168 replies to this topic

[Ratticis]

 E-DOG, on 07 October 2008 - 11:32 PM, said:

skeaman,

If you wanna sit there all day contemplating suicide then great!
It'll give you something to do. And it'll occupy so much of your time, you'll never actually get around to doing it. And eventually yer head will head in other, hopefully more healthful directions.

When first injured I thought about it every day. But then again, before my injury I didn't have much of a life and so therefore just after my injury I had even less of one. Add to that, turning fifty, losing the use of my leggs, being at least a hundred pounds overweight, having no family or support system what so ever and losing vertually everthing I owned. For the third time!

Hey, but what the hell. Just another challenge to over come! I'm still fast enough on my feet, so to speak, that I can't make another small fortune.

Don't know how old you are, or how long you've been injured but I see from your level you can still do alot of stuff. Let go of what you can't do, and consentrate on what you can. You've been given an opportunity here kiddo, use it.

FROM SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS COMES SOMETHING GOOD!

E-dog

I can honestly say that this brought a tear to my eye. Miss you every day, man. Hope youre at peace.

[Lucky]

I suffer depression. The type where I sleep 2 days, eat nothing, talk to no-one etc.
But I don't think I could do "it" while my family are here who love me, I couldn't be that selfish. It's just how I feel about it!
I know it would never happen but if a child or a very decent person with family who adored life needed my heart etc, I think I could do that but it'll never happen.
Did anyone see a program a year or so ago called "jumpers" I think. About a few train drivers telling how their life's have been near 'ruined' due to people jumping in front of their train. Selfish when you think of it but I suppose that's the last thing on the "jumpers" mind.
Some poor bugger has to find you and possibly scrape you up!

[Tetracyclone]

Lucky-

Good to hear from you, and you are so right that suicide inevitably hurts the lives of many left behind.

Have you tried meds?

[pinkcloud]

hi lucky

i thought you was off loving the life in tailand, nice to hear from ya me friend.

I really didnt have the energy to live thorough the horrific pain for a while, not in a morbid, sad way, i just wanted to be free of the struggle.

but then i loved e life and people in it.

I would like to think i would never end me life just because i wouldnt want others to feel the pain, i wouldnt want anyone to find me or anyone to be involved in it, like say going onto a train line. It is only me love for others in life i wish to live, the more people the better although quality is a must.

That dont mean everyone in me life has to be perfect to e..just being themself is enough.

I will go on til me last breathe just to be there for me loved ones....i no longer care what pain this means..i've felt the worst, i've been told the worse..nothing left to fear of hearing.

If however things got too bad for me..the pain no longer able to be controlled even a little bit (i used to say loss of mobility but not anymore, that as because i had to stop a mad adrenelin life lived in fastforward - now well i like comfort and to be relaxed) i would go to switzerland to end me life, i would hope me God would forgive me...but my and me kids quality of life is me number 1.

I urge anyone to speak with someone when they are at a low....even the samaritans...we have a good network here....alythough we aint counsellors to me thats good..only real sci can show that life can be worth living. i'm glad i lived thorough them hard times..i never dreamed i would be so happy with sci in me life.

To anyone whose lost a loved one to suicide..please remember if they were in that much pain/agony emotionally and/or physically that they choose to end their life..the last thing that person will want is for you to feel sad....i dont think its a cowards way out...i think that in some ways, its the only way out for them. And yeah it hurts like hell. but love means putting a loved one first......everything has a price...love is huge, amazing, wonderful..the price we pay is grief.

We dont always know what goes on in our own minds...let alone anothers....and if peope dont share everything then its not anyones fault...thats just how life can be.

Just because someone comes into or life..does not mean that its a guarantee its for life.even though sometimes we can forget this is the truth of life.

Life has a chance it can get better again....remember emotions dont always stay constant..and happy feelings can visit you again.

[Avocado Baby]

I really don't think suicide is a coward's way out. It's a result of someone feeling so hopeless that they feel there's nothing left for them. I know it hurts others around you, but I think I've said it before that if you've got to the state where you're seriously contemplating suicide, you feel so alone that you can't see it from other people's perspective.

[brockit79]

I know a few folks who have chosen to brake right in to heaven. I would say suicide is brought on by anger. What else could drive a person to comit the most violent act of self harm?

What I do know is that I could never do it, no matter how angry I get because I couldn't hurt my family in that way. I have felt lots of times woe is me, i wish i had died in my accident blah blah blah...I have, plenty of times, broken stuff in anger and regretted it immediately after. anger passes, tomorrow is another day. pick yourself up dust yourself off.

[shawzfun]

 skeaman, on 06 October 2008 - 08:23 PM, said:

The only thing that is stoping must of us is that we hope there is going to be a caur or some thing in the near future like the used of your bowel's ETC back and other little thing's. p s ang thing at all. so can ang one out their can tell us what is going on and when do you think we will see some thing.Hope fully in the near future not litght year's away some say 10-15 year's way.But do thay know must of us can not wait ? But as i say gave us some thing ETC try to keep it simple so we can understand it and please do not say go to a sit and look for help for the problem it will be stil thire .This year next and year's after.And for any one to say it get's easier as time go's buy is talking RUBBISH ? this is only my view It would be good to read your's view's DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR YOU DO NOT NOT KNOW ME

Ok, I totally understand where your coming from. Im a C5 quad and remember lots of times I wanted to be dead. I'd be better off not to mention all the ppl having to take care of me. It would be best for everyone.
Ive been there and I can say im doing much better now emotionally. I still think about it but have a pretty good life. It sucks everyday and I believe it will everyday I wake up living this nightmare.

I dont dwell on it anymore bc I realize life can be ok even in the chair. Maybe you should talk to your doc about meds or something. Jut a suggestion. I completely understand.

ShAwNa

[Charlie-boi]

I also agree with I dont think it's a cowards way out! I'm not wanting to promote the idea but in these situations it's not like people are haveing little perthetic issues many abled bodied people decide to end their life for! I think for many when sutuation are critically bad which people on this site will well be aware of and will empathise with, and the person is not compatable or able to live with It i think their decision if calculated and genuine is commendable as brave! I'm not saying the worst injured people should it's the persons quality of life they have and their alternate decision.,, my point is I respect so many people in these hard lives and I would never Judge it as cowardness like many people say their givving up on the fight to live blady blahh! No ones handing out medals its about quality of life..,, and I hope people have it or gain it x

[DannyR]

It's not a cowards way out. For some it's a way to end things on your own terms when you have no control over your life. I have never thought about suicide but there have been times when i wished this would just end. Especially when the pain gets bad. I want my family to see me as a strong person who can overcome anything....that's the person i used to be. I struggle to find my place in this life. There are answers it's up to us find them.

[dianna318]

Well here comes some of my sick humor. Do I think it's Cowardly, NO! It's a personal decision, but all decisions have consequences. Good and bad.
The first year was so bad, I would need to shift in bed I would cry for about a 1/2 hour just thinking about it. Times 100 if I had to go to the toilet.I have enough pain meds to drop 20 bull Elephants so have thought about taking enough to finally have a really long sleep. Yep!

I believe in God, not sure just how and which religion might be right. OK, what if the Hindus and that reincarnation stuff is right. I think WOW! Maybe I'll come back as a super model or some hot rich bitch! But then I think with my luck it would be one of those cows I've seen in California in those pens standing knee deep in the dung of a thousand other cows. Just standing around in the filth waiting my turn for a bullet in the brain pan! Shit, guess I'll just stick around.

Pain aside, I know quads that are more active than some AB couch potatoes! LOL. I've LMAO to watch my AB sister get in here car and drive 100ft to the mail box to get the mail. She would catch me laughing, look a bit sheepish. I would just give her a sly smile and say " that's OK, I don't walk down there either".

I have come to except that some limitations and the pain are part of my life. I say "some limitations" because I have found people out there much worse off than me leading pretty active lives. I have become pretty active. The pain is yes, VERY considerable. The joy of being out doing something fun and the feeling of pride and accomplishment "PRICELESS". I end up in bed for a while on heavy meds but my brain is not thinking so much of the pain but of the fun and what were going to do next. But it also told me to buy a mouth guard as I clenched my teeth so tight I cracked a tooth, LOL.

Is life perfect, NO! Do I still get down and depressed at times, YES! But I sure am glad I didn't give in to those thoughts of suicide. Last winter I volunteered with USARC for 10 days helping disabled children learn to ski! Those kids would just melt your heart! All smiles, giggles and just having a ball and I was able to help in a small way in that! Yep, sure glad I didn't give in!

[Lucky]

 Tetracyclone, on 24 July 2011 - 01:50 PM, said:

Lucky-

Good to hear from you, and you are so right that suicide inevitably hurts the lives of many left behind.

Have you tried meds?

Yeah, tried Citalopram, Prozac, Mirtazepine & I'm on Sertraline 100mg at present & 160mg Oxycontin, Oramorph 3 times daily & Diazepam x2 a day n that's just my pain meds.

Who was it that said it's a cowards way out anyway?

Peace.

[Steven K]

I'm glad everyone doesn't kill themselves, that's just me

[bongorum]

In the first year of my disability I twice attempted to end my life. On the first occassion it was with an overdose of sedatives washed down with half a bottle of whisky, the second was with a sharpened pencil plunged into my stomach while in the hospital recovering from the first failed attempt. I just grew fedup with unsucessfully trying day after day to resign myself to life in a wheelcheel, along with all of its attendant humiliations, until courage born of my profound frustration simply overcame my respect for life's sanctity. I haven't tried it again since because when I realized how much distress of spirit I put my wife through and how great was her pain, I pledged I would abstain for as long as she lived and was there to mourn me. However, I do know that if ever she departs this earth and leaves me behind I will try it again and this time succeed. This much have I resolved, for I know that life then will no longer hold any lure for me and all reason I have for being shall have been burnt to ash in the fires of my grief.

Someone above said that suicide was the most violent act of self-harm. I disagree. I think it's exactly the opposite, I think it's the most profound act of self-love and the best and noblest thing a man may accomplish with his life. He who loves himself avoids pain and suffering at all cost, and anyone of a grave and sober philosophical disposition will readily see suicide for what it is: a supremely efficient exit strategy when faced with acute, unending despair. It is a blind and highly undeserved reverence for life that compels us, even when overflowing with ineffable sadness and discontented to an unfathomable degree with our lot, to cling to life and dismiss all thoughts of self-destruction. This instinct to live in the face of the unremitting anguish of a wretched existence is in my opinion a botched one, for it acts contrary to reason.

Edited by bongorum, 03 August 2011 - 02:42 PM.

[Avocado Baby]

 bongorum, on 03 August 2011 - 01:31 AM, said:

In the first year of my disability I twice attempted to end my life. On the first occassion it was with an overdose of sedatives washed down with half a bottle of whisky, the second was with a sharpened pencil plunged into my stomach while in the hospital recovering from the first failed attempt. I just grew fedup with unsucessfully trying day after day to resign myself to life in a wheelcheel, along with all of its attendant humiliations, until courage born of my profound frustration simply overcame my respect for life's sanctity. I haven't tried it again since because when I realized how much distress of spirit I put my wife through and how great was her pain, I pledged I would abstain for as long as she lived and was there to mourn me. However, I do know that if ever she departs this earth and leaves me behind I will try it again and this time succeed. This much have I resolved, for I know that life then will no longer hold any lure for me and all reason I have for being shall have been burnt to ash in the fires of my grief.

Someone above said that suicide was the most violent act of self-harm. I disagree. I think it's exactly the opposite, I think it's the most profound act of self-love and the best and noblest thing a man may accomplish with his life. He who loves himself avoids pain and suffering at all cost, and anyone of a grave and sober philosophical disposition will readily see suicide for what it is: a supremely efficient exit strategy when faced with acute, unending despair. It is a blind and highly undeserved reverence for life that compels us, even when overflowing with ineffable sadness and discontented to an unfathomable degree with our lot, to cling to life and dismiss all thoughts of self-destruction. This instinct to live in the face of the unremitting anguish of a wretched existence is in my opinion a botched one, for it acts contrary to reason.

I agree with you completely! Very well said.

[Jeanette]

 dianna318, on 02 August 2011 - 08:07 PM, said:

Well here comes some of my sick humor. Do I think it's Cowardly, NO! It's a personal decision, but all decisions have consequences. Good and bad.
The first year was so bad, I would need to shift in bed I would cry for about a 1/2 hour just thinking about it. Times 100 if I had to go to the toilet.I have enough pain meds to drop 20 bull Elephants so have thought about taking enough to finally have a really long sleep. Yep!

I believe in God, not sure just how and which religion might be right. OK, what if the Hindus and that reincarnation stuff is right. I think WOW! Maybe I'll come back as a super model or some hot rich bitch! But then I think with my luck it would be one of those cows I've seen in California in those pens standing knee deep in the dung of a thousand other cows. Just standing around in the filth waiting my turn for a bullet in the brain pan! Shit, guess I'll just stick around.

Pain aside, I know quads that are more active than some AB couch potatoes! LOL. I've LMAO to watch my AB sister get in here car and drive 100ft to the mail box to get the mail. She would catch me laughing, look a bit sheepish. I would just give her a sly smile and say " that's OK, I don't walk down there either".

I have come to except that some limitations and the pain are part of my life. I say "some limitations" because I have found people out there much worse off than me leading pretty active lives. I have become pretty active. The pain is yes, VERY considerable. The joy of being out doing something fun and the feeling of pride and accomplishment "PRICELESS". I end up in bed for a while on heavy meds but my brain is not thinking so much of the pain but of the fun and what were going to do next. But it also told me to buy a mouth guard as I clenched my teeth so tight I cracked a tooth, LOL.

Is life perfect, NO! Do I still get down and depressed at times, YES! But I sure am glad I didn't give in to those thoughts of suicide. Last winter I volunteered with USARC for 10 days helping disabled children learn to ski! Those kids would just melt your heart! All smiles, giggles and just having a ball and I was able to help in a small way in that! Yep, sure glad I didn't give in!

[The Black Sheep]

I've avoided this subject for about a year now, but recently had a little alone time with my thoughts on August 1st, which was my 13th anniversary. My mentality has changed since then, and looking back to my first year, suicide seemed like a way out. I wasn't strong or stubborn enough to ever attempt anything. Maybe I was lazy or a coward, but I definitely know making that decision and going through with it is HARD.

13 years ago today I was on life support. I hadn't peed in over 2 days, and I wasn't even thinking about something farther than pooping. I just laid there. I watched my mom cry before I went in for a milogram, and that was when it hit me. There are so many people who would give up anything for me, give anything they could, just to see me the next day. Not everyone has those people, and it was them that kept me here.

I saw my mom Monday, on my anniversary, and he patted me on the head and told me that I'm glad I stayed. She knew the thoughts crossed my mind, and that I still struggle with this reality, but I have my mum. I wish everyone could have my mum. My dad too.

And Happy anniversary to myself! Wee Hoo! Officially spent half my life sitting down =)

[davjed]

I have been through several bouts with similar thoughts over the years, even in the last few months. But it's always seemed that if I just held out long enough things would be better. Right now, they are good. But who knows when or what may be next for us. It does get harder as you get older and closer to the end. But, there are still good times that I would have missed had I opted out.....this is the only life I will have. I've come this far with it I would like to see what is still in store...

[Lucky]

 The Black Sheep, on 03 August 2011 - 11:16 PM, said:

I've avoided this subject for about a year now, but recently had a little alone time with my thoughts on August 1st, which was my 13th anniversary. My mentality has changed since then, and looking back to my first year, suicide seemed like a way out. I wasn't strong or stubborn enough to ever attempt anything. Maybe I was lazy or a coward, but I definitely know making that decision and going through with it is HARD.

13 years ago today I was on life support. I hadn't peed in over 2 days, and I wasn't even thinking about something farther than pooping. I just laid there. I watched my mom cry before I went in for a milogram, and that was when it hit me. There are so many people who would give up anything for me, give anything they could, just to see me the next day. Not everyone has those people, and it was them that kept me here.

I saw my mom Monday, on my anniversary, and he patted me on the head and told me that I'm glad I stayed. She knew the thoughts crossed my mind, and that I still struggle with this reality, but I have my mum. I wish everyone could have my mum. My dad too.

And Happy anniversary to myself! Wee Hoo! Officially spent half my life sitting down =)

Well Happy Anniversary to u..... Well, u know what I mean.

Some celebrate n some don't. I suppose those like u & me who only just clung on to life are proper grateful & so do celebrate but as for me, I usually have to be reminded or I'd forget.

To be honest I don't really remember the old me it's been that long. I'm even on crutches in my (weird) dreams.

Rambling on a bit now so chin up & keep on keepin' on I suppose !

Peace.

[LeviM]

This is something very personal to me and I must admit my experience is somewhat different then most have shared here. I don't tell many people this but my sci was actually caused by a suicide attempt. I lived a very hard childhood filled with abuse of all types to the point I was removed by child services and was also born with a handful of genetic/chromosome defects that to this day make me very different from other people. I was diagnosed with MS in my early 20's and that was a bit of a breaking point with me. At 24 I attempted suicide and that's how I obtained my head injury and spinal cord injury. As weird as it may sound that failed suicide attempt that left me paralyzed has saved my life several times. I have a big fear of messing myself up any further by attempting suicide. My biggest fear is losing more function then I already have and being reliant on people to maintain every aspect of my life.

Yes there's times I still find myself considering it as an option but the difference is I'm too scared to try now.
Tell yourself as I tell myself.

Suicide is not an option, no matter how desperate things may feel. Suicide is much harder to actually achieve then it may seem. Many people go on living with severe disabilities. Is this a chance you want to take? I know I sure don't.