[Sharon D]

My 13 year old daughter has recently come home from rehab after a September 10, 2008 accident that left her a T5 paraplegic.

The teenage and puberty issues are enough for most any child, so it is understandable that this is very hard on her.

She is supposed to be going back to school next week, which is causing her great concern. First off, she is still very self conscious about her injury and being in a wheelchair. We live in a small community of about 2000 people where she will be the only student in her school in a wheelchair. To add to her concern, she is still having trouble with her bladder and bowel routines, which results in her having some accidents. Her medical team has suggested that she use a diaper tp help minimize any embarrassing accidents until she developes a good routine. Needless to say, suggesting this to a 13 year old is not very appealing to them. She realizes that they would help, but fears that her classmates will find out.

Any suggestions about her self consciousness or bladder/bowel accidents would be greatly appreciated.

[Courtney]

Bowel and bladder are probably two of the most frustrating things when it comes to an SCI. My husband can deal with being paralyzed and being in a wheelchair, but not having complete control over his bodily functions really upsets him sometimes. The bowel program can take up to several months to regulate (and she will still have occasional accidents) since her injury is still very new, her concern is extremely justified. With her bladder, she will have to learn to watch her fluid intake between caths and I would reccomend laying off the caffine if she has a tendency to drink sodas. Is there anyway for her to start out going only a couple of days a week to gradually transition her back to school? Maybe jumping right back in isn't the best thing for her...... I am sure that all of this is extremely overwhelming for her. Coming back home was very overwhelming for my husband....and he's 32...I can't imagine what it is like for a 13 year old girl.

[norma]

Hello, I'm 41 and only in my chair for 9 months now and still have leaking problems. Maybe poise pads instead of diapers would work. They hold alot and are less bulky. I'm bothered by this alot, I can't think what it must be for your daughter. I agree start school for a few days and work her way up. One day at a time.

[Ches]

Wow poor kiddo..

Have you considered giving her a few months of homeschooling maybe? B&B will eventually get more predictable and routine..

There is a younger girl around these parts. She woke up one morning (13 yrs old) paralyzed. Another infection on the spine. Its been two yrs now for her and shes had REAL issues with her classmates. Not just the teasing and inquiries.. but she also had to find out who were REAL friends were too soon. Gradually everyone at school has gotten more accepting of this little girl.. but its been really hard on her with her lack of friends.

Not sure how helpful that is, just keep it in mind.

[Kev-O]

Make a request to the school that she will need her own privet bathroom. When i first started going back to school. if i had an accident or something i would go in there lock the door an call my mom or dad to check me out. Just let the school know that she NEEDS these things an they should help out. Another thing on thing that i hated was after sitting in class for how ever long i did when it came time to go to the next class my body would spasms real bad an we had ramps so i never wanted to have a spasms on a ramp. She might want to be able to leave a class early so she can get to here next one an not have to worry about stuff like that. I went threw a little of my Jr year an all of my SR year in high school in a chair. if you have any questions just send me a PM an i will help out.

[kiwiquad]

"Wow poor Kiddo" I couldn't agree more with Ches. After only 7wks, I would've still been overwhelmed to be outside the comfort zone of my hospital/rehab, family & friends, nevermind school.
The best of luck to her if that's where she wants to be.

This post has been edited by kiwiquad: 30 October 2008 - 03:53 AM

[evilmac64]

Man thats allot for a 13yr old 7 weeks just seems to soon. Idont think i left my house the first 7 weeks and kids are cruel. I don't have any advise.Just know my thoughts are with her for what its worth

[Courtney]

I have to agree that 7 weeks post SCI may be a little soon for her to go back to school(unless she says that she is ready) My husbands accident was in June of this year and he's only been home for 6 weeks now......he's just now coming out of that "comfort zone" as kiwiquad said....and sometimes he still gets a litle anxious...

[wheelywendy]

i agree she would be better just perhaps having half days at school maybe 3 days a week to start with as shes going to feel very tired, how about getting the school to start a buddy system, not just for your daughter but anyone with needs ie someone new coming into the school, someone who needs a friend etc etc, it gives the pupil who takes on the part of being a buddy the feeling of importance and helps them to consider others feelings and gives the person theyre helping a new friend, we do this in our girls group and it works brilliantly, the girls are queuing up to be buddys, we've used it for long term for two girls in wheelchairs that joined us one with severe arthritis and one with cerabal palsy, we've also used it short term like when someones maybe lost a pet, has an ill relative etc, just gives them that little boost, might be worth a try.
if your daughter can stay positive and cheerful on the outside at least (i know thats not going to be easy this soon after an accident as she'll go through all the different stages inc depression and anger, etc etc) but if she can at least try to be outgoing and cheerful even if she doesnt feel it, she will find the others accept her as she is and will eventually see beyound the wheelchair.
i do hope she goes on ok, give her a big hug from me and tell her to keep her spirits up . when shes down remind her positive attitude = positive response from others

This post has been edited by wheelywendy: 30 October 2008 - 03:18 PM

[Webwych]

Does she have a close friend that she'll be going back to school with? Maybe you and her could have a chat with this friend so she knows what your daughter is experiencing and what affect her new status has on her life, just so she has at least one friend who can look out for her and step in if the other kids start to overwhelm her? Also, has anyone talked to her teachers so they appreciate her needs in class? I remember when I went to a mainstream high school there were many meetings between my parents and the teachers so they understood why I might not get to class as quickly as the other kids and what-have-you (not to mention that if I wanted to go to the bathroom it was not negotiable and HAD to go NOW! haha).

Advance preparation like this can do a lot to help her transition back to school. I think it's really important for her to know that she doesn't have to 'keep up' with anyone and trying her best at her own pace is all she needs to do - that'll take a lot of pressure off her (you know how good 13 year old's are for worrying about stuff that's really small to us adults, and keeping it to themselves - I certainly was! haha).

How do the school plan to help her with the work she's missed out on? That would be an important question for me.

[eleanorigby]

I was 13 years old when I was injured as well. Going back to school was extremely nerve-wracking to me, especially since I lived in a small town too, so there was no one else like me. They had no clue how to deal with a student with a spinal cord injury, nothing was very accessible, and everyone at school knew my whole story and I was both the local hero/tragedy. I used to go for half days when I first started back to school to help me adjust. This way, I rarely had accidents since I only went for maybe two or three hours. This helped me ease back into school before I started high school the next year full time. Teachers would just give me extra homeowrk to finish at home since I missed classes. In high school, I had a private bathroom and the nurses in the special ed room helped me with bathroom stuff. Also, the school made sure that my best friend and I had all of our classes together because I felt more comfortable knowing that if anything did go wrong, she would be there to help me and would never judge me. I empathize about the diapers, I refused to wear them, and I agree with norma about the pads. There are incontinance pads and they're just less humilating than a diaper.

I now it seems like a short time, but it's important your daughter get back into the world. My mom pushed me a lot those first few years because all I wanted to do was hide away. Once I got back into school and "normal" life, the adjustment happened much more smoothly and quicker. I won't lie though, there will be lots of tears and frustration, but there will be happy moments too! If you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me. I've been an injured 13 year old girl and managed through it pretty well I think.

[DaveP]

Hi Sharon

I know one of the world's top female wheelchair athletes, Shelly Woods - she fell out of a tree when she was 13. Her web site is www.shellywoods.com - get your daughter to check it out.

It may help show her that she's not the only teenager that's had a spinal injury and inspire her to push herself to achieve the best she can in fitness, mobility, independence etc.

Try not to baby her too much as this'll just slow down her full recovery and make her dependant on you/others. I imagine this may be one of the hardest parts for you guys as parents, but be strong and she will be strong too!

Get her to do sports as this is a very good way for her to learn from others in similar situations - basketball is a good all-round sport to start with but there's wheelchair racing and handcycling also (handcycling is good if the rest of the family like going on cycling trips, outings etc).

[the_walrus]

Like ches said poor kid, life is already hard at that age without a SCI.
I was only two years younger when I got my injury, and yeah Bladder an Bowel was one of my big problems, Its been 12 years now and I still shit and piss my pants sometimes, cant even describe how frustrating that is.
For me I live in a big city so after my injury my parents found me some activities so I could interact with other people who had the same experience as me, if thats not possible maybe she could be on some forum like this one. As for school I also went in a place were I was the only disabled person, She just has to realize that most people, and even more so at her age are just curious and want to know you better so they can be more confortable around you.

Good luck kid, dont f*@k up like I did, please.

This post has been edited by the_walrus: 26 November 2008 - 01:56 AM

[Texas Angel Ang]

Hey, first of all I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm 26 and was injured at the age of 14. Although I am a quad, I understand what your daughter is going through. As soon as I got out of inpatient rehabilitation, the school district wanted me to go back to school ASAP. I however was not ready physically or mentally. We had to fight the school district to get homeschooling. It wasn't because I didn't want to interact with the other students... I was just having trouble, like anyone does that has a life-changing experience, adjusting to my new life. Just mentally I was not ready. As the years when on I eventually would go to one class a day to interact with my friends and meet new people. Physically, I wasn't ready and neither was my body... I was having UTIs and occasionally bowel issues, dysreflexia. If she does go back, there are other things besides diapers that she can use to protect from visual accidents, such as panty liners, pads and so forth... it's not easy accepting this at first but until she gets a routine down and she goes to school it could help her out and perhaps put her at ease.

[Yong]

I agree with the majority of the people here in saying that it may a tad too early for your daughter to be starting school again. Although it might be beneficial to have some distraction by meeting old friends and going into the old routine but she's going to have to go to school almost in a different body that she does not complete know yet.

I'm a year and a half post injury and although I was supposed to start pharmacy school last year, I postponed it to next fall. It turned out to be the best because I wound up having bladder surgery and couldn't have gone to school for several months.

Even if you daughter wants to return to school, reconsider and see if you can enroll her for fall of next year. I know you wouldn't want your child to get behind in school, but she still has enough on her plate to deal with without having to worry about school.

[wheeels]

As far as her going back to school that is unique to the individual person, I got back to school 7 weeks after my injury part time I would have gone back full time but I had physiotherapy in the mornings.

Let her take the lead on it and support her if its getting to hard then pull back until she in comfortable again.

[wheeliebear75]

I was 14 and with a much lower injury than your daughter. At 1st I did half days and I wore a Depends which didn't crinkle as bad as a diaper but did the same job. It was hidden because I was already wearing an oversize shirt to go over my back brace. I wish you all the best.

[EmHope]

This is tough!
I'm now 24 but was injured at 16. I had to finish high school & then went onto college. A lot of the personal bathroom things are difficult to straighten out but IT DOES GET BETTER! And now I don't really have problems with it at all!!!! I hope that brings you hope! If your 13 year old would like to email me and ask me any questions about being a girl with a spinal cord injury. I'd be happy to chat! My email is emily.blauw@gmail.com

Anytime!

[Yong]

If your daughter was in college, it'd be a different story..but middle and high schoolers basically LIVE at school. She's going to have to be at school for nearly 30~40 hours a day.

I tutor high school students full-time and am amazed at what they are required to do nowadays. I myself have only graduated in 2004, but these kids are having to do tons more work.

30 hours of school plus 20 hours of homework a week. Your daughter may be intelligent and diligent enough to be able to do it, but you have to ask yourself if she is PHYSICALLY able to do it.

For me at T6, it took me awhile before I could get comfortable enough to sit for a prolonged period of time. Before I would have to lie down every so often.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!!!

[china]

My partner was injured at 13, and found life very difficult, going back to school 10 months after his injury

Spending the first 7 weeks in bed at the hospital.

You realy need to see if your daughter is strong enough to return to school so quickly, i agree with others that maybe letting her go for a few hours a day for a while until she feels more comfortable with things.

Then againYOU know your daughter better than anyone.

good luck and hope all goes well for her.

[caringsister]

My sister was in her junior year when she was injured and she chose to finish school at home. She is in a similar situation and she didn't want to face all the other classmates. It's so hard...my only advise is not to give up. My sister had no control over her bladder for months and now she can feel when she has to go and she has most control over it. Good luck to you and your daughter..

[Texaswheelz]

Hmm seems some people think it is a good idea to get back into school right away and other think it is a good idea to hold it off a little longer if possible. So it just comes down to personal preference and resources. Is your daughter ready to go back? If not, are you or some one else, able or willing to stay home and home school her?

I was injured during my sophomore year of high school and wanted nothing more then to get back to school and try to feel "normal" again. I was injured on Oct 14 and came back after Christmas break. Until then my teachers were giving me assignments to do in rehab. I was also in a small town which makes it easier to work with the school system in these instances. I had numerous accidents at the start, it was embarrassing as hell, but the school understood and would let me leave school when ever I needed to. i would sometimes leave and miss a class or two and then come back. I personally am happy that I came back as soon as I did, which was as soon as my doctors would let me. I didn't have any problems with any of my classmates, which again I contribute to it being a small school in a small town where every one knew each other.

If she feels she is ready for it then let her give it a try. If she feels she isn't, then don't push her to hard, but also don't let her stay out for to long. Life goes on and the only way to continue living is to get out there and live.

This post has been edited by Texaswheelz: 01 December 2008 - 04:43 AM

[Laura32]

I too have a teenager that is a parapalegic and many of your concerns and your daughters concerned echo what my son and I have experienced. He was the only boy in his elementary, middle and now high school in a wheelchair and although he became paralyzed when he was only 7, the same uneasiness existed when he returned to school. Last September he started gr 9 and I know that although he had gotten used to being the only person in a chair at school, entering high school posed a whole lot of new issues for him. It's a tough transition at the best of times but throw in puberty and a wheelchair and the issues seem insurmountable at times. I hear where you're coming from and wish I could wave a magic wand and make it easier for your daughter. With Austin, I tried not to dwell on it too much - he preferred it that way. We didn't avoid talking about it but I didn't make a huge deal out of it. All kids are different though. I made sure that he was comfortable with his schedule and that he had enough time to get to each class (teachers allow him to leave a few minutes early in order to avoid the "crowds"), got him a good pack to put on the back of his chair so that he didn't need to use a locker and just basically made sure that he had everything he needed and that he was comfortable with himself. We went to the school before the new school year started and discussed his needs with the teachers etc. and took him around the school so that he would be at least a little familiar with it. Each day brings new challenges but rejoice I guess you could say in all the little accomplishments that your daughter achieves and stay positive. Good luck and stay strong.
Laura