9 replies to this topic

[Tash]

TELL ME IF I AM WRONG>>>This waws derived from something else I read earlier today. Sorry it took me a while to respond. It is the physical stress of taking care of three people. His injury was Sept. 9, 2007: 2:00am. Lately since I have been under so much stress I have been going through sometimes where I find myself having some resentment anger issues with him. I find myself feeling very upset with him because even though I believe the Lord allows things to happen to you for a reason I get upset with the thought of all of this and how it could have really been avoided.

My mans accident was due to him out drinking and driving. I left him when he went off to work that Friday and he had the accident on the Sunday morning. I left him the way I did because I was pregnant with our son now 9 months at the time and when my man would drink he would want to fight on me. I HAD TO LEAVE - NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. I use to tell him that i was gonna leave if he kept up that behavior..it was too much on me and our other son. Plus I would tell him that never in my life have I ever been exposed to that kind of lifestyle and it was not for meI really need opinions. Well, anyway he would not stop so I had to leave and yes the way that I did. Instead of working his issue out in other ways he chose to go out drinking ...all day that Friday, Saturday and Sunday until the accident. I know that alcoholics find drinking as there way out. But I believe that if he loved me and valued like he said what we had that should have been a wake up call when I left to re-evaluate the situation. Instead he chose drinking and now I am in this situation.

I could have left him after the accident still and not look back. However he would be in a nursing home. He is the father of my children and I left him because of the situation he had me in NOT because I did not love him. I wanted him to have time to figure out what he needed to do personally if he wanted our realtionship like he said he did. I of course had no idea he would be in an accident.

My man has a brother only one brother in his life and he lives in the same town as we do his brother has 5 children and a wife. In my opinion they are all half ass when it comes down to helping me with my man - (his brother, their uncle and her brother - in - law. I am sorry but I was taught to call the shots like you see them!) I swear sometimes I don't know who the parents are in that family . NOW, since they have been evicted from their home a year later and live with me now TEMPORARILY because they have no place else to go . How could I leave my man hanging in a situation like that with his brother .

I now have both of my childrn going to a private sitter and I am trying to make arrangements with them to see if my children can spend a couple of hours with them every payday weekend and I would pay them. I have a Home Health Aide that will be coming in on Saturdays for 3 1/2 to take care of them. So yeah, I think I have found a way to get some time to myself I have not been able to doit yet but it's coming I feel it.

Now, you would think well why don't I just have the brother or brothers kids sit with my children while I go and take a break since they are living with me right now. LIKE I mentioned before I don't know who the adults are in that family. PLUS they all are sorta upset with me....because when they came to stay with us TEMPORARILY I set rules and guidelins that they all must follow and the entire family is trying figure out what the heck I do that for...the parents included. When I come from a hard days work and I see thing not going the way that they should so that the flow of the house could be ran smoothly. I GO OFF. Like my man says, "I don't PLAY the radio." Meaning I mean what I say and I say what I mean.

This is a 2 part -er! Am I wrong for feeling the way that do? AND...does anyone have any other suggestions as what I could do to get a break during the week? Also, I am just venting! I also know that I need to pray for the leaders of my mans family.

Admin Note: Edited to remove underline

Edited by Apparelyzed, 26 September 2008 - 03:46 PM.

[allis53ca]

you should have kept going and not looked back....a broken neck doesn't dry out a drunk or calm an abuser....if a drunk can't drink they will overuse the drugs they are prescribed, and an abuser will switch from fists to verbal abuse...if it was ugly before, sci will only it uglier...run while you still can...sounds like there are plenty around to care for him....you should be taking care of your kids first, not taking them somewhere else...they don't get a choice, he had his

[nomis]

Underlined type used to excess is ugly and hard to read. I gave up.

[doublelibra]

This situation sounds toxic for you and especially for your children. Getting out would be your best choice. If you choose to stay, your partner could probably get more home health care. I would STRONGLY suggest you go to Alanon, and get a sponsor. They are in the phone book. Alcoholism is a family disease, and although you probably don't recognize it, the whole family gets sick, including you. Life doesnt have to be miserable!

doublelibra

[C Herod]

Wow! Don't ya just love how everyone acts like it so easy to just up and leave. Not so easy when you've been with someone most of your life and have kids together

My husband two was drinking and driving. SCI C6/C7. He wasn't an alcoholic, but we had a fight he left got to drunk and crash big time blocks from our home.

I was 8months preg. with our 3rd child. Who is now 19months. Our daughter is what has kept us sane thru all this i believe. Our sons are 10 and 11 now. My husband and I didn't have a great relationship he was and still is jealious and has always been verbaly abusive.

I blame myself partly for putting up with his shit for so long. I guess I always thought he would grow out of being such an asshole. It's been almost 2yrs since his accident. He finally started taking something for depression and he has gotten a bit better. But he can still be a jackass. He can be very unappreciative of all I do, and I get so sick of it.

My advice if you have the means and the strength to leave DO IT! Things will get worse with all he is going thru. And trust me you will get all the frustration and anger taken out on you. And your kids will hear it all. As for his family they need to help out more. OMG i can't imagine having another family with 5 other kids in my house. I hope they get out soon.

My husbands family used to help more, but everyone has there own life, and eventually i've figured out if you want something done you better do it yourself.

I love my husband very much which is why i have stayed with him, but after the sci and everything we have been thru he still doubts me and it weighs heavy on my heart. Its not fair. I do blame him for our situation. It's hard not to. Everyone knows the consequences of drinking and driving. I mean he left me pregnant at home, and i honestly feel like part of him did die that night.

Things will never be the same. I try not to think to far ahead and take it one day at a time.

I try to forgive him. I know everyone makes mistakes in life, but I want to move on. My husband can't. Not that I blame him.

I try not to be a complainer about our situation. The truth is I should have left him a long time ago. Before SCI. Now I feel stuck. He needs me, but sometimes I think he would figure out things more if I wasn't around to help him with everything.

I feel your pain, and good luck.

[Tash]

Thank you all for your replies.

I do feel like I should leave and I do feel stuck. It is not easy to up and leave even though things cold be done. However I would not be the one leaving he would be the one leaving. His brother they are only with us for 2 weeks. Trust me every opportunity I get to let them know that I do. Those kids are so disrescpecful and the parents re just plain dumb. They have no clue what to do for those kids. They had fun making them but now they can care less...


After my mans accident he has found the Lord and he knows he is truly blessed to be here. However he acts like he is not bleesed that I am still here. he says he knows it but he does not act like it. Talk is cheap!

Lately I have been trying to think of positive things because he needs me now more than anything. However with his family being there and the way the entire family is I am ready for them all to get the stepping even my man. He just now informed me that he thinks his brother needs more time. I told himt hat is fine he can have as much as time as he needs....in someone elses house after these two weeks are up. My man is upset because I said that he was trying to put his foot down( I know that was mean-put his foot down) anyway, I told him as disrespectful they are and how unruly they are I refuse to live with them any longer than 2 weeks. Next Sunday.

My man has always thought that since his brother helped him out when he first came to texas that he ows him and should be able to help him. I told my man that you owe him I don't. They need to get to stepping next Sunday.

Well my plot thickens...I will prevail...

Edited by Tash, 26 September 2008 - 10:12 PM.

[allis53ca]

what was that ? no no no...tv shows have plots...this, just the same sad ending...

[Tash]

allis53ca, on Sep 27 2008, 04:59 AM, said:

what was that ? no no no...tv shows have plots...this, just the same sad ending...

I know and it sux!

[annaruddy]

Tash, on Sep 29 2008, 11:14 AM, said:

allis53ca, on Sep 27 2008, 04:59 AM, said:

what was that ? no no no...tv shows have plots...this, just the same sad ending...

I know and it sux!

TASH I am sorry that you are having to go through such a hard time. I don't know how it is and I wish i could say I did. You know my situation right now and know that I have to take care of hubby and 2 children plus work full time. Hubby gets upset and frustrated and sometimes I feel like I don't get enough attention or appreciation but, other times I know and feel like he adores me. I am thankful that my in laws don't live in the same house but they do live beside us. Permenantly. Their land and well that is how it is. hehe. Well that is all for now and you know how to reach me if you need to vent.


Hugs,
Anna

[qbounce]

Tash,
I went through a similar situation with my now ex wife when her brother came to stay with us. She was about to leave, as our divorce was being finalized, but I didn't want to stir the waters when her disrespectful, uncooth, assh*le of a brother came over for 3 very long weeks!!

We let him use our Jeep. He stood out all night and got in a small fender bender.
He rearranged ALL my patio furniture and potted plants in the back yard.
WD40'ed (that's a type of motor oil lubricant) a wooden statue I brought back from Thailand . . .I REALLY don't understand this one!?
Scratched up my porcelain cooktop stove.
Yelled out the window at neighbors for being too loud while HE slept in (after getting back home at 3am, no less)
Offered to cook dinner one night, but had to do it on HIS schedule, not MINE.
Offered me and my alchoholic ex champagne to toast his birthday . . . except it was 12 midnight, and I was asleep!!

Again, if not for the divorce going through, I would have kicked him out on his ass. I went off on him when he yelled at my neighbors. That was just too much! Their BOTH gone now, so good riddence!!

As far as YOUR situation goes, just put YOUR foot down. Allow the brother to stay but under YOUR rules! It's your house and you have the right to set guide lines. Including having them help by cleaning the house, cooking, etc. Put them to work. Guests are one thing, but helping family out doesn't mean they should be a BURDEN on your family!!