[love&hate]

Hey, My name is Bart. Iam 23 and I just recently found this website and forums. I have been looking for a forum like this for a long time. I would like to share my story with you since I believe some of you
might find it interesting. I had an accident around 4 years ago ( its been so long). I broke my neck C4,5 in a car accident. It happened so fast i dont really remember anything. What i remember is that i woke
up next day and i couldnt do anything. All my motor functions were dead. I bet all quads remember that day. Shock? Feebleness? Gosh so many thing were going thru my head. Could not eat cause of
stomach ulcer caused by stress. For the first month there was no recovery at all. All I could do is to hardly move a finger.No bladder/bowel. Nobody would tell me whats going on and how it is going to end. They probably didnt know. The time was passing and there was no recovery at all. After 2 months my ulcer healed and they moved me to a rehabilitation facility. That is where I spend next 6 months living there. I learned everything.I remember i couldnt even sit in a weelchair because i was fainting right away. They had to assume erect position and it took us 3 months to finally put that bed in a standing position. Not that i was standing on my own. Just a position forced by the bed. My 3rd and 4th month i regained most of my motor functions in left hand and about 70% in the right. FINALLY something
That gave me the hope and the burst of strength.I begun to force my mind to move those damn legs. I was spending hours/days/weeks just imagining how i used to walk. Amazingly, it worked. I moved my left leg. First move was tiny. Just little bit but it was huge for me. I was so happy. The whole facility came to see this. They were all cheering with me. (later on they told me they were not expecting me to do this). Well, they didnt know me. I was so stubborn it was sick. Anyway, this first leg move was just the beginning. 4 months later after weeks of electric therapy and forced walking my other leg kicked in. I begun to walk with the walker ..my hands were getting better. I will speed up here cause i dont want to bore you to death with this wall of text. 3 years after the injury( working my ass off) my left side of the body motor is D (is almost like normal) sensation is B when my right side sensation is back to normal and the motor is B . Go figure. Its really strange. I dont use wheelchar at all. I walk with 1 cane to support my bad side. I got my bladder/bowel back to norm and my sex functions are ok . Every Doc I used to visit looked at me like I was a ghost and they kept saying I am very lucky. The Doc that did my operation couldnt believe iam walking. Hes the one that put me on wheelchair right away taking my hope away.(asshole) I really dont trust them anymore. I didnt have anything and now i worked my way to the point iam here now. I really hate when docs say that iam lucky. AM i really? If i would be lucky i wouldnt have the damn accident at first place. The point is that no matter what the docs say .. dont give up and just do your thing. They were so wrong about my situation. After 3 years my progression stopped and since then i didnt recover anything else. I lost my determination. I had some personal problems in my life(hate women). Got depresed..stoped working out. My life became miserable and here I am.I have some questions you guys maybe want to answer.


Is there a way a guy like me can find a GF? Damn it. HOW? I lost all my confidence. I am afraid to approach one? Its like a blind circle.
Is there a point to keep the rehabilitation up? I dont see the point. I mean i cant get anything out of myself anyway. Why bother?
I never talked with any mental specialist. Do you think they can tell me something that can change me in some way? I have been dealing with all the pain and frustration by keeping everything inside. Sometimes i think that maybe i should talk with somebody.
Last but not least.. DO you guys think there will be any cure for us anytime soon(next 5-7 years) thats what my curent Doc says... Stem cells? I assume my spine dmg isnt severe.

This post has been edited by love&hate: 19 September 2008 - 06:13 PM

[nomis]

Welcome to the forum Bart.
You've made a lot of valuable recovery and it'd be a shame to put any of that to waste. I reckon the first thing you need to do is get that confidence back. If you've had confidence in your earlier life then no reason why you can't get it back. You've probably been going through a normal down period (normal as in common in the early years of SCI) and you're now beginning to get motivated.
If there was a simple way to help people find girl friends I'd be way too busy making and spending money to be here. You'll increase your chances the more you mix with people and take risks by talking to those you fancy.

[topperf]

The recovery you have achieved is truly remarkable, that is very fortunate for you and combined with the effort you've put into it, you should be very proud of yourself.

You are still on the right path - reaching out to solve the problems you have, problems that are very common for guys (and girls) in our situation.

I was fortunate to have a very wise woman to talk to the first half year I was injured, I can only recommend that you talk to someone about your problems, get it of your chest.

Good luck.

t.

[Murray]

Bart -

Kudos, man, on all the success you achieved in your recovery. Purdy amazing!

Re: depression, etc. - Do you have transportation? I found that the more I get out of the house - take the bus downtown, hit the gym and my favorite little restaurant, coffee shop, library - whatever - then the better off I am.

Keep at it, bud. You've come way too far to let things beat ya'. Sure we all have our moments - some of them longer than we'd prefer. But each time it gets easier. And before ya' know it, you're wondering what the hell ever knocked you down in the first place.

By the way, you've come to the right place to get a "hand-up." Some great folks here. A lot of 'em are purdy sharp - should be reassuring.

Best wishes, and all that jazz.

Lynn

[love&hate]

nomis, on Sep 19 2008, 05:43 AM, said:

Welcome to the forum Bart.
You've made a lot of valuable recovery and it'd be a shame to put any of that to waste. I reckon the first thing you need to do is get that confidence back. If you've had confidence in your earlier life then no reason why you can't get it back. You've probably been going through a normal down period (normal as in common in the early years of SCI) and you're now beginning to get motivated.
If there was a simple way to help people find girl friends I'd be way too busy making and spending money to be here. You'll increase your chances the more you mix with people and take risks by talking to those you fancy.

I believe my problem is that I need some goals to pursue. My main goal was to get better and that was giving me the strength to move forward. Now that I know nothing more will improve I feel like I lost something. I feel like I lost this strength and determination .I was striving for perfection and its something i cant achieve. Its really driving me crazy. I realize I should be happy with what I have and that many people here were not as fortunate as me. I am sorry to say that but I just cant accept that. I am so close but so far at the same time.I have some small goals like College I am attending or a GF mentioned above. Iam trying to focus on it but I cant . I have the same thing in my mind and I am thinking about it over and over. Its driving me nuts. I hope new advances in research will someday help me to free my mind and focus on something that will get me somewhere. Till then i will just struggle through life with my obsession. Maybe someday i will figure out how to let it go. At this this point in my life I cant.

Thank you guys for replying and a good word. =D I will be here daily.Cheers! ^_^

This post has been edited by love&hate: 19 September 2008 - 07:47 PM

[eleanorigby]

Hi Bart,

Something in your first post caught my eye, you said you have some personal problems and then in parantheses you said "(hate women)". I can guarantee that if that's the kind of attitude you have, you're going to struggle trying to find a girlfriend. Women can pick up on that kind of thing and it will drive them away. Women are also turned off when they sense that a man is deeply unhappy or overly preoccupied by something that is making him unhappy. You've accomplished so much, but it sounds like your stuck on what you haven't accomplished. You're going to just keep going around in circles, thinking about it and unable to concentrate on anything else. If this is your mindset, you'll never be able to see the forest from the trees (you'll never see the bigger picture). Life is so much more than having perfect motor and sensation, and it seems like your missing out on the best bits because you don't think you can enjoy them until you're body is where you want it to be. College and a girlfriends shouldn't be seen as "small goals". The people you spend your life with and the things you do in your life (such as school and a job) are huge chunks of a person's identity. Who are you outside your injury, your disability? I might not walk, but I have people love me and I'm doing something with my life that I feel helps other people and makes the world better, at least a little bit. I still work hard, everyday, to make myself physically stronger, but that doesn't define my existance. It's no wonder you feel so lost, you've downsized parts of your life that are vital! I hope you can find some happiness and break out of your blues. The moment you start to feel better about yourself, start to regain that confidence, girls are going to take notice. Good luck!

This post has been edited by eleanorigby: 19 September 2008 - 10:17 PM

[love&hate]

eleanorigby, on Sep 19 2008, 05:47 PM, said:

Hi Bart,

Something in your first post caught my eye, you said you have some personal problems and then in parantheses you said "(hate women)". I can guarantee that if that's the kind of attitude you have, you're going to struggle trying to find a girlfriend. Women can pick up on that kind of thing and it will drive them away. Women are also turned off when they sense that a man is deeply unhappy or overly preoccupied by something that is making him unhappy. You've accomplished so much, but it sounds like your stuck on what you haven't accomplished. If this is your mindset, you'll never be able to see the forest from the trees (you'll never see the bigger picture). Life is so much more than having perfect motor and sensation, and it seems like your missing out on the best bits because you don't think you can enjoy them until you're body is where you want it to be. College and a girlfriends shouldn't be seen as "small goals". The people you spend your life with and the things you do in your life (such as school and a job) are huge chunks of a person's identity. I might not walk, but I have people love me and I'm doing something with my life that I feel helps other people and makes the world better, at least a little bit. I still work hard, everyday, to make myself physically stronger, but that doesn't define my existance. It's no wonder you feel so lost, you've downsized parts of your life that are vital.

Hi
Its not that i hate all women. I wrote that because i was hurt by one and she left me in the worst possible moment in my life. Maybe I was not lucky but all my life i had a bad experience in relationships therefor my confidence is very low when approaching them. I need to think about this but you might be right. Iam not happy so there must be something wrong about the way i perceive my life.

[eleanorigby]

love&hate, on Sep 19 2008, 03:17 PM, said:

eleanorigby, on Sep 19 2008, 05:47 PM, said:

Hi Bart,

Something in your first post caught my eye, you said you have some personal problems and then in parantheses you said "(hate women)". I can guarantee that if that's the kind of attitude you have, you're going to struggle trying to find a girlfriend. Women can pick up on that kind of thing and it will drive them away. Women are also turned off when they sense that a man is deeply unhappy or overly preoccupied by something that is making him unhappy. You've accomplished so much, but it sounds like your stuck on what you haven't accomplished. If this is your mindset, you'll never be able to see the forest from the trees (you'll never see the bigger picture). Life is so much more than having perfect motor and sensation, and it seems like your missing out on the best bits because you don't think you can enjoy them until you're body is where you want it to be. College and a girlfriends shouldn't be seen as "small goals". The people you spend your life with and the things you do in your life (such as school and a job) are huge chunks of a person's identity. I might not walk, but I have people love me and I'm doing something with my life that I feel helps other people and makes the world better, at least a little bit. I still work hard, everyday, to make myself physically stronger, but that doesn't define my existance. It's no wonder you feel so lost, you've downsized parts of your life that are vital.

Hi
Its not that i hate all women. I wrote that because i was hurt by one and she left me in the worst possible moment in my life. Maybe I was not lucky but all my life i had a bad experience in relationships therefor my confidence is very low when approaching them. I need to think about this but you might be right. Iam not happy so there must be something wrong about the way i perceive my life.

You asked in your first post if a mental professional would be a good idea and i think it could probably help you. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to and to help put things into perspective. Often times when we're depressed, things seem hopeless and like it's impossible to ever be okay again. You seem like a strong, smart, nice young man and you don't deserve to feel so unhappy. You've worked harder and accomplished more in the last four years than the majority of the people in your life will ever understand. What were you struggling for? To walk? Well, what comes after walking? What comes after the physical healing process? Nothing? Maybe you should make a new list of goals for yourself and figure out what comes next; a therapist could help you with this.

You've been working so hard the last few years to recover that it seems like you've forgotten how to live a little. As for approaching girls, if you lack the confidence, then start slowly. Just hang out with a group that includes some girls. Ask your friends to invite girls along when you go out for you to spend time with. If you're in college, you can join a study group or a club and meet girls. This way, it won't be like you're hitting on them, you'll just be getting to know them and start getting more comfortable and confident. It's better to be friends with someone before you start dating anyway. Or, if you want to jump into the deep end, just approach a girl and hit on her. This way, you'll have faced your fear and what's the worse that can happen? She'll say no? So what? That doesn't reflect on you, it's a reflection of her. Sometimes we build things up in our heads and when it happens in reality, we think, "that wasn't that bad at all!"

[qbounce]

I like Eleanore's suggestion about the GF, but I'm pretty sure you were joking to hide the fact that it bothers you not having one. College sounds like a good idea. Take one goal at a time and the others will fall into place.

Maybe an antidepressant could help your problems too.

[stevensgirl14]

Great Job on all your hard work! We are all here to support you. I didn't read all the responces on this on cause my ADD is kicking in. Please don't give up on therapy. Some times people hit a platue, then make more progress later. No, I'm not trying to give you false hope, but even if you never regain anymore feeling or movement, keeping strong and healthy is always important.

It appears to me you are one driven person. Make goals such as education, attending one social event a month, reaching out to new SCI's, working on discovering new therapeutic outlets for healing your soul after your accident.

As for the girlfriend part. This forus is filled with couples that have met after SCI. I'm an AB who met my wonderful man after his injury. There are lots and lots of post here about that topic. Welcome to our little world.