10 replies to this topic

[E-DOG]

So I wheel on into this unbelievebly expensive china shop in Beverly Hills the other day. The owner was there. Female, 'bout a hundred years old. Kinda gal who eats french fries with a knife and fork. You know the type, tits to her knees and wound up tighter than gran'pa's
railroad watch.
Two or three more ancient crones huddled around some overpriced teacup set, gooing over the illegible heiroglyphics written on the bottom of one of the saucers.
I'm in there trying to find a high quality spoon to cook heroin in. My friend's an addict, and kinda stupid. He keeps using plastic spoons
and well, I'm sure you can imagine the results.
So I find what appears to be the mother of all spoons. Stamped sterling silver, priced at only $800.00 and small enough to fit in my pocket. Like I'd pay 800 bucks for a f*@king spoon. Yeh, right.
So I hold it up in the air and with the insousiance of a ten year old ask from accross the room, "you recon it's ok to cook up smack in a silver spoon?"
Well, just as I said "spoon" incontinence rears it's ugly head an' the refried beans I'd had last night, (as yet unformed into turd like shapes and sizes) start to feel claustrophobic. Now keep in mind I'm too much of a man to use diapers and underwear's a pain in the ass. And shorts are of course much easier to put on than pants. So shit's flyin' everywhere! Inertia causing it to splatter on display cases, walls and naturally the fiftythousand dollar antique persian rug the owner's had since childhood.
The delightful effluvium wafts it's way up, over, and into the nostrils of the afore mentioned Parkinsons parade and those broads start to shake, rattle an' roll, bigtime! One of 'em faints on the spot. Another almost makes it to the door before apoplectic peroxisms take over leaving a rictus of disgust carved accross her face. The last one's left banging her head against the wall praying for a God who would never, could never arrive on time.
With all the commotion going on I threw the spoon in my backpack and slipped quietly out the rear door rolling on not even one drop of that sweet, wet, shit.
Like dancing between the rain drops baby, dancing between the rain drops.
E-dog

[StellaLAtella]

That's so funny!! Reminds me of a situation when I was in the fifth grade and had an ugly accident in a theater while on a school field trip.

Once again, thanks for the laugh!
~Stella

[elaine]

E-DOG, on Sep 11 2008, 02:42 AM, said:

So I wheel on into this unbelievebly expensive china shop in Beverly Hills the other day. The owner was there. Female, 'bout a hundred years old. Kinda gal who eats french fries with a knife and fork. You know the type, tits to her knees and wound up tighter than gran'pa's
railroad watch.
Two or three more ancient crones huddled around some overpriced teacup set, gooing over the illegible heiroglyphics written on the bottom of one of the saucers.
I'm in there trying to find a high quality spoon to cook heroin in. My friend's an addict, and kinda stupid. He keeps using plastic spoons
and well, I'm sure you can imagine the results.
So I find what appears to be the mother of all spoons. Stamped sterling silver, priced at only $800.00 and small enough to fit in my pocket. Like I'd pay 800 bucks for a f*@king spoon. Yeh, right.
So I hold it up in the air and with the insousiance of a ten year old ask from accross the room, "you recon it's ok to cook up smack in a silver spoon?"
Well, just as I said "spoon" incontinence rears it's ugly head an' the refried beans I'd had last night, (as yet unformed into turd like shapes and sizes) start to feel claustrophobic. Now keep in mind I'm too much of a man to use diapers and underwear's a pain in the ass. And shorts are of course much easier to put on than pants. So shit's flyin' everywhere! Inertia causing it to splatter on display cases, walls and naturally the fiftythousand dollar antique persian rug the owner's had since childhood.
The delightful effluvium wafts it's way up, over, and into the nostrils of the afore mentioned Parkinsons parade and those broads start to shake, rattle an' roll, bigtime! One of 'em faints on the spot. Another almost makes it to the door before apoplectic peroxisms take over leaving a rictus of disgust carved accross her face. The last one's left banging her head against the wall praying for a God who would never, could never arrive on time.
With all the commotion going on I threw the spoon in my backpack and slipped quietly out the rear door rolling on not even one drop of that sweet, wet, shit.
Like dancing between the rain drops baby, dancing between the rain drops.
E-dog

that was too funny thanks 4 the laughter peace elaine

[Slowlegs]

E-DOG, on Sep 11 2008, 03:42 AM, said:

So I wheel on into this unbelievebly expensive china shop in Beverly Hills the other day. The owner was there. Female, 'bout a hundred years old. Kinda gal who eats french fries with a knife and fork. You know the type, tits to her knees and wound up tighter than gran'pa's
railroad watch.
Two or three more ancient crones huddled around some overpriced teacup set, gooing over the illegible heiroglyphics written on the bottom of one of the saucers.
I'm in there trying to find a high quality spoon to cook heroin in. My friend's an addict, and kinda stupid. He keeps using plastic spoons
and well, I'm sure you can imagine the results.
So I find what appears to be the mother of all spoons. Stamped sterling silver, priced at only $800.00 and small enough to fit in my pocket. Like I'd pay 800 bucks for a f*@king spoon. Yeh, right.
So I hold it up in the air and with the insousiance of a ten year old ask from accross the room, "you recon it's ok to cook up smack in a silver spoon?"
Well, just as I said "spoon" incontinence rears it's ugly head an' the refried beans I'd had last night, (as yet unformed into turd like shapes and sizes) start to feel claustrophobic. Now keep in mind I'm too much of a man to use diapers and underwear's a pain in the ass. And shorts are of course much easier to put on than pants. So shit's flyin' everywhere! Inertia causing it to splatter on display cases, walls and naturally the fiftythousand dollar antique persian rug the owner's had since childhood.
The delightful effluvium wafts it's way up, over, and into the nostrils of the afore mentioned Parkinsons parade and those broads start to shake, rattle an' roll, bigtime! One of 'em faints on the spot. Another almost makes it to the door before apoplectic peroxisms take over leaving a rictus of disgust carved accross her face. The last one's left banging her head against the wall praying for a God who would never, could never arrive on time.
With all the commotion going on I threw the spoon in my backpack and slipped quietly out the rear door rolling on not even one drop of that sweet, wet, shit.
Like dancing between the rain drops baby, dancing between the rain drops.
E-dog

Dude, that's got to be the funniest thing I have read in a long while.

[Kev-O]

i was laughing from the point were you said "So I wheel on into this unbelievebly expensive china shop" till the end that shit (no pun intended) was to funny keep those funny story's coming

[edlee]

EDOG,,,you have to have the most perverse mind in all of chairdom...

But,, I love it.
ed

[KarenFerguson]

"you recon it's ok to cook up smack in a silver spoon?" -- I'll have to remember that line the next time I go antiquing. Thanks for the funny (albeit smelly story).

[Travelling Blackbird]

Hmmm... I've been wanting a portable DVD player... I wonder if that technique would work on the people at Best Buy.

Grossly, uncomfortably funny. Thanks for sharing!

[longhaul]

You did that on purpose man that was my Gran ma , better check that spoon it's probable a counterfeit from China made from lead and if your buddy uses it he will be worse off than the plastic............

[Quad65]

'Dog, you is one funny Mofo.

[qbounce]

Putting your friends spoon in the back pocket coudn't have been one of your brightest shining moments, either . . . unless that's how you clean the out.

Rare form on this one!