteering to escort me home, the more embarrassed I am. I would just prefer to fall, get up, and keep going without all the loud noisy fuss.

Falling is unavoidable given my motor skills are not even on par with that of a toddler.

Any advice on how to handle my emotion?

[allis53ca]

no....but i (as most here) feel ya

[Trinity]

Falling is not cool and it hurts.

I'm pretty sure I gave myself concussion last time!

Not much you can do except dust yourself off and start again. Its never usually funny at the time but I can certainly laugh about it afterwards and apart from a few bumps and bruises the most I've really hurt is my pride!

[disjointed]

City Girl, on Sep 6 2008, 11:25 PM, said:

Inasmuch as people have been kind (and I'm very thankful for that), I find that the more people that gather around me and fuss over me and relentlessly offer assistance to the point of volunteering to escort me home, the more embarrassed I am. I would just prefer to fall, get up, and keep going without all the loud noisy fuss.

Any advice on how to handle my emotion?

Maybe it's not your emotion you need to handle, it's the other people making you feel bad. Plan ahead -- have a few witty but firm comments in your back pocket to pull out when you need them. I once assisted a girl who had an injury in a parking lot (eons ago, back in college) -- as much as I was concerned for her safety, I was equally concerned for her emotional well-being. I got 911 on the way and managed to disperse the crowd that was gathering. It was just her, her friend who was already with her, and me until the ambulance arrived. Then I had to dash off to class... [I later found out who she was and visited her at her dorm room -- she had dislocated her shoulder and greeted me with a wonderful hug with the other arm ]

My point -- be more adamant when you want people to just leave you alone. If you do it in a kind of pre-planned funny way, you'll get your point across without any backlash, and it will give you the space to get yourself back sitting or standing by yourself.

I don't have experience using a wheelchair, but during my figure skating days I ended up on crutches a number of times from various leg injuries. I found that most people in public annoyed me, and I remember just one instance where a family was helpful in a non-annoying way when I entered a movie theater. Since most people are not going to be so cool, just anticipate the inevitable and get them to back off Sounds like you're doing just fine on your own (--and glad you're not getting injured during your falls!) I am so fragile nowadays that even the slightest bump in a crowd can injure me. I have to be super careful about falling in the wintertime and inevitably fall and hurt myself at least once a season. My alternative -- being housebound unless it's absolutely necessary (work), and taking off days when the weather is really bad. I know, I must be a bad employee, but my life is more important than a stupid job. I can find another one.

Edited by CervInstabilityHMSandRSD, 07 September 2008 - 02:53 PM.

[Travelling Blackbird]

That's a tough one. CervInstability's idea of preparing your responses in advance is a good one, because a prepared and firm response is more likely to get people to back off than a flustered and emotional response. However, there is no guarantee that they'll back off immediately, so be prepared to be very firm or even rude if you have to.

I know how you feel. The fuss is the big problem: if you're all right, then you just want to be left alone. I would rather be left to my own devices too.

Having a response might also help with the feeling of frustration, embarrassment and wounded pride though, because it's a step on the path to some kind of acceptance of the reality that you will fall, and people will fuss.

There is one thing I'd like to add, as a cautionary tale about someone who I really had to persuade to let me help. If someone is insistent because they can see you've hurt yourself, maybe then you could let them help.

I was coming up to an intersection; the lights in the direction I wanted to cross were red. In the perpendicular direction, an able-bodied elderly lady was just stepping off the curb to cross when she slipped and fell before I or the other man at the intersection could do anything. The man was already on his mobile phone, and I could hear him saying "I have to call an ambulance, call you later", so I focused on the woman. There was a moment before she came around, and then she tried to sit up, but she couldn't stand. I could see there was blood on the back of her head, and she seemed disoriented, asking "Which way is 9th?" I took off my jacket and folded it up to make a cushion and tried to persuade her to sit still or even lie down, that the ambulance would be there in a moment. The conversation continued something like this:

"No, I want to go home. I have to go home."
"You'll be able to go home. But you have to wait for the ambulance. They need to look at your head, you've cut yourself, and your ankle is swollen."
"I haven't cut myself, I'm fine."
"I'm sorry, but you have a cut on the back of your head."
"No I don't, I didn't hit my head. Leave me alone, I want to go home, I just need help to stand up. I have to get to 9th and Irving."
That decided me: we were on 9th and Irving. I said: "I'm really sorry, but you need to wait."

I noticed a crowd was gathering, and staring and commenting, so I turned to them and I said "Could you all please back off and give the lady some space? We're fine, we're taking care of it." and the other man, finishing up with the call, started to do the same, making people move on.

The woman really wanted to go home, and insisted she was just embarrassed and didn't want any fuss, and my heart went out to her, really. I've been there, and I knew how she felt. On the other hand, she'd hit her head, he ankle was visibly swelling, and letting her just try to get home seemed irresponsible. I was torn because I'd have hated to be in her situation, but the disorientation was the decider.

The ambulance was there in minutes, and the paramedics said that we'd done the right thing by calling, because there was something wrong with her pupil dilation too.

I still have mixed feelings about the whole situation and my reaction, but ultimately, I know that she could've been far worse off because she didn't seem to know she was injured. When I fall now, I still try to cope on my own, and still try to get people to back off, but I always listen to hear if someone is saying I'm bleeding or have said something odd.

[nomis]

I suspect you'll only have trouble with your emotions when you fall if you are trying to maintain an unreasonable expectation and image of yourself.

I see myself having two choices. If I'm hurt then I'll react negatively as in angry and maybe express one or a few chosen words. Or, I'm not hurt in which case I'll laugh - cos I'm relieved I'm not injured and find myself in a ridiculous situation which I can't avoid.

[Travelling Blackbird]

nomis, on Sep 8 2008, 01:08 PM, said:

I suspect you'll only have trouble with your emotions when you fall if you are trying to maintain an unreasonable expectation and image of yourself.

Well said, Sir.

[Kwag_Myers]

I usually just make a joke, like, "Now you know why I'm in this chair". If you can't laugh at yourself...well, you'd better learn how.

[cate]

I think when you are on crutches people think you can manage, Why I do not know. My daughter fell recently In PC world, and she was on her own, nobody came to help at first, after a time realise she needed help, but that said. they did not seem to have a clue what to do., after instructions from her, like please bring a chair over, so I can pull my self, up . I think they see the crutches and think they can be used like sking poles, and that you will be able to get up ok. So there are problems with ability and also pain, and then embarassement of falling in public places .
Cate

[Kristy]

I haven't fallen in a while, but last time I fell I broke my leg. I was trying to get back up in my chair and my leg was kind of behind me and SNAP, CRACK. It finally healed then I got a staff infection in my broken leg, at the knee, The Dr. had to do surgery to get all the infection out. Anyway that was 4 years ago I don't know why or how I don't fall more often, because I'm really not that careful or anything. Even though I was at home when I fell it is a very humbling experience!! The bottom line is you have to laugh at the situation or you will just sit there and cry

[StellaLAtella]

Hi City Girl,
I know everyone deals with situations differently so I just want to share with you how I deal with falls. I don't like assistance getting up.....the most embarassing part for me is when all of the gruesome contents of my purse spill out and go EVERYWHERE!! As I get up, I just make the statement loud enough for anyone nearby to hear that, "I have GOT to switch to CRACK LIGHT!!" And to add to the absurdity, while gathering the contents of the purse, I ask, "where's my crack pipe?"

I have for the most part, learned to not give a rat's ass what other people think. However, there are a few scenarios that I do still have the exception to THAT rule.

Dust yourself off and keep moving.
~Stella