3 replies to this topic

[CR_L1]

Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with a child’s embarrassment?
I have three kids, boy (13) & two girls (9 & 5) the older two have no problems with me & my wheelchair as they have watched my health deteriorate over the years & I have always put any worries they have had to rest.
The problem is the five year old has missed out on a lot of that & really don’t like the wheelchair (her words) & gets really embarrassed when I pick her up from school or we go shopping which makes me feel bad.
I try to make light of it with her & its not affecting her schooling or day to day life as far as we can see. She just gets really embarrassed with me in the chair, will she grow out of it or is there something more I should do.

Has anyone had a similar problem with a child & how did you deal with it?
Thanks for any help or advice.

[Adam Richmond]

Hi, This is a real soul searcher for me,

I'm looking at the problem from the other end. My mum has been confined to a wheelchair since I was 8 years old. I'm now 31.

Have there been times when I've been embarrassed? Unfortunately the answer is: Yes.

Fortunately I am brazen enough to put that down as a natural human reaction and I'm proud to say it hasn't happened many times but I'm asking myself why it has happened in the hope it might help you.

I think for me the embarrassment has been at it's keenest when things have felt futile. My mum strives to maintain her independence and this has in the past lead to situations where she has been trying to do something which I could easily do for her. Thus things have felt futile and I felt embarrassed.

My gut feeling is that the younger child must, by default be the least able to help you, and when there are chances for her to help no doubt the older kids will have already leapt in to do it. Thus there may be many times when the young one is in a futile situation... thus embarrassed.

I'm sure she will grow out of it (many children are embarrassed by there able bodied parents, they grow out of that...usually!!) but perhaps if she's allowed to help you more often and the older kids see this as you helping her to deal with it then this might help.

Hope this helps

Adam

[Califanna]

 CR_L1, on Oct 22 2008, 08:09 AM, said:

Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with a child’s embarrassment?
I have three kids, boy (13) & two girls (9 & 5) the older two have no problems with me & my wheelchair as they have watched my health deteriorate over the years & I have always put any worries they have had to rest.
The problem is the five year old has missed out on a lot of that & really don’t like the wheelchair (her words) & gets really embarrassed when I pick her up from school or we go shopping which makes me feel bad.
I try to make light of it with her & its not affecting her schooling or day to day life as far as we can see. She just gets really embarrassed with me in the chair, will she grow out of it or is there something more I should do.

Has anyone had a similar problem with a child & how did you deal with it?
Thanks for any help or advice.

Well, I became injured when my two children were 20 months and 5 months old. So it is a bit different. But now that my children are teenagers, 15 and 14, I am finding that they don't tell people I use a wheelchair. I have asked them why didn't you tell them and they just say, "I don't want to make a big thing of it". At this age, I think the less attention they get, the happier they are. So bringing attention to the fact that their parent uses a chair, makes them stand out. I am trying to stand back at more school events and allow them their anonymity. A counselor at school said it is just a phase and they will grow out of it. I hear the same complaint from able bodied parents as well.

Good luck. Califanna

[CR_L1]

Hi again,

Thanks for the replies,
It seems my little one has now accepted the situation & the embarrassment is no longer a problem, she seems to ejoy it now, however this could just be because she has found it handy to get a ride home on my lap from school or saves her standing in the ques at the shops.

it would seem I was worried about nothing & Adam's comments about helping out was correct, five years old & she has made it her job to put my chair in the car whenever we go out.

Thanks again to you both & all the best,
CR_