168 replies to this topic

[qbounce]

Travelling Blackbird, on Oct 6 2008, 02:19 PM, said:

If you are asking if I believe things get easier with time, then the answer is that things don't get physically easier

Everyones experience is obviously different in this regard and others. But I have gotten stronger with time, being a quad. That said, I've nothing left to add regarding death and the rest. I just got a perscription for Cialis and I intend to use it up!!

[Tash]

I think you are upset and that is understandable BUT I think there is another way to look at this. Taking your life is not the answer. There are folks on this site that are far worse (if you will) than you are. Not to deminish your thoughts or to EVEN JUDGE YOU. My bf/finance' is C5/6 incomplete. He still enjoys life and has excepted what has happened to him and he has chalked it all up to be a learning experience. My man is my hero...even though we have ups and downs in our realtionship I still think he is my hero.

My man is wonderful ( at times ) BUT I still love him and I still think he has a great outlook on life and the circumstances that the Lord has bestowed upon him.

[Illinois Boy]

I wanna commit Suicide every time Kyle Bush wins a NASCAR Race.........

Jim

[curbyi]

skeaman, on Oct 6 2008, 09:23 PM, said:

The only thing that is stoping must of us is that we hope there is going to be a caur or some thing in the near future like the used of your bowel's ETC back and other little thing's. p s ang thing at all. so can ang one out their can tell us what is going on and when do you think we will see some thing.Hope fully in the near future not litght year's away some say 10-15 year's way.But do thay know must of us can not wait ? But as i say gave us some thing ETC try to keep it simple so we can understand it and please do not say go to a sit and look for help for the problem it will be stil thire .This year next and year's after.And for any one to say it get's easier as time go's buy is talking RUBBISH ? this is only my view It would be good to read your's view's DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR YOU DO NOT NOT KNOW ME

T6-T10 that would be bliss,

[dexter]

Illinois Boy, on Oct 14 2008, 12:34 PM, said:

I wanna commit Suicide every time Kyle Bush wins a NASCAR Race.........

Jim pirate.gif

Haha... Redneck.

[Hikkakaru]

Think about it every single day.

I was like that pre-injury though as well.

dexter, on Oct 12 2008, 06:12 PM, said:

Wow! You're complaining at your level of injury? If I had your injury I would be SO happy. All I can move is my head and shoulders. I would give my PENIS to be able to use my arms.

You are one lucky guy.

Using the word lucky to describe an SCI is pretty ignorant.

It's all relative.

[curbyi]

I get the impression that some of the American contingent on this message board are convinced that the cure is around the corner.

I do not know whether this is the influence of the Christopher Reeve effect but as much as it pains me to say it I don't believe it's coming any time soon.

I sometimes fear some people are just waiting for it rather than living in the here and now.

Don't look too far into the future as it may mean you take your eye off the ball.

You only have to look at Christopher Reeves he died basically because of the pressure sore and negligence from those looking after him.

I don't know maybe it's the reserved sceptical Englishman in me and I will be walking by Thursday.

You guys are full of optimism that whole American dream ideologies you cling to its just hilarious.

[Nickleblue]

E-DOG, on Oct 8 2008, 11:24 PM, said:

skeaman, on Oct 8 2008, 06:47 AM, said:

THANK YOU I HOPE TO BE ROUND FOR THE CURE WHEN IT COME'S

skeaman,
Do not. I repeat, DO NOT hold yer breath m'boy.

Instead, call me!
Do you know about my mobile stem cell therapy service?
Read some of my other posts on the subject. Very high success rate, low, low, prices, a clean and sterile environment and on top of all that ya get me, the Dawg who has all kinds of experience repairing the spinal cords of a cat, 2 dogs and a gold fish.

Dude! Trust me on this one. Ya can't go wrong here, and I tell ya what. Be the first to call this week and I'll throw in not one, but two Gobi Desert Slugs with the service. That's a $1,400 savings right there!

Let's talk soon,
E-dog

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!

[edlee]

?????????? ROFLMFAO!!!!!!! ??????????????

Been running things thru my mind,, but havn't got it yet....A little help, please
ed

[nomis]

ROFLMFAO - Rolling On Floor Laughing My F***ing A** Off

Also, same noise a dawg makes when barking and farting at same time.

[fatdave]

look, I just survived a suicide attempt. Its more than just my disabilities that made me do it. my depression meds had stopped working and the doctors had refused to refill my gabapentin and pain meds along with life letting me down in many ways.

I believe in a persons right to die.

and nomis....if my dog makes that noise i'd run away thinking he was going to explode

[paul1404]

when chelsea lose

[Tash]

life could be a beautiful thing......try it!

[SuperDaz]

paul1404, on Dec 19 2008, 03:59 PM, said:

when chelsea lose

Im with ya on that one m8.

[youwhat]

paul1404, on Dec 19 2008, 03:59 PM, said:

when chelsea lose

That usually cheers me up!

Seriously just to add to this thread...

I am 4 and 0, 4 attempts to kill myself all before I broke my back technically 0 successful thankfully! I have suffered from depression for the past o I dunno lets say 8-9 years, my first proper attempt or more of a cry for help came when I was 14, I tried to hang myself. My father who I live alone with thought this straight away although I denied it even when we were at our local hospital. I got away with a week off school and looking like crap for that week, the night before I was due to go back to school, same thing happened again. Of course then there was no hiding it. I went through counselling and started the anti-depressant game, I dropped out of mainstream school completely and never got back other than to do a couple of exams in an empty room on my own. Lots of traumatic times between the ages of 6-16 really contributed quite badly to what I felt at the time was a shite way to live.

Anyway when I finally became old enough to cast away school and do whatever the hell I wanted, I was forced pretty much to work so I could keep a roof above mine and my dad's head. Crappy agency work followed until I found a job at my local hospital which opened my eyes to alot of things in life. I then switched jobs inside the hospital from portering too sterilisation which was a terrible idea! I injured my shoulder quickly after joining them and then several arguments with my new manager followed. I got depressed again, was off work for a while with this shoulder problem but one really bad argument with that bold dickhead (pardon my french) pushed me over the edge. Got home and swallowed just about every pain killer I had for my shoulder and some other crap, that was a bit of a pain really because it meant I had to go back down to the pharmacy to get more painkillers. Problem being I collapsed in front off my dad and had to be hospitilised for 3 days after the overdose, doh!

After that again had an epiphinay of sorts, started a computer course to learn how to repair computers, got back to work, hated it! So I joined the portering again, which lost it's appeal very quickly, again. I finished my computer studies and went to take my two exams to get my qualification. First one I passed no problems but the second I failed by the smallest margin which sucked badly and hit me very very hard, I decided two weeks later to try again but failed again. I was pretty down after that but then I met someone, had a nice relationship for 2 weeks but then the rest of it 8 months or so was a nightmare I had partnerned with an attention seeking vampiric like thing who had a family alot more disfunctional then the bloody osbournes! So this pushed me to the very edge, I mean the edge aswell I was struggling some days to even get up, I was ready to go to work one morning, picked up some turkey to make my sandwiches and it was out of date. Next minute I picked up the phone and told them I wasn't coming in (this was a thursday) but thought, o i'll go tommorow and not tell anyone about missing today. Of course didn't go the next day and come sunday night I phoned again and said won't be in monday morning.

It was that Monday morning I decided to get help, I went to work in my uniform ironically and explained the situation at home was getting worse and I needed help. I started counselling and more anti-depressents "yay", now I was 20 at this stage, I had played this game before and knew exactly what the outcome was going to be, the question was when. I broke up with the wench finally after too much arguing etc. got my arse back to work and thought for the first week wow this is better, it didn't help she was stalking me through that week and followed me to work everyday (I walked) but I felt a bit better. Then it all went tits up so to speak. Finances started going pear shaped, money was scarse and 4 weeks later I decided one morning that's it, cya later!

I went to work as usual, showed my face and then said I'll go and do something etc. That was though getting on the local bus and going to the local shopping center. I texted my two best friends to say goodbye (bless them they are the only two that have stood by me since) and switched my phone off. Got there, got the top of the tallest mutli story car park (54 foot to be precise) and after 10-15 minutes of listening to dragonforce on my mp3 player decided time to go and jumped.

That was number 4 and the reason I'm here writing this, I landed in a tree thank god. It saved my life but broke my back. It took away so much but then again gave me a 2nd chance. It's slumping at an angle now but I'm sitting up straight! It was the best thing that could happen to me, I went through my rehab faster than you could say man united european champions (sorry chelski fans ) and since I have felt much better. Yes I am still on anti-depressants, so what? I feel happier now than I ever have, I am closer to friends and family now and I can still do the things I love.

What I would say to people who are thinking about suicide is why? Why are you thinking that way? How often? Have you tried things to take your mind of it? Have you seen a counseller or psychologist?

Stay Positive, it could be worse, life has alot to offer all of us, but it won't just come to your doorstep, you have to go out there and find it! Most importantly if you are feeling suicidal or thinking that way, talk to people about it, talking helps and is incredibly important!

James

[E-DOG]

nomis, on Dec 19 2008, 01:32 AM, said:

ROFLMFAO - Rolling On Floor Laughing My F***ing A** Off

Also, same noise a dawg makes when barking and farting at same time.

Thank you nomis, that was very nice of you.
E

[topperf]

Thanks for sharing, James!

[Scribbler]

Hi Skeaman,

I'm not going to judge or give you advice so don't worry. You say not many have mentioned a cure.

I'm a C4/5 and been injured 50 years. YES 50 YEARS. There's hardly any differences in the treatment of SCI today as when I was injured 50 years ago. There may be better drugs for spasms and other aspects relating to SCI, but the basics are still the same.

People still get pressure sores today, they still get UTI's and kidney stones so not much has changed other than the treatments.

Personally I'm not the slightest bit interested in a cure for 2 reasons.

1. I don't believe there is a real cure.

2. If I woke up tomorrow and found I was AB again, I wouldn't know what to do; I'd probably die of shock.

I've tried to live my life to the full and think I've done ok.

I'm heading towards 70 now so live each day as it might be my last; although I've hedged my bets and booked for a few Rock & Pop Concerts in 2009....

Good luck

Edited by Scribbler, 20 December 2008 - 04:14 PM.

[nomis]

A man who hedges his bets with rock concerts will not commit suicide.

[topperf]

Scribbler, You're my hero, the fact that you survived 50 years c4/c5 is - well, I'm 32 now and I can't get my head around it..
And I think of you and the few like you when I'm down and hopeless - But I also think that I'm not done getting better, I still work hard and I still believe there is help coming our way, maybe not a cure, but most definitely life improving remedies of various kinds.
50 years ago, 90% of SCI's died within the first couple of days (again, how you've managed to pull through?!..) - today only 10% is. There has been a development and I'm 100% positive that the near future holds even more for us.

[gammak]

Travelling Blackbird, on Oct 6 2008, 01:19 PM, said:

I have never seriously considered suicide because of being in a wheelchair.

Being in a wheelchair is a minor inconvenience.

It's all the other things that go along with SCI in some cases that are more bothersome. Pain, loss of control over bodily functions, degradation, poverty, and being treated like scum.

Edited by gammak, 11 January 2009 - 09:59 AM.

[E-DOG]

gammak, on Jan 11 2009, 01:48 AM, said:

Being in a wheelchair is a minor inconvenience.

It's all the other things that go along with SCI in some cases that are more bothersome. Pain, loss of control over bodily functions, degradation, poverty, and being treated like scum.

And falling off a 20 story building won't kill you.
It's the sudden stop at the bottom that will.
E

[Webwych]

I've just come out of a major 'Black Dog' session as I call them. I don't know why it hit me (probably something to do with the insane pace of my degree work lately) but I hit the bottom with and almighty 'WHACK!'.

I sobbed, I wailed and then I decided 'Well, the Black Dog is here, I may as well play with him for a few days'. I had shared my feelings with a few trusted friends a few days before hand so I emailed them and told them not to worry, I was on my way up again but to do that I needed to go into my cave, to just read and paint and not talk to anyone. The result was the most creative week I have had in months.

I now have half a dozen paintings and lots of new ideas for my end of year show. I have a few weeks to go before the end of this semester but I now feel like I can get through it and everything IS worthwhile after all.

I have accepted that there IS this 'Black Dog' is part of me and it will pay me the occasional visit, but now I have the tools to cope with it. Learning that it's ok to let myself feel those things has taken a lot of pressure off the control freak in me and I can use it to create something instead of it being a totally miserable and fruitless experience.

I hope that helps somebody xxx

[allis53ca]

the chair is easily doable and has never been a suicidal trigger for me, but while in hosp. the near total loss of my pre-injury identity pushed it into my conscience

[youwhat]

Well we all have highs and lows whether your in a chair or not it makes no difference, what I like though (this is too Webwych) is that you turned something negative into something positive When you do hit "the bottom" or feel suicidal, depressed whatever you want to call it best thing to do is talk, talk to anyone! It helps, I don't care what people say even if not right away it does have an effect.

Love the irony in this that the reason I'm in a chair in the first place was from a suicide attempt haha and then people say to me how can you make a joke out of something so serious? It's my way of coping ;)

[nomis]

Hey Wenwych, I like the understanding you have of yourself. Is this a price that maybe goes with your creativity?

[Webwych]

nomis, on Jan 12 2009, 10:29 AM, said:

Hey Wenwych, I like the understanding you have of yourself. Is this a price that maybe goes with your creativity?

Oh, totally! There's a song by a band called 'Therapy?' (irony, ahoy!) and there's a line that says 'Happy People have no stories'. How true .

youwhat - I think the highs are higher and the lows are lower and for very specific reasons that most AB people can never comprehend which are outside the realms of 'normal mood changes' and that's the difference. What art and being surrounded by artists does for me is gives me a place where people can say 'I don't know sent you 'there', but I love what you came back with' whereas other people just what you to explain why you are in that place so they can 'fix' it and get frustrated when you can't explain and they can't fix it.

[deyoht_kwa]

stormprince, on Oct 6 2008, 06:01 PM, said:

I've thought about it on my 'dark days" and at first wondered if my family would be better off w/o me if I had died that horrible day but they wouldn't. With a wife, and three kids to raise, I've still got things to do. I think everyone needs a reason why to fight and live on. You have to find what that reason is for you.

Jis wondering what does one do... i'm in ur wifes position, my husband is a t6/t7 paraplegic, 2 1/2 years now, .. we have 5 kids at home, he's talking of him being done with this... he said he's giving up, not eating, n he wants to die, he's not trying to kill himself, but in a way, he's not eating... says he dont' want me to make this any harder than it is??/ WTF is that?

he quit counselling, i don't know if i can handle these talks, i threw up all over, cried like i was losing him, then i came here... suggestions?

[Travelling Blackbird]

deyoht_kwa, on Mar 10 2009, 05:27 PM, said:

Jis wondering what does one do... i'm in ur wifes position, my husband is a t6/t7 paraplegic, 2 1/2 years now, .. we have 5 kids at home, he's talking of him being done with this... he said he's giving up, not eating, n he wants to die, he's not trying to kill himself, but in a way, he's not eating... says he dont' want me to make this any harder than it is??/ WTF is that?

he quit counselling, i don't know if i can handle these talks, i threw up all over, cried like i was losing him, then i came here... suggestions?

He's not consulting a therapist or professional, but that doesn't mean you can't. Maybe you could get some advice on how to handle the situation. It's obviously taking its toll on you, and with 5 kids at home, the stress must be incredible. Maybe a professional could give you some ideas on how to approach him, ideas on how to handle the conversations, ideas on how to protect yourself as well.

Does your husband have an account on this forum or another one? Does he have a support group offline, do his friends still come around?

I'm very sorry to hear about how rough your situation is.

[edlee]

deyoht_kwa,

Some of us hit the wall later than others,,,, mine was right around two years,,,,,

All you can do is what you have been for the last couple of years,,,,, the rest is up to him,,,,,, he will eventually have to " get over himself",,, whether he likes it or not.

If he's not eating,,,,, well,, I wish that were my problem,,,,, I eat too much,,,, but on the light side,,, he'll have less bulk to throw around when he decides to come out of his funk. It'll be easier to do the things he wants to do.

Just keep him taking vitamins and he WILL eat when he gets hungry enough,,,,, you don't have to push him,,,, but you do need to stop babying him. At t6, he can do most things for himself,,,, my suggestion is to let him.
ed