[Carly/Kevin]

okay, well kevin and i are still very new at this and we both have so many new emotions hitting us at once (especially kevin) but is it okay for me just to be upset and sad? i know this probably sounds dumb, but when everything really hits me is when i'm working out. see, the reason it does is because everyday for the last 5 years i have known him we have worked out together. he would run a 5k or more with me and once a week go and lift weights. we are both very athletic and he played football and i play softball. well, to keep in shape throughout the year we would workout and he would make it fun too. whenever i had a bad day and when we were not going out at those times i knew that he would be there to make me happy again and push me till i couldn't go any further. and nothing changed when we became a couple. but now since his accident its like i have to drag myself to go workout. and now softball season has started its just not the same. i miss him being there pushing me to my limits and more and just being able to go to the house at night and staying with him. i just miss him being around me and doing the stupid things like showing up when he knows hes not supposed to be around and basically just going places with me. i never thought this would ever happen. *he does tell me to get my a$$ out there EVERY day and that just because he cant go with me don't mean i should just quit. and he's not going to let me quit. don't get me wrong i'm not going to quit i love softball but i guess it makes me so emotional whenever i'm working out (even if i do bring a friend) that i don't want to.* how should i handle this? (i'm not trying to sound if i'm the victim here or anything, its just that i'm upset and i don't know if its okay to be like this or if i should just suck it up and take care of kevin)
- also from my last post, i'm letting kevin be very independent no matter how long it takes him and if i know he's going to make a mistake i let him make it because he does need to learn and i told his mom that she also needs to let him be independent and she has done a pretty good job for a mother!

[hillarymcarter]

As a wife, I went through a huge grieving period. My husband was still here, but it was all so different and I felt as if he had died. It is a huge, huge adjustment and it is fine to acknowledge that. Don't ever feel bad for grieving...it is something that you need to do for both of you. You don't have to act like everything is okay.
Plus, he will be back out there working out with you soon. I used to love to run behind my husband and watch his huge leg muscles flexing...now, I just walk behind him and watch his huge arm muscles flexing! It is different....and to be honest, I'd rather watch his legs...but, we adjust and take what we can get. It has been more than a year since my hubby's accident and to tell you the truth, I still cry about once a day. Time heals all wounds and it will get easier, but it will never be the same.

[Chilepepper]

Hi Carley,

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but he just dont want any help from anyone. he also told me "if i dont learn how to be independent you will never want me or love me like you did before. because im just not the same anymore" that just broke my heart

This is normal for what he is feeling for he is going through a life change that happened in a second. It will take him a time to adjust. but he will adjust. Let him go through these stages of emotions, as it is a healing process, (crazy as it sounds but is true)and help him when he needs it. Other than that, let him figure it out on his own. It will be tough on the two of you, but you guys will figure it out. You wait Carley, one day soon the two of you will be working out , biking, jogging again together.. You say his level is a L3 incomplete. He is a low level break so he will be able to do just about anything when it comes to sports It will just take time.

This post has been edited by Chilepepper: 11 January 2006 - 07:59 PM