Finally... A place for the spouses!
#1
Posted 25 November 2005 - 04:11 PM
For those who don't know me, I am the wife of a T12/L1 paraplegic. He was injured a little over a year ago when he got run over by a cotton picker. We've been at home for about 6 months now. He's doing well except for a couple pressure sores. He recently (yesterday) began driving...so, that is one anxiety attack after another!
I am so glad that maybe we can get some spouses on this board now and we have a place to go instead of feeling like we are butting in on someone else's topic (I'm good at butting in though!) I know that I've been emailing with a lot of women from this forum that are married/dating SCI men....hope you find this thread so we can all talk together now!
Thankyou Simon!
#2
Posted 26 November 2005 - 12:14 AM
Hey, did someone put some lsd into my meds? Actually, I really feel for you guys some days. As frustrating for us to be in a wheelchair, it is very frustrating and tiring for you guys to look after us. I will personally roll over your male counter parts if they get out of line.
For any relationship to work out, both parties must recognise the difficulties the other faces...walk a mile in my mocassins or something along those lines. None of us would have wanted to be in this situation because of birth or accident, but here we are. I don't think I would want to be my wife on some days (although trying on that red dress sort of intrigues me...lol).
#3
Posted 26 November 2005 - 01:59 AM
LOL,
I'm Ashley, my husband John is a T6-7 complete paraplegic d/t an automobile accident in 97. We live in the deep south Louisiana. I'm a nurse and he's a stay at home dad and househusband. We have 4 children ages 13, 8,7,and 6. We have a "his, mine and ours" situation. Day to day life is pretty normal but probably insane to the outside world, its good to have some people in the same boat to vent to, get info from, seek advice etc. Looking forward to some interesting posts.
Ashley
#4
Posted 26 November 2005 - 06:15 AM
We have been married for 3 years next week. The past 3 years have been pretty hard on us, he has had serious health issues from pressure sores as a result of a surgery gone wrong. He just had a flap surgery done last week and is currently in the hospital recovering. He is doing well and should be coming home soon.
It's really nice to know there are other women (or men as the case may be) who's spouse is a SCI. I look forward to getting to know everyone!
Amy
#5
Posted 26 November 2005 - 09:32 AM
i am marrying my best friend in march..he is t-4 para...he was injured in a car accident when he was 2...he is 28 now..
we have been together for 2 years....i am an accountant, and he is a teacher..
this is a great forum idea and i look forward to meeting everyone...
#6
Posted 26 November 2005 - 09:28 PM
There is a picture of us in my profile.
This post has been edited by TonysWoman2451: 26 November 2005 - 09:29 PM
"Why don't you go buy some real ones then"
"Go buy some real nails???"
"Oh....."
#7
Posted 26 November 2005 - 10:14 PM
I've been in a long term relationship with a T7 para, but we broke up years ago. Recently I met a C5-6 quad and I am in love!!!!!! It feels good. I know it's gonna be a bumpy road, but I wil stand by him no matter what.
Greetz to all of you!
#8
Posted 28 November 2005 - 05:30 AM
Ashley,
Just wanted to know as a fellow nurse how you managed a job, caring for your husband and children? I hope to have this situation some day, just hope I have the energy to do it. You have to be an amazing person.
By the way, my love is now out of the hospital and doing much better. He is in a short term rehab until his mother can bring him home. I wanted to bring him home, but she didn't think I could manage right now, having 2 jobs and not being in very good health of my own. I can't wait for the day we can be together, I'm so tired of tearful good-byes.
#9 *Babs*
Posted 28 November 2005 - 08:36 AM
I do not have SCI, nor does my family, although I do have friends with them. I think this idea is brilliant. My Father has alzheimers disease brought on by a combination of old age and vascular degeneration due to suffering 2 subdural bleeds in 1993. How I wish someone had had a message board for us then. Instead, my Mum, Brother and I cared for him before having to make the decision to put him in for professional care. Just to talk to others who have been there and worn the T-shirt would have been great.
So, to all you SCI carers out there - make use of your board because it helps to talk.
#10 *Guest_newfs2you*
Posted 02 December 2005 - 03:48 AM
#11
Posted 03 December 2005 - 03:04 AM
He has his own business and works long hours 5 1/2 days a week, so we only get to spend time together on the weekend. I'm a little awkward right now talking about our situation, but I'm going to keep reading the posts here, and maybe I'll get the courage to add my two cents.
Thanks again. It's so encouraging to see that there are other women living and loving in these circumstances.
#12 *Maddie*
Posted 04 December 2005 - 10:32 AM
xMaddiex
#13
Posted 04 December 2005 - 05:03 PM
#14
Posted 04 December 2005 - 09:09 PM
#15 *Maddie*
Posted 04 December 2005 - 09:30 PM
xMaddiex
#16
Posted 05 December 2005 - 12:11 AM
We weren't really sure what was going to happen this time in surgery. This is his 3rd flap in the past year. He had stage 4 sores on both cheeks and now they are both covered and taken care of. His right hip... the side he just had done... the hip joint was a mess. Apparently his hip was broken at some point... we didn't know... and the joint had calcified and was so tight he could hardly bend forward in his chair to propel himself. His surgeon wasn't sure what he was going to find in there. We were eaxpecting the worst.. including the loss of his leg. Turns out he was able to get everything cleaned up and move his hamstring around to cover the hip. Thanks god for an awesome doctor!!!!!
We just celebrated 3 years of marriage last week. We started the process of adopting earlier this year before he got sick. We are looking forward to getting back moving along with that again here in the next few months. I can't wait to be a mom! Andy is going to be the best daddy!!
#17
Posted 05 December 2005 - 12:17 AM
ashley
#18
Posted 06 December 2005 - 02:34 PM
> xMaddiex
That must have been awful for you all. I read from your other posts that you're getting involved in his treatment - talking with his doctor. That's wonderful. My guy had already been living with his situation for three years when I first met him. He had a spinal cord aneurism - no known cause - back then, so I wasn't involved at all at the time. Now, he's starting to get movement and sensation back slowly in his abdomen and legs. One thing that helps a little is long back and leg massages. I feel a bit less helpless when I can do this for him.
#19
Posted 08 December 2005 - 10:52 AM
I'm Rosalie, married to Avi - T11-12 para for the past 6.5 years (we've been married for 10 years). We have two kids, a boy of 7 (pre-SCI) and a girl of 3.5 (post-SCI - conceived with the help of a Ferticare vibrator and some encouraging and open-minded doctors - if anyone would like some more info just ask).
We are from Israel (I'm originally English but have lived here since I was a kid). Lots of SCIs here, we have many friends with varying injuries but I'm really glad that I found this forum - wish I would have found something like during the first years.
Although Avi is mostly completely independent by now there are still quite a few things that I do for him or help him with, although very little compared to the first couple of years. However, like several of the wives on this forum, I do feel that I have lost my way a bit - its as if I've put my life on hold since the injury, waiting for Avi to get his act together again. Well, now that he's ok and functioning well (since his SCI he's got a degree in business admin., plays wheelchair basketball on the Israel national team as well as his home team, and has recently started working again), I don't quite know what to do with myself for ME
Thanks,
Rosalie
#20
Posted 08 December 2005 - 02:24 PM
I feel like I'm waiting on something to happen that would allow me to be myself again. It has probably already happened and I'm stuck in a place that I don't feel comfortable leaving.
I mean, those of us who have been with our spouses before the injury have gone through something very tramatic. I think my experience has just changed my personality forever. I used to be so outgoing and friendly, now I never talk to anybody I don't know and I just feel very guarded with my emotions. I've lost some friends since it all happened. My husband says I'm not carefree anymore.
It is really sad because I don't want to go through live jaded and scared. I wonder how to get out of that rut.
Most of the time, I feel like not only am I holding myself back, but I'm holding my husband back too.
Does any of this make sense? Every since I had a nervous breakdown from him driving, I feel like I can kinda see clearly about what I've been doing. It's kinda like self sabotage. I'm so scared to move out of this place where I'm comfortable that I'm ruining everyone's time.
#21
Posted 08 December 2005 - 07:50 PM
{{{HUGS}}}
You're still in there, friend.
Female. Incomplete para following a cord stroke in '03. Spina-bifida, severe scoliosis. 18 surgeries total...five spine-related: Three fusions w/hardware, two tethered cord releases.
#22
Posted 10 December 2005 - 02:39 AM
hillarymcarter, on Dec 8 2005, 02:24 PM, said:
I feel like I'm waiting on something to happen that would allow me to be myself again. It has probably already happened and I'm stuck in a place that I don't feel comfortable leaving.
Hillary - I've never dealt with what you've gone through, so I won't presume to say I know what you're feeling, but there have been times that I've felt the way you describe, and I can assure you that you will come through the other side of it.
I hope you know that your posts in this forum are some of the most helpful that I've read. Your warmth and compassion and helpfulness are very much appreciated. You will find your way back.
#23
Posted 10 December 2005 - 05:30 AM
I'm happy to report that Bruce passed his driver's test so he can legally drive alone now. The driving instructor insured me that I have nothing to worry about. I am going to learn to relax even if it kills me!!! (a little contradictory, huh?)
#25
Posted 12 December 2005 - 01:32 AM
Much love, blue butterfly
#26 *Kelly*
Posted 22 December 2005 - 11:00 AM
Kelly
#27
Posted 22 December 2005 - 11:17 AM
#28
Posted 23 December 2005 - 01:34 AM
#29
Posted 04 January 2006 - 03:23 AM
#30
Posted 30 January 2006 - 05:13 PM
I must be following you around this web site!
I too am thankful for finding this website (it only took me 2 years 11 months but who's counting)
I wish you lived in WI so I could hug you.
Thank for being here!

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