58 replies to this topic

[reaven85]

[b]It's the little things that I miss the most,
I miss standing tippy toed while we kissed,
I miss wrapping my arms around your shoulders,
While your arms were around my waist,

I miss the way you would sneak up behind me and kiss the back of my neck.
Its the little things that I miss the most

I miss the way you would pick me up and lay me on the bed,
Then cover me kisses from the tips of my toes to the top of my head,

I miss the way we wrestled,
I miss the way we played,
I miss the chasing
I miss your strong legs,
Its the little things that I miss the most

I miss our weekends,
Just escaping away from the kids,

I miss our simple Nights,
I miss our simple Mornings,
I miss our simple Life

Its just the little things that I miss the most.

Edited by reaven85, 19 November 2008 - 12:29 PM.

[frustration]

That's lovely.

>>>

I miss the days when I didn't know how it felt to do bowel care,
Or change a catheter or colostomy bag.
When you could pick your own nose, scratch your own nuts and shave yourself.

I miss the nights when we could sleep under the same blankets
Without you whinging that I make you spasm when I roll over.
When we could make love then curl our bodies up together
And you could hold my hand as we fell asleep.

I miss the times you could drive me when I was tired.
Or wanted to enjoy a few more drinks than usual.
Then come home and collapse into bed without having to do a hoist transfer.

When we could go for a bike ride or bushwalk or camping together.

But most of all
I miss the parts of myself that I am now too busy
Or too tired to give voice to.

[Ches]

This can't be for real...

[frustration]

What can't be for real???

[reaven85]

Ches, on Nov 19 2008, 05:12 AM, said:

This can't be for real...

Oh wow here we go. Someone always has something negative to say when someone else is opening up and being honest/real

BTW Frustration I thought that was heartfelt SCI sucks But at the same time its amazing to me in the way that I never knew how strong I was emotionally, and physically until now

[frustration]

Look I didn't mean to belittle what you said at all. But when you live with someone for 8 years that has no arm function, there are too many big things in the way to make the little things even worth worrying about.

Yes I am in a bad head space at the moment. A very bad one.

Edited by frustration, 19 November 2008 - 01:55 PM.

[REASON2BLIEVE]

Reavan...I think your poem hits home to alot of SCI spouses...I too, miss those same things of my husband....

I miss our walks in the woods with our dog,
I miss our yearly trip hiking to the falls
I miss holding hands walking through the store,
I miss no tire scuff marks on my hallway walls.

I miss the way we used to dance
I miss the times we could go anywhere
And not worry about whether it was accessible
I miss making love without a care.

I miss so many things, I really do
But here we are with another chance...
Making new memories
And learning a new way to dance.

So although I miss our life before,
I can't help but be thankful you are here
It could have been worse, this I know...
But what I have left of you, I will hold dear!

Edited by REASON2BLIEVE, 19 November 2008 - 02:05 PM.

[reaven85]

I wish we would have danced, I never danced with him at my parties. He looked like he was having a seizure.....lol I wish I had now.

He used to throw me over his shoulder and jump around the kitchen.......I miss that.

I miss the sex! That was why I was with him. He was jerk. He didnt care for me all that much, he was hurt real bad by his ex, so he just assumes im the same way. But I looked past all that. None of that mattered in bed...lol This man is a God in bed. I have yet to talk to a girl that slept with him before me that says otherwise. I miss his sex. Sorry lol

[JesseB]

My turn.



I miss skateboarding. LOTS. :[[[[[


Oh, and waking up in the morning and taking that nice, long piss. haha

[reaven85]

volc0m101, on Nov 19 2008, 10:31 AM, said:

My turn.



I miss skateboarding. LOTS. :[[[[[


Oh, and waking up in the morning and taking that nice, long piss. haha

AAAWww I miss him taking nice long pees too In the toilette!

[Ches]

If you were with him just for the sex, and you miss it so bad, why are you still around? Does your boyfriend ever come around here and read these things? I would be so upset if I was your significant other.

[LuckyinKentucky]

For his sake I hope he doesn't... If my memory serves me his injury wasn't too long ago. I know I'd have flipped if I read stuff like that following my injury, My emotional roller coaster jumped up and down alot by itself in those days.. that being said.

For a while after my injury my own anguish blinded me from being able to even recognize that these things hurt everyone involved, this could and did limit me from respecting the emotional trials that those surrounding me went through... I think it probably still does a bit as my first reaction to this post was also kinda an "are you kidding." But then a voice of reason chimed in, which I have become able to hear much better in recent years, reminding me that everyone's pain is a matter of perspective and just because it may be of a seemingly lesser nature doesn't make it any less so to the one experiencing it. To many who frequent this site some of these problems may seem a bit trivial, but if you're like me that is because when you deal with heavier problems old issues that were at a time so important have lost their place even at the bottom of our $#it lists but that doesn't mean they don't have a rightful place on the list's of others.

[frustration]

Quote

reminding me that everyone's pain is a matter of perspective and just because it may be of a seemingly lesser nature doesn't make it any less so to the one experiencing it

Oh yeah.

When I tried to talk recently to my partner about not being able to get so much as a hug his response was "well how do you think I feel?"

If it was a competition for who suffered the most as the result of his injury then yes he would win the gold medal. But apparently that means my suffering means nothing...

[coolbreeze]

frustration, on Nov 20 2008, 01:42 AM, said:

Quote

reminding me that everyone's pain is a matter of perspective and just because it may be of a seemingly lesser nature doesn't make it any less so to the one experiencing it

Oh yeah.

When I tried to talk recently to my partner about not being able to get so much as a hug his response was "well how do you think I feel?"

If it was a competition for who suffered the most as the result of his injury then yes he would win the gold medal. But apparently that means my suffering means nothing...

Deep

[dancin' johnny]

I'm sorry Reaven but here is my critique:




[b]It's the little things that I miss the most,
I miss standing tippy toed while we kissed, I'm pretty sure all these things are still possible, and even easier if you have a standing frame.
I miss wrapping my arms around your shoulders,
While your arms were around my waist,

I miss the way you would sneak up behind me and kiss the back of my neck. Crouch down in the bedroom and wait!
Its the little things that I miss the most

I miss the way you would pick me up and lay me on the bed, When he is older, chances are he is going to need a hoist, if you can wait
Then cover me kisses from the tips of my toes to the top of my head, he will be able to hoist you into bed and then cover you with kisses.

I miss the way we wrestled, Again, all still possible.
I miss the way we played,
I miss the chasing
I miss your strong legs,
Its the little things that I miss the most

I miss our weekends,
Just escaping away from the kids, Get a babysitter!

I miss our simple Nights, Do you work shifts?
I miss our simple Mornings,
I miss our simple Life

Its just the little things that I miss the most. Don't miss them, get them back.


It's been 7 months, now is the time to start your new life together.
Could you write a poem about the good things you still have?
It is always a worthwile exercise to compare and contrast.

[frustration]

IME it's never a good idea to tell someone else how to grieve.

[rmorgan]

I'm sure dancin johnny's response wasn't to tell someone how they should be grieving. And I do believe that "grieving" isn't the proper word that should be used, but what do I know?

I think the main thing that got people's guard up or maybe negativity was the fact that reavan said..."the sex is the only reason I was with him."

By reading what she first wrote sounding real and sentimental and then coming to read that is kind of confusing. Don't write and say the only reason I was with him was because of the sex when obviously there were other things that kept you together.

Maybe there isn't. But if it's true, and the only reason you were with your partner was because of the sex, don't expect much sentiment here when you come across as very shallow and naive about a lot of things.

And dancin johnny is right. Why don't you try and stay focused on the positive things in your relationship instead of dwelling on the things you don't have anymore. That's a healthy thing to do regardless of the situation. Nothing good will ever come by focusing your energy on the negative aspects.

[Hapahowlee]

Amen to that "R"

I am a firm believer in doing my best to focus on the positive. Yeah sure, we all have our moments where we feel down, but dwelling on what you don't have anymore isn't doing either one of you any good. We're all hit with things that are negative. That's part of life, but also we all have the ability to change it into a positive experience. You just have to want to do it.

Attitude has a lot to do with recovery. I'm not implying your S.O. will be able to get all function back by thinking positive thoughts, but if you think and feel so negatively about everything that comes along, you'll have a very sad life and anyone around you will too.

Take what you have and work with it. Make it something positive and good. You and everyone in your life will be much happier.

[dancin' johnny]

Get your own back on me Reavan, I did some writing in rehab.

This one is called,


Twelve and Six


At twelve and six draw the curtains around,
I'm bottling myself up again,
And they're measuring what im giving out!

At twelve and six, wake me wherever I am,
Pull me back from the ridge
Force me out of my mind with rustles and coughs,
Then allow me to tumble the peaks and the troughs,
At the mercy of clocks
And the sun.




Everyone's a critic, it's what was going on at the time. It's not really a poem or a song, a pong if you will!

What is there to "grieve" about in the sci game, if you are reading this you are still alive.

[frustration]

Quote

What is there to "grieve" about in the sci game, if you are reading this you are still alive

You are f*@king joking right!?

From dictionary.com

Quote

grief keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret

Death is not a prerequisite for grief. It's possible (and I would have thought, perfectly human) to grieve for any loss.

Loss of sponteneity.

Loss of privacy due to caregivers in our house daily.

Loss of all the activities we used to share that my partner can now only watch or participate in a very limited way.

[kdenon01]

I can see both sides here. I try to be a very positive person. But sometimes I do still grieve. I miss the old days sometimes too.

It's easier for some of the previous posters, because when they met their men...they were already paralyzed. It's harder to know what used to be. Which makes it easier to compare then to now.

But you have to look at the bright side. Your man is still alive, and there are worse things that could have happened to him. I feel forever grateful that I still have my husband here with me today.

[dancin' johnny]

frustration, on Nov 22 2008, 09:52 PM, said:

Quote

What is there to "grieve" about in the sci game, if you are reading this you are still alive

You are f*@king joking right!?

From dictionary.com

Quote

grief keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret

Death is not a prerequisite for grief. It's possible (and I would have thought, perfectly human) to grieve for any loss.

Loss of sponteneity.

Loss of privacy due to caregivers in our house daily.

Loss of all the activities we used to share that my partner can now only watch or participate in a very limited way.

Yeah, well my definition of grief is on the internet now too.
Grief is too strong a word to describe the feeling of loss associated with any kind of disability, lets all use the word forget a bit more.

I thought this was a poetry topic any way?

Take what you want and give the rest away.

[Hapahowlee]

kdenon01, on Nov 22 2008, 03:08 PM, said:

It's easier for some of the previous posters, because when they met their men...they were already paralyzed. It's harder to know what used to be. Which makes it easier to compare then to now.

I don't quite feel as if I can agree with this statement. I've had steady boyfriends and dated AB boys/men since Jr. High School and I know what I'm missing out on being with my husband who is disabled. Do I miss being able to do a lot of things with a man I love who is not able to do everything we both would enjoy doing? Yes I do, but I don't let it eat at me. I like to focus on what I have now and am able to do with my husband. If I found myself dwelling over things he can't do with me, I wouldn't have married him. I don't necessarily believe it's easier for those of us who met our S.O.s after their SCIs, to not wish we could do things together as AB couples do.

I'm just all for trying to make the best of what you have or if you can't handle it, move on.

[Manda]

I miss hugging my son so tight,
I miss getting down on the floor to play,
I miss giving him his bath,making him lunch,
I miss giving him his medicine, when he is sick
I miss tieing his shoes
I miss carrying him to bed at night,
I miss him looking up at me,with his hands reaching up,
needing me......


God,Help me.........

Edited by Manda, 23 November 2008 - 02:53 AM.

[edlee]

Hey guys,,, lighten up on them a little.

They posted in the spouse and carers forum after all..... It's only natural to have those kinds of feelings early in the situation.....

If you notice,,, the only ones offended are the ones who are injured themselves..... The spouses who posted understood where they were coming from and in Hapa's case tried to give them a bit of the voice of experience.

The fact that they were able to bring themselves to bare these feelings here, is a tribute to this forum,,,,,, let's not be screwin' that up, ok??

I, for one, miss a lot of that stuff, too,,,,, and if you're honest with yourself,,,,,,so do we all.
ed

[dancin' johnny]

kdenon01, on Nov 22 2008, 10:08 PM, said:

I can see both sides here. I try to be a very positive person. But sometimes I do still grieve. I miss the old days sometimes too.

It's easier for some of the previous posters, because when they met their men...they were already paralyzed. It's harder to know what used to be. Which makes it easier to compare then to now.

But you have to look at the bright side. Your man is still alive, and there are worse things that could have happened to him. I feel forever grateful that I still have my husband here with me today.

I can see both sides too, and this post sums up pretty much how I feel about the whole situation.

Now, more poetry everyone!

[MDK]

There is not one day that some part of me does not grieve ( YES GRIEVE IS THE CORRECT WORD) for the husband Kev was pre SCI... and miss all things we used to do togheter & apart.
Make no mistake it does not mean that I don't l enjoy doing things togheter or love him any less but my heart bleeds every time we miss out on doing things because there is no wheelchair , etc..

kdenon01 you are so right... we can only grieve if we lose something.
If we haven't known that person before how can we grieve?

Reaven85 & Frustration
I love your poems as both express how I feel.
Thank you for starting this thread.
Mioara

[rmorgan]

"If we haven't known that person before how can we grieve?"

THE SAME WAY YOU GRIEVE! THE SAME WAY MY HEART BLEEDS AS YOU CALL IT EVERYTIME WE GO TO DO THINGS THAT AREN'T HANDICAPPED EXCESIBLE, ETC ETC.

Please don't misunderstand me. I completely understand what you're saying. But don't tell me I don't or can't "grieve" over something or someone just because I didn't know him before the accident.

Does it make it easier to not be so focused on what used to be?? Yes it does. But please don't say that I don't know what I'm missing out on. Love is the real important thing here.

[dancin' johnny]

amen

my one word poem.

[reaven85]

Well now lets see... I agree with all of you. And he does read this. I hear it from him but he doesn't get mad....He feels the same. Oh and what I meant by "just the sex" was this I was married he was my best friend for like 4 years then when it happened thats all it was but by then I fell hard...so hard i left my marriage.

Im crazy for him. He drives me crazy makes me mad But he is the only person I want to grow old with, We are open and bluntly honest with eachother. He is one of those guys that when asked do i look fat in this? He will say yeah you do. Or if i get dressed up differently he will make fun of me and then say aaww babe your cute i love you....lol

Im sure we are way more diff then alike, But thats what I like about him. He is my Sancho and IM his snowflake.

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