[sits2much]

Let me start by saying my daughter appears to have no problems with my disability and openly talks to her friends about it.

My problem is when she gets into that pre-teen unruly state she uses my disability against me and wears me down on purpose it seems.

Two good examples of what I mean are:
1) she knows that she can walk away from me and I will follow her in time but she knows that if she is consistant in this that it wears me down to where I cannot chase her anymore.
2) She pulls this one a lot. I go to see where she is suppose to be and she is somewhere else. Or she gets off the bus and plays in the neighbors yard knowing I have to come chase her down.

It is very wearing on my nerves as well as my physical strength... She admits to everything she does wrong like it is no big deal. I have grounded her and taken things away but it is still an everyday battle to get her to just be mature and obey the rules.
We have open communication and we talk about it all the time, she knows she is wrong and when I try to tell her I am teaching her responsability she could seem to care less.

I feel like I need to have an able bodied person around just to keep her in line. Although I don't know how much good that would do either.

I give her plenty of freedom, maybe a bit too much since she seems to think she can do what she wants. She just has NO respect for me at all these days.

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this?
I am at my wits end with her and don't want this behavior to manifest into something worse.

I honestly don't even feel safe leaving her home alone since I think she would do what she wants while I was away!!

[longhaul]

Sugar and spice..................Hey it sounds like puberty to me. The only thing I can suggest is try not to take her actions personally and don't get mad because that's when bad decisions are made. You have to out think her so if you know why she is acting the way she is then you can figure out what to do. I have a daughter and when she went through it she got a little out of control.

[Hapahowlee]

Hey Sits, where ya been? Busy dealing with an 11 year old, right?

Mr. Hapa has a daughter and son. I actually met my stepchildren when they were 12 and 10. We hit it off right away. They used to want to go run errands with me, especially my step daughter who was my little shadow. Also, they would tell me everything and one thing they admitted to was that they knew they could get away with more regarding their dad b/c he's in a wheelchair. They always thought I was cool and whenever I talked to them, I tried to ease into what would be right.

I know since I came around, they were more respectful b/c I'm sure they didn't want to come across as brats in front of me. I don't know what your situation is, but maybe you do need an AB person around. I know one time I noticed when I got home from work, my step son had gone through my personal drawer b/c he left something out. I was really upset with him and I told his dad about it. I talked to SS first and just slightly raised my voice to let him know, I'm not playing, but he needed to understand personal privacy and that I was upset for what he did. Mr. Hapa tried to give him a wack on the booty, but at first his son started to run off and then he saw the look on my face and came back and took the spankings and the yelling from his dad. He was also punished by having to do chores for 2 days straight. That meant anything his father told him to do.

SS came up to me the next day after I had been out with SD and he took me in his room and apologized and promised it would never happen again. We hugged and I told him I forgive him as long as he understands he is never to do it again. Now that's just one story, but we've had our good times and our bad times.

I wish you much luck in trying to get your daughter to mind. I had a really good thought, but too tired to remember now. I'll try to remember and get back with you. So glad to see you here again.

Hapa

[sits2much]

longhaul, on Oct 23 2008, 09:36 PM, said:

Sugar and spice..................Hey it sounds like puberty to me. The only thing I can suggest is try not to take her actions personally and don't get mad because that's when bad decisions are made. You have to out think her so if you know why she is acting the way she is then you can figure out what to do. I have a daughter and when she went through it she got a little out of control.

Thanks for the advice!! I am struggling on figuring out why she is acting this way.. I wish she would start her minsteral cycle already as I have heard this helps. My father tells me all the time to just keep her busy but she doesn't want to play with me, she wants to play with her friends. She is given a long leash when it comes to play time as I feel some freedom at her age is important but good gosh, you give them a foot they take a mile.

I will be sitting down with her once again tommorrow to talk about how we can work this out and where on earth she is coming from.

I do appreciate it and look forward to hearing your input.

Cheers!

[E-DOG]

Your offspring is why they invented duct tape and lockable closets.
Use them freely and your problem will soon diapear.
E

[Manda]

My son is only 5 and gives me a hard time,
God only knows what I will have in 7-8 years

This post has been edited by Manda: 24 October 2008 - 04:17 AM

[Unbreakable]

My son is JUST starting to test me at 2. One of the guys at rehab (he's a quad) with 3 sons gave me this tip to use for the future, now I pass it along to you. Basically, when they (the kids) act up or go places you can't get to them, just say, "fine" and bide your time, let them do whatever, but basically they have to come back sometime. And THAT is when you'll be waiting for them!

This guy, his problem was, his sons would go to the top of the stairs and call him names, throw toys at him, etc. That's fine. Kitchen is downstairs and they will get hungry sometime and dad'll be waiting for them. You just have to have more patience than your child.

Quote

Two good examples of what I mean are:
1) she knows that she can walk away from me and I will follow her in time but she knows that if she is consistant in this that it wears me down to where I cannot chase her anymore.
2) She pulls this one a lot. I go to see where she is suppose to be and she is somewhere else. Or she gets off the bus and plays in the neighbors yard knowing I have to come chase her down.

Just refuse to play her games anymore, but let her know that you'll be waiting when she comes home, and she WILL have to come home eventually. When she does, paddle her ass or if you don't believe in spanking, ground her, etc.

This post has been edited by Unbreakable: 24 October 2008 - 04:19 PM

[sits2much]

Thanks for all the advice, believe it or not she finaly started her monthly and since then she has really turned her attitude around and has been much more helpful at home! I had heard that this would happen but also heard the other side saying it wouldn't matter. Thank God in my case it did!!